‘What do you mean?’ I ask, knowing exactly what she means.
‘Nothing.’ She shakes her head. ‘You said you had something to tell me?’
I take a sip of coffee. It’s bitter and strong and the kick of caffeine hits the back of my throat.
‘It’s about Shane,’ I say.
Her mouth drops open, but she doesn’t speak. I wait a moment, and there they are: perfect pink circles on each of her cheeks.
‘What about him?’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I’ve been thinking about the best way to tell you, but I don’t know how, so I’m going to come right out with it. Is that okay?’
She nods, mouth clamped tight.
‘I’ve been to see him,’ I say.
She looks proper shit-scared now, and the anger I’ve been carrying around with me starts to recede, replaced by something else. The sweet taste of revenge. You ruined my life, I think. You destroyed my family. Now it’s my turn.
‘Why would you do that?’ she asks.
‘The family liaison officer said it might help. It’s all part of his rehabilitation, apparently.’
I don’t tell her how I hard I made him beg before I agreed to see him. Or how long it took him to convince me he was innocent. There was no need for him to put so much effort into it. Because I already knew, didn’t I? I was there that night and I saw everything that happened.
‘What did he say?’
I stare at her, letting the silence drag out, knowing how freaked out she must be.
‘He told me the truth,’ I say.
‘Oh God,’ she whispers.
I take another sip of coffee, wait for her to speak, but nothing happens. Fine, I think. I’ve given you your chance and you’ve messed it up.
‘He told me it was an accident,’ I say. ‘That he never meant for Dad to die and he was sorry. He wanted me to forgive him.’
She frowns, clearly struggling to understand what I’m telling her.
‘It was good. I think I needed to hear him tell me he was sorry. I lost my dad, Ella. He was the only family I had. Now that he’s gone, I’ve got no one.’
She reaches out, takes my hand, but I pull away from her. Her skin feels like damp plastic. I can’t bear to touch it.
‘Can you imagine what that’s like?’ I say. ‘To have someone take away the only person you’ve got left? His apology meant so much.’
I’m laying it on a bit thick, but it’s working. Her eyes have welled up and her chin has that crumpled look you see right before someone’s about to cry.
‘In fact,’ I say, ‘it was so good, I’ve been back to see him a few more times. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.’
She uses the sleeve of her jumper to wipe her eyes. ‘You wanted to tell me you’ve been visiting Shane?’
‘I wanted to tell you what he said about you.’
‘You know you can’t trust him,’ Ella says. ‘He’s dangerous, Katie. What does your family liaison officer think about you continuing to visit him?’
It’s the wrong thing to say and she knows it. ‘I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. But you know what he’s like, what he’s done to both of us. Wouldn’t it be better if you kept away from him?’
‘I don’t have anyone else,’ I say. ‘And you’re right. It’s none of your business.’
‘So why are you here?’ There’s an edge of anger to her voice now, as if I’m the one who’s in the wrong. It would be funny if it wasn’t so awful.
‘Because he knows about you,’ I tell her.
‘What do you mean?
‘He knows everything about your life. He knows you’ve recently graduated, he knows where you live and who you live with. He even told me about Tom. He knows where you met and how long you’ve been dating. Everything, Ella.’
She puts her hand over her mouth, holding it there as if she’s afraid of what will happen if she takes it away.
‘I wasn’t sure whether or not to tell you,’ I say. ‘But I thought you should know.’
The hand drops away, and when she finally speaks, her voice is so low I have to lean forward to hear what she’s saying.
‘He killed Oscar,’ she says.
She looks at me as if I’m meant to know what that means. It takes a few seconds, but then I get it. The greedy Labrador that couldn’t get that piece of steak into its mouth quickly enough.
‘He followed me home one afternoon. He was on my train and got off when I did. It freaked me out, so I walked around Bromley for hours until I thought I’d lost him. Only I hadn’t, because the next morning, when I left to go to college, I found Oscar lying dead in our front garden. The vet said he’d been poisoned.’
She looks so sad, and I have to bite down on my lip to stop myself shouting in her stupid face. Doesn’t she know how unimportant a dead dog is compared to everything I’ve gone through?
‘I could never prove it was Shane,’ she says. ‘But I knew. I told Mum about the way he’d acted after we broke up. All the messages and texts he sent me, and the way he kept turning up at the pub, like he wasn’t going to leave me alone no matter how many times I told him I wanted nothing to do with him. Mum insisted we go to the police and make a statement, accusing him of harassment. But it wasn’t enough, was it? And now it’s happening all over again. I’ve had this feeling for a while now, as if someone’s been watching me. I thought it was my imagination, but it’s not. He’s got someone following me, watching my every move.’
I reach out and take her hand, ignore the shudder of revulsion that runs through me as I squeeze it.
‘It’ll be fine,’ I tell her. ‘We’ll sort it together. Trust me.’
Thirty-Eight
Dee
Despite the burglary, Dee slept better than she had in weeks and woke early the next morning feeling refreshed. She reached for her phone, charging on the bedside table, and checked her news feeds. Nothing new on the police search for Katie Hope. In the days following the hit and run, Katie’s disappearance had been front-page news. Now, Dee had to scroll down the list of other stories until she found it. Soon it would be gone altogether, disappearing as effectively as Katie and Jake themselves.
There was an unread text message on her phone, which must have come through last night while she was sleeping. It was from Ed.
Will drop by tomorrow to check you’re okay.
Dee started to reply, then stopped herself and deleted his message. The less contact she had with him, the better off she would be. She went back to the news site. One of the stories included a photo of Ed. It had been taken at the press conference the day after the police realised the dead woman wasn’t Katie. He looked crumpled and tired in the photo, and old. But when Dee looked at it, all she could remember was how his smile transformed his face and made him look ten years younger.
‘Arsehole,’ she muttered, putting the phone back on the bedside table and throwing back the duvet. She needed coffee and breakfast.
It was a grey, overcast day but she ate her breakfast outside anyway. She loved this view, no matter what the weather was like. The sea was rough this morning. Big, frothy waves growling across the shingle. A wind whipped in from the east, making her shiver.
After breakfast, she called Billy.
‘I want you to tell me why the hell Shane Gilbert broke into my house yesterday afternoon,’ she said.
‘He did what?’
‘You heard me. And I think you know why he did it.’
‘Shit,’ Billy said. ‘Are you sure it was him?’
‘He called me the day before yesterday. We arranged to meet, but he never turned up. Coincidentally, my house got burgled at the same time as I was sitting in a London park waiting for him.’
‘I haven’t seen or heard from him recently,’ Billy said. ‘I’ve left him messages and emails but he’s not getting back to me.’
‘Is he on some sort of revenge trip? Is that what this is about? I know he’s convinced you he didn’t kill Gus Hope. If that’s true, it
means Roxanne Reed and Ella Tate lied at the trial. Which also means one or both of them killed Gus and framed Shane for the murder. How am I doing so far, Billy?’
‘He didn’t kill Gus,’ Billy said. ‘I can’t tell you any more than that.’
‘Not even if it helps me find Katie?’
‘The best thing you can do is stop worrying about Katie. She’s not who you think she is.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ Dee asked.
‘Have you told the police you think it was Shane who broke into your house?’
‘No.’
‘Well maybe you should. If he’s done that, who knows what the hell he’ll do next? The guy’s really messed up, Dee. I’m pretty sure he takes steroids. And I know for a fact he’s got a coke habit. That’s a lethal combination. You need to be careful.’
Dee’s phone beeped to tell her someone else was trying to call her.
‘I’ve got another call coming in,’ she said. ‘Can we talk later?’
‘This evening,’ Billy agreed. ‘Call me then and we’ll chat. I’ll try to track Shane down today and find out what he’s up to. In the meantime, promise me you’ll be careful? Shane’s got a lot of problems. I’m not sure how stable he is.’
By the time she’d hung up, the other call had been diverted to voicemail. She could see the message icon flashing on her screen. She dialled her voicemail and listened to it.
‘Hi. This is Tom Doyle. You sent me a message asking about Ella. Call me back on this number whenever you can. I’d like to speak to you.’
His voice was a surprise. Low, lilting, Irish. He sounded like Dee’s dad. Her father had come from Galway, in the west of Ireland. Despite living in the UK for all his adult life, he’d never lost his Irish accent. Tom’s was similar. Which meant Dee was already inclined to like him, even before she’d met him.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch earlier,’ he said when she called him back. ‘I’ve been travelling for the last three weeks. I finished a big job recently and I needed a complete break. No internet, no phone. Three weeks of sightseeing, reading and chilling out.’
‘Sounds lovely,’ Dee said.
‘It was. Until I came back and heard about Katie. I’ve spent the last two days reading everything I can find about what happened. You said you were a friend of Ella’s?’
‘Not exactly,’ Dee said. ‘I’m Katie’s landlady. I’ve got a mobile home that I rent out. Katie and Jake have been living there for two and a half years now. We’re neighbours, in fact. My house is next door to the mobile home.’
‘Why did you tell me you knew Ella, then?’ Tom asked.
‘I wasn’t sure you’d get back to me otherwise. I’m sorry.’
Tom was silent for so long, Dee worried he had hung up. She was about to ask if he was still there when he finally spoke.
‘So you know Katie,’ he said. ‘Not Ella. Is that right?’
‘Katie’s my friend. I’ve looked out for her since she’s been living here. I’m worried about her, Tom. I know she and Ella were friends and I know they were in Bristol at the same time. I thought maybe you’d be able to tell me something that could help me find her.’
‘You’re sure it’s her?’ Tom said.
‘Who?’
‘The woman the police are looking for. It’s definitely Katie?’
‘Who else would it be?’
He paused. ‘Are you free to meet? Today, ideally.’
‘Where?.
‘I flew into Gatwick this morning. I’m here now. Waiting to catch a train to Eastbourne. I’ve got an appointment with the police later this afternoon. They think I can help with their investigation.’
Finally, a lead. Someone who knew Katie and Ella and might be able to tell Dee what had really happened the night Gus Hope was killed.
‘I can meet you at the station,’ she said. ‘Text me your train times and I’ll see you there.’
After hanging up, Dee went to have a shower. There were regular trains from Gatwick to Eastbourne; Tom would be here soon. The combination of a good night’s sleep, a pot of coffee and the prospect of new information was the buzz she needed right now. Today was going to be a good day.
Thirty-Nine
Katie
Four years earlier
Something big has happened. I followed them tonight. All the way through town up to Clifton. They walked onto the bridge, then stopped halfway across. It was like something in a film. It was late, and they were the only two people there. Captured in the milky glow of the fat full moon. He turned towards her, put his hands on her shoulders and started to speak. When he’d finished, there was this moment where nothing happened, and then she came alive like I’ve never seen her before. She threw her arms around him and he lifted her off the ground and held her as he leaned in and kissed her on the lips.
I held my breath the whole time and didn’t start breathing again until he’d let her go and they were walking towards me, wrapped around each other so you could almost believe they were one person, not two. In that moment, I could have gone right up to them and I don’t think they would have seen me. I didn’t do that, of course. I stepped back into the shadows, watched them pass, my heart beating so fast and hard inside my chest it was the strangest thing that no one apart from me could hear it.
He’s proposed. It’s all I can think of. A hard, aching lump sits in my throat. I tried to imagine what it would be like, having someone hold me the way he held her, kiss me like that and tell me they love me so much they want to spend the rest of their life with me. It should have been me, not her, on the bridge tonight. It could have been me too. Because that connection I felt when I was in their flat, that was real. He’s trying to ignore it, but you can’t ignore something forever.
I stand on the street across the road from their flat, watching the shadows of their bodies moving around inside. The curtains are closed. She’s kept them like that ever since I told her about Shane. It’s not ideal. I used to like being able to see inside at night. Knowing they had no idea I was here, just across the road, watching.
I wait until the lights are turned out before making my move. Tom answers the door, and he doesn’t look too happy to see me.
‘Katie,’ he says. ‘It’s almost midnight. Is everything okay?’
I burst into tears and he looks horrified.
‘Jesus, Katie,’ he says. ‘Come on in.’
He wraps his arm around my shoulders and guides me into the sitting room. He’s so kind and gentle, I don’t want him to let me go. But as soon as he’s lowered me onto the couch, he’s off to get Ella, and all I’m left with is the memory of him.
‘I’m sorry,’ I sob when she appears. ‘I’m so sorry for barging in like this. I didn’t know where else to go.’
I tell her that today was my parents’ wedding anniversary and I’d tried so hard to get through the day as normal.
‘But I couldn’t do it,’ I wail. ‘I keep thinking about how much I miss them. And how I wish more than anything that they were still here.’
She goes into overdrive then. Hugging me and telling me how brave I’ve been and how she doesn’t have any clue how I’ve managed to cope with so much.
‘I’m glad you came here,’ she says. ‘You absolutely shouldn’t be alone tonight.’
She insists I stay the night in their flat.
‘Please,’ she says. ‘I’d feel so much better if you were here.’
‘I don’t want to be a burden,’ I say. ‘I shouldn’t have come at all. I just didn’t know what else to do.’
‘You’re staying,’ she says, standing up. ‘It’s decided.’
Tom has gone back to bed, so it’s just the two of us. Ella makes us cups of cocoa and we snuggle under the quilt she’s brought out for me. It’s nice. This is what it’s like when you have friends.
‘So,’ I say, after I’ve gone on about my parents’ happy marriage for a bit. ‘How are things with you?’
‘I’m not sure really,’ she says. �
��Freaked out, I guess. I’ve spoken to Victim Support, but I don’t know whether it’s made any difference. What can they do? Shane’s still in prison. I don’t know how I can prove he’s got someone watching me.’
‘Have you told Tom what’s going on?’ I ask.
She looks horrified. ‘God, no. He doesn’t know about what happened. I should have told him, I know. But I never got around to it, and the longer it went on…’ She shrugs. ‘I was never able to find the right time. You think that’s bad of me?’
‘Of course not,’ I tell her. ‘But are you sure he’s right for you? I mean, if you’re not able to talk to him about something like that?’
‘Oh, Tom is absolutely right for me,’ she says, smiling in that smug way people do when they’re one half of a happy couple.
Usually this would annoy the crap out of me. But right now I’m too busy thinking about what I can do with the information she’s just given me.
‘In fact,’ she continues, leaning in and lowering her voice, ‘can I tell you a secret?’
This is it. She’s going to tell me they’re getting married.
‘Sure.’
‘We’re going to Australia.’
I’m so shocked, I don’t know what to say.
‘Not right away,’ she says. ‘But soon. I’m going to take up the scholarship. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’d be mad not to do it.’
‘Wow,’ I manage eventually. ‘Australia. So… what? You go there and start a new life?’
‘I need to get away,’ she says. ‘I don’t want to leave Mum, but it’s not like we’ll be gone forever. And she can visit while we’re out there. All that stuff with Shane, everything you’ve told me, it’s made me realise I can’t stay. It’s not good for us. We need a fresh start.’
For one ridiculous moment, I think she’s talking about me and her. Until she says:
‘We row too much and it’s all my fault. I can’t talk to him. Can’t open up to him the way he deserves. I think moving away will help. I want to be with him, Katie, and I don’t think I can do that if we stay here.’
‘A fresh start,’ I say. ‘Where no one knows who you are or what’s happened to you. That sounds wonderful, Ella. Really.’
I Could Be You Page 20