“All right, I can allow you to visit with her for about five minutes. Dr. Evans wants her to rest without disruptions as much as possible. We ask you not to kiss her face as she’s very bruised, and she also has a fair number of tubes and wires hooked up to her,” she explains and rubs Logan’s back, giving him a small smile.
“She’s pretty banged up, but know that she is stable and the morphine is keeping the pain at bay. She is resting comfortably for the moment and we intend to keep it that way. I’ll be at the nurses’ station if you need me.” She smiles once again and then opens Bailey’s door for us. I thank her and walk in with Logan. Once inside, the atmosphere changes completely. It’s dead silent, except for the loud beeping of the monitors. I hate that sound, but at the same time am grateful for it as it is the only thing telling me Bailey is still fighting. It smells of pure sterilization supplies and it’s cold. Cold and isolated. Logan wiggles, indicating he wants to get down. I place him on his feet and watch him assess his mom.
He takes two big, deep breaths, and then, like the little man he is, walks over to his mom. He pulls up the chair that’s close to the window and drags it closer to the bed. He settles himself in it, and then reaches up with his hand and grasps Bailey’s fingers. Everything is blurry, as the tears flow freely down my face.
“Mom? I’m here, okay? I’m okay, you can wake up now. I need you to wake up,” he whispers into the cold room between soft sobs.
Fuck! He’s only six! He shouldn’t have to deal with this! Bailey shouldn’t have to deal with this!
“I should have gone for help. I should have protected you…” He sobs, and that’s my undoing. I wipe my tears away and go to him. Picking him up, I sit in the chair and place him on my lap.
“Hey, bud. Don’t you say any of that, okay?” I rub his back as he quietly cries into my chest.
“You did exactly what you were supposed to do. Your mom and I would never want you to get caught in the middle of something so dangerous,” I whisper into his soft hair.
“I just wish I was big and strong like you, or Hunter, so I could protect her. I don’t want my mom to get hurt anymore. I don’t want her to die, Gavin. If my mom dies, I have no one.”
Fuck, this kid has no idea how much he is stabbing me in the heart with his words. I hug him tighter and take several breaths before I say anything.
“Listen to me, Logan.” I place my fingers under his chin and make him look at me. His green eyes are red and swollen from crying. I will do everything in my power to never see him like this again.
“Your mom isn’t going to die, okay? The doctors are sure that she is going to be okay. You know how tough and strong your mom is. She’s not gonna give up, and she wouldn’t want you to give up on her either. She just needs to rest so her body can heal, and then she will wake up, and we can take her home, where you and I are gonna take real good care of her, all right?” I’m hoping I sound convincing, because from the glimpse I took of her, I’m not so damn sure of anything, except I’m not going anywhere. You’re going to have to fight tooth and nail to prove to her she can trust you. Whatever it takes.
“You mean that? That you and I will take care of Mom? You’re not gonna leave us?” He manages to say all that in one breath.
“I promise I’m not going anywhere. Not even if your mom kicks me out. I’m still gonna be here to protect you both.” I’m granted a soft chuckle and a half-smile. It’s not his usual but it’s definitely a start.
“And Zeus, too, right?” he questions and sits up a little straighter.
“Yeah, bud. Zeus too.” I press a kiss to his forehead and hug him to my chest.
We sit for a few more minutes before the door opens and the nurse walks in. Our time is up. When we return to the waiting room, Logan runs over to Zeus and I make my way to Hunter and Ash.
“Are you spending the night?” Hunter asks, only for me to hear.
“I can’t leave her, man,” I look over at Logan as he rubs Zeus.
“Of course. I’ve already asked Carson and the rest of the gang to help take over or reschedule any of your clients. Don’t worry about anything else. Ash and I got Logan, and I’ll take care of the shop. Just focus on Bailey and keep me posted.”
“Thanks, man. I just…” I don’t even know what to say. This is such a clusterfuck.
“Dude. There’s nothing to say or thank me for. We’re brothers. This is what we do.” He gives me a man hug and slaps my back for good measure.
“My phone is on at all times. Anything changes, you call or text, whatever,” he states firmly. I nod in agreement.
“How is she though?” He leans closer so Logan and Ash don’t hear.
“To be honest, I tried not to look at her, I just couldn’t. I knew if I did I’d break, and Logan doesn’t need to see me like that. It would just scare him more than he already is,” I explain. Hunter just nods.
“We’ll be back in the morning with Logan. Don’t worry about anything. You have my number, use it.”
“Yeah.”
Ash comes over, and Hunter steps back to sit with Logan and Zeus.
“I just want to know one thing, Gavin.” Ash’s voice breaks up a bit.
I nod, unsure what she’s going to ask, but by her tone, I don’t think I’m going to like it.
“What are you gonna do to show her that she can trust you?” She holds my gaze before continuing.
“I know you care about her and Logan but you doubted her and left her in her time of need… Just like that asshole did.” She chokes up, and I know she’s not saying this to be a bitch but just stating the facts and watching out for her best friend. I can’t even be mad. She’s right. I fucked up and I did exactly what that piece of shit did to her all those years ago. I can stand here and tell her all I'm going to do but words are worthless right now. I’ll have to show them.
“I know these are just words but I’m gonna back them up with actions when Bailey wakes up. I’m staying right here to make sure she’s safe and taken care of. That Logan is safe. When she wakes up, I’m gonna do whatever it takes, and I mean whatever it takes, to gain her trust and for her to forgive me.” I try to make my words sound firm, but I know they come out broken from the emotion that is trying to choke me. She gives me a slight smile and nods. She then leans in close and wraps her arms around me.
“When she wakes up she’s going to fight you, Gavin. I know Bailey and the hurt that bled from her when she told me her past and about Frank abandoning her when he did… You’re going to have to show her that you messed up but that it will never happen again. But at the same time, don’t pressure her. It’s not easy to forgive the one you love when they rip your heart out.” At her last words, the tears begin running down her cheeks.
“I will do everything I can think of to show her what she means to me and that this will never happen again. I promise you. And for the record, ever since you left Hunter, it’s killed him that he couldn’t fix what happened between you two. I think it’s about time you two let the past go and move forward. Together.”
She gasps but has no words. I pull her in tighter and let her silently cry before she pulls back and gives me her shy smile that reminds me of when she first started dating Hunter. We move over to where Hunter and Logan are and I kneel in front of him.
“Okay, bud, you’re gonna go spend the night with Hunter, Ash, and Zeus tonight. In the morning, they’ll bring you back here. Sound good?” I ruffle up his hair a bit.
“Are you staying with Mom?” he questions, concern still evident in his voice.
“Yeah, bud. I’m not going anywhere. I promised, remember?”
“Yeah. Gavin?” He pauses for a moment before continuing. “Is my mom safe?” he whispers.
I ball my fists and feel anger rising. Zeus shoves his way between us and lets out a bark. I rub his furry head and whisper in his ear that I’m okay. He knows me well.
“No one is ever going to hurt your mom ever again, Logan. Not her or you. Do you trust me?” I a
sk while holding his gaze.
He thinks this over for only a short moment before answering. “I trust you, Gavin.” He throws his little arms around my neck and hugs me tight.
I love this kid like he is mine. I don’t even know when that happened.
“All right, go on now, and I’ll see you in the morning.” I turn to Zeus and rub his head once more before hugging him.
“You’re on Logan duty from now on, boy. You take good care of him,” I whisper into his ear. He licks my face and then follows closely beside Logan as they make their way out of the hospital doors.
I thought I would have to spend the night in the waiting room, but thankfully, Bailey’s nurse, Susan, took pity on me and allowed me in her room on the condition I don’t disturb Bailey. Being here alone is entirely different than being here with Logan. Everything seems much more amplified. The beeping from the monitor is so loud it seems as if they are attached to speakers, the temperature seems to have dropped to an even more frigid level, and the sterile smell burns my nose.
I reach out, just as Logan did, and grasp Bailey’s hand. This time, I look at her face and examine it. The emotion I was struggling to keep at bay comes rushing out with a ferocity that has the first sob rocking my body.
“I’m so sorry, baby, so fuckin sorry.” Her beautiful cream face is completely swollen and covered in black and blue bruises. Her bottom lip is fat from the swelling and stitches, her right eye is swollen shut, and I doubt, when she does wake up, that she’ll be able to open it. The entire right side of her face is black, must be where the cheekbone is fractured. How could that fucker do this!
“Bailey, please just don’t give up. I can’t…” I gasp for air between sobs as the tears keep rolling down my face. I feel like I’m about to explode.
“Please, just fight, baby. I fucked up. But please…don’t leave Logan or me.” I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t make it. It doesn’t matter that we haven’t been together that long, I’d do anything for this woman. She’s what encourages me to do better each day. She’s the most selfless person I know. I can’t lose her. I just can’t.
“I’m not letting you go. You hear me? I’m fighting for you, so you do the same, baby. Just keep fighting…” I sob into the blanket that’s covering her up and don’t hold back. I let out all the emotion that had been bottled up inside and growing.
I look up to her with my head still lying against her leg and notice the dark purple fingerprints that cover her delicate neck. Motherfucker! I want to roar, but contain myself so I don’t get kicked out. My chest heaves as I try to control my breathing while tears keep rolling down my face.
“Never again, baby. I’ll never let him near you or Logan again.” I break into another sob. I can’t tell you how long I’d been crying until Susan walks back into the room to check on Bailey.
“She’s a fighter, this one. Don’t you worry, handsome, she’s going to pull through. She has a beautiful boy and a handsome fellow to get back to,” she whispers and winks my way.
I do the best I can to clear the emotions still clogged in my throat before answering her. “I fucked up pretty good before…this…” I stammer out.
Susan looks at me a bit confused and then turns back to her notes. “Whatever misunderstanding you two had before, it doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you’re by her side in her time of need and taking care of that precious boy while she can’t. The rest will sort itself out. You’ll see.” She smiles before gathering her things and making her way to the door.
“You’ll have to leave once my shift is over. She needs her rest.”
My chest constricts at the thought of Bailey spending the night alone in this cold, isolated room. “Please…” I beg as I swallow down a sob readying itself to break free.
Susan looks wearily out into the hallway before returning her gaze to me. “As long as you don’t get in the way, I’m sure the other nurse will be okay with you staying. I’ll speak with her before I leave.” She gives me a wink before stepping back into the hallway.
I turn back to Bailey and reach out to play with a few strands of her curls that aren’t caked from the blood.
I reach for her fingertips and squeeze them a little tighter, hoping she knows that I’m here with her and that she’s not alone in this clusterfuck of a mess.
“I’m gonna fix this for you, baby. You’re never gonna have to worry about that piece of shit ever again, and you, Logan, me, and Zeus, we’re gonna make our own family. You just gotta keep fighting, baby. Don’t give up, cause I’m not giving up…” I whisper against her fingertips and let the beeping of her heartbeat lull me to some sort of sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Gavin
The last few days have passed in a blur with a flurry of events. I’ve been staying at the hospital around the clock. Hunter drops off Logan before he goes to the Phoenix to check on things every morning, and Ash picks Logan up after her shift. On the second day of Bailey’s induced coma, I asked Logan how he felt about going to school during the day, and to say the kid was panicked by my question was the fucking understatement of the year. His eyes filled up with tears as he begged me not to send him back before his mom woke up. I reassured him that she would be okay and that he would come back here to visit with her after school, but his response was, “What if she dies and I’m not here? She’ll think I abandoned her.” And after that, I couldn’t care less if he didn’t go back to school for the rest of the year. I just hoped nothing happened while he was at home sleeping.
Uncle Marcus also followed up with me regarding the charges against Frank Silverthorne. As soon as Bailey wakes up and is able to give her statement, he will be charged with attempted murder and, hopefully, sent away to prison for life without possible parole. That’s still too fucking mild for what the bastard has done to her. For what he put her and Logan through. Thankfully, the agent from Child Protective Services who took Logan’s case has been an angel to deal with. She has been pretty lenient with this entire situation and truly cares about what is best for Logan. Thank fuck for small miracles. The last thing we needed to deal with was Logan being placed in temporary foster care. As soon as Bailey opens her pretty eyes and is discharged, she’ll be granted guardianship.
Bailey’s condition has remained stable, and each day the swelling in her brain decreases, which leads us to today, the big day. After four painfully long days, Dr. Evans has finally informed me that the swelling in Bailey’s brain has decreased significantly, so there is no need to keep her comatose, and he has begun the process of waking her up. Now it’s just a waiting game to see how Bailey will do on her own. She’s still in the ICU, but once she wakes up and is given the all clear, she’ll be moved to a regular room where she can have visitors for extended periods. Zeus will be thrilled. Apparently, he’s been pretty miserable, but he’s doing a great job with Logan. Ash will be thrilled as well to be able to spend more time with her bestie. Her words, not mine.
Although everyone has stopped by to check in on Bailey, they can’t stay more than five or so minutes and there can only be one visitor at a time. Momma B came by just this morning, sending love from Mr. Henderson, who will visit once she is out of the ICU. Hunter has stepped up, taking charge of the shop, not that I’m surprised. He did the same thing when Travis died. You may not have a blood-related family who gives a shit about you, but you got a family in the people who have been around you these past days. Isn’t that the truth.
“Is Mom gonna wake up today?” Logan whispers while curled up in my lap. That seems to be his go-to spot when he arrives. To be honest, I hate being away from him. In the last few days, I’ve grown to love this kid as if he were my own. I make sure to call Hunter or Ash to say good night to him every night, and although he comes here every morning, he calls me right when he wakes up to make sure his mom is still okay and to thank me for not leaving her. I just know that whatever happens when Bailey wakes up, I have to be in his life.
“We’re not su
re if it will be today, or tonight, or tomorrow morning. Dr. Evans has already started to lessen her medication, so in a short time, she’ll be able to wake up. But it all depends on Mom right now,” I try and explain to him the best I can. He looks up at me with a stern expression that I didn’t know he could pull off at his age.
“What do you mean? It depends on Mom? Does that mean Mom might not want to wake up?” he asks anxiously.
Oh, shit! How would Bailey explain this to him without freaking him out?
“No, buddy. That’s not it at all. I know Mom is anxious to see you again and make sure you’re okay. Sorry, bud, I guess I’m not explaining this too well.” He looks at me and gives me a half-smile just like his mom does when she’s watching me struggle with something. Damn, I miss that woman.
“Let me try this again. Remember how I said Dr. Evans had to put Mom to sleep for a few days so her body could heal real good?” I wait for him to give me some indication he’s following. He nods his head but doesn’t say anything.
“Dr. Evans checked Mom over earlier this morning and said that her body is healing pretty good, so he removed the medication that has been keeping Mom asleep, and now Mom’s body is working on waking up by herself. The only thing is, Mom is still pretty bruised and she still has two broken ribs, but her body can now do the rest of the healing on its own. Does that sort of make sense to you, bud?” I’m sweating internally, waiting for his response as he sits on my lap, thinking this over.
“I think so. So, Mom can wake up from her sleep like she does when she’s at home, but she’s still gonna need us to take care of her, right?” He looks up at me, and I just smile and ruffle his hair a bit.
“Yeah, bud. Sort of like that.” He settles back into my lap and reaches for his coloring book while I pray to the angel who brought him into this life to bring her daughter back to me.
~
Just Breathe Page 14