If I embarked on a relationship with either one of them, I just know I’d lose them both. The one who wasn’t chosen would be hurt and angry, and it would drive a rift between the brothers. And that kind of damage would drive a wedge into even the strongest relationship, and the brother I chose would probably end up resenting me.
And besides that, in spite of my feelings for them, I’m still not convinced that a relationship is something I want.
That doesn’t mean that the fantasies have stopped, however.
I still picture both of them nailing me almost every night. I’ve gone through several sets of batteries. But I can’t help but feel a pang of guilt for my filthy mind. Maybe it comes from growing up in such a conservative area, with pretty tight-laced parents, but fantasizing about a threesome with the brothers makes me feel a sense of shame.
I remember the kinds of things my parents said about the women in town when I was growing up, and I feel like if they were still alive, they’d disown me and call me a slut for even thinking about this kind of thing.
I keep thinking about it, though. Thinking about it and desperately wanting it. Despite the shame, I still want it. It feels selfish, but I can’t help myself.
But I know it’ll only ever be a fantasy. I could never bring myself to even voice this, and there’s no way I could make it come true. Even if I could, I can’t imagine sustaining a relationship like that, and I’d be in the same boat later down the line, losing them both.
And they’ve quickly become my best friends, so the idea of losing them devastates me. It’s a risk I’m just not willing to take.
A knock sounds across my door, startling me from my thoughts. As if my thoughts have drawn them to me, I peek out the window and see both Donoghue brothers standing at my doorstep.
I swing open the door.
“Let me guess,” I quip, “You’re the pizza guy here to deliver an extra-large sausage, and you’re the plumber here to ‘fix my pipes,’ so to speak.”
They both laugh.
“Come on in,” I say, opening the door to let them.
They cross the threshold.
“Well, lass,” Keenan begins, “We hear there’s some kind of carnival thing coming up?”
I nod. “The Spring Fair, yeah. This weekend, actually.”
Rowan nods. “Aye, and since we’ve never been, we were wondering if you’d come along, show us the ropes,” he says.
I smile. “That sounds like fun, I’d like that.”
This isn’t a date, I remind myself. Just you and your friends hanging out.
“Saturday?” Keenan offers.
I nod. “And you’re best off if you go around noon,” I tell them. “That way you have plenty of time to see it all before it gets dark. The weather’s warming up and all, but it still cools off pretty dramatically when the sun goes down.”
“We’ll pick you up just before noon, then,” Rowan agrees.
Saturday sneaks up pretty quickly after that, and I take a little extra time to get ready before the guys arrive. I know I’m just hanging out with friends, but it’s a special occasion. That’s the only reason I brush on a little makeup, right?
Yeah. The only reason. And it’s a once-a-year event, so it’s not weird that I choose a sundress and a nice sweater , instead of my usual jeans. The Spring Fair is the first time I usually see some of the locals for the year. Not that they can’t get into town, the weather usually isn’t too terrible to make it out if you need to, but when the weather is cold, no one really wants to make the trek.
So I tell myself that it’s just because it’s a special night, it has nothing to do with Rowan and Keenan.
Maybe if I keep telling myself, I’ll actually start to believe it.
But the second I swing open that door and see the rapturous expressions on the guys’ faces, the truth hits me like a freight train. I wanted to impress them. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth.
And the looks on their faces tell me I have definitely accomplished that goal and impressed them. They both look like they want to devour me, and damned if I don’t want them to.
“You look lovely, lass,” Keenan tells me.
Rowan smiles tightly, clearly annoyed that Keenan got the first word in, but nods his agreement, almost as if I’ve left him speechless.
“Let me just grab my keys,” I tell them, darting back inside to shove my keys into my purse.
When I come back and lock the door behind me, both of them have their arms folded across their chests, and I sense that there was a harshly whispered argument while I stepped away. In an attempt to defuse the anger rolling off of both of them in waves, I slip a hand through the crook of each man’s arm and walk between them, turning them as I walk so that the three of us stand in a linked line.
It brings a smile to both of their faces and I feel a surge of relief at the truce.
We hop in their car and next thing I know, we arrive at the fairgrounds. The whole atmosphere is cheerful and hectic, and the air is sweet with the fragrances of cotton candy and funnel cakes, not to mention the more “regional” treats like deep-fried Twinkies.
The guys are like excited puppies, scrambling out of the car and waiting impatiently for me to join them. As we begin to wander about, they’re both laying on the charm. Rowan offers to buy me a funnel cake when I mention that the scent is making my mouth water, and I don’t miss the glare Keenan shoots him.
When I pause to admire a large teddy bear at one of the game booths, the two of them both insist that they want to win it for me until I drag them away in annoyance.
I find myself growing more and more frustrated as the day goes on and their jealous antics continue. What should be a fun day is progressively getting soured, and all I want is for them to act like the sweet, fun guys I’ve spent time with one-on-one.
We run into Lucy in line for drinks and I introduce her to Rowan. I’m disgusted with myself when I realize I’m relieved that he doesn’t check her out, his focus still totally on me. Maybe I really should try and set one of them up with her…
But when I imagine seeing one of them with her, it sends a pang of sorrow and anger through me, and I’m ashamed of myself. Who the hell am I to try and keep them both?
I know in that moment that I absolutely cannot make a move on either one of them. They’re my friends, and there’s no scenario where this could possibly work out in a way that doesn’t hurt someone.
“Oh, Delia, did you get a chance to see Gina Landry’s jewelry booth?” Lucy asks me, “She’s got a bunch of new designs.”
“No, I haven’t seen her yet.”
“She’s only a couple of booths over,” she looks at the guys, “Maybe you two can hold down the line for us gals while we go take a peek?”
Lucy flutters her eyelashes at the brothers, making me bristle a bit.
They laugh.
“Sure, we’ll wait here,” Rowan says.
Lucy leads me away. When we’re out of earshot, she looks at me incredulously.
“What kind of sorcery are you working, Del?! Those two are gorgeous, and their eyes have been glued to you!”
I chuckle a little.
“Yeah, they’re great, but they’re also acting like jealous babies fighting over a toy,” I admit.
“Well, if you need to get rid of one of them, throw ‘em my way,” Lucy laughs. “But seriously, I wouldn’t be complaining, if I was you. You’re one lucky lady.”
“Or lucky lass, as they would say,” I giggle.
“I’m impressed at how quickly they caught on to running the ranch, since they just showed up here from Ireland with no clue how to do it,” Lucy remarks.
“Yeah, that is pretty impressive,” I agree. “I guess they want to make their aunt proud. But you should have seen the look on Rowan’s face when I was teaching him how to milk a cow. Pure deer in headlights.”
Still laughing, we arrive at Gina’s booth and admire her latest work. Her jewelry is stunning and unique, and my eyes fal
l upon a stunning ring that draws me like a moth to a flame. The stone sparkles in the afternoon sun, and the intricate design on the band is somehow both eye-catching in its own way, but it also complements the gem and makes the ring look complete and elegant.
I’m almost tempted to buy it, but I don’t exactly have a lot of use for jewelry. As much as I use my hands out in the dirt, I’d probably lose it or damage it. Plus I don’t exactly have that kind of money to burn.
But the temptation is still there, and I’m halfway to pulling out my wallet when I hear some chaos going on behind us. I turn to look and can’t see, a crowd has formed around whatever’s going on.
A sinking feeling creeps into my chest and I push my way past the ring of people. I hear familiar voices shouting and the dread amplifies. I struggle through the crowd and to my horror, push through just in time to see Rowan throw the punch that splits Keenan’s lip.
“You sneaky, conniving arsehole! She’s mine, why are you still trying?” He roars.
“If she was really yours, she wouldn’t have kissed me, would she?” Keenan shoots back, fists raised.
He swings and connects with Rowan’s face and I lose it, shoving past the rest of the people keeping me from the guys, and I jump in.
I wedge myself between them, forcing them apart. “Stop it, you two, knock it off!”
Slowly, they step apart. Blood trickles from Keenan’s lip and a bruise is already forming on Rowan’s cheekbone.
“What is the matter with you two?!” I nearly shout.
They both stare at me in stony, embarrassed silence.
“First of all, I don’t ‘belong’ to either one of you,” I snap, “And two, you’re brothers, but you’re acting like a couple of stray dogs fighting over a scrap of meat!”
They look down at their feet in shame.
“I’m not a fucking scrap of meat. I’m not a toy, a trophy, or some other prize to be won. I’m a human being, and beyond that, I’m your friend. This childish bullshit needs to stop. I’m not doing this anymore.”
They both look up at me, their expressions distraught.
“What does that mean?” Rowan asked.
“It means I need some space,” I reply. “I’m getting a ride home with Lucy.”
I walk away from them to go find my friend, feeling close to tears. Today should have been nothing but a great time, but it had all just dissolved into anger and jealousy.
And I felt immense guilt for it. I had fueled this, too, by flirting with them. I should have shut this all down a long time ago, nipped it in the bud. But I’d let my feelings for them both get out of hand, and now it was biting me in the ass.
I find my way back to Lucy.
“Hey, Del, where’d the guys go?” she asks.
“I guess we spoke too soon about it not being a bad thing that they’re fighting over me. Can I get a ride home with you?” I ask, unable to answer beyond that.
She hears the wavering note in my voice and her face immediately clouds with concern.
“Of course. You ok? Did one of those lugs hurt you?”
She looks like she’s ready to swing.
“I’ll tell you in the car,” I mumble.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” she says, and she loops an arm around my shoulders and leads me to her car.
On the drive home, I regale her on the whole thing, telling her everything from the flirting, to the kisses I shared with each man, to the jealousy that finally escalated to a fist fight in front of half the town.
“Sounds like a bit of a mess,” she says when I’ve finally spilled it all. “But I think you’re doing the right thing, staying out of it.”
Her validation is a little bit of a comfort. Every day has been a challenge, wanting both of them and trying to keep those feelings at bay. So to have someone else reaffirm my thoughts and provide that validation takes some of the sting from it all.
“I’m trying, but it’s hard,” I admit, swallowing my pride. “I think I’m falling for both of them.”
Lucy glances at me briefly, but to my relief, her expression is one of sympathy, not of judgement. “I can’t even imagine what that must be like.”
“And you know me, Lu, I don’t even want a serious relationship… I thought,” I sigh. “But with them, I almost want to give it another go.”
“But if you tried to choose, it’s like you said, you’d be driving them apart, you’d break one of their hearts, and if you’ve got feelings for both of them, you’d be breaking your own right along with it.”
“I wish I could just have them both,” I confess, looking down at my hands.
Lucy chuckles.
“Make them your ‘sister wives,’ huh?” she teases.
“Something like that,” I laugh, grateful for my friend’s understanding.
“Somehow I can’t imagine jealous guys like them being able to share you,” she says. “But damn if it wouldn’t be nice. I could use a couple of hot Irishmen, myself,” she teases, trying to coax another smile out of me.
“Whatever happened to that guy you were seeing, anyway?” I ask her, wanting to divert some attention away from myself, “Randy Something-or-Other?”
Lucy rolls her eyes.
“He’s an ass,” she says simply. “We’re definitely over.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I tell her honestly.
She waves off my sympathy. “Don’t be, it’s fine. On to the next fish in the sea, right?”
A bittersweet smile crosses my face. “I wish I could be so optimistic.”
Lucy pulls into my driveway. “I’m sure everything will work out for the best, Del. Maybe we just need to find you another guy, get them off your mind.”
I can’t even imagine wanting another man, but I nod. “Maybe. Anything’s possible, I suppose.”
She reaches across the seat and pulls me into a hug. “Call me if you need me, Del, ok? I’m here for you.”
I give her a squeeze. “Thanks, Lucy. You’re the best.”
I slip out of the car and into the house. Mayhem comes running to greet me, tail wagging wildly. I lead her over to the couch and she promptly lays with her head in my lap. I can’t help but smile. She always seems to know when I need her.
As I pet her, drawing comfort from every stroke, I lose myself in thought. Lucy is right. Maybe I should just move on. Or maybe I was right from the start, and I’m just not meant for romance.
Chapter Eight
Delia
I’ve successfully managed to avoid the Donoghue brothers for the last two days. The weather’s been rainy, so I’ve been keeping the critters cooped up, and I haven’t been answering my phone. But today’s weather has been better, so I’ve had to make a more conscious effort to stay hidden.
However, by late afternoon, it appears that the boys refuse to let me dodge them any longer. There’s a knock at my door, and a glance out the window reveals them on my doorstep again, and Rowan has something wrapped in foil in his hands.
I sigh. I can’t avoid them forever, and I’ve had enough time to cool off and think about what I want to say. So I open the door.
They look surprised to see that I actually answered.
“What can I do for you boys?” I ask coolly.
“Delia, we’re sorry,” Keenan blurts immediately. “You’re right, we acted like idiots.”
Rowan offers me the foil-wrapped package.
“We made you a pie,” he says sheepishly.
I soften a little. “Come on in, you two, let’s talk.”
I instruct them to grab a seat on the couch and I go into the kitchen to set down the pie and grab us all some beers. I pass them around and Rowan immediately takes a drink.
“We were jerks, Delia,” he says with a sigh. “You’re right, we were treating you like an object. We both got so caught up in everything that we forgot about your feelings.”
Keenan nods in agreement. “Can you forgive a couple of morons, lass?”
I sigh, picking at the label
on my beer bottle.
“Of course I can. And I haven’t exactly made things easier for you guys,” I admit. “You guys are great friends, and I should control the flirting. It’s not fair for me to lead you both on.”
I take a long drink, “You two deserve the truth, though. I do have feelings for you, both of you. But I don’t want to lose your friendship, and I don’t want to damage your relationship with each other. I won’t be responsible for you two hating each other, I can’t. So either we’re all just friends or we go back to our own separate lives, because I can’t choose between you, and I won’t.”
I look from one to the other, awaiting a response.
“That’s fair,” Rowan finally says.
“We don’t want to lose you, either,” Keenan says, “So we’ll control ourselves. Just friends, lass, no more pressure.”
“I’ll drink to that,” I say, awash in bittersweet relief.
I hold out my beer bottle and the two of them clink theirs against mine and we all drink.
“So where’s Ruckus?” I ask.
“He’s out playing in the yard,” Keenan says. “I didn’t quite trust him enough to leave him in the house. We’re still working on housebreaking.”
I laugh. “So you let him out in the mud?”
Keenan cringes. “I didn’t think about that,” he admits.
“Come on, let’s go get him before he’s a total mess.” I get to my feet and lead them over to their place.
To our horror and amusement, we’re too late. The normally light-colored pup is dark from head to toe with mud, digging away happily in a puddle.
“Oh, no…” Keenan groans.
I’m nearly doubled over with laughter. The puppy sees us and comes running. He skids to a stop in front of us…and shakes some of the mud from his coat and all over all three of us. The guys sputter and wipe mud from their faces. Still laughing, I bend down and scoop the messy pup into my arms. “Come on, let’s get him cleaned up.”
I carry the filthy little beast over to a large tub I use for bathing Mayhem, or after one memorable incident, used for some of the goats after they tangled with a skunk.
All Our Luck: Complete Irish Reverse Harem Series Page 4