by C. R. Marcum
“Me either. Like, I love Jax with my whole heart, but sometimes the way that Syn looks at me makes my entire body wake up. I feel horrible, and I think maybe Syn is testing me. Like trying to make sure that I really love Jax and that I’m not like that Ashlee chick.” Ray said, sounding more like Paisley than herself in that moment.
“I, okay I’ve noticed some flirting here and there too, but honestly that’s normal. I mean, you’re smokin hot and you live there. Of course their gonna flirt. Lucas does it to me all the time, but I’ve seen some things that you may not have seen.” Aspen said, leaning in closer.
“Like?” Ray asked, leaning closer as well.
“So, the night that Ashlee started her shit, you looked amazing. Every guy in the place looked at you, and that’s normal, but see when Syn looked at you, it was different. He looked at you like you were a goddess on earth. Kinda the same way Jax looked at you. Then, when you and I were dancing with Drake, he stared at you with almost a fascination. Like you were performing some great feat of magic or something.”
“Oh c’mon, you’re making that up. He was not.” Ray said, pushing back away from her.
“Ray, he was. See I watch people, and well Syn is nice to watch, so trust me, I know what I saw. Anyway, the thing that sealed it for me was when you two were dancing. At first he didn’t do much, but he was looking at you and he seemed like he was fighting the urge, or like arguing with himself. Then when you turned around and you two started to move, it almost looked like he was hurt, or sad. Then when he spun you around, it was different. He looked at you like you were his center ya know.” Aspen finished looking directly into her eyes.
“Like I said, he has to be testing me right?”
“I mean, maybe. Look all I know is that right now you are in love with one brother, whose brother might be in love with you.” Aspen replied leaning back.
“Yeah, okay.” Ray said with a roll of her eyes.
“I’m serious Ray, think about it. When was the last time you heard Syn talking about a girl? Lucas talks about them all the time, Jax has you, Drake talks about some girl named Taj and well, Ty still talks about Paisley sometimes. Syn hasn’t talked about anyone, except how he wished you wore more clothes around the house. Same goes for sex. The other guys talk about the raunchy or crazy stuff they’ve done lately, but not Syn. And you heard what Ashlee said just as well as I did. All I’m sayin is look at the facts before you jump to a conclusion, and really think about what you want.” Aspen finished, looking somber.
“Ok, so enough about my love life, what’s goin on in yours?” Ray asked, needing desperately to change the subject.
“Not much unfortunately.”
“He still won’t make a move huh?”
“I mean, we’ve done some stuff, but he always stops before we get there ya know.” Aspen replied stabbing her now cold fries with a fork.
“Like what stuff have you done?”
“Ya know, stuff. Pretty much everything you can do except have sex, and I don’t know why he won’t. I asked him if he wanted me to stop coming over and stuff and he pinned me down on his bed, kissed me and told me no. I just don’t know what he wants.” Aspen replied.
“It’ll happen, Ty’s not like the rest of them. He’s sweet, he probably wants it to be perfect. Not for him, but for you.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. It just really sucks ya know.”
“I know, trust me.”
“So, how’s yours and Jax’s sex life? Anything good happening there?”
“Every time. I swear, he won’t let himself get off unless I’ve gotten at least two. It’s crazy, but he lets me be in control, and I like that. I need that. We just work ya know.” Ray said, smiling slightly.
“God, you make me sick ya know it, all in love and havin fantastic sex. It’s really not fair if you think about it.” Aspen said with a laugh.
“Yeah, I don’t really deserve to be this happy.” She said, just as the bell rang.
“Time to go, Yay.” Aspen said, sarcastically.
“I’m not mad, I get to go make fun of Ty next period.” Ray said as she stood.
“Lucky you, I’ll see you at home later?” Aspen called walking backwards.
“I live there, so probably.” She replied with a grin.
“You’re an asshole ya know that Ray?”
“Yup.” She said before turning and heading to her next class.
The rest of the week flew by, and before she knew it Sunday had made its appearance. Raylynn both loved and hated Sunday breakfast. She loved seeing her Uncle, but Paisley was hardly ever there, and Katrina always was. She had set her alarm for seven-thirty, and when it began its wailing, she quickly turned it off and climbed out of bed.
She was a bit sore this morning, she and Jax had went for a run together last night, and he rubbed her down afterwards. Needless to say, she was more sore now than she had been before the rub down.
She rummaged around in the closet, looking for something to wear. Finally she found a pink top and black jeans and pulled them on. Quietly as she could, she opened the door and made her way towards the kitchen.
She could smell the coffee, so someone had to have been awake already. She rounded the corner and saw Syn sitting at the table, his coffee steaming in front of him.
“Morning Syn.” She said, reaching up into the cabinet for a cup.
“Yeah it’s morning.” He grumbled.
There it was, today was a cold shoulder kind of day.
“Well, I’ll be outta your hair in about ten minutes ya know, Sunday and all.” She replied stirring her coffee.
“Yeah, okay. I’m not sure why you’re tellin me. I don’t care where you go.” Syn snapped.
That was it, she couldn’t handle this anymore. The mood swings were enough to give you whiplash.
“What is your problem with me? Seriously, one day you act like you can’t stand to look at me, or you criticize what I’m wearing, then the next day your funny and cracking jokes or flirting or something. So, please inform me as to what your issues with me are so that maybe we can act like adults and find a way to work it the fuck out.” She said, sitting her coffee on the counter.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin about. First, I don’t have a problem, if I did, you would know. Second, I’m sorry that I don’t want to look at my brother’s chicks ass or tits every time she walks out of the bedroom. And last but not least, I don’t flirt with anyone. Flirting is what girls do when they are too afraid to tell a guy that they want to fuck. End of story. So maybe you have a problem and think that it’s my job to fix it for you, but sorry cupcake, It’s not.” Syn replied, standing, and leaning across the table.
“I don’t get you, you are hot one minute and cold the next, but if you think that I really care what you think of me you are sorely mistaken. I don’t have to impress you or prove to you that I am in love with your brother, so you can stop testing me. I’m sure you can hear how much “LOVE” we have for each other every night. So, I guess what I’m saying is pick a damn feeling and stick with it because I am tired of playing this game every fuckin morning.” She said, grabbing her cup.
She spun on her heel and quickly left the kitchen. Syn didn’t say a word, and for that she was grateful. She didn’t want to start her day with an argument, she just wanted to drink her coffee and actually wake up.
She made her way through the living room and out the door. She climbed in and let herself have a sip of coffee, which had already started to cool.
“Great, now my coffee’s cold.” She said aloud before starting the Charger and pulling out of the driveway.
She had been about to put it in Drive when she saw Aspen waving from the porch. She could only shake her head and roll down the window.
“What are you doing?” She asked with a giggle.
“Can I borrow your notes for Johnson’s class. I didn’t do the homework and I can’t miss another assignment.” Aspen yelled.
“Yeah, you’ll ha
ve to wait until Jax is up though. They’re in my bag, just grab ‘em whenever.” She called back.
“You are my f-ing hero Raylynn Cooper, this is why I love your face!” Aspen yelled, throwing a kiss her way.
“You’re a mess Aspen, a complete and total mess!” Ray said laughing.
“I know, it’s why you love me though. Tell Pais we said hi if she’s there this time and tell her dad hi too. Feel free to punch the witch in her big fat nose for me too k.”
“No problem, but it will be, if I’m late. See you this afternoon for pizza right?”
“Yep, bye Ray.”
“See ya.” Ray said before she hit the gas and pulled away.
She turned her music down as she pulled into the driveway. She expected to find two cars, but instead she found three. Paisley was there. She hadn’t been at Sunday breakfast in weeks. Raylynn found herself hoping that maybe she would talk to her today. She missed Paisley more than she let on and worried about her even more than that.
She found everyone at the table, laughing and smiling.
“What’s funny?” She said with a smile as she entered the kitchen.
“Hey sweetheart, how are you?” Uncle Richard asked, standing to greet her.
“I’m good Uncle Richard, been a long week, but good.” She said, grabbing her normal seat.
“Good morning Raylynn.” Katrina said, fake smile and all.
“Morning.” She replied. “So, what smells so good?”
“French toast, scrambled eggs and bacon.” Richard replied, as he made her a plate.
“Sounds perfect.” She said over her shoulder.
“Honey, are you sure your getting enough sleep? You look rundown, I’m not sure if you’re tired or what, but you look like you have aged since last weekend.” Katrina said, feigning concern.
“I’m sleeping very well actually. Jax has me working out every day almost, so by the time I’m done, I’m exhausted.” She replied with a smile.
“I’m glad to hear that sweetie.” Katrina said with an exaggerated smile.
“Speaking of Jax, I would like to meet him. He has one of my girls, so I feel like I should know him and he should know me.” Richard said, setting Ray’s plate in front of her.
“You will, soon I expect. He’s just been really busy at the shop.” She said before popping a forkful of eggs in her mouth.
“How about Thanksgiving, that would be perfect. We always have more than enough food. In fact, bring them all.” He said, his tone not allowing her to say no.
“Um, really daddy. Are you sure we’ll have enough? I mean, there are five of them and they aren’t exactly small guys.” Paisley said, never looking at Ray.
“Sweetie, you know how much food we end up donating. There is no reason there wouldn’t be enough.” He said before turning his attention back to Ray. “So I should expect all six of you, yes?” he asked.
“Um, yeah, I’m sure I can manage that. Ty has been asking about joining us for Sunday breakfast.” Ray said, talking more to Paisley than to Richard.
“Tyler is more than welcome here anytime. Isn’t that right Paisley dear?” Katrina asked, her words mixed with hatred and sarcasm.
“Yeah, Ty can be here whenever he wants.” Paisley said with contempt in her words.
Raylynn’s thoughts drifted away from the now and into the past. Paisley had been so happy only a few weeks ago. It was a dance, a dance that took that from her. Only, had she actually been happy? Raylynn had seen the cuts. There were so many scars. Her scars covered by bracelets and jeans. Ray had seen the fresh cuts on her inner thigh, she had seen the blood in the sink on multiple occasions. The sheer number of scars meant Paisley hadn’t been truly happy in a long time.
She shook herself away from those thoughts, she couldn’t go down that road. She might not come back from it.
“I can’t Dad, I’m hanging out with Aspen and some of the other girls from cheer today. I really wish I could, but Ray understands, don’t ya?” Paisley said, never really looking at her.
“Yeah, I understand. I have plans with Ty anyway. I’ll just see you at school tomorrow.” She said with a sad smile.
“Well, I gotta go, Aspen should be here soon. Glad we got to have breakfast together Ray. Tell Ty I said hi.” Paisley said standing.
“Will do Paisley. Have fun today.” She said, pulling her phone out under the table.
She quickly typed her message and pressed send.
Hey, are you really hanging out with Pais today
She waited for only a second before she felt the phone vibrate in her hand.
No, she barely speaks to me. Y? is she there? Did she say we were hanging out? Did she say we were practicing today?
She shook her head as she typed her response.
No, but she told Unc that she was hangin out with you and some other girls from cheer I didn’t think she was tellin the truth, but I had to ask.
She pressed send.
“I need to grab something from my room is it okay if I’m excused?” she asked.
“Go ahead sweetheart.”
“Thanks.” She said, standing and quickly left the kitchen.
She didn’t need anything from her room, but she needed to talk to Pais alone. She climbed the stairs two at a time and within five seconds she was at the top of the landing. She had no more than twenty steps before she would be at her door. She found herself counting them. She hadn’t done that in years. Count her steps. She had just gotten to eleven when Paisley’s door opened and she emerged.
She had changed clothes. She had been wearing jeans and a t-shirt at breakfast, but now, now she looked like a stranger.
Paisley was now wearing a cropped tee with no tank underneath and her shorts were barely there. Her hair was thrown up in a bun and her makeup was almost as dark as game day makeup.
“Pais, look I know you aren’t hanging out with Aspen today. She’s at Jax’s studying with Ty. So why did you lie to your dad? Really, what’s going on?”
“I don’t remember asking you for your approval Ray.” Paisley said, walking towards her.
“Seriously, what is wrong with you? This isn’t you?” She said, backing up and blocking her path.
“Move Ray, I’m not in the mood to deal with you and your fuckin pity. I’ve made my peace with everything so you should too. Now, if you would get out of my way so that I can go meet my friends, I would be forever grateful.” She spat.
“Why won’t you talk to me? I just want to know what in the fuck I did to you that made you hate me so much.”
“That’s a question you have to ask yourself. Now move, or so help me I will move you.” She said, her tone was one Ray hadn’t heard from her before.
“Fine Paisley, go. Just know that I’m here if you ever need me.” Raylynn said, stepping to the side and watching her pass.
“Yeah, I don’t though.” Paisley shot back before disappearing down the stairs.
Raylynn made her way towards her room, and threw open the curtains, and saw her worst nightmare waiting in the driveway. He was leaning against the car, waiting for Paisley to emerge from the house. He looked up, and smiled.
Brian.
Her entire body stiffened when he looked up towards her window. He had spotted her. He knew that she was watching and he used it as a way to get back at her. All she could do was watch as Paisley bounced towards him. He grabbed her hand when she was close enough and pulled her in for a hug, all the while smiling at Ray.
The anger that she felt was palpable. Her skin was hot and she could hear her heartbeat. She wanted to go out there and beat the shit outta him for what he did, but she couldn’t move. She watched as Brian kissed Paisley’s neck before opening the door for her.
Ray pulled her phone from her pocket and quickly snapped a picture. She needed Ty and Aspen to know what was going on. She had just hit send when she saw Brian lick his lips and smack Paisley hard on the ass as she climbed into the back seat.
She had to fight the urg
e to run. She wanted nothing more than to see Brian begging for her to stop. She wanted to hurt him like he had hurt Pais, but instead she collapsed onto the floor in a heap and waited for a reply from Ty.
She didn’t have to wait long. He was livid.
What in the actual fuck is she doin? Is that who I think it is? Is he kissing her on the neck? Why is she with him? Is that Trinity hanging out of the sunroof? Who was in the passenger seat? Is that Nick? Why aren’t you out there kicking the shit outta him?
She didn’t know how to explain her emotions to him. She wouldn’t be able to convey the right tone through text. So she did the only thing she could do. She stood, dusted herself off and went back downstairs.
She couldn’t face her uncle knowing what she knew. So instead, she yelled goodbye from the foyer and quickly left. She almost ran to her car, needing to get out of there, needing to calm herself somehow. She needed Jax. She felt her entire world shift on its axis and she couldn’t control it. She felt nauseous, and her head was spinning.
She reached her car and climbed in, quickly starting the engine, and pulling away. She had almost made it to the end of the long drive when she felt it bubbling up her throat. She threw the car in park and jumped out, just in time to relieve the nausea in the bushes.
It didn’t take long to rid herself of this morning’s breakfast, and climb back into the car. She grabbed her water, swished and spit before finally pulling out onto the street. She turned the music up as loud as possible and let herself feel it.
She paid very little attention to the voice in her head telling her to calm down and everything would be fine. Nothing about what had happened today was fine. She pressed the peddle harder and sped towards home. She needed to talk this through with Ty and Aspen, but first she needed to see Jax.
She pulled into the driveway and threw the car in park. She climbed out and all but ran up the porch steps before throwing open the door.
“Jax!” she yelled. “Where’s Jax? I need Jax now!”
“I’m right here baby, what happened?” he replied stepping out of the kitchen. He quickly approached her and wrapped her up in his arms.
“What happened baby, tell me? Did someone hurt you?” he asked hugging her to him.