Astrid—the Oracle—glanced to Rose, who nodded her head, a silent confirmation that I didn’t want to have anything to do with the men coming in for the joinings and I wasn’t going to be bullied into it. Not that my stubbornness would stop them from trying.
The only man I desired was Alek, but broaching that subject at this point would not benefit anyone. I desperately needed these two women to accept that I refused to sleep with a stranger, no matter how much my genetically-programed desperation for a child reared its ugly head. That was my problem to bear, not theirs.
“Why is it so important for us to have children?” I turned my head and met Rose’s gaze head-on, deciding to try another tactic all together. “Why should we want so desperately to raise another generation in a prison of your making?” Maybe if I could piss Rose off, she’d leave me alone, like the unruly child who nagged until the parents just gave up.
A gasp slipped from the Oracle’s mouth, but she didn’t speak.
Rose’s brown eyes narrowed, and I felt the warmth of her magick rise through the room, creeping around me like a corporeal fog, but I wasn’t scared. We’d always been assured they wouldn’t force us to be with a man. Now I was merely putting that unspoken statement to the test.
“You are the last hope for the supernaturals on Earth. You will be our way back home. Without the Sisters—without enough children to keep the visions complete—there is no hope for any of us to ever get home. To ever get off this human world.”
“But I don’t belong in Veil. We are human.” I jabbed a finger at Astrid. “No matter the funky visions, we are still human. We belong here.”
Rose stood from her chair, her eyes turned white. Her voice deepened, taking on an ominous phantom quality. “You are the Oracles of the House of Lamidae. Your sole purpose on Earth is to fulfill the prophesy that will open the Veil, and allow supernatural beings the chance to go home.”
Each word thudded into the bottom of my stomach, one heavy declaration at a time.
All the urging and posturing in the world wouldn’t make me forsake my hope that Alek would be the first one to ever lie with me. The first man to ever kiss or touch any intimate part of my body. Not even Rose Hilah, playing the Wicked Witch of the West and trying to scare me back onto the proverbial yellow-brick-road, would sway my decision.
“Why do you even care anymore? What’s there for you?” Damn. I shouldn’t have said that. I knew I shouldn’t have, but once I got started, it was difficult for me to put a halt to my thoughts. “A stranger doesn’t deserve the honor of being with me first. If I have to sleep with someone, it should be someone I care about.”
“You do not get to have a typical life, Gretchen. You are special. You have a gift and responsibilities because of that gift.”
“Why can’t we just choose husbands? What could be the harm in a few men taking up residence in Sanctuary? You take in everything else. If it has fangs or fur or fantastical powers, it automatically gets a ticket to stay in Sanctuary. But me? I don’t get a say because I’m just a vessel. I’m not a person who gets to decide her fate. Who gets to fight for what’s right or wrong or make any kind of life choices.” Drawing a deep breath, I focused the anger welling inside me on her once again brown eyes, on her dispassionate, expressionless face. “What makes me worth less than any other person in this town?”
“You are worth more.” Her voice was steady and calm, but her gaze burned with an anger that made my insides squirm. “Everything we do in this town is to protect you. To make sure you can fulfill the destiny you were born to. What gives you the right to feel more important than any of the other Sisters here in this sanctuary? Only in a united group can you produce enough children to raise the magick back to a level where the last two Protectors can be found. Don’t you want to have a child?”
Of course I wanted a child. We all did. We all had this abnormal obsession with procreation, but maybe it wasn’t impossible to have one with Alek. Maybe they’d lied about that, too. If she was so worried about Xerxes stealing us to have children…
What if I could have Alek’s child?
The thought struck suddenly like a crack of thunder. My palms ran slick while the inside of my mouth dehydrated to the consistency of bread flour. I banished the urge to blurt those thoughts aloud.
Rose’s posture softened. “I do not do this for myself. I protect and care for all supernaturals who ask for shelter, be it from humans, or Xerxes himself.” Her warm magick flicked across my skin, like fingertips looking for a good place to take hold. “The sacrifice you make is not for me alone, it is for entire races of people. There are hundreds—thousands of supernaturals who have no desire to remain on Earth. They are the children of murdered parents, the orphans of a war that made them homeless. The time is almost here. We are so close to completing the prophecy, yet you purposefully shirk the burden placed on your shoulders.”
I shivered, casting a glance at the Oracle mother, but she offered no consolation or support. I’d vomited the mess, and I was on my own to clean it up.
“There is something making you discontent. Making you desire more than what is possible.” Rose’s tone was like velvet, sweet and sugary and a damn trap if I’d ever seen one. “Who is it you desire?”
I still hadn’t gotten Alek to realize my affection or admit his own. I knew he cared about me. A man didn’t show up in a library to read for hours on end every day of every week of every month for years on end if he didn’t care. The Sisters gossiped that he was broody and rude, but he’d never been anything but kind and caring and protective toward me.
It was more than friendship, but I didn’t have anything to say to Rose right now. I needed a plan of action and I needed Alek on my side. If I said something without any confirmation that he wanted to be with me, I’d lose my only chance with him.
“No one,” I answered, breathing slowly, willing my heartbeat not to give me away.
“You cannot have children with any supernatural in town. It is impossible, and if you cannot have children with them, then you are not fulfilling your purpose.”
“Maybe I don’t want to fulfill my purpose, and if we can’t be with other supernaturals, why are you so afraid of Xerxes getting us? Our histories say we’ve been running for thousands of years. What does it mat—”
“It matters because Lamassu are the exception to the rule. Genetically, you are compatible with our species and with humans.”
There it was.
Another secret kept from us.
“Why?” I stood, moving to stand face to face with the Sentinel. Our protector. Our mother. Our jailer. Anger seethed beneath the surface of my skin, like molten lava waiting to burst free from the Earth’s crust.
“Because that is the way you were made.” The words were spoken so softly I strained to hear each one. The revelation sent a cold chill ricocheting down my spine. I couldn’t feel my feet, or my legs. I sank back onto the leather couch behind me and snapped my stunned mouth shut.
Made?
Rose turned on her heel and walked out of the room, her footsteps strangely silent on the hard stone floor.
I glanced at the Oracle Mother, weird to call her that, since she was barely five years older than I was. “M-made?” The word sputtered from my mouth. “Like we were a batch of cookies she whipped up? Am I the only one that feels this is unfair?”
“It’s time to grow up, Gretchen. We have a good life here. The Drakonae take care of us. Rose takes care of us. The whole town works to keeps Xerxes at bay so that we aren’t subjected to—”
“We’ve found two protectors in less than a year.”
“That was because our numbers were up, but then Arlea died. Cara had a stroke and passed away. Pythia passed as well. The loss of three adults was too much. My visions about the next Protector are sporadic at best, and rarely do I get any clarity in them.”
“What if it takes centuries to find the last two, and what really happens to us after the prophecy is fulfilled?”
“We will
be free, Gretchen. Free of these visions that plague us, no one will hunt us, and no one else will have to die for us. We will be safe from Xerxes. That is our hope for the future, Gretchen. That is the legacy we want for all our children, for ourselves. You’re not the only one who would like to have a normal life…whatever that really means.”
She stood from the chair and bowed her head. “Please. Even if you were to love a supernatural, your lifespan pales in comparison. Would you put yourself through the pain of loving someone only to lose them when you grow old and die?”
“I would enjoy every moment I got. That’s what life is about. And life without love, the way we live it…I can’t do this.”
The Oracle’s blue eyes hardened, and her voice tempered sharply. “We love, Gretchen. We love each other, and we love our children. Our lives are not without love.” She made a growling huff of irritation at the end of her statement before leaving me alone in the room to stew in the guilt she and Rose had managed to stir to life.
I cared about my sisters. I knew they loved their children. And some of my sisters even created fantasy romance relationships around the men they chose to sleep with.
It wasn’t enough for me. Maybe it was for them. Maybe they were truly content with the status quo, but I wanted more.
I wanted Alek…even if we couldn’t have children.
Even if being with him was only a brief moment of bliss in his immortal lifetime.
It would be enough for me.
I could only hope it would be enough for him.
Chapter 5
ALEK
My jaw caught Jared’s fist, and a haphazard pattern of white stars skittered across my line of sight. The fucking Phoenix could really hit hard. I shook my head and rubbed my jaw, shaking off the blow.
“Fuck,” I growled under my breath.
I rotated and swiveled, changing angles, raising my fists. Jared backed off, but my quick jab forward and then an uppercut caught a solid hit to his gut.
“Better,” he said, his voice wheezing while a painful smile curved his face.
He took a step toward me on the soft blue mats, faking right then left then right again before striking home.
Fucking hell!
“I never get you this good, man. Something’s got you off your game.” Jared rolled his neck and raised his eyebrows. He backed off, rose out of his crouched fighting stance, and stared at me with that brotherly look that said he was about to put his foot in my business. “You need to get laid?”
I roared, barely reigning in my beast. Breathing deeply, I halted my body, flexing my hands to fists at my sides. If I changed inside our small back-office sparring area, my wings would tear up the ceiling and my claws would decimate our padded mats.
He held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, no need for that.” His tone was light, but his eyes burned with his Phoenix fire, prepared to put me on the ground if I went that far. I might be in the worst mood I’d dealt with in centuries, but the threat of his fire made my beast take pause.
There was truth in his accusation. I actually couldn’t remember the last time I’d been with a woman…it hadn’t mattered and I hadn’t gone looking, but now—now that I knew I’d been bottling up feelings for Gretchen…
Heaving a sigh, I let my shoulders slump forward. How did this happen? How had I let myself fall for the child who’d made me smile fifteen years ago? Who’d continued to warm the heart in my chest I’d considered long dead?
“There’s no way out of the proverbial grave I’ve dug.” I crossed the room and took a long swig from my water bottle. Sweat dripped from my forehead. The two-hour sparring session was supposed to clear my head. Instead, I was sore, and I found my thoughts even more focused on Gretchen. On what caring about her meant for my life.
“Really? Is it someone I know?”
I shrugged. He’d probably met Gretchen at one point. “It doesn’t matter. She’s not an option, no matter how many different ways I look at the situation.”
Jared took a long drink from his bottle of water, giving me an appraising eyeball-glare for the duration. “You can’t go back to the library, man.”
My stomach threatened to upchuck everything inside. Fuck. “How did you figure it out that fast?”
“I can’t remember the last time you got some pussy, but you go see that damn girl in the Blackmoor’s library every fucking day.” He took a step closer. “You’re going to piss off Rose. Where will that leave us?”
I didn’t have an answer to that question. My normally strategic thought patterns had locked into a formation that refused to do anything but spiral around Gretchen. How beautiful and grown-up she was… How had I not noticed that until just now? How I wanted to flay any man who dared lay a hand on her.
My entire existence centered on spending time with her or taking care of the town or doing something Rose needed done. Somehow she had become more. More than just the girl I told about history. More than the girl I read books to.
So much more.
“I can’t stop thinking about her. Since I left the library today, she’s been on a loop in my brain.”
“Why today? What changed?”
“There were people talking about her. About how she was going to have to pick a man for the joining this weekend. They were mad that she’d been avoiding it.” I glanced up at Jared, hoping to hear the advice I wanted instead of the advice I needed.
“Why would she avoid her destiny? Is she interested in you?” He stalked closer. “Have you already taken her?”
I snarled again. “I’ve done nothing. I just realized I didn’t want her to choose another and… I don’t know what to do next.”
“Nothing, brother.” He stepped closer and laid a gloved hand on my shoulder. “You can’t act on this. They are the Sisters. We protect them, not fuck them, and think about it, she’s human-ish. Even if you were granted permission to be with her, she’d grow old and die in a few short decades. Why put yourself through that?”
“She would be worth… she is worth every moment.” The last fifteen years were fleeting in comparison to the life I’d already lived, but it didn’t matter. Even if I only got another fifteen, I’d still show up every day to be with her.
“But you can’t go against Rose. This would break the very foundation of the trust she’s put into you. If she came at you, I’d fight. You know that. If she told you to leave, I’d leave with you.”
“I know.”
We’d been together since escaping the Veil. Our friendship had been forged in fire and steel and pain thousands of years ago. Like many others, we’d gone through the portal. But unlike the hundreds who’d crossed that day for the last time, we knew our families were dead, burned alive by Incanti fire. Their screams would forever haunt my sleep the same as they haunted Jared’s. Both our families had served the Blackmoor royal line for generations. Once we’d heard Miles and Eli Blackmoor lived and served a Lamassu, we’d sought out Rose and joined.
“Do you feel something for her?” The tone of his voice was hesitant, but hopeful.
“It came on so slowly, I didn’t notice it, but, yes, I do feel for her. My beast desires her as much as the rest of me. I don’t understand why I snapped today.”
“You don’t think it was overhearing that men were coming to fuck and impregnate her?” His words sliced through my heart like one of the old broadswords on the wall of our workout space, filled with anger and power and chastising all in the same breath.
“Watch your tongue.”
“I’m just being realistic.”
“You’re just pissed about—”
“Don’t go there.” His friend’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not even close to the same.”
I opened my mouth to take another jab, but held it back. Just because I was in pain didn’t mean my best friend—my brother—deserved to feel my wrath.
“Rose would never allow it. I know, you don’t have to tell me,” he said, his tone falling with each word, the finality of his de
feat making my own situation appear even more hopeless.
I wanted to tell him he’d have a chance when all this fucked up shit between Xerxes and Rose was over. I wanted to assure myself we’d both have a chance, but my fatalistic realism knew better “Sorry, bro.”
Nothing would ever end between those two Lamassu. They were two equal gods on Earth, fighting their righteous war. They’d been at a stalemate for centuries. Rose had us and the dragons and so many Others on her side. Xerxes had Djinn and the Lycans who felt the need for revenge against humans. We would all die eventually and probably tear this planet apart in the process. Unless we could get home. Unless Rose could deliver on the promise of the House of Lamidae—a way to open the portal without one of the dagger keys.
Not many large packs remained outside of the Texas Republic, but those that still functioned with an alpha pair were secretive and kept to themselves. Revenge or vengeance or whatever the traitors working with Xerxes felt they deserved was not the common view for the warrior-like race of wolf shifters.
The Djinn were beings humans would describe as similar to a genie. The lavender-eyed deceivers were an entirely different can of fucked-up-paranormal-vengeance-on-a-rampage. They hated Xerxes for enslaving them and Rose because she boxed thousands, possibly more over the centuries, locking them away like trinkets in her underground vault. Never to be seen or heard from again.
But my problem concerned none of them. My problem was a little girl who’d grown into a twenty-seven-year-old woman, and I hadn’t even noticed it happen. But now that I had…I couldn’t take back the realization that I did indeed want Gretchen of the House Lamidae so fucking much it hurt.
“We’re a couple of lost causes,” Jared said, waving me toward the back door. “I’m going to go grab a shower. See you at Rose’s tomorrow for lunch. I think we could use some pixie-dust-infused comfort food.”
“They don’t put actual pixie dust in the food. The pixies don’t even cook. The brownies do all the cooking.”
“Do you have to be so literal?” He shook his head, disbelief flowing from him like a waterfall. “The pixies grow ninety percent of what we eat. From their magick,” he said, emphasizing the last sentence. Did he imagine my skull too thick to absorb his meaning?
Sanctuary, Texas Complete Series Box Set Page 97