by K. L Mann
“I don’t wanna go to bed! I want to stay here with Lorenzo.” I won’t loosen my grip and it’s making Gio frustrated. I swear I unlock most of my strength when I’m drinking.
“Just leave her here.” Lorenzo gives in.
He says something in Italian and then he hangs up his phone.
“Yeah! Leave her here party poopers!” I taunt them playfully.
Luca puts me down and I skip past Gio and jump onto Lorenzo’s bed onto my stomach. I hear the door close and I smile. I’ve gotten my way.
“You’re going to feel like crap tomorrow.” Lorenzo tells me.
“Probably. It’s a good thing that I’m thinking spa treatments of some sort will be on the agenda with Arianna.”
“You shouldn’t drink so much.” Lorenzo lays down on his back next to me.
My face is on its side and we lock eyes.
“Yeah, well I have a lot to drink about.” I flip on to my back and hold his hand. He doesn’t pull away.
“You could tell me about it.”
“No way. You already know too much about me, I still know nothing about you. You were going to tell me until you left me for hours. I don’t even know where you went, you just came back bloody.” I’m blabbering.
“My mother won’t shut up about you, you know? Arianna either. Nicole’s father makes subtle hints at my father about how a marriage between our families would be fitting. My father thinks you are better suited. Half Mexican, Half Italian but born in America, it fits business better for him.” Lorenzo is still looking at me and I’m still staring back at him, trying to pick up any cues in his face.
“Is that why you need to get married? Business?”
“It’s more complicated than that, it’s tradition.”
“What do you mean?”
Lorenzo sighs.
“I’m 28, if I’m going to step up, being married makes me respectable. It’s complicated.”
“So, you would have ended up with someone like Nicole if you didn’t take me?”
“It’s complicated, but yes.”
He’s actually answering my questions. Don’t push it.
“Don’t you want to be in love with the person you marry?” Stop talking. “I don’t even know if I like you yet.” Why did I say that!
“I don't do love. I never have. Like, will be just fine for me.” He sighs and looks at the ceiling.
“You like me?” I scoff. “Sometimes I feel like you only tolerate me because I’m a good actress. I play the part well despite being given absolutely no time to prepare for almost anything.”
Lorenzo doesn’t reply.
“Why did you make me kill Price?”
I can’t stop asking questions, there’s too many and I feel a false confidence being this drunk.
“You said anything, I wanted to see if you were a liar.” He looks back at me. “Having you kill Price told me countless things about you, valuable things.”
I raise an eyebrow at him.
“You hesitated at first, because you’re compassionate. You’re quick on your feet though, you knew exactly how you were going to kill him and why you were going to do it that way. You cried before but not after. After only a few tears slipped out, you can’t care about things you can’t change. You told me to kill you before you told me to take you. You’re willing to die or kill for people you love.” His declaration overwhelms me and my head spins.
“He wasn’t the first man I’ve killed.” I cover my mouth with my hand, instantly regretting sharing that information.
I look away to the ceiling, hoping he won’t mention my slip up.
“Diego had you trained you as a sniper.” I look back to him with wide eyes. “He would brag to my father and their friends constantly about how great your precision was.” He adds context to knowledge he shouldn’t have.
“I throw knives too.” I smirk.
We’re taking turns sharing information but everything is still about me.
“In college, before you met James. You slept with your History Professor.”
My eyes widen, nearly bursting.
“Jesus Christ, how can you possibly know that?”
Lorenzo chuckles low and sort of sexy.
“His wife divorced him while you were his assistant. I took a guess.” He admits.
“Yeah well, he didn’t wear a ring to class.” I grumble. I’ve done a lot of things I don’t like to talk about. Sharing so much is somehow not hurting like it normally does. I feel fine. “Pedro turned eight last month. I haven’t seen him since I was eighteen.” My eyes don’t water but they burn.
“Do you want him back?”
“No.” I lie. “Gustavo probably found him a mother the moment I left. He doesn’t know me, and he wouldn’t want to. It’s too late.”
Silence.
“The Vitale family are mobsters. I’m sure you’ve gathered that much. We operate as hired guns mostly, mercs. We’re involved in other types of trade of course. I can’t tell you anymore about business until we’re married.” He sighs. “Tradition.”
“Are we exclusive?” I pause. “Like, you’re not going to marry me and then sleep with other people… are you?”
“No, neither of us will sleep with anyone else. Unless we indulge together of course.” Lorenzo laughs quietly.
“Your mother wants grandchildren.” I deadpan. “Do you want kids?” I really want him to say no. I can’t handle another baby being taken from me. I’ve numbed my pain from that loss as much as I can, and it still hurts every day.
“Not for a long time, if at all.”
Better than a yes.
I yawn. “Will you let me sleep with you tonight?” My eyes are getting heavy.
“Just for tonight.”
I beam at him.
He pulls a soft furry blanket from the bottom of the bed over us and hits the light switch at his side. I flip back on to my stomach and drift off to sleep.
Chapter 13: Il Postumi Di Sbornia
Gustavo is finally asleep.
Relief washes over me as I slip out of bed.
I have to wash him off of me. His scent that I used to love has changed. It’s disgusting now, and it makes my skin crawl. His touch is even more revolting, but still I lay under him and play my part. He’s fucking other people and I know it. I can’t say anything, I can’t even think about saying anything. He’ll kill me for disobedience, I’m sure of it.
My father is coming to meet Pedro tomorrow. He’ll see through the happy couple act, and it won’t be good. I should warn him, but my phone is monitored now. I can’t think straight.
The shower starts to steam and I get in, not even flinching as the scalding water burns me. This is my life now. I burn the feeling of him off of me after he falls asleep. I’m almost grateful for the nights he’s not in our bed; for the nights where he fucks someone else. At least I don’t have to pretend those nights. Those nights I sleep soundly in Pedro’s room; watching him in awe. How could something so pure and innocent be bred from someone like Gustavo?
How could my sweet and loving fiancé become a man like Gustavo?
It shouldn’t be real, none of this should be happening.
I’m not a woman who gets abused. I’m not weak. But somehow, I can’t stop myself from following his every order. I can’t bring myself to kill him, because I know if I succeed, I won’t escape. I’ll be killed by his ranks and then Pedro will be raised to take his place.
I knew Cartel life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, but this isn’t what I signed up for.
Gus wanted out; he wanted a better life. Now look at us.
My skin is beat red again as I get out of the shower. The mirror shows me a reflection I’m unfamiliar with. I don’t even know who the fuck I am.
I let him hit me.
I let him touch me when I don’t want to.
I let him beat me into a permanent submission.
I let him hurt me.
Tears fall down my cheeks, burning against my skin as
they do.
Quietly crying has become easy, familiar even.
The bathroom door swings open and I immediately try to pull myself together.
“What are you doing awake?” Gustavo asks impatiently. I wipe away my tears, racking my brain. His face scans mine. “Are you crying, kitty?”
“Sorry.” I breathe, trying to keep my voice from cracking. “I just have a stomach ache, I think I might have a bug or something.” I’m only partially lying; my stomach does hurt but not because of any sickness.
“Why didn’t you say anything, mi amor?” A hint of sincerity is laced in his words.
“You had a long day; I didn’t want to burden you.” I try to smile. “I’ll be okay, you should get some rest, Cariño. The water in the shower helps soothe me, I should feel better soon.”
“Deje que le ayude.” Gustavo says in the sweetest tone he’s used in months.
“Gracias, Cariño.” I smile lightly, letting him in.
He lets me get dressed and goes to find me some medicine.
My heart is racing, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Katherine.” My arm is being shaken. “You have an hour; Arianna is going to be here at twelve.”
“What?” I grumble.
“It’s 11am, you have to get ready.” I rub my eyes violently and wince as I open them. Lorenzo is sitting on the edge of his bed looking at me. “Here.” I’m handed a glass of water and two white pills.
I accept them and sit up. My head throbs and I groan. “It’s 11am?”
I don’t believe him. I haven’t slept in that long in years. I take the pills and swallow the cool water with them.
“Yes. Arianna is coming here for spa stuff. I don’t want you out of the house without me until I’m sure it’s secure after yesterday’s… incident.” I squint at him. “So, shower, get dressed and get ready for that headache to flare up while she talks you to death.”
Ugh.
I finish my shower, trying not to think about my dream. After a little while, I am starting to feel better. My headache is soothing but still present. I pulled all of my band aids off before I got in, and I only have a few scabs in their places. I dry off quickly, put my hair products in, dry my hair, spray my nude body with peach body mist and I only put on Chapstick and moisturizer. I have no idea what spa stuff entails but I’m imagining facials might be involved so makeup seems like a dumb idea. I brush my teeth knowing I’m hungry but I can still taste vodka in my mouth.
I pick out a black and write floral-print short sleeve wrap dress, it has a low hooped neckline and is shorter on the sides than it is in the back and front. My bra and panties are nearly sheer but they fit perfectly so I don’t change them. I throw on a pair of embellished shiny sandals and call it quits.
It’s 11:45am when I leave my room in search of something to eat. Caterina is in the kitchen cleaning some dishes by hand, but there are giant muffins in the center of the island counter.
“Can I have one?” I point to the plate.
“Of course.” She smiles. “You do not need to ask; this is your home.” She insists.
“Right.” I smile at her and take one. They are blueberry muffins, I love blueberries. “Did Lorenzo tell you I like these too?”
Caterina smiles and nods. “He is very determined to make you feel at home. He is a good man.”
Interesting.
I sit down to eat my muffin and take a bite.
“It’s really good!” I smile and take another.
Luca and Gio enter the kitchen. I can hear them murmuring in Italian. Gio sits at the counter, leaving a seat in between us open and grabs a muffin. Luca opens the fridge and grabs two waters.
I feel my skin flame and I know I’m blushing. I’m remembering what they did to me, what I asked them to do. The taste of Gio flashes into my memory and the feeling of Luca is there too. I’m completely embarrassed, embarrassed with how much I liked my memories. My legs cross preemptively.
My mind buzzes with images of them, all of themes I absolutely wanted to fuck them and it felt great when it happened. I was completely coherent and seeing Lorenzo watch me like he was making my body buzz. But I’ve never been good about seeing people after a hookup, and they were just that.
Lorenzo said I only get them once, but now they’ve seen every part of me. I’ve felt them inside of me, and I have to see them every day.
I keep my eyes on my muffin and take another bite hoping to hide my flushed skin.
“How are you still walking around?” Gio asks me. I look at him with wide eyes.
“What… what do you mean?”
“You drank so much I thought you’d be recovering all day.”
Oh, thank God.
“I have a high tolerance.” I shrug. My muffin is gone. I want more, but I’m running out of time.
“You drank half a bottle of vodka plus the pitcher of whatever you drank like an hour before that.” Luca looks at me like I’m insane.
“If you guys can’t hang, you can just say that.” I laugh and joke to avoid their judgement.
“Please. We’re older than you, and bigger. We could drink more than you. We choose not to.” Luca teases.
“Sounds like something a loser would say.” I retort and Caterina laughs under her breath. Luca looks at her and let’s a sly smile paint his face.
“Besides, I think I can handle anything thrown at me. Wouldn’t you agree?” I smirk at Gio. His face stills and Luca’s eyes widen.
“Katherine!” I hear Arianna yell from the foyer.
Show time.
I get up from my chair and leave the kitchen to find her, smiling at the boys as I leave. She’s wearing a short white bodycon dress with thin straps and a pair of sandals just like mine.
“Hi!” I smile big at her. “How are you?”
“Amazing! Lorenzo got my favorite nail technician and her partner to come here! Isn’t that fantastic!” Arianna throws her arms around me and I hug her in return.
“That’s great, my nails are getting a bit desperate for an update.”
“Neutral colors love, we have an event tonight.” Lorenzo appears out of thin air at my side and kisses the side of my head.
“You’re actually going tonight?” Arianna questions him. “You never go!” She folds her arms over her chest like she’s interrogating him.
“I’ve been busy, I’m not busy tonight.” Lorenzo doesn’t give an inch.
“What’s tonight?” I ask Arianna.
“It’s sort of a charity auction. There’s dinner and dancing and then there’s art and other things to fight for. It sounds boring but it’s usually really fun!” She smiles. “Does that mean you got the stylist to come over after our nail appointments?” She bats her lashes at him.
“Nails at twelve, facials at two, hair at three, be ready by six.” Lorenzo rolls his eyes at her.
“Eek! You're the best big brother ever!” Arianna hugs him quickly and then whisks me away.
Five hours go by, my nails are impeccable, my hair is blown out into sophisticated runway waves and my skin is glowing. Arianna leaves with a driver to go get dressed herself. I’ve only eaten a muffin today but I drank some coconut water throughout my beautification. I’m hungry but I don’t have time.
I haven’t seen Lorenzo in a few hours but my priority is to be ready on time. I need to do makeup and pick a dress. I make my way into my bathroom and start my base makeup. After I finish little bits of highlight and bronzer, I fill in my eyebrows naturally. I decide on a rose glitter eyeshadow look that turns out amazing. Mascara, eyelashes, a clear lip gloss, and setting spray complete the look.
I cover myself in some Chanel perfume and then start my search in the closet. I pick a dress that I’ve been glancing at every day. It’s an A-line gown with a semi-sheer corset top, the skirt is layers of white and clear fabric. The thin straps are basically hidden by my hair but the neckline allows a bit of cleavage to peek through. White flowers sit all around it and a few pink ones are s
cattered throughout it. There’s no slit but more skin shows than the first dress here. I feel like a princess in it.
I match my eye look with a rose gold bracelet, but also add a simple silver diamond necklace and a pair of diamond stud earrings. For shoes I put on a pair of blush-gold-colored high heels that shimmer. My dress covers them until I walk.
Perfect.
I find Lorenzo in the foyer with Gio and Luca. They're in suits, with ties. I do a double take dramatically. They don’t see me yet.
“This must be a seriously fancy event if ties are involved.” I joke. All eyes are on me and suddenly I’m insecure. I look like I should be frolicking in a meadow and they look like they are going to buy a casino or something. “Should I have picked something less sunshine and rainbows?” I look at my dress.
“No.” Lorenzo starts. “You just look…” He struggles to decide what to say. “Perfect.”
“You gentlemen look amazing as well.” I smile.
Lorenzo’s tattoos look so fucking good when they poke through formal attire. His hand and neck tattoos make me want to drool. I reject the urge to stare at him any longer and make my way to the door.
The ride to the venue is only twenty minutes.
It looks like a remodeled Victorian church or a palace, I can’t tell. There is valet service again so we’re all able to walk in at once. A few people in gowns and tuxedos are chatting outside but we don’t stop to see anyone. Lorenzo is holding on to my hand tightly as we enter.
Gio speaks with a man who is standing right inside of the entryway. It’s all in Italian and I don’t catch on to a single word. The man points to the back left of the room and the conversation ends.
“Are you going to teach me Italian? I always feel so lost.” I whisper to Lorenzo.
“Are you going to teach me Spanish?” He whispers back.
“You want to learn Spanish?”
“If you want to learn Italian, yes.”
“Deal.” I agree.
We’re following Gio and Luca when I see where we’re going. Arianna, Gianna and Lorenzo’s father are all chatting near one of the many round tables in the room.