by K. L Mann
So that’s what he told her. I suppose it’s not that far from the truth. I would have divorced him if I knew. But she clearly thinks I’ve known Lorenzo for longer than I have.
“I don’t know, I was embarrassed.” I pause. “To be honest, I thought you’d have Tío Carlos take care of him if I told you everything. I didn’t want to have to clean up the blood.” I fib.
My mother laughs and holds her stomach. “That’s probably true.” Her laughter continues and Lorenzo chuckles too. “I never liked that James anyways, too America.” She declares. “Your father would be so happy to see you with a Vitale. He has always admired them.” Admired is a pretty strong word for a man like my father.
I smile at her. “Well, third times the charm, right?” I remark about my engagement.
“With a love as fierce as yours, forever is guaranteed.” My mom puts a hand on each of our arms and smiles at us.
Fucking hell, she just said love.
I give her a tight smile trying not to break character.
“Siamo fatti l'uno all'altra.” Lorenzo says in the sexiest way I’ve ever heard anything. I have no fucking clue what it means but I nod and smile like I do.
My mom grabs her heart and coos.
Lorenzo is some sort of warlock, casting spells to make people love him. He has to be, this is ridiculously easy.
Gio enters the room dressed for the day in all black per usual. “We leave in an hour.” He peers around me and sees my mom. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there. Have you found everything okay?”
I raise an eyebrow at him, being polite.
“Yes, thank you, young man.” Amá smiles at him. “Please, sit.” She encourages me. “We have so much to talk about.”
“I’ll grab you some juice.” Lorenzo kisses my head and leaves me with my mother.
We sit down together; I take Lorenzo’s chair and she returns to hers.
“He is very handsome.” She tells me, taking a sip of her coffee.
“He is.” I smile at her.
It feels so strange to see her again.
“And you look lovely.” She says, looking me over. “You seem happy here.”
If I weren’t wearing a dress, you wouldn’t say that. You’d say I look exhausted even if I didn’t.
“I am.” I admit. Maybe I shouldn’t be, maybe I should be more guarded. It’s hard to feel wary when I feel so in place. “I’m sure you’ll love Lorenzo’s mom, she’s very sweet and hospitable, just like you.”
Lorenzo returns with a glass of orange juice for me. This is the most domestic I’ve ever felt, being handed a drink from my fiancé while chatting with my mom.
“My mother and sister are perhaps more obsessed with Katherine than even I am.” He adds.
Lorenzo laughs as Amá does.
“Well, I’m excited that I will get to meet them.” She declares.
Lorenzo excuses himself when Luca appears in the room silently. Amá waves goodbye to him as he leaves us like she already misses him.
“So, how have you been?” I sip my juice and hope for some more answers.
“It’s not good this time Mija.” She frowns. “Gustavo is cleaning house, making deals with your fathers ranks, trying to pull the club apart.” She still calls it a club, lord. “Carlos and his boys are laying low, but we didn’t expect that I would be a target. Diego didn’t talk business with me, I wouldn’t have anything for them. Then two Italian men claimed to be helping you, coming to protect me. They showed me a picture of you, smiling at a dinner party with their boss. I saw your face and knew I would have to go with them, and here I am.” She sips her coffee again.
“Are you okay?”
I handle my pain; I don’t handle it responsibly but I’m not emotional like she is. She breaks easily and I don’t blame her for it.
“I am now.” She smiles at me.
We chat for what seems like a short time, but our hour is up and it’s time to leave. She told me all about her telenovelas and the new things she’s been collecting. She’s a shopaholic but I can’t exactly judge.
Gio drives us to Lorenzo’s family home. I hear my mom gasp as she takes it all in. She has plenty of money, she could buy a sizable mansion if she wanted. But this place… this place is special. You feel it while looking at it, it’s overwhelmingly beautiful.
“What a beautiful place to raise a family.” Amá says loud enough for the entire car to hear her. I give her a telling look. We don’t talk about children, she knows this. “Sorry Mija, I only meant that Lorenzo must have had such great adventures here.”
I sigh and brush it off. She means well but she doesn’t have a filter and she lets a lot slip.
Gio helps her out of her side as Lorenzo opens my door. I take his hand and push out a breath, already feeling overwhelmed. Gio walks my mother inside on her arm and Lorenzo pulls me along by my hand like usual.
Arianna spots us first. She’s typing something on her phone and immediately stops as she realizes it’s me. She’s wearing an all-white casual dress and matching shoes. Her hair is straight in a high ponytail and her makeup is darker than normal, very glam.
“You’re here!” She walks over to me quickly. “College is so boring; I wish I had friends like you there.” She smiles and wraps her arms around me.
I hug her lightly back.
“I’m sure you’ll make some good ones soon! You’re half way done already.” I smile at her. “Amá, this is Arianna, Lorenzo’s younger sister. Arianna, this is my mother.” I motion to each of them during their introductions.
“Buongiorno. Che piacere vederti!” Amá greets her. I’m pretty sure she’s saying good morning and it’s nice to see you?
I hate feeling lost.
“Buongiorno. Piacere signora García.” Arianna kisses the air around my mother’s face and smiles at her.
“I really gotta get working on learning this language.” I grumble loud enough for Lorenzo to hear me.
“All in time.” He whispers into my ear before kissing my temple.
His presence feels heavy, like a smoke filling my lungs, it stuns me. Before I know it, Arianna is bringing us to the formal dining room.
The table is smaller today. They have multiple tables for different occasions?
The table is decked out in way too much food for five people. Pastries, berries, omelets, jams and breads are spread decoratively in the center of the table. There is coffee and various sugars and creams, a bottle of white wine and a pitcher of orange juice. There are five place settings that are all white with silver accents on the utensils.
Gianna is talking with a staff member until we walk in. She dismisses the small woman who looks like she may be a housekeeper based on her apron.
“Oh wonderful, you’re just in time. Everything is all set.” Lorenzo’s mother greets us.
Gianna smiles and motions to the table. She’s wearing a pale purple sundress, jewelry and kitten heels in white. Gio let’s go of my mother’s arm and Lorenzo presents her to Gianna.
“Mamma, this is Sofia García, Katherine’s mother. Signora García, this is my mother, Gianna Vitale.” He is being so attentive with her.
Our mothers immediately hug and speak to each other in Italian too quietly for me to hear. Gianna insisted we all sit down to chat and eat. Arianna and Lorenzo each sit next to me so that our moms can mingle.
I don’t like this. I feel dirty, like the lying is on an entirely new level. I’m nervous. Everything is going well and I feel like it will end soon. Nothing good stays good for me, ever.
Lorenzo pours me a small glass of wine and I smile at him. He opts for coffee. I don’t reach for any food, I’m too full of nerves. I love my mother but she’s so unpredictable. I sip on my wine and listen in on conversations while Arianna tells me about her first week of classes. She seems bored out of her mind with college work but also enjoying the social scene a bit.
Lorenzo puts fruit on my plate and I glare at him subtly. He points to it with his knife and
then continues to spread something on a piece of bread.
I stab my fork into a raspberry and force myself to eat it. Our mothers are laughing with each other and seemingly hitting it off.
Arianna asks me about my work. I made something up.
“Well, I’m taking some time off for the wedding and the move. But I’ll probably move into editing to free up my workload.” I shrug and stab a blueberry next.
“More free time means more nieces and nephews for me.” Arianna tips her head up like she’s happy, like I’ve confirmed her theory.
My heart starts racing. I give her a tight smile and take a big sip of my wine.
“Baby shopping would be so fun! We could go to all the little outlets.” She exclaims.
Arianna, shut the fuck up.
I try to tune her out. It’s too late, Gianna and my mom heard her comment.
“Oh, there really is nothing like it is there?” Gianna asks my mother who nods in confirmation. “Once you hold your first born in your arms, your whole world changes.” Gianna holds her heart and I don’t look at her, I can’t. I finish my wine and stare at my plate pretending to pick another berry.
“Well, Katherine has already had–” My mother starts.
I drop my fork and it hits my plate loudly enough to make her stop. I look at her like she’s torn my heart out, she practically has.
“Excuse me.”
I push my chair out and leave the table, walking away as fast as I can.
I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know my way around this house. I run down the closet hallway, looking for any sense of privacy. I stop to look around for a place to escape. A hand touches my shoulder and I jump underneath it. Lorenzo is standing behind me.
“Don’t.” I warn.
I can’t breathe properly, my hands are shaking and fighting to keep my eyes clear of tears.
“I need to–” Tears fall over my cheeks.
Fuck, not here, stop.
“Shh.” Lorenzo pulls me into him and sets my head on his chest.
“Lorenzo, I can’t do this here.” My tears won’t stop and my voice cracks. I’m crying even harder out of frustration at myself for crying. A hand strokes my hair and I wrap my arms around him and squeeze as hard as I can. “I can’t cry in this fucking hallway, please take me somewhere else.” My eyes burn as they continue to pour liquid.
Lorenzo lifts me off of my feet and pushes open a door a few feet away. He sets my feet back on the ground but doesn’t let me go as he shuts the door.
“They can’t hear you in here, let it out.”
I push him off of me and wipe away the wetness on my face. “They all know now!” My voice cracks and I sniffle. “Until today, almost no one knew! Now I get new fucking sympathetic looks and I’m sorrys.” My hands run through my hair painfully. “I can’t keep being reminded like this.” I fall to my knees with my face in my hands. “I can’t live like this, not again.” I weep, struggling to breathe.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Arianna wasn’t supposed to ask about kids. I told her we weren’t ready.” Lorenzo is standing over me, panicked. “Tell me what to do, tell me how to make it stop hurting you, Kate.” Lorenzo gets down on his knees and pulls me back into him. “Tell me so I can make it stop.”
“Just kill me.” I don’t mean it; I don’t think I really mean it. I cry harder as I say it.
Pull yourself together, you don’t fucking do this.
“Never gonna happen.” Lorenzo squeezes me. “You’re stuck with me now; you don’t get to leave me here alone.” Lorenzo sighs. “Just… just think about how you were able to leave him there. Gustavo is a son of a bitch, an evil motherfucker… but Pedro is being raised as a prince. He’s no more fucked up being trained by them than he would be here.”
I know he’s trying to make me feel better, but the guilt will never leave. I repress my thoughts as best as I can, but sometimes it all escapes me. I usually break things, hold my head underwater for far too long or get utterly trashed on crappy liquor.
“I want to go home.”
“To New York?” Lorenzo asks worriedly.
I scoff.
“God no. Our home.” I mumble, finally feeling empty of tears.
Chapter 17: Emotional Light Switch
Lorenzo
“Our home.”
Something feels funny in my stomach when she tells me where she wants to go. She draws comfort from there, she doesn’t feel trapped, she feels safe.
“Okay baby.” I’ve never called her that before, but it just happens. “I’ll take you home. Gio will stay with your mom.”
He’s going to be annoyed about it, but he won’t complain. Luca would complain.
Slowly, I pull myself off the floor and help her regain her footing. I use my thumbs to clean her face of the remaining stained black wetness from her makeup. Her eyes are still wet on the inside but she’s pulling herself together.
I have a burning desire to kiss her, but I can’t make myself do it now. She looks too torn apart, and that’s only a good thing when I’m the party responsible for it.
“Ready?” I double check before grabbing the door handle.
She sniffles and nods.
I sneak her out the side entrance and take her to the car. Her face looks numb, like she couldn’t cry more if she wanted to. Her mood can change so quickly, like she holds a power over herself I’ve never seen before. It’s like she can put everything into a box and put the box into a closet in the back of her mind. She shuts down so she doesn’t have to think about it.
“Why don’t we watch a movie in my room? Just us.” I’m not letting her out of my sight, not after she asked me to kill her. I have no idea if she’s suicidal, everything I know about her is on paper or on instinct.
I type out a quick text to Gio, updating him and then pull out of the lot.
“Really?” Her face perks up, she’s smiling. It’s scary how quickly she turns her happy face back on. “You’d spend a couple of hours watching a movie with me?”
“Maybe something scary?” I suggest. “You hate old horror movies, but you love new ones with good stories. Like The Conjuring, you liked the witch's story.” I stammer, boasting my knowledge of her.
She posted little opinion pieces about some books and movies a few years ago on her Facebook page. She cared so much about the ratio of plot to scariness to realism.
I couldn’t imagine being in her mind for even one day. It works like a machine of chaos.
“You know too much about me.” She grumbles. “But yes, something scary sounds nice.”
Katherine stares out her window for the rest of the ride home. She hums along to the radio and moves her head a little to the melody, but she doesn’t speak at all. We pull into the house and Luca is coming out of the front door with suitcases.
I toss him the keys and let Katherine out of the car. We have more, but we use this one the most. The Maserati is completely custom and bulletproof.
“Thanks.” Luca catches the keys. “Sofia is going to stay at your parent’s place. Something about giving you space alone together. She insists.” Luca shrugs.
I look to Katherine for any sign of hurt or relief.
“Oh, hi Luca. That’s great, I’m sure she’ll like it there.” She smiles at him.
She’s on autopilot mode. It’s like she can completely compartmentalize everything in her life. She suppresses everything she doesn’t want to deal with.
We leave Luca and head to my room. She takes off her shoes as soon as I open my door.
She hates those things so much, but she always wears them. I think her mother is strict about clothing, she fiddles with her hem line when her mom is around. I assume that’s why she always feels underdressed.
I grab a black t–shirt from my closet and hand it to her.
“Here, you can wear this so you don’t have to change or lay down in a dress.” Her eyes light up, it actually appears genuine. I breathe a silent sigh of relief that there are still signs
of life in her.
She changes into it in my bathroom and I flick on my TV. I rarely use it but sometimes it’s nice for background noise. I change quickly into a random pair of black sweatpants and stay shirtless. It’s too hot under the covers for a shirt and pants.
I’m looking through movies to buy when she comes back out. She looks so much more comfortable when she climbs into my bed. I take the side she leaves open.
“Dealer's choice.” I hand her the remote.
She takes it eagerly and smiles at me.
We end up watching The Nun, which was fucking terrifying. There were jump-scares and daunting music that played too loudly. The connection to Frenchie in the first movie had to be explained to me but we both flinched as we watched it. She laughed at me whenever I did. I held her for a while and she seemed better.
When the movie ends she turns the TV off.
“Do I have to leave now?” She turns on her side and looks at me.
“Do you want to stay?”
“Yes.” She puts a hand on my chest softly.
“Then you don’t have to leave.” I put my arm around her back and pull her in closer.
“Why do you have so many tattoos?” She asks softly.
“Why do you have so many questions?” I sigh.
“I want to know everything about you.”
God damn it. Why?
“I just like getting them, they look good.” I lie.
Sort of, they do look good, and I do like getting them but it’s deeper than that. I doubt I’ll tell her the actual reason, only Gio and my father understand. Luca assumes he knows, and he probably has guessed correctly. Still, none of us discuss it.
“How many people have you killed?” She's running her fingers up and down my chest tracing the outlines of a ship tattoo.
“I’ll tell you, if you tell me.” I run my hand up and down across her back.
“That’s not fair.” She pouts.
“I don’t play fair, you shouldn’t either. People who play fair don’t survive. A secret for a secret, that’s the price.” I slip my hand under the back of the shirt to rub her skin.
Her body feels warm under my shirt and her skin is soft.
“Five.” She whispers. I would have guessed three, but five doesn’t sound wrong either.