Just Breathe

by Célia Pereira

  “I’m…your daughter. How could you want me dead?” I whisper out between small coughs of blood. I don’t know why I ask him that. Maybe, deep down, the little girl in me has always wanted to know why I wasn’t enough for him anymore.

  “You are nothing to me! You killed the love of my life!” he roars in my face and shoves me back down again, making me hit my head on the floor.

  With all of his shoving, he’s placed me right in front of the coffee table. I spit out more blood and pray to my mom that I don’t blackout from this excruciating pain and that I can reach that vase and have enough strength to use it on him.

  “You’ve ruined everything for me! They’re coming for me and they will kill me. All because of you! But if I’m going to die, you’re going to die, too!”

  I manage to reach the vase and get to my knees, but I get shoved from behind and go tumbling forward, bringing the vase with me. I vaguely see it rolling, empty, under the table toward the couch. A sharp pain spreads inside me as I land on the floor. He drags me from the living area but not before landing yet another kick to my side.

  “I’m ending you tonight, Bailey! I should have done it a long time ago!” He crawls on top of me, shouting in my face.

  A lot of what he’s saying sounds muffled and the pain that’s shooting inside of me doesn’t allow me to focus. Something cold wraps around my neck, a tightness spreading that prevents my ragged breathing. Moving my hands up, I frantically fight to remove the tightness.

  Fight, Bailey! Fight for Logan.

  I try once more to grip my hands around the tightness and shove it off me, but darkness seeps in and a peaceful quiet descends upon me.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Logan

  As I reach for the orange juice, I also see the BBQ sauce and take it. I love BBQ ribs. It’s the bestest, okay, it’s the third bestest, after Gavin’s lasagna and Mom’s mac and cheese. I hope Gavin comes back. I know my mom really likes him and he makes her smile a lot. She has a really pretty smile. I’m going to set the table for her. She always smiles at me when I help her out. I try to carry the orange juice, the BBQ sauce, and some napkins when I hear my mom call out my name.

  “Logan.”

  She never calls my name unless she needs to tell me something important or…he’s found us. I put everything on the counter and search for the smallest place to hide, just like we talked about. I open the cabinet door under the sink and see some boxes Mom kept from our move. I push them aside, close the door behind me, and crawl inside to the very back. Once I’m as far as I can go, I place the boxes one on top of the other, shielding me.

  Mom says I have to be very quiet, that even my breathing needs to be quiet, so I cover my mouth with my hands. I can’t make a sound or he’ll hurt her even worse. I can hear him yelling at her, and I hear Mom’s cries, which makes me cry, too. Why does he have to hurt her so bad? She’s the nicest and doesn’t hurt anybody.

  I wish I was big and strong, like Gavin or Hunter, then I could protect her and never let anyone hurt her again. I wish Gavin were here.

  I’ve been here forever and Mom still hasn’t come to get me. What if she can’t move? What if she needs my help? What if he killed her this time, and I’m hiding when I could have gone for help? I can make a run for the front door and go to Gavin’s for help. I know he’ll help us. He has to.

  I move the boxes slowly and take lots of quiet breaths while trying to hear if anyone is in the kitchen. I don’t hear anything except for him saying something about Mom dying. No! I won’t let him.

  I open the door quietly and look around before stepping out. No one is in the kitchen. I crawl on my hands and knees so he can’t spot me and make my way to the front door where I hear Zeus barking like crazy. I rush to the door and swing it open and Zeus comes flying inside. Gavin, Hunter, and a policeman coming running in right after.

  “Logan!” Hunter spots me and reaches down to pick me up. They’re here to save us! I look for my mom and find her lying on the floor, just a little way from the front door. She’s not moving.

  “Mom!” I try to get to her but Hunter won’t put me down. “I need my mom!”

  “You can’t go to her, bud. She’s going to the hospital to get help, okay? We’ll go in my Jeep and meet her there.”

  Hunter holds me tighter and walks out to the hallway, but all I want is my mom.

  All these people show up, and I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know what they’re saying.

  After forever, they wheel Mom out on some bed, and she has all these tubes in her nose and chest.

  Now I know why she always wanted me to hide. Why she never wanted me to get in the way. I can’t make out her face; there’s all this blood covering it. I’m so scared…

  “Mom!”

  I try and reach for her, but I can’t touch her.

  Please, don’t die, Mom! Don’t leave me!

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Gavin

  I can’t tell you how I made it back to the apartment. Everything was a blur around me; my only focus is getting to Bailey and Logan. I can't remember if I turn off the truck. I swing the door open and Zeus speeds right out of the driver’s side. I run as fast as I can and swing the lobby door open. Zeus is like lightning, bounding up the flight of stairs to get to Bailey’s.

  When I make it into the apartment, Zeus is already biting into some man’s leg and dragging him away from where Bailey lies lifeless on the ground. It’s as if everything happens in slow motion. I hear the pounding of my heart as if on surround sound and the blood rushing in my ears. My feet move, but it’s as if I’m stuck in the same spot. I drop to my knees and reach for her, but I’m frightened to touch her.

  “Fuck!” I roar out the anguish I feel looking down at her. That fucker! What did he do to her?

  “Bailey!” I call out to her as I notice one of her eyes flutter open or tries to at least. Her right eye is swollen shut and there’s a big gash just above it. Her face is covered in blood, swelling up, and already turning a very dark purple and blue shade. She tries to move, ever so slightly, but her movements are so weak, and from the soft cry she lets out, she is in some excruciating pain. I notice her one eye begins to close again. No!

  “Bailey, you just stay with me, okay! Don’t you dare close your eyes!” I’m shouting, but I don’t know how to help her. I want to pick her up but I don’t know the extent of her injuries. I look back to the front door to see Uncle Marcus rushing inside, and that’s when I notice Hunter taking Logan into the hallway. Fuck!

  “Lo—Logan.” I look back down and see she’s struggling to stay awake long enough to hear the answer.

  “I have him. He’s safe. Just stay awake. Please!”

  Thankfully, the paramedics arrive and I’m pushed aside so they can get to her. I hear Logan screaming for his mom, and Zeus trying to be restrained by the cops so they can take that piece of shit, excuse of a human away.

  “Gavin!” Uncle Marcus shakes me some to get my attention. “You got to get Zeus and meet us at the hospital. Now!”

  I nod my head in agreement and call out for Zeus. He’s hesitant at first but does come to my side, we make our way out into the hallway, and I reach for Logan. He comes willingly into my arms and wraps himself around me like a koala, sobbing into my neck.

  “I want my mom, Gavin,” he cries. I should have never left them.

  “I know, buddy, but the doctors are gonna take real good care of her. Let’s get going so we get there at the same time as she does.” He just nods his head but doesn’t look up from my neck.

  I notice Ash isn’t here, and as if Hunter can read my mind, he answers,

  “She’s in the car. I didn’t know what we would be walking into, so I had her keep the car running just in case. We’ll meet you at the hospital.” Hunter squeezes my shoulder before we make our way out.

  ~

  It’s been four hours since we’ve arrived at the hospital, and no one has been able to tell me anything about how Ba
iley’s doing. All I know is that she had to undergo emergency surgery. That was three and a half hours ago. Logan passed out in my lap about an hour after we arrived. Poor kid. He was terrified when he heard that his mom had to undergo surgery. Yes, Bailey is his mom. She’s the one who has raised him and protected him with her life. Her life. Child Protective Services was notified of the situation. The moment the lady said she’d take him until Bailey was released from the hospital, Logan lost it and clung to me for dear life, begging me not to let her take him. I pleaded with her to grant me temporary guardianship since I was his mother’s boyfriend, and she could clearly see we had a relationship. She was polite and clearly didn't want to cause Logan any more distress but asked if I was able to provide a safe home until Bailey was admitted. I couldn’t lie, since I wasn’t planning on leaving the hospital until Bailey was released. Thankfully, Ashton and Hunter jumped in and agreed to take him and would be able to provide a safe environment for him. With some pleading, and a personal vouch from Uncle Marcus, she granted Ashton temporary custody. After all that, his adrenaline had worn out, and he crashed. Zeus is half lying on my lap with the rest of his body on the seat next to me. He growled once the nursing staff tried to have him leave when he wouldn’t leave Logan’s side. Thankfully, they took pity on Logan who all about cried and held onto Zeus for dear life. Every so often, he looks up at me and lets out a soft cry. He is suffering all over again, just like me. It looks like fate has a grudge against us.

  “You want me to take him for a bit?” Hunter whispers from a couple of seats down from us. Ash is next to him. She hasn’t said much; it looks like she is still in shock.

  “Nah, I don’t want to wake him.” I tighten my hold on Logan just a little and breathe his scent in.

  She’s gonna be okay. She has to. She wouldn’t leave him.

  “Family of Bailey Peterson?” Dr. Evans calls out into the waiting area. Dr. Evans is a long-time doctor in this town. He is in his late sixties and one of the best ER doctors we have. Zeus gets up as I lift Logan in my arms and go up to speak with him.

  “How is she?”

  He looks at Logan and gives a soft smile that makes his wrinkles more pronounced around his lips and cheeks. “Why don’t you hand him over to your friend and we can talk in the empty room just to your left.” He smiles once more and makes his way to the room.

  “Here, I got him.” Hunter takes Logan from me then Zeus and I follow behind Dr. Evans.

  “I heard Zeus was the first on the scene.” Dr. Evans tries to make light conversation but that just irritates me.

  “Tell me what’s going on with Bailey, Doc. Just give it to me straight, please,” I practically beg him. I just need him to tell me she is alive and will be okay.

  “Gavin, we had to put her in an induced coma.”

  “What does that mean? Will she wake up?” I ask, choking down the emotion that has been threatening to break free ever since I found her half-dead in her apartment.

  “She will. When Bailey was brought in, our first examination revealed she had severe contusions and bruising, lacerations, a couple of broken ribs, and a third-degree concussion. Upon further tests and examination, we determined Bailey was suffering from severe internal bleeding and possible brain trauma. Once I finished examining her, I had my team prep the operating room so we could bring her up for surgery. I was able to stop the internal bleeding and checked for any severe damage to any of her organs. As of right now, her kidneys are a bit banged up, but with a little medication and some follow-up visits with a specialist, she should be good as new. She has two broken ribs that appeared to have been broken before, so she may struggle with that, fortunately they didn’t puncture her lungs. She also has a fractured cheekbone, seven stitches on the top left side of her head and five stitches on her bottom lip.”

  He stops for a brief moment. There’s so much he’s said, and so much I want to ask, but I don’t know where to start. Everything just sounds so bad, and from the look on his face, he saved the bomb for last.

  “She has large strangulation marks around her neck, Gavin. The lack of oxygen, combined with the severe head trauma, caused swelling in the brain. For her to heal safely, I placed her in an induced coma. We should start to see the swelling go down in the next few days, then we can begin to slowly ease her awake. In the meantime, she will stay in the ICU for us to monitor her.” Dr. Evans leans his elbows on his knees and waits for me to process the information.

  “I don’t know what to say to any of that.” I breathe out in frustration and Zeus whines next to me.

  “I understand this is a difficult and scary time. My team and I are here to ensure that Bailey will recover quickly and safely. With time and a lot of rest, I am confident she will recover. Any questions you may have, my staff can help you, and I’ll be in constantly to check on her over the next few days.” He stands and I do the same. We shake hands and head back to the waiting room.

  “Can I see her? Please?” I ask before he’s left the waiting room. I don’t recognize my own voice. It sounds detached from myself, and the doctor seems to take pity on me.

  “You can visit her, but no longer than five minutes. She needs her rest tonight. I’ll have a nurse come and get you once we’ve settled her in.”

  “Thank you.” I rush out before he can disappear behind the swinging doors. “Thank you for saving her.”

  He steps closer to me and says, “Zeus saved her. I just did what I do best and patched her up. You take care of her and that dog of yours, too.” He smiles and pushes through the swinging doors.

  “You saved her, bud. You saved her.” I rub him good and then hug him tight. “She’s gonna pull through. She has to,” I say into his fur, and he lets out a soft cry.

  “Hey, what did the doctor say?” Hunter whispers, so as not to wake a still sleeping Logan in his arms.

  I fill Hunter and Ash in on all her injuries, including her being put into a coma. “Everything he said sounds horrible, but he’s confident she’ll recover and be as good as new.” I hang my head and just wish I could make this nightmare go away.

  You should have never left her. You should have let her explain! I get up abruptly and refrain from screaming out my agony.

  “Hey, if the doctor said that she’s gonna be okay, then she is. Doctors don’t say they’re confident if they doubt the situation. Bailey has a lot to fight for, and she’s not someone to give up that easily. She’ll pull through.” Hunter gently places Logan in Ash’s arms and grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him.

  “She’s gonna need you. Logan is gonna need you. You hear me?” He gives me a shake.

  “I fucked up. I should have let her explain instead of believing that piece of shit I found.”

  At those words, he brings me in for a fierce hug. I feel my tears soaking his t-shirt and the agony in my chest suffocating me.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Gavin

  It’s about another fifteen minutes before the nurse comes to get me so I can go and see Bailey.

  “Mr. McKnight? I can bring you back now.” She stands in front of us, waiting for me to follow. I don’t know what to do since I have Logan sleeping in my arms. There’s no way I’m leaving him. As if he senses my distress, he stirs, his eyes fluttering open and locking with mine.

  “Hey, bud,” I whisper to him as he sits up in my lap.

  “Is Mom awake yet?” he says groggily while rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

  How am I going to explain this to him? Bailey would have known what to say. You have to be the man she needs and take care of that kid now. You don’t have time to cry about what to do. Just do it. Standing up, I place him back on the seat and kneel in front of him so he doesn’t have to look up at me.

  “Mom’s still sleeping, bud. The doctor says she needs to sleep a lot so she can get better real fast, okay?” I smile reassuringly, and hope to whoever is listening that it’s convincing enough, because Lord knows I’m fucking dying on the inside.

/>   “Can I see her?” he whispers, almost as if he’s terrified of hearing the answer.

  Fuck! I look back up at the nurse and she smiles down at me with a slight nod. Thank fuck for small graces.

  “All right, bud. This nice nurse is gonna bring us to your mom’s room so we can visit, just for a little bit. We won’t be able to stay long because she needs her rest, okay?” He nods his head but without a smile. I would give anything to see his big bright smile lighting up his face and to hear his loud laugh. We stand, and just before we head toward the doors, I feel his tiny hand slip into mine. I look down at him, and right there, at that moment, I give my heart to him and vow to protect him with everything in me. I scoop him up, and he wraps his arms around my neck, laying his head on my shoulder. Just as we make it to the swinging doors, Zeus lets out a bark. I look back and see him standing next to Hunter and Ash, wagging his tail anxiously. Fuck, boy, I can’t bring you in too, I plead with my eyes to him.

  “I’m sorry, but since she’s in ICU, we can’t allow pets. We’re already stretching having him here. I’m sorry. I can see if we can work something out once she’s moved out of ICU to have him visit for a little while,” the nurse offers gently.

  “I’m sorry, boy.” Zeus barks and lets out a soft cry before lying back down while we make our way through the swing doors.

  I’m trying my fucking hardest to control my emotions, but I have no idea what state I’m going to find Bailey in and how Logan is going to react to seeing her. I’m holding on by a thin fucking thread, but I know I can’t let it break in front of him. I need to be strong for him. For Bailey. We pass about five rooms after the nurses’ station before the nurse stops in front of a door.