by Erica Breyer
“Guess the food here doesn’t agree with me,” she said, wishing he’d stop looking at her. Her arms had dropped a little lower, holding her files in front of her midriff. She couldn’t quite figure if it was a move designed to hide her thickening waistline or as a defensive measure. Protecting her child. Her brain wasn’t functioning well enough to delve that deep.
Tyson wasn’t in top form either, although the shadows beneath his eyes and the hollowness of his cheeks did little to detract from how gorgeous he was in a suit. It was the first time she’d seen him looking so formal. Even in the coldest seasons, the weather back home never warranted real winter wear. The London winter had clad him in a black knee-length coat over a navy sports jacket and matching trousers. He’d draped a Burberry scarf around his neck. She wanted to run to him and fling herself against his chest. She wanted to breathe in his warm scent. She wanted to weep.
‘Go to him,’ a little voice inside her prompted. ‘Just do it.’
Instead, she turned abruptly, pulled out one of the swivel chairs at the long boardroom table, and dropped into it, setting her folders on the table in front of her sharply. If he had something to say, he could damn well spit it out without help from her. She set her jaw and stared straight ahead of her, out at the gray lines of the city.
“Cass…” His voice was right beside her. He’d moved to stand at her side. His hands were on her shoulders, turning the chair so she faced him. He dropped to his haunches before her, almost kneeling in front of her. Cassie lowered her hands to clasp them over her belly, and he reached for them, unlaced her fingers, took her hands in his. His eyes were on hers, and she couldn’t look away.
He knew.
“Who told you?” she whispered. She didn’t really have to ask. Nat.
“Don’t be angry with her, Cassie,” he said, “she did it because she cares about you. I care about you.”
Cassie gave a snort, not wanting his words to sink in. “Don’t do me any favors,” she said bitterly, trying to extract her fingers from his grip. He wasn’t letting go. “I can handle this myself.”
“But you don’t have to, Cassie. I’m here for you. I want to help.” His eyes were so damn sincere. It made her hate him more. He knew how to play her so well.
“I don’t need your help; I’ll manage just fine,” she insisted. She’d already come to terms with the idea of raising her child alone. She was fine with it. She was.
“I don’t want you to just manage, Cassie,” he said. “I’m ready to take this on. This is my responsibility as much as yours.” She shook her head. She’d gone over that night a thousand times in her mind. How he’d been so worried about birth control. She’d told him it was okay. Hell, she’d been so sure it was okay. Who would have thought the faulty incubator would have kickstarted itself without her knowing? Probably got one whiff of those genes and cranked into action.
“I don’t want anything from you, Tyson,” she said, keeping her voice firm. “We made a mistake. It’s not your problem; it’s mine.” For an instant, his face darkened, and she lowered her eyes.
His fingers on her chin raised her face up to his. “A baby is never a mistake, Cassie,” he said. “Unplanned, perhaps, but never a mistake.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. Her own words echoed in her mind as she remembered the day he’d told her about his childhood. The father who’d left him. The ‘replacements’ her mother had found who made him feel like a burden. Unloved.
He wasn’t unloved…
His eyes were still locked with hers, and the breath she inhaled shuddered into her lungs.
“Come home with me, Cassie. I’ll take care of you…both of you…” He was on his knees in front of her now, his hands on her hips. His thumbs moved over the curve of her belly. Over their child.
‘Go with him, Cassie,’ that little voice was saying, ‘let him take care of you. You could be happy…’
But that was just it. She wouldn’t be. Not when she knew he was only with her for the baby. Not for her. How long would it be before she found out he was fooling around? Before there was a ‘Farrah’ in their world? Someone tight and toned, someone who draped herself against him after a win…
She couldn’t do it. He could see it in her face.
“Cass, please give me a chance…I can get this right.” He couldn’t. Not forever.
Tyson pulled her closer to him as if he could feel her slipping away. He changed tactics abruptly.
“I had nothing to do with that video, Cassie. I need you to know that.” He was putting on his very best Mr. Sincerity act again. She wasn’t buying it.
“Sure. Whatever,” she muttered, trying not to sound like a sullen child. She failed.
“I saw it on some girl’s phone. Nasty little bitch with some sort of grudge. I told her to send it to me…so I could stop her from spreading it around. I sent it to my attorney so he could take care of it. I swear, Cassie, that’s all it was.” He raised a hand to his face, rubbed his eyes. She wanted it back on her hip. Didn’t want him to stop touching her…ever. “I would never do something so cruel to you, Cassie,” he went on. She wanted to believe him. Oh, how she wanted to believe him. Her heart hurt.
‘Believe him,’ said the little voice.
“I don’t believe you,” she said. His face dropped.
“I thought you might say that,” he murmured, rising to his feet. “I brought him with…my attorney. To tell you himself.” Cassie kept her mouth from dropping open. She remained seated. Clasped her hands back over her belly.
“He can tell me anything you’ve paid him to say. I’m not biting,” she said. Her voice didn’t quaver. It surprised her. Tyson was standing over her. A muscle moved in his jawline. His chest heaved as he took in a breath.
“There’s nothing I can say, then? Nothing I can do? To change your mind?” The catch in his voice was there for effect, Cassie told herself.
“Nothing,” she said firmly. There was nothing he could do to convince her to enter into a doomed relationship so he could do his parental duty. Nothing he could say to make her put her heart on the line again. She’d had a taste of the torment she could feel in the face of his betrayal, and that was after just a few weeks. If she had their baby, raised it with him, shared a life with him…and then he did something else. It would kill her. She knew it would. She wasn’t built to take things lightly. He’d taken a step back from her, the lines of his face steely.
“I’m sorry,” he said simply. Why was he sorry? She was the one saying no. “Bill is my attorney. He will be in to speak to you. To discuss arrangements. I’ve told him to make sure you get everything you need, in case you—” He stopped.
‘In case I turned you down,’ she thought. He’d come prepared. Given the big, heartfelt speech, but kept the lawyer in the wings as back-up. Plan B. ‘Guess you dodged the bullet, buddy,’ she thought grimly. She shrugged.
“Goodbye, Cassie.” He turned and left the room.
✽✽✽
Leo had lunch waiting for her when she got back to her office. A chicken salad with quinoa and freshly squeezed orange juice. He tutted around her like a mother hen. It made her want to cry.
No…that wasn’t what made her want to cry.
“Everything okay, dear?” his face was a mask of concern. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Without thinking, he put a palm to her forehead. Leo seldom touched her – it wasn’t proper. “Perhaps blood pressure?” he said. “My Amanda had problems with that…with the boys…” He was pulling a chair out for her. Cassie sat, let him fuss over her. This was what would be missing. This sincere concern. She wanted to be someone’s Amanda. Tyson’s Amanda.
If she couldn’t have that, she didn’t want to be with him.
Bill Peters, the man she’d passed in the reception area, had turned out to be the soul of professionalism.
“The video,” he’d begun, then stopped when he saw her face. She shook her head. “Of course,” he said briskly, then continued, “Mr. Killoran has instructed
me to set up a fund.” She’d almost sighed with relief at the formality. She didn’t want to hear his name. ‘Mr. Killoran’ worked just fine. They’d thought of everything. The kid was pretty much set for life. There was a college fund, for Pete’s sake. A card linked directly to Tyson…Mr. Killoran’s personal account, should she need it. She would never need it. She wasn’t going to be ‘that woman’. The one still circling the periphery of his life while he got on with building his world. The thought that he might meet someone, start a family…it lurked at the back of her mind, and she shoved it away.
Leo was still fussing over her, arranging her lunch dishes, and she looked up at him.
“I’m going to have to go home, Leo,” she said. He smiled at her gently and put a hand on her shoulder.
“I know, my dear. I know.”
✽✽✽
Tyson headed straight for the airport from the company offices. He hadn’t bothered to take a tour of the place as the Board had anticipated. That wasn’t why he’d gone there. Wasn’t why he’d bought the damn company. It was probably the most expensive gesture he’d ever made to get a woman’s attention. For nothing.
“Fuck,” he breathed into his hands as he settled into the back of the limo the Board had sent through for him. It wasn’t really for nothing…he knew that. The business was a solid investment. It just wasn’t paying out the dividends he’d hoped for. Cassie…
He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t hold onto the hope that she would come round. He’d be one of those lovesick bozos crying into his beer every night. Tyson wasn’t wired that way. Life had to go on. He had to move forward…move on. Even if it took gut-wrenching determination. Even if it took a healthy dose of anger. Because he knew that’s where he was heading right now. It simmered in him. A quiet rage. He recognized that it was born of frustration. He could make that work for him…he’d done it before, and he could do it again.
He’d done everything he could think of to turn her around. Everything in his power. Nothing had worked. He couldn’t get through to her. She didn’t want him to. He didn’t know why, and she wasn’t going to explain it. He was certain she would never explain it. He might spend forever trying to reassure her, and she’d always find a reason to doubt him.
He felt the rage bubble up, take root in him. He let it. He couldn’t fix whatever was going on with her. He wasn’t going to try.
The car came to a halt, and his door opened. The driver stood aside, and he stepped out, met by another man, who had his bag. He strode through the entrance into the VIP lounge, where he’d wait until Bill joined him. The private aircraft would take them home in an hour.
It was time to get on with the rest of his life.
Chapter 22
Nat and Andy had been waiting at the airport when Cassie touched down the next week. Her off-site assignment had reached its end, and although she had an option to extend it, she knew she had to return. She wanted to. She needed to be surrounded by friends. Family. Her mother was anxious to see her. Nonna. There were going to be some tough conversations to be had with the woman…she was a staunch Catholic. Extra-marital sex was something she pretended didn’t exist.
Nat’s embrace had engulfed her as she came through the Arrivals gate. Cassie sank into it.
“It’s so good to have you home, darling!”
“It’s so good to be back,” Cassie smiled. Andy gave her a quick hug before turning to her luggage.
“Good grief, Cass! Did you bring back Big Ben?” he laughed. Two months’ worth of packing amounted to a giant mound of bags.
“Yes!” she laughed back, rummaging in a bag for a copy of the clock. It was a gimmicky tourist trap item, but she’d known he’d love it. “I got gifts…for everyone!” Cassie pushed her misgivings to the back of her mind and let herself be swept up in the happy swirl of conversation. They wanted to know everything…had she seen the sights? Visited Madame Tussauds? Gone to the Tower of London? The chatter kept her from straying to darker thoughts, and she was delighted to be back with them.
“There you go, darling! Just as you left it,” said Nat, opening the door to her apartment with a flourish. Not quite as she’d left it. There were fresh flowers on the kitchen counter, and the refrigerator was packed with groceries. Nat was a gem. So was Andy. He’d almost popped a vertebra trying to get her bags up the stairs. He absolutely refused to let her lift anything heavier than her purse. There was deeper meaning between the lines, but she wasn’t dwelling on it.
“Right, let’s get you settled in, and then I’m sure you want to get an early night,” said Nat as the last of her bags made it through the door. “Unless you’d like us to stay?” she added. “I can whip up a quick supper for you?” Cassie shook her head.
“I had a meal on the plane…surprisingly good, actually,” she replied. “And you’re right…I’m bushed.” She exhaled. “Bed is calling. I have a meeting in the morning to debrief, and then I’m taking the afternoon off to find my feet. Work starts in earnest the day after tomorrow.”
“Then we’ll leave you to it, darling,” Nat said, leaning in for yet another hug and kissing her cheek. “Call if you need anything, alright?” Cassie nodded. As the pair left the apartment, the silence of the room almost felt overwhelming. She glanced down at her bags and pulled a face. Unpacking could wait till tomorrow.
✽✽✽
It was great to be home after the London bustle. Cassie quickly resumed her old routines, and the only thing that seemed different were the houseplants Nat had taken care of in Cassie’s absence. She suspected they preferred her friend’s fastidious tending.
Then again, life couldn’t be more different. Everything had changed. And it was about to change even more. But she wouldn’t change the healthy habits she’d rebuilt since finding out about the baby. Habits that had started months before. It was hard to reminisce about that time. Her daily trips to Tyson’s club. She missed the camaraderie there. Him…
She missed him.
She didn’t want to think about him. Although she’d sent weekly updates to Bill Peters, as agreed during their meeting. She was due for her next checkup soon. There’d be a scan to send through. She was going to hear a heartbeat. She knew she would. It gave her a shiver of excitement just thinking about it. That was something he’d want to hear too, but she couldn’t bring herself to share it. Did it make her selfish?
‘Yes,’ said the little voice. ‘And a coward.’
Cassie put her bag down on the seat beside her, reaching for her phone and taking a sip of her smoothie. It was green and pungent and included a shot of something guaranteed to improve her vitality, boost her collagen, and probably cure world hunger. She wrinkled her nose. It certainly wasn’t curing her hunger. It tasted like mud. Her overly sensitive stomach balked at the flavor, and she set it back down.
She’d arrived early for the prenatal exercise class she’d signed up for and had a few minutes to spare before heading up to the workout area. On the level above, a boxing class was in full swing, headed up by a tawny-haired youngster who was demonstrating kicks on a bag. It wasn’t Tyson. He no longer took the classes here – they’d been taken over by one of his students. It was a relief, but somehow, it felt like an old part of her life had come to an end. It made her feel melancholy.
“Cassie?”
She glanced up at the young woman hovering beside her table. She knew her immediately but didn’t give any sign of recognition.
“Hi,” she said to Stacy, who was twisting her gym towel in her hands.
“I’m…my name is Stacy. You may not remember me. We trained here together for a while.” Is that what she called it?
Cassie nodded. “Hi, Stacy. What’s up?”
“Can I… Do you mind if I join you?” she asked. Cassie nodded again and gestured to a chair. Stacy sat down hesitantly, perched on the edge of the seat, elbows on the table, hands clasped in front of her face. She didn’t say anything for several long moments, and Cassie didn’t help her by filling the silence
.
“I wanted to say…I’m sorry,” she said eventually, meeting Cassie’s eye then looking down at her intertwined fingers. “I’m sorry about before…about the way we treated you.”
Cassie hadn’t expected that. “Oh…! Okay,” she said. It seemed lame, but there didn’t seem to be anything more to say.
“We were horrible. Sash seemed to think it was hilarious, and I climbed on the bandwagon. I don’t know why I went along with it. Not that that excuses me,” Stacy bit her lip. Cassie caught a glimpse of silver as she spoke. Braces. Getting her teeth fixed? Everyone seemed to be on board with that lately. She’d never noticed it before, but Stacy had a slight overbite. As if aware of Cassie’s scrutiny, she put her hand to her mouth. Self-conscious. She was self-conscious about her smile?
“You probably won’t believe me, but that video was the last straw,” Stacy continued. Cassie’s breath caught. Video? “We really crossed the line with that. In a way, I’m glad Tyson stopped us. If we’d uploaded the thing, it would have put us in a league with the kind of people I never really thought I was like. Bullies. You know what I mean? I never thought of myself as a bully – I always told myself it was just fun.” She looked at Cassie earnestly. Cassie remained speechless. Tyson caught them with the video? He’d said he hadn’t been involved…said he’d found them with it… Had he been telling the truth? She groaned inside. Of course he’d been telling the truth.