“But she had help.”
“He's in jail. Don't worry.”
“I'm so sorry,” I mumble.
“Whatever for?” She scoots in closer to me and pushes my hair back. “What do you think you need to be sorry about?”
“All of this is my fault. I was always Peyton's trigger.”
“Lola, that's not true.”
“You really haven't heard, have you?”
“Heard what?”
“It's more than me being with Dean, Mom. I haven't been completely honest with you.”
She gives me a half worried laugh. “Whatever are you talking about?”
“My adoption.” I take a deep breath, and then release out the overly powerful burning words from in my chest. “Peyton is my biological mother.”
“No!” I swear the gasp that escapes her mouth is heard down all the way on the maternity ward.
“No. There's no way.” She shakes her head.
“Way…”
“How did you discover that? I'm pretty sure I hid the birth certificate from you. The girl who ran off was unstable from what the doctor had told me. I didn't want you to find her.”
“I wish you’d said that sooner.”
But who knows if it would've all happened anyway? They lived across the street, they were still my teachers.
“I found it in a safe and made a copy of it. When I found out it was Peyton, I did everything I could to try and get to know her. I should've told you when I found out but I didn't want to ever upset you. To me, you were still my only mom, the one who raised me. Loves me. I'm so sorry, Mom.”
“Oh, sweetie. None of that.” She pulls me into a hug, mindful of my side. “You've always been curious. I should've been more open to you when you asked. Now that explains why you think Dean would be upset…”
I nod and the tears well in my eyes. “I was so stupid…” I think back to what happened at the house, and as I say it out loud, I realize my mistakes, but there is no going back now. “The thing is, I was going to tell him. It's why you and Jazz were watching GG. So, I could have the alone time. If he freaked out, he wouldn’t upset her. I didn't expect him to take it well. How could he? Then to find out from Peyton…I can only imagine what's going through his head. I bet he does hate me.”
“He doesn't.”
“You don't know that. I understand he needs to be there for Georgia. But there's also something inside me that feels so empty even though you say he's been here. I need him, Mom. I hate this feeling that I’m going to lose him. If I told him from the beginning, I would’ve never had him, so can I really regret it? But then the last thing I ever want to do is hurt him. I love him.”
“I know, sweetie. It’s a huge thing he needs to wrap his head around. I need to wrap my head around it.” She cups my face and brushes the tears away with her thumb. “But if he’s one of the good guys, he’ll hear you out. You just need to be prepared to give him time too if he needs it. Now, I know you just woke up, but you still need to rest. You had major surgery.”
“I don’t know if I can. Not till I talk to Dean.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
DEAN
I've been pacing the door of room 1223 for fifteen minutes, debating if I want to go inside and see Lola. The thing is, I didn't know what I want to say yet.
Though there is so much to say.
The guard standing watch at her door is eyeing me intently but hasn't said a word. He knows who I am and that I belong here, so I'm sure he knows I'm stressed under the circumstances.
But I wonder if he knows how crazy this whole mixed-up situation really is.
This is internet clickbait crazy.
Georgia is staying with my best friend, Andrew, and his wife, Sandra. Adam also promised to come and hang out with her, so she will be preoccupied.
I haven't been able to explain this whole thing to her. She knows something is going on. Our home is now a crime scene. She saw the ambulances take out both Lola and her mother. I didn't know how to tell her that her mother hurt and attacked Lola and she possibly isn’t going to see her again. The words lodged in my throat and twisted in my stomach till I got sick.
Instead, my little preceptive daughter seemed to know I couldn't explain and kissed my cheek and told me ‘everything will be okay, Daddy.’ She then gave me the piece of the moon from the locket Lola gave her and told me to give it her.
“So we can be together even though we're apart right now,” she said shoving the gem in my hand.
The whole experience still feels as if I was out of my body for the entire thing.
Peyton had sent me a text to meet her at my house, saying she had something for me. I tried calling Lola, and when I got no answer, I grew concerned, and when I got to the house and saw Peyton's car in the driveway, I called the cops.
I was done with the intrusions and stalking.
I should've waited for the cops. I figured maybe there had been a cat fight going on and I could break up whatever was going on before either one was hurt. Never in a thousand years did I expect to walk in on Peyton holding a knife to Lola's side.
But maybe I should've with how insane she's been.
And I didn’t expect a Jason Momoa wannabe to also be there to hold me back.
The image of Peyton jabbing that knife into Lola’s side plays on constant reply in my mind; Lola's eyes going so wide in fear and in pain, the whimper she made...and the blood when Peyton pulled the knife out.
I tried everything to get out of that damn asshole’s hold. Peyton started ranting and raving and kicking her. I don’t know how many times I begged her to stop, till she finally did.
My eyes never left Lola’s as she begged for her life and for our baby's life. Promising she would go, but I knew in a thousand years I would never let that happen.
Peyton, I think did too.
Then Lola passed out from the pain. I thought I was going to lose her.
“Lola?” Oh god. The blood pools around her, her hands still wrapped around her stomach.
She tried to protect our baby.
There's a loud bang on the door, the cops announcing themselves.
“Fuck,” Peyton yells and pulls on her hair. “No. No. This isn't how it works.” She looks at me, her eyes...blank.
There's no one home. I don't think I've been more freaked out in my whole life.
“Peyton. Drop the knife. Please.”
“She was a mistake. She’s nothing but a mistake. She needs to go! She needs to go!” Peyton rants and looks back at Lola's unmoving body. Her hand with the knife raises towards Lola's body, ready to stab her.
“Get down on the ground…”
The giant buffoon releases me, just as the cops come charging in. There's no thinking as I charge towards Peyton and knock her down. The knife falls to the ground. She's screaming like a banshee, and I roll on top of her holding her shoulders down.
“Peyton. Stop! You need to stop,” I bark, and she tries to spit at me. I have never been more tempted to hit a woman, then I am now.
“She had to go…” she mutters through her evil breath. My hand raises to hit her, but I'm grabbed forcefully by my shoulders and pulled off the demon possessing my ex-wife.
“Sir, sir. You need to get off her.” I shake myself out of the cops hold, holding my hands up. “Let us handle it.”
It takes three cops to get Peyton to her feet. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot EMTs rushing for Lola.
“Please take care of her. She's pregnant.”
I can't remember the last time I cried, but watching the EMTs working on her, seeing all the blood surrounding her body. Have I lost her?
After they wheeled Lola into the ambulance, and I had been left alone to talk to a detective, the weight of Lola's secrets piles on my shoulders. The shock, I think, outweighs all the pain. I feel betrayed. And I can’t get past wondering if I had been used as well.
I have so many questions, but I’m not ready to face reality. And I’m here because I
can’t say I’m not worried about her.
“Dean, you're here,” Kiki says, placing a hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of the flashbacks of yesterday.
“Yeah, how is she?”
“She woke up a couple of hours ago, but the nurse gave her a light sedative so she could get some rest and to get her pressure back down. She was getting a little worked up over everything, and I didn't think she would’ve rested till she saw you. So, I'm glad you're here.”
“Is the sedative okay to give her with the…” I point to my stomach and shift uncomfortably on my feet. I have no idea if the baby is okay. It’s news I’m not sure I’m ready to hear in fear of the worst. Another reason I avoided Lola's room.
I have been selfish, but if something happened because I didn't fight harder to protect them, it might kill me.
“For the baby?” I nod. “Yes, it's fine. The baby is fine, as well.” I let out a deep, strangled breath and push my hands through my hair.
Thank fucking God.
“Good. Good,” I mutter, feeling some of the weight lift off my chest.
“Are you going to go in? I was thinking of going home, picking up some things for Lola and also getting changed real quick. I never had the chance to yesterday before...well, you know.”
I give her a weak smile, and quickly realize she is dressed in her scrubs from yesterday. She had been watching Georgia with Jasmine straight from getting off work.
“Um, I don't—” I rub the back of my neck and look towards the room.
“Dean, do you love her?” Kiki asks me firmly, narrowing her eyes at me and I look anywhere but at her.
“She's my…” I let the rest of the words hang, unable to finish the sentence.
“That's not what I was asking you,” Kiki bites out harshly and pokes me in the chest. “I asked if you love her.”
I love Lola Anderson more than anything. Even after the confession of a lifetime. My forbidden little goddess is even more so. I used to think how hot it was that I had been dating my teenage babysitter, but now I have forbidden in spades and I’m not sure if I can handle it.
“I do. I just don't know how to deal with all this. She hid this from me. Didn’t trust me enough. My mind is a mess. She's my soon to be ex-wife's daughter. Like if I didn’t have enough of a conundrum with the list of taboo I have with Lola already, step-daughter wasn’t one I really wanted to add to it. Like some men might think it’s hot. I don’t know, but it’s not my thing. Like do you really understand how confused I am? I do love her, but this is all sorts of nuts.”
“I get the whole thing is overwhelming, Dean. But she told me that she wanted to tell you. She said she had planned to before Peyton came in.”
“She should've told me before!” I cut her off.
“Before when?”
I tilt my head. She knows when. Before I fell in love with her. Hell, before we hired her to watch Georgia. “I don't know, but I had the right to know.”
“I didn't even know.” She throws her hands up, exasperated. “And I'm her mom. You need to talk to her about it. Get her side. No matter what you decide, you two will have a child together.”
“I know. I know.”
“Also, one last thing, Dean.”
“Yeah?”
“I'm her mother. Not Peyton. I might not be perfect, but I raised that little girl the best way I knew how. Loved her from the second I saw her tiny little body in that incubator. Lola fought every day since the second she was born. When I found out about Lola’s condition, I couldn't believe it. She thinks she was in the NICU because Peyton's meds caused her prematurity issues. It was because Peyton pumped herself so full of meds in the month before. Lola was basically a drug baby, had bad withdrawals, couldn't breathe on her own. She really wasn't going to make it, Dean. Now she's been attacked by the woman who in a normal world is supposed to love her unconditionally. I don't know if you believe in it, but it was fate that brought you two together. Think about it…what are the chances you'd live across the street? That she'd find you, someone that could love her? That she’d find a second family, even after Peyton left her for dead? And let’s not forget your luck for her father being away this whole time, so he didn't kill you cause you’re with his little girl?”
I chuckle for the first time today. “I guess you have a point there. Franco, I'm sure will have my head when he comes back.”
The man hates me for some reason, and now I’ve given him about another sixty reasons why.
“I understand with all the craziness that Peyton has given you, and it's now with her...” she leaves the word hanging. “It’s all a bit unconventional, but don't give up if you truly love her. She came into your life for a reason…like I said its fate...destiny...whatever you want to call it. Follow your heart and forget everything else, even just for a little bit.”
I listen to Kiki's advice and follow my heart, which places me in an ugly blue and white faded chair across from Lola's bed. She is still passed out, so I watch her sleep, as her chest rises, and falls, and the heart monitor beeps behind her.
Considering everything, she looked peaceful.
The last twenty-four hours have been a mind fuck. I keep hoping I'm going to wake up from this dream and I'll be back home with Lola in my arms, safe. Georgia will be tucked in her bed across the hall from us. And finally, Peyton isn’t institutionalized and she’s back at her house… ignoring me and on her meds.
“Dean, you're here.” Lola's soft angelic voice breaks through the silence of the room. The surprise in her voice is evident, no matter how small it is.
“That I am.” I give her a weak smile and don't move from my chair. “How are you feeling?”
She shrugs and adjusts the bed to sit up. “Fine. Sore. You?”
“I'm alright.”
Her chin drops to her chest as she stares at her hands and we fall into an uncomfortable silence. I don't think it's something that has ever happened between us.
“I know you're lying. You're not ‘alright,’” she mumbles, not looking up at me. I grin. She does know me so well. “If you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to.”
“I do,” I answer quickly. “Lo, there’s so much to say, and I don’t know where to start.” We both fall silent again, and she stares at me with her large glossy chestnut eyes.
The ones I found so similar to Peyton’s, but as I look at her and get down to the depth of them, I see a world of difference between them. There’s life and a happy spirit even behind the worry and fear. The sweetness and innocence she always had. Not to mention their beauty. Beauty I couldn’t find in Peyton’s because they always lacked life…a soul. She’s still my Lola. The girl I fell deeply in love with ten months ago.
I believe my biggest worry is since she’s Peyton’s daughter will she have the same issues. Will she one day go insane and leave me too? I have hundreds of questions—none of which can be answered.
Then I have to remember Georgia is Peyton’s too. Though she is my daughter, I’m going to love her no matter what genetic make-up her mom gave her. As for Lola, I have to do the same; love her for who she is and how she makes me feel. She’s proven to me over and over again that she’s nothing like Peyton. And that is going to have to be enough.
Because life isn’t worth living when you’re always worried about the what ifs.
“Can you tell me how GG is at least? I'm sure this has been crazy for her,” she asks breaking the silence and my pondering thoughts.
“Georgia is fine as she can be.”
She blows out a puff of air and shakes her head. She brings the thin hospital blanket up to her neck. “I'm sorry, so sorry.” The words come out just above a whisper, but I catch them.
My already mangled heart twists when I see the tears fall down her face. I hate seeing her cry. I've only seen her do it a handful of times since I've known her, and it kills me every time.
I can’t shut her out when she needs me the most.
I'm quick to my feet and at her sid
e in a second, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. My lips brush along her forehead as she wipes away her fallen tears with the back of her hand.
“She misses you. You were her first thought when I saw her.” Lola looks up at me and gives me a tiny crack of a smile. “Actually, she wanted me to give you this.” From my side pocket, I pull out the half moon charm.
Lola takes the charm from my hand and puts it to her chest, over her heart. “She's going to hate me.”
“She's not going to hate you.”
“She will. If not today, one day, when she figures it all out.”
“That's really not what you need to think about right now. When this settles down a bit, I'm going to get someone she can talk to and figure out how to talk to her about this, but for now, she's dealing with it a lot better than I ever expected. She's been my little rock.” I chuckle lightly and it makes Lola grin.
“Do you hate me?”
“No,” I answer quickly, “I could never hate you. I just wish you told me.”
“I didn't ever want to tell you or anyone. Ever.” She looks down and fiddles with the half moon. “Maybe if Peyton turned out to be the person I had hoped for. Yeah, I possibly would’ve said something, but then everything would be different wouldn't it?”
Yeah, it most certainly would've been.
“It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant that I figured I should tell you. That keeping it to myself was only going to make me crazy and turn me into Peyton.” She chuckles softly, but I don't laugh. “Sorry…”
“It's okay, go on.”
“I wish I didn't tell Peyton. But I was hoping if she knew, she wouldn't want to hurt me and-or it would just make her malfunction and I could get away. It didn't work, because she really hated me. I knew she came to hurt me, but I think I only made it worse.”
“This wasn't some sort of revenge?”
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