by Jessica Ames
I laugh at her words, but there’s no humour in it. “You think we’re that sick we’d use a woman against her husband? You have a low opinion of me and my brothers.”
“That’s not what I—”
I hold up a hand. “Don’t give a fuck what you meant. Don’t care about anything that comes out of your lying fucking mouth.”
She flinches as if I’ve struck her and I wish I could take the words back, but I just keep glaring at her. I’m barely keeping my temper locked down and the urge to go nuclear sits on the edge of the precipice.
Rav juts his chin in Whizz’s direction and he snags Lucy’s arm, steering her towards the door. She glances back and before she disappears through the door, she mutters a “Sorry,” at me.
It scores a hole through my gut hearing that from her. I never thought a woman could hurt me, but Lucy has brought me to my knees.
When the door shuts behind them, Titch speaks. “What do we do with her?”
“She doesn’t want to go back to him,” Fury says.
“We can’t exactly keep her at the fucking clubhouse,” Levi retorts, dragging his tattooed fingers through his hair. “Not unless we want to start a war with Blackwood.”
“Nox?” Rav speaks my name and my eyes slide towards him. “She’s yours. What do you want to do?”
I tap my finger on the table, my expression sullen.
“I can’t stand liars.” I shake my head. “But we owe her for Sasha and Lily-May, so we ain’t handing her over to that psycho.”
As angry as I am, I still love the woman. That hasn’t disappeared because of what’s happened. Don’t get me wrong, I’m furious she lied, but I can’t switch my feelings off just like that.
“Blackwood’s going to come here looking for her, Nox,” Day tells me something I already fucking know. Lucy made it clear he wouldn’t let her go.
“Lucy seem like she wants to go with that fucker?” I snap, unable to stop myself. A murmur goes around the table. “Then we ain’t sending her back to him. She nearly fucking died trying to escape him.”
“Officially she ain’t under club protection,” Rav says, candid as ever.
Anger flares through me. I start to get up from the table, but Day pulls me back down. “Hold your fucking horses. We didn’t say we weren’t going to have your back.”
I sink back into my seat.
“Then what the fuck do we do?”
Rav considers me for a moment, then says, “We go to war.”
21
Lucy
My heart is hammering in my chest as Whizz leads me out of the room. I glance at him as he shuts the door tightly behind him. If I was looking for an ally that hope has been squashed. He’s acting like I’m a foe. I guess to the Sons I am. They must hate me for bringing this shit down on their heads. I had no idea the danger I have put Nox in. When he threw me that gun and told me to shoot him before Isaac could, my insides shrivelled and my mouth filled with rot. I would never hurt him, not intentionally anyway. I know I’ve destroyed him. I could see the betrayal and hurt etched into his face.
It wasn’t my intention.
I’d do anything to protect him.
I love him.
I have done from the moment I met him. Facing the possibility of losing him, I realised how strong my feelings are for him. I need him like my next breath. The thought of my life without him leaves a coldness spreading through my gut. I’d rather eat that bullet he wanted me to put in him.
“What happens now?” I ask, trying to steel my words, trying to keep myself calm even as my mind races.
“Depends what they decide at the table.”
I lift my chin and snap my back straight. “I won’t go back to Isaac. I’ll die before that happens.”
“Sweetheart, you stirred up a hornet’s nest here. You put Nox in an impossible situation where he’s probably going to end up on the wrong side of a bullet. There’s no way out of this. We hand you over, your husband will decimate the club. We keep you hidden, he’ll still decimate the club.” He shakes his head before looking me straight in the eyes. “Nox stood up in church and claimed you, went against his brothers and President to defend you. That shit means something around here and you fucking threw it back in his face. You put a price on his head.”
My stomach fills with ice, claws clamouring up my spine as his words settle over me like a funeral shroud.
I grab his arm, stopping him from walking. “You honestly believe Isaac will kill Nox?”
“If Nox fucked my wife, I’d gut him.” I swallow down my fear and release my hold on him as if his skin burns me. “If you’d come to us, Lucy, told us what was happening, we might have been able to help, but now you have us shooting in the dark.”
His words burn through me, my guilt eroding everything it touches. This place is Nox’s home—Sasha’s too—and it could be destroyed because of me. Nox could die because of me.
Whizz is right.
Isaac will gut Nox for touching me. It won’t matter that I wanted it. Someone touched his property. He’ll do worse to me. Death would be the better option. I should never have let things go as far as they did, but being with Nox was the first time I was truly happy in my life. Selfishly, I wanted that—even if it was fleeting.
“How do I fix this?”
He stops walking and turns back to me. The corridor seems to shrink as he steps into my space. “You can’t. Now, all we can do is wait for the fallout.”
“There has to be a way.”
“You don’t understand the gravity of what you’ve done. Blackwood will kill Nox, then he’ll come against the club. You’ve brought a war to our door, little girl.”
His words steal my breath, leaving me gasping for air. This was never my intention. I never wanted to bring trouble to the club.
I swipe at my tears as the door to the room we just left opens and the brothers pile out. Rav pushes past us, huffing like a raging bull. I flatten myself to the wall, trying to make myself invisible. He walks past, only to spin back to me, stepping so close I can see my reflection in his eyes.
“If this shit touches my girls.” The warning cracks between us, hanging in the air.
I seek Nox out, but he doesn’t look at me. My heart stops and pain lances across my chest. His cold shoulder hurts more than any beating I’ve ever taken.
The men move up the corridor with purpose and I start to follow, but Whizz grabs my arm.
“You stay.”
“I need to talk to Nox.”
Whizz shakes his head, and I sag against the wall, watching the brothers disappear around the corridor’s corner.
“He ain’t ready to listen to you. There ain’t nothing you can say.”
He’s probably right, but the words hurt all the same. I need to explain to him what happened, why I did what I did.
“There’s one way. Hand me over to Isaac.” The thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth, makes my stomach lurch with fear, but it might be the only way to save the man I love.
Whizz snorts at my assertion. “That’s not your decision. It’s in the club’s hands now.”
“Whizz—”
“You really think that’ll solve anything? The damage is already done. There’s no fucking easy way out of this. Wake up and smell the fucking blood because war is coming.”
Horror gnaws at my gut, his words physically hurting me as he leads me into the common room. He’s also right. There’s no restitution the Sons can offer that Isaac will accept. He’s a petty bastard when he wants to be.
Whizz orders me to sit at a table while he heads over to the bar and steps around the back of it. I tip my head back and stare at the grubby ceiling, my heart racing. I caused a war. If anything happens to any of these men, I’ll never forgive myself. If anything happens to Rav, Sasha will never forgive me.
I blink my tears away, trying to control my swirling emotions. My belly tightens as it churns. My mess has always been just that—mine. I’ve never dragged anyone into my shit b
efore, and the guilt is eating me alive.
Whizz returns with a bottle of coke, which he slides in front of me.
I don’t drink it, even though my tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth. My stomach feels too unsettled, like anything I put in it would curdle.
For a while we sit in silence. Then Whizz asks, “How did you end up married to Blackwood?”
I give a mirthless chuckle. “Wrong place, wrong time.”
I was sixteen when I met him, barely legal. He was twenty-six. We met at a party I shouldn’t have been at and he was smitten from the moment he laid eyes on me. Things didn’t start off bad. They were good in the beginning. Isaac gave me everything I needed and more. I remember being elated that such a sophisticated man was showing me attention—attention I never found at home. He wore expensive suits, drove flash cars, showered me with gifts, clothes, anything I desired. I revelled in it like a pathetic child, needing praise.
But the good times didn’t last.
Men like Isaac can’t hide their true selves for long and Isaac couldn’t either. His darker side would sneak out, and I’d glimpse the demons that live inside him. I always made excuses for his behaviour, but there was no excusing the things he did. He had all the power in our relationship and I was powerless against a man who was the devil made flesh and blood. I had no friends, by that point I’d isolated myself from my family. I was trapped and for six years, I was the worst version of myself. I hated everything about me. I hated that I never stood up to him and when I did, I could do nothing to stop the beating. I hate that he used my body without my permission, as if he had the rights to it. I hated that he’d hurt me and then promise to never do it again.
I hated those lies the most.
Isaac Blackwood is a man with a dark soul and I’d stared into that darkness on more than one occasion. It terrified me. He terrified me.
And I despise that he did.
I never wanted to be this shrinking little girl, afraid of my shadow, but that’s what he made me.
Until I found the strength to leave. It took me a long time, but I still feel pride in myself for running. Life hasn’t been easy, but it’s better than the hell I lived with Isaac. I began to become the little girl I’d left behind again. I found joy in small things and that just increased when I met Sasha. She changed my life completely. She thinks she owes me everything, but it’s the other way around. Sasha saved me.
Then Nox came along and my life upended again.
He taught me love doesn’t always hurt. He taught me that men can be kind, soft, loving.
He also taught me that betrayal is the worst sin of them all, and I’ve betrayed Nox in the worst way.
Whizz doesn’t ask anything more, moving over to the bar and leaving me sitting there alone. I chew on my thumb and my stomach sinks, because I know that I have to do whatever it takes to protect Nox and the Untamed Sons. There’s no other option because I am completely and irrevocably in love with Nox, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right again. Even if it means making a deal with the devil.
22
Nox
Rav leads us down to the basement. It’s not only our hidden kill room, but also where we store our weapons. Guns are illegal in the UK, getting caught with one is a five-year prison sentence. Getting caught with the amount we have we’d never breathe fresh air again.
I hate coming down here. It’s the stuff of nightmares and I can’t stop the chill that runs through me. The smell of bleach hangs heavily in the air, but it can’t quite cover the copper tang of blood that stings the back of my nose. The bare concrete walls are lined with polyethylene sheets, and a single drain sits in the middle of the floor, which slopes towards it to ensure drainage. There’s a sink on one wall, and a hose that can be used to clean up. There’s also a tool trolley in the middle of the floor, filled with instruments that can be used to torture a victim. I’ve killed my share of men down here, but I don’t have the same lust for blood as Fury. I’d rather leave the dirty work to him.
Rav stops at the wall on the far side of the room and removes a fake panel in the floor. It comes free with a scraping sound that hurts my teeth. From the box buried in the floor, he pulls out an AK-47, which he hands to me. I take the gun, relishing the weight of it in my hands, the heaviness of the metal. It feels more substantial than my handgun, which I keep on me at all times.
He loads up all the lads and finally takes a weapon for himself. Under normal circumstances, we’d bring all the families here, but as the clubhouse is likely to be the target of this upcoming attack, we’ll move them to my gram’s farmhouse, outside of London.
My stomach twists as I watch my brothers check their ammo. I brought this shit down on our heads. I trusted Lucy, and I shouldn’t have. Betrayal snaps at my feet, the ugly feeling of it settling in my gut. My life might be forfeit here. It might be the only way to stop this war and save my club, but I’d gladly give it to protect my brothers. They didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for this either, but I’ll take whatever the fallout might be. She’s mine. I claimed her as mine, even if the club didn’t accept it. I take my duties as her old man seriously, which means I’m responsible for whatever she does.
The others start to move out of the room, but Rav grabs my arm stopping me. The pressure of his fingers on my bicep is enough to bite.
“Don’t give a fuck what happens out there, you ain’t sacrificing yourself for lying snatch.”
Rav could always read me best. Not surprising, considering how long we’ve been friends. I see the sincerity reflected in his eyes, see the purpose in his expression.
“She’s my responsibility,” I bite back.
“The fuck she is,” he snarls, anger flashing in his irises and his fury comes to the forefront. He hisses through his teeth like a vicious viper, ready to strike. “I won’t forget what she did for Sash and my daughter, but Lucy brought this shit down on her own head the moment she lied.”
I run a hand over my shaved head, my anger a smouldering burn that destroys everything it touches. He’s right. If Lucy had been truthful from the start we could have helped, kept her hidden, safe. The lies have put us in a position where the only choice is to defend ourselves from whatever wrath Isaac Blackwood is going to bring down on our heads. It doesn’t matter what happened, we’re in this situation now and all we can do is deal with it.
“Rav, whatever happens here, you should take the VP patch. I ain’t worthy to wear it.”
It cuts through my heart to admit it, but it’s true. My poor decisions brought us here. My trust in the wrong person gave us this trouble. If my own judgement is this skewed, how can I be expected to run the club with Rav? How can I ever be someone he trusts?
Rav snorts at my words, and rage flickers behind his eyes. “Shut your fucking mouth. Ain’t taking that patch off you, ain’t doing shit but surviving the next few days, you got me?”
I shake my head. Loyalty can only go so far and I’ve used as much of that loyalty as I’m owed. “It comes down to it, you do whatever you have to in order to save the fucking club. That means handing me over, you hand me over.”
“Nox—”
“No, Rav. You do what you have to.”
He scowls at me, his face contorting into a mask of rage. “Ain’t happening. You’re part of this club. A key part. I’ll hand her over before I let anything happen to you.”
That won’t happen either. No way in fuck would I give her to Blackwood. If his reputation is to be believed, he’s a sick bastard.
We lock the clubhouse down, making sure no one is here but brothers, the prospect and Lucy. The bikes are pulled into the garage and put safely behind the big roller shutters. Fury organises perimeter checks and shores up the rest of our defences.
During a slight lull in activity, I call mum and my sister, Bailey, ordering her to get my nieces, round up the other families and go to Gram’s. She lives out in the country, far from London—safe. I hope these cunts are the type of men who will no
t hurt women to get at the men, but you never know what lines other people are willing to cross and Blackwood’s reputation is as dark as his fucking name.
I’m sitting in the common room, positioned at the window that overlooks the gates when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and see Sasha’s name flash up. Fuck. She’s the last person I want to speak to, but it could be important, so I slide my finger over the screen.
“You okay?” I ask immediately.
“What the fuck is going on, Nox? Ty won’t give me answers and I’m losing my mind here. Why are we on lockdown outside the clubhouse? Bailey said we need to leave, but didn’t know why. You guys in trouble?”
“It’s club business.” I trot out the line that we all use to hide anything we don’t want to talk about.
It earns me a growl. “Fuck club business. If you won’t tell me what’s going on, I’ll call Lucy.”
“Don’t.” I don’t want Sasha involved in any of Lucy’s lies. I don’t want her getting dragged into this mess. Rav will lose his fucking mind.
“Why?”
I peer up at the ceiling, asking the universe for strength. “Lucy ain’t Lucy.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“She’s been lying to us all. You need to keep away from her. She calls and asks for help, you don’t give it, you got it?”
There’s a long as fuck pause before she says, “Nox, you’re not making any sense.”
I hate to be the one to give her this, but there’s no other choice. I can’t risk Lucy calling her and asking for help. I can’t risk Sasha getting dragged into this mess.
“Lucy’s real name is Natasha Blackwood. She’s been lying to us all.”
“What?” The shock in her voice cuts a path through my chest. I don’t blame her disbelief. If I hadn’t heard the truth from Lucy’s mouth myself, I wouldn’t believe she was capable of living a double life either. “What the hell?”
“You need to stay away from her until we get this shit straightened out.”