by Emma Easter
He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned. Hauwa’s grandmother was looking at him. She said, “I know you have suffered two great losses in your life. The first was when Fanta’s mother died, and then when you and Leila broke up. However, I think it’s time to move on, if for nothing else than just to have someone to take care of Fanta.”
Malik sighed. “Well, I haven’t found anyone I like enough to marry. I don’t even have time for that right now.”
“But you want a mother for your daughter, don’t you?” Hauwa’s grandmother had asked him.
“With all my heart.”
“Then let me tell you something,” the old woman said.
Malik raised his brows as Hauwa’s grandmother asked Hauwa to go on an errand. Hauwa had reluctantly left, and then the old woman’s eyes had settled on him again. “Malik, you should marry Hauwa.”
Malik’s mouth had fallen open and he stared in astonishment at Hauwa’s grandmother. Finally, when he found his voice, he said, “I can’t marry her!”
“Why not?” the old woman asked him.
He had blinked and said, “Well... because she’s like a little sister to me. Besides, she’s too young for me.”
“She’s twenty,” the woman said.
“I know,” Malik nodded, “And I am in my mid-thirties. I can’t marry her. It’s impossible.”
“But don’t you like her?”
“Of course I do,” Malik said. “I like her as a sister. But that is it.”
“And I like you as a son, Malik. Do you think Hauwa will be a good mother to your daughter?”
Malik had shot up from his stool. “I am sorry, Ma,” he said. “I want a mother for my child but I cannot marry Hauwa. Maybe I will get someone to take care of Fanta while I am at work.”
“You’ve known her for a long time and you know me. You can trust her with your daughter. But how are you sure you can fully trust Fanta with whoever you hire to take care of her?”
“I don’t know,” he said. He had to quit this conversation immediately. He began to make his way to the door and then stopped when Hauwa’s grandmother called out to him. He turned around again.
“Please think about it,” the old woman said.
He had left the hut quickly, baffled by the old woman’s suggestion. He had been thinking about getting married for years but had never made the leap. When Leila had come back into his life, he had been overjoyed. Not only had he gotten the woman he loved back in his life, he’d found someone who could be Fanta’s mother. Someone he could fully trust Fanta with. It was part of the reason why he had been so devastated after the breakup.
A year later he had begun to consider remarrying once more, and even as he went to Hauwa’s house to give her the birthday gift, it had been on his mind. But never in a million years had he considered marrying Hauwa. It wasn’t because he didn’t like her. He did. Or was it because he didn’t think she could be a great mother for his daughter? He was sure she would make a great mother for any little girl or boy. And it wasn’t rare for girls her age to get married in their community. However, he’d never imagined marrying anyone that young. She was barely out of her teens.
He had gone back to his house on the farm thinking about what Hauwa’s grandmother had said, and then he had forced it out of his mind.
However, days later, as he worried about Fanta again, the old woman’s suggestion popped up in his mind. After that, he constantly thought about what she told him.
For some time, he avoided going to Hauwa’s house. But one day, months later, he was in his house when someone knocked on the door. He went to answer it and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw Hauwa standing there. He let her into his house and sat on the couch. When she sat beside him, he shifted slightly and chided himself for his childish behavior. It wasn’t as if she was privy to her grandmother’s strange idea to get them married to each other.
What she said next, however, startled him. “You’ve been avoiding me, Malik, because you don’t want to marry me.”
For a few moments, he couldn’t speak. And then he said, “I’m sorry. Your grandmother brought up the suggestion months ago, but I was not in agreement with it. You’re just like a sister to me. I don’t know why she thought it was a good idea for us to get married.”
Hauwa said, “And why is it not a good idea? Is it because of Leila? I really like Leila as well, but she hasn’t been back since she left.”
He stared at her with his mouth open, and then he considered her question. Why indeed couldn’t they get married? It wasn’t as if he was looking for a love match. He liked her well enough. In fact, he liked her more than most other girls he had met. And she was a good girl. So she was only twenty, but she was quite responsible and acted older than her age. His heart began to beat fast as he looked at her. “Do you really want to marry me?” he asked her and waited nervously for her answer.
She chuckled. “I would not have come here if I didn’t. And I love you, Malik. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you. Yes, I will marry you.”
He gazed at her for a long time and finally said, “I have to be honest with you. You know I don’t feel the same way. I like you very much, but…”
“I know,” Hauwa cut in. “You don’t love me the way you loved Leila.”
“It’s not just that,” he said. “I’m still in love with Leila. I still think about her every day. Can you live with that?”
Hauwa nodded.
He said to her, “How can you, though?”
She said, “Look around this village, Malik. There aren’t any young men here who I can consider marrying. Unless I want to stay single for the rest of my life, which I don’t, I will take whatever you give me. I love you, Malik, and I know you like me. For now, that is enough for me.”
He couldn’t argue with her logic. He sighed deeply and then nodded. “So we are engaged, then.”
She broke into a huge smile and then he gasped when she squealed and hugged him tightly. She stood up and said with a grin, “I have to go and tell my grandmother the good news. She will be so happy.”
He had bought her an engagement ring a few weeks later. They had been engaged now for about five months. In two weeks’ time, she would be his wife.
He still thought about Leila every day and each time he did, he felt guilty for doing so. “You shouldn’t be thinking about another woman when you are about to get married,” he constantly chided himself.
He looked at Fanta, who was now braiding her doll’s hair, and then looked up when Hauwa walked back into the living room.
“Sorry for taking so long,” she said. “The stew I was cooking was starting to burn. I had to pour it into another pot and wash up the burnt one.”
“No problem,” he said.
He watched as she gave Fanta a packet of multicolored candies. Fanta put aside her doll and began to gobble them up. He wanted to tell her to eat them slowly, but he changed his mind. He would allow her to enjoy her candy the way she wanted.
Hauwa sat beside Fanta on a stool and began to point out the different colors of the candies. Sometimes, she knowingly said a color wrong and when Fanta corrected her, she widened her eyes in feigned surprise and said, “Oh, I thought it was white.”
Fanta laughed each time and exclaimed, “It’s not white!”
Malik smiled, thankful that they were beginning to bond, even if it was over candies.
Soon, he and Hauwa began to talk about her grandmother’s business at the candy factory and then about the wedding. Hauwa and her grandmother had mostly been in charge of the preparations. He and Hauwa had decided on a very simple wedding with only a few guests. The wedding would be held here in Dogon. He had only invited his mother and Khadija. Hauwa’s grandmother and two of Hauwa’s friends would be the only guests from Hauwa’s side. Fanta would, of course, attend.
Finally, after an hour, Malik got up to go. He had to get back to his father’s farm because he had some final business to take care of there. After that, he wou
ld go back to the village where he had built his new house. He looked down at Fanta, who was playing with her doll again. He had already told her she would be staying here but that he would come to see her every day. “I have to go, Fanta,” he said to her.
Fanta looked up at him and smiled sadly. If it was any other child, they would probably cry and maybe throw a tantrum because they didn’t want their papa to go. Fanta, however, took it all with her usual forbearance.
He bent down and hugged her tightly, and then straightened again.
Hauwa followed him as he walked to the door. Just before he opened it, she said, “Malik, I have something very important I need to tell you before we get married.”
“What is it?” he asked her. He noted the apprehensive look on her face and became worried as well.
“Malik...” she looked down at the floor and didn’t speak for a long moment.
“What is wrong, Hauwa?” Malik asked again.
Finally, she looked up at him and said, “Malik, I... I am a Christian.”
His eyes widened in shock and he stared at her. At last he said, “No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am,” she said quietly.
He couldn’t believe it. She was a Christian all this time. He had his suspicions on how she had come to be a Christian. It was probably Leila’s doing. He voiced his suspicions and she nodded.
“Yes,” she said. “Leila was the one who told me about Jesus. I’ve been a Christian since then, but I haven’t been a very good one. I have been a secret Christian because I know that most people around here would not approve. I’m sorry for hiding it from you. If you are angry with me and don’t want to marry me anymore, I understand.”
He couldn’t speak for a long moment. How was it that the two women he wanted to marry in a space of two years were Christians? He had known Leila was a Christian, but it had not bothered him. However, it had bothered her that he was not. How come it did not bother Hauwa? He looked intently at her and saw how worried she was. He quickly said, “It doesn’t bother me. Leila was a Christian and I still wanted to marry her. Unfortunately, she wasn’t interested in marrying me because I didn’t share her faith.”
Hauwa raised her brows as a surprised expression crossed her face. “I didn’t know that was the reason you two broke up.”
“Well, you know now,” he said angrily. Hauwa stepped back slightly and he sighed. “I’m sorry, Hauwa. I’m not angry with you. Just with myself and a little with Leila.”
Hauwa nodded and said to him, “You still miss her. I understand. I hope you come to love me one day the way you love her.”
He smiled sadly and opened the door. She leaned in, clearly about to kiss him, and he instinctively stepped away from her. He was surprised that she’d tried to kiss him. They had never kissed. She bit her lip and he immediately regretted rejecting her kiss when he saw how hurt she was. Why, oh why had he stepped back when she tried to kiss him?
But he knew why. It was because of Leila. He still loved her passionately even though he had not seen her for two years. “I’m sorry,” he said to Hauwa.
Hauwa nodded. “It’s okay.”
But he knew from the look on her face that it wasn’t. He stepped out of the house, troubled. As he made his way to the farm, he kept scolding himself. Why hadn’t he corrected his mistake by kissing Hauwa? And how could he marry someone he couldn’t bring himself to kiss because he felt like he was cheating on his ex if he did? How could he marry Hauwa when another woman constantly consumed his thoughts?
He got to the farm still asking himself a myriad of questions. The questions had no answers and, finally, he did what he had become an expert at doing since he lost Leila: he buried every question and thought of her deep in his mind so he could concentrate on the matter at hand. Without a doubt, the questions would emerge later on, when he was alone in his house at night, to taunt and confuse him.
Chapter Seven
Faizan sat up on the sleeping rug. The tent was still dark and he could not see Zainah, but he could hear her soft breathing as she slept next to him. He stood up and went to light the kerosene lamp by the corner of the tent. He lifted it and walked back to the sleeping rug. Looking at the small clock that Miriam had bought for him and Zainah about a year ago, which now sat beside the sleeping rug, he saw the time was five-thirty a.m.
As he usually did whenever he woke up in the night to ease himself, he lightly put his hand on Zainah to make sure she was breathing and that she and the baby were okay. He knew his fears were irrational, but he had them anyway. As he usually did after he had confirmed that she was breathing, he stared at her, marveling at how beautiful she was and the fact that she was his. They had been married for a few years of complete bliss and he thanked God every day for giving her to him. Immediately after, he pulled Zainah close and went back to asleep.
Today, however, he was going to the men’s camp that he and Zainah had stumbled upon some days ago. He was supposed to have gone the next day after they found the camp, but he’d had to help with setting up new tents, as half a dozen women had arrived to join the camp.
Today, he was eager to go to the men’s camp. He loved the women in this camp and they had all been so nice to him, but he missed the company of his fellow men. He looked down at Zainah’s face again as she slept peacefully. If only he could take her with him… but the older man at the camp had made it clear that it was strictly for men. Women were not allowed in that camp. He had to honor that.
He reached out and gently tapped her shoulder. When she opened her eyes, he smiled at her.
She stared quizzically at him and asked, “What is it, Faizan?”
He said, “You remember I promised that man at the men’s camp that I would go back there. I want to go there now,” he said, and then asked if she had any reservations about his going. Hopefully, she wouldn’t.
She sat up and laid her palm on his cheek. She gently caressed him and said, “It’s okay, Faizan. I don’t mind you going to the camp without me. I know you miss having other male companions. You can go.” She looked around and said, “But isn’t it a bit too early to go that far?”
He looked at the clock beside her. “It’s a quarter to six. That is not so early anymore.” He smiled and then kissed her. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said and stood up.
She slowly stood up as well and hugged him. “You can stay as long as you want today, Faizan,” she said. “Leila will keep me company.”
He smiled widely. “Thank you.”
She shook her head slowly and grinned at him. “You know, though, that you can’t make a habit of always going to that men’s camp. I know how you men are. When you are all having fun together, you don’t want to go home anymore.”
He laughed. “I don’t think I will make it a habit since I can’t take you along with me. Plus, why would I want to stay with a bunch of men for long when I have such a beautiful wife waiting for me here?”
She stepped away from him, still grinning. “Well then, go quickly so you can hurry back to your beautiful wife.”
He leaned down, kissed her belly, and then went to light the smaller kerosene lamp that was at the other end of the tent. He left with Zainah waving to him.
He made his way slowly down the path he and Zainah had taken that led to the men’s camp. As he walked, he thought about what he planned to ask their leader. His excitement grew as he thought about spending the day with the men at the camp.
He had to ask them if his brothers-in-law could stay with them. If they could, they would be able to come here with Sienna, Audrey, and Trisha. With all his heart, he hoped the men at the camp would agree, because he had a feeling that his sisters would not want to travel without their husbands. He would be extremely disappointed if that happened. “Lord, please let them agree to my request,” he prayed.
Soon he approached the men’s camp and saw that it was already bustling with activity.
Multiple eyes turned to him as he made his way into the camp. One
of those eyes belonged to the older man he had spoken with the day he and Zainah discovered this place. The man smiled widely, walked up to him, and gave him a huge hug as though they were old friends.
Faizan smiled, pleasantly surprised, and even more so when some of the other men surrounded him, hugged him, and pounded his back as though he had just won a competition on their behalf. Their greeting was simple and manly, and he found he had missed this sort of rough, masculine exchange. For some reason, he felt extremely touched by it all. A few of them said, “The peace of Christ be with you.”
They led him into a small tent not unlike the one many at the women’s camp stayed in, but smaller than the one he and Zainah occupied. He sat on a small mat, which was plain, different from the brightly colored mats and rugs in the women’s camp. There were no embroidered pillows here either. His and Zainah’s tent, like many others at the women’s camp, were decorated with an abundance of pillows.
Someone brought him a jug and a cup and poured a white liquid from the jug into the cup. They handed it to him and he looked curiously into the face of the older man who was standing beside him. He asked, “What is it?”
“It’s a special, non-alcoholic drink that one of us brought from his hometown. We all like it very much and told him to bring a large amount before we came here. It really works for this place because it can stay for a long time before going bad.”
Faizan looked at the drink, wondering what exactly it was. He took a sip and then nodded at the older man, who seemed to be the leader of the camp. It was sweet but not too sweet and it had a slightly bitter aftertaste. He drank the whole cup and chuckled when the man who had poured him the drink poured another cup for him. This time, he took sips while the older man sat beside him. Three other men sat across from him.
He noted that just like the women’s camp, the men here were from different parts of the region, with different skin tones and varying facial features. He thought about what Zainah had said concerning letting the women at the camp know about this men’s camp because many of the women yearned to have husbands and children of their own.