by Emma Easter
He looked at the trader and said, “Okay, I will wait for one month. It’s not like I have a choice anyway.”
“Good,” the man said. “Now, look around the store and see which five rugs you want to pick out.” The man grinned at him.
Malik chuckled. “Before I do, I need to know. Is there anywhere in this tiny town where I can stay for a month?”
“Yes,” the man kept his grin. “You can stay here.”
“Here?” Malik frowned and looked around the store.
“Yes, upstairs with my family. We have a spare room and there’s no reason why you cannot use it.”
Malik blinked. This was another miracle. Maybe this Leila’s Jesus really did answer prayers. But he would still wait and see if his prayers had been fully answered when they went to the camp in a month. He thanked the man and then strode to the line of rugs he had been checking out earlier. “Are you ready to choose?” the man asked gleefully.
Well, I guess the accommodation is not so free after all, he thought. He pointed out the rugs he felt would work well with his small home. As he did, he told himself to contain his excitement. After all, he wasn’t completely certain that Leila would still be at the camp. But if she was, he would be the happiest man in the world. He couldn’t wait to see her beautiful face again. When she had come to visit him at his father’s farm, he had not gotten to kiss her because she was still married. This time, he would kiss her the way he had been dreaming about for years, and then the agony of their breakup would be totally forgotten.
Chapter Eighteen
Leila pressed her lips together as she listened to the happy, mushy conversations around her. She was sitting in Faizan and Zainah’s tent. Miriam was in the tent sitting beside Ishaq, Sherifat and Reza sat holding each other, Faizan’s sisters and their husbands sat together, each couple either holding hands while they talked or cuddled up. Faizan and Zainah acted as translators since Faizan’s sisters did not speak or understand Arabic or French, and Sherifat, Reza, and Abdul didn’t speak English. Leila understood and spoke English, though she was more fluent in Arabic and French and felt more comfortable communicating in those languages.
This meeting was supposed to be an informal meeting for the couples who were about to get married, but she and Abdul were the only ones who weren’t mooning over each other. And that was because they were clearly not in love the way every couple here were, even Miriam and Ishaq, though they tried to hide it.
She and Abdul were getting married tomorrow. So were Sherifat and Reza. The whole camp had been agog since the day everyone found out that there was a men’s camp some distance away from theirs. Leila remembered that day clearly. It had been about a month ago.
Ishaq had appeared at the camp unannounced with Reza and Abdul. Unlike the time when Abdul and Reza had come to the camp at night, Ishaq had come with them in broad daylight, without hiding. He had asked to speak with Miriam.
Many of the women in the camp had stared curiously at the men. Once in a while, one or two men came to the camp from town, but they were usually the same men every time: traders and the driver who took Miriam to town. But that day, there were three men. Three good-looking men. What really caused a stir in the camp was when first Sherifat and then Leila had been called by Miriam to join them. Clearly many of the women had stood outside Miriam’s tent listening to the conversation, because when Leila exited the tent with Sherifat, Miriam, and the men, the whole camp was already agog with news that there was going to be a wedding.
When they had been sent for by Miriam, Leila had immediately known what it was about. She had gone to Miriam’s tent reluctantly, asking herself over and over again if she was sure she wanted to marry Abdul even though her heart still belonged to Malik.
She had entered the tent and found Abdul there with Ishaq and Reza. Sherifat was sitting next to Reza while Ishaq sat beside Miriam. Leila’s guess was confirmed as she noticed Miriam and Ishaq stealing glances at each other. They both liked each other even though they tried to conceal their feelings.
Leila had taken a seat next to Sherifat rather than beside Abdul and listened as Ishaq narrated the reason why he had come. Abdul and Reza had told him about their intentions to marry her and Sherifat. Ishaq looked around the tent and said, “It has caused quite a stir in our camp.” He rested his eyes on Miriam again. “The men at the camp don’t know what to do with Reza and Abdul’s desire to get married. Many of them are complaining, but many are also relieved. We haven’t yet told them that there is a women’s camp not far from ours, but I think most have already guessed.”
From time to time, as Ishaq spoke, he had stopped mid-sentence while he gazed at Miriam, his eyes intently studying her face. Leila had sighed. Clearly Sherifat was enamored with Reza, and Miriam seemed taken with Ishaq, and he with her. She was only one who did not have a true connection with Abdul. She had looked at him and found him staring at her. From the expression on his face, she knew that he liked her and thought she was beautiful, but she wasn’t sure that there was anything more there. She, on the other hand, felt absolutely nothing. However, attraction wasn’t needed to marry anyone.
Ishaq spoke for a long time talking about what it would mean for the men at his camp to discover that there was truly a women’s camp near.
Miriam said, “It’s the same for our camp, except that I am sure there are women listening outside the tent and they now know there is a men’s camp not too far from here. There are many of them who have been dreaming of having a family of their own, so I’ll have to tell you right now that your camp will soon not be safe from the women here. I have control of them in some way, but not totally. They will do whatever they want and I cannot stop them.” She smiled at him, clearly to let him know that it was not so serious, and he smiled back.
They began to discuss the marriage and Sherifat and Reza said they wanted to get married as soon as possible. “Why wait anyway in this desert?” they asked.
Abdul also said he wanted to marry Leila immediately.
“What do you think, Leila? Do you want to get married now?” Miriam asked her.
Leila thought about it for a short moment and then shrugged. “I may as well,” she said. What did it really matter if she got married now or waited? It was not like she had other prospects. She wanted a family and she was running out of time. Now would be the best time to get married.
They had all talked at length about wedding plans and decided that the wedding would be held in the men’s camp on the same day. Miriam and Ishaq would both wed them.
Sherifat had smiled excitedly. So had Reza. Abdul had beamed at her.
Leila could not bring herself to smile back. She still thought about Malik constantly.
When they had all exited Miriam’s tent after that meeting, Leila remembered the women who had been listening outside the tent scrambling away. Miriam had smiled, shaking her head and looking at Ishaq. “I told you,” she had said. “It won’t be long before more of these kinds of connections are made and we have to plan more weddings.”
Ishaq had looked longingly at Miriam, and Miriam, who usually always had something intelligent to say, did not utter a word.
After Ishaq, Reza, and Abdul left, Miriam had remained silent and retired to her tent with a thoughtful expression on her face. She was clearly befuddled. She had given herself over to staying single for the rest of her life and had not expected at this time in her life to fall for any man. Since there had been no men around for years, that had not been an issue. But now…
Leila had made her way to her tent, feeling down, but trying to encourage herself. When Sherifat came alongside her, Leila groaned. Sherifat was over the moon happy and kept chattering about Reza and their upcoming wedding. Leila entered her tent and Sherifat followed her in.
All the women in Leila’s tent had settled their eyes on her and on Sherifat. Leila knew that they would soon descend on her, but all she wanted was to be left alone.
Leila sighed wearily as they immediately sto
od up from where they were sitting in the corner of the tent and came to meet her and Sherifat. They sat on her sleeping rug and asked her and Sherifat a multitude of questions. Sherifat gleefully answered all their questions, and they grew more excited and animated as she told them about Reza and about the men’s camp.
Leila wanted to scream at her and tell her to be quiet. She was not supposed to tell them about the men’s camp, at least not now. Yet she was telling them everything, including the news about Leila and Abdul’s plan to get married on the same day as she and Reza.
After that day, as Miriam had predicted, more women from the camp, full of curiosity, had found the men’s camp, and then the men had begun to come to the women’s camp. Some even came along with Faizan’s brothers-in-law. Now both camps had regular visitors of both sexes.
Leila was not as against it as she had thought she would be. The men were dedicated Christians and treated the women here with respect. A few other love matches had been made already and more weddings would take place in the future. She found she was surprisingly pleased with that, which was unexpected considering she had thought she would be against the men and women falling in love with each other. Her heart still ached when she saw couples who were truly in love looking into each other’s eyes at the camp, but it was a bittersweet ache. She was happy for them, but slightly envious.
Today, she sat looking at the couples in front of her. Their demonstrations of love toward each other was sweet but a little painful to watch.
“I’m not sure you’ve shown me your wedding dress, Leila,” Miriam said to her. “I did not know you had bought one.”
Zainah answered before she could, “Leila is wearing something she already has.”
“Oh, okay,” Miriam said.
Leila did not say a word. She knew Abdul was looking at her, but she refused to look at him. She was going to wear one of the dresses that Dauda had bought her. It was a sequined dress, off-white, with long sleeves, and it had a scarf. The dress would have to do.
“I’m so excited about this wedding,” Sienna, Faizan’s youngest sister, said, and Faizan interpreted her words. She snuggled closer to her husband and gave a long sigh. “Isn’t it just beautiful that we are here to experience all this?”
Audrey, the oldest sister, faced Leila and said, “Thank you so much for letting us also share your wedding day with us. It means so much to us to renew our wedding vows on the same day that marks our parents’ fortieth anniversary.” She turned to look at Sherifat and smiled. “Thank you, Sherifat.”
Sherifat beamed and said, “It’s a day of love, and I love the idea of a huge wedding. Besides, the more the merrier.” She giggled and wove her fingers through Reza’s.
Leila said nothing. She did not speak as the conversation continued. She felt like an outsider listening as everyone talked about the wedding day. She couldn’t muster up the excitement that was all around her.
Isabella soon began to cry in Faizan’s arms, and he turned to Zainah and said, “I guess she’s hungry and needs her mama now. I wish I could feed her myself.”
Zainah chuckled and took Isabella from Faizan. She stood up with the baby and excused herself. She went to another corner of the tent to breastfeed her baby. The meeting ended soon after, much to Leila’s relief.
Everyone soon left the tent and Leila headed toward Zainah. She groaned inwardly when Abdul intercepted her.
“Can I speak to you?” he asked, looking intently at her.
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and nodded. “Okay,” she said to him. “Do you want to talk in my tent?”
He shrugged. “That’s fine.”
They both walked out of Faizan and Zainah’s tent and walked briskly to Leila’s. They sat together on her sleeping rug and, without thinking, Leila put a pillow in between them. She looked at Abdul as she did that. If he was offended in any way by her action, he did not show it.
At the other end of the tent, Halima and Binta were on their loom, weaving rugs for sale. Halima looked at her and gave her a coy smile. Binta winked at her. They were now somewhat used to the presence of men at the camp, especially Abdul, but their fascination with her relationship had still not faded.
Leila turned and faced Abdul once more. “So what do you want to talk about?” she asked. “Is it about the wedding?”
“Yes,” he said. “It’s about the wedding.”
“What about it?” Leila asked off-handedly.
“Leila, tell me the truth. Do you really want to marry me?”
Leila blinked in surprise. For a long moment, she said nothing as she thought about what to say to him. Finally, she said, “I do want to marry you, but...”
“You have reservations, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she answered truthfully.
He said, “It’s because you don’t love me, isn’t it?”
She gave a deep sigh. “I’m sorry, Abdul. I wish I did, but I don’t.”
He looked at her without speaking for a minute and then gave a sad smile. “I think you don’t really want to marry me, Leila,” he said in a sad voice. “I think you’re forcing yourself to want to marry me, but that isn’t right. Not for you and not for me.”
Her heart raced as she realized where this conversation was going.
“If you don’t want to marry me, especially because you don’t love me, then you shouldn’t. We shouldn’t get married, Leila. I love you, but you don’t love me.”
Leila shook her head and looked him in the eye. “But what are we going to tell everyone, especially Miriam and Ishaq? Everyone has been planning for our wedding. They will be disappointed.”
He shrugged. “Sherifat and Reza are still getting married, and Faizan’s sisters and their husbands are renewing their vows. Nobody will really miss us and the food they have cooked will be consumed quickly, if I know the men at our camp. Everyone will get over it. I don’t want you to feel guilty about not going forward with this marriage.”
“I’m so sorry, Abdul. I wish things could be different.”
Abdul nodded. “Me too.” He lifted her fingers and kissed the backs of her hands, and then her forehead. Drawing back from her, he said, “I wish you all the best, Leila. I truly do.”
Leila sighed, feeling deeply saddened. It was true that she did not love him and had been forcing herself to marry him, but she did like him and she cared about him. She said to him, “Before long, you will find someone who will truly love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
“And I wish you the same,” he said to her. He smiled again and stood up. She stood up as well and watched him leave the tent with his shoulders sagging.
After he left, she sat down on her rug again with her heart aching. She was probably going to remain single for the rest of her life. It had not been so bad when everyone around her was as single as she was. Even though it was painful then, now with all these love matches being made and wedding plans in place for the future, it was excruciating.
She stretched out on her sleeping rug and stared at the empty space in front of her. She felt numb and empty, but without a doubt she knew the right decision had been made. She was thankful to Abdul for stopping her from making a big mistake. There was no point marrying him when the thought brought her so much confusion and doubt. Most of all, it was unfair of her to marry him when she did not love him. Now he could meet and marry someone who would love him. Still, the thought of spending the rest of her life alone did not sit well with her.
“Oh, Lord,” she prayed, “please help me to be happy, truly happy for everyone who is finding love and getting married in this camp. And most of all, please help me to forget about Malik and give me contentment, because that is what I crave.”
She shut her eyes and sighed. She needed contentment more than anything else— contentment and acceptance, or she would not be able to go on.
She groaned as Malik’s face appeared in her mind. “Oh Lord, I just asked that you help me forget about him. Why am I still thinking of him?�
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A gentle but firm voice whispered in her heart. “Pray for him, daughter. Now!”
She blinked in surprise. Without a doubt, the voice belonged to the Lord, but why was he asking her to pray for Malik? “Lord, I am supposed to forget about him, not pray for him.”
Again she heard the words, “Pray for him now!”
“But I don’t know what to pray for,” she said. “Okay… I guess it’s for his salvation.” She listened but heard nothing more.
She began to pray earnestly that the Lord would save him and give him peace and happiness. She also asked the Lord to be with him always and protect him wherever he was. “If he has found love again,” she prayed reluctantly this time, “I ask that he will be forever happy with the woman he loves. Thank you for saving him.”
After she finished praying for Malik, she sighed again, her heart heavy. Now that she had prayed for him, she would think about him constantly. “Thank you, Lord,” she said, sulking and slightly put off. This was the last thing she needed right now, thinking and praying for Malik. Especially for him to live happily ever after with whoever he’d found.
You are being selfish, she thought. Even if you are never going to see him again, the least you can do is pray for his salvation.
She pressed her lips together. That was true. She had to let go of her selfish desire to be with him and start praying regularly for his salvation. It would be hard to keep him constantly and intentionally in her mind and thoughts again, but she had to do it. Because his salvation was much more important than their broken love and her wounded heart.
Chapter Nineteen
Malik hugged Sadiq’s two children and smiled at Sadiq’s wife. “Thank you so much, Sana, for your hospitality.” He smiled at the children again and said to them, “I will miss you.”
He had stayed in this house for a month and the family had been very kind to him. Every day, he’d gone down to the store with Sadiq and watched the man sell his rugs. Once in a while, he helped Sadiq around the store and also helped with some of the daily house chores.