by Elisa Leigh
She bumps my elbow a few times to get me to pay attention when the teacher asks questions. Other than that, I'm quiet and replay yesterday over and over again in my head. The way that he talked about why we should be together was cold. I've known him for three days, and he's turned my world on its axis.
I'm not ready to see Bishop at lunch, but I know I need to get it over with. Whatever is going on between us, I know I can’t run from it. After getting our food, Mandy and I sit under the tree where their group of friends meet for lunch each day. I pick at the sandwich in my lap unable to eat it with my stomach tied up in knots.
I care about Bishop more than I'm comfortable admitting. His presence in my life is something I know I can’t give up. In the back of my mind, I know that we belong together. Puzzle pieces don't fit as perfectly as we do. He may have been less than warm when talking about why we should be together. That doesn't mean he isn't feeling the same as I am. All we need to do is get to know each other and things will fall into place. Finally figuring out how I'm feeling about all of this I'm able to think more clearly. I realize that Bishop should have been here by now. I look around for him, wondering what is keeping him.
I see him in the cafeteria with his back to me. Alexis is standing in front of him, and they seem to be in the middle of a discussion. She brushes her hand up his arm and steps closer to him. I see red immediately, wondering why she can’t take the hint. Then Bishop leans down closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. NO, no, no. He said she meant nothing to him. His words mean nothing as I watch in horror. She's smiling, looking at me as she leans in closer to his embrace.
I look away, not able to watch this. Fuck! Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I look over and see Finn staring down at me with pity. This is not what was supposed to happen. It's all wrong. I need to get out of here. My heart is beating erratically in my chest, and my throat is closing. Taking in as much air as I can, I take quick shallow breaths, trying to breathe. The ground reaches for me, but before I hit, I'm in someone’s strong, warm arms.
“Shhh, pretty girl. You don’t let them see you break. You need to be the strong woman we know you are.”
Finn walks to the side of the building and sets me down on my feet. He holds onto my shoulders, firm but gentle. I look up into the eyes of my savior, his non-judgmental eyes capturing mine. He wipes the tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “Dry it up now beautiful girl. We’ve got you.” Lifting his chin, I follow the direction and see Davie holding Mandy back only a few feet away. She looks ready to beat the shit out of someone.
“Wha-”
Finn thumbs my chin back to him, eyes up to his. “Bishop’s a great guy, but if he's messed this thing up with you for that bitch, then he's missing out. There are many guys here who would kill to have a chance with you sweetheart."
Is he saying that he'd want a chance with me? Cupping my cheek, he stares down into my eyes. "A man could lose himself in you, Cara. I'm struggling here. He's my best friend." Finn swipes his thumb across my lip, and as sweet and genuine as his actions are, it's wrong.
I step back from him. "Thank you, Finn."
He smiles at me sadly and shakes his head. “I can't believe it.”
“Huh?”
“It's real. What you and Bishop have is the real deal isn't it?”
“After all that,” I nod toward the cafeteria, “I have no clue.”
He smiles. “Can you do something for me, pretty girl?” When my shoulder meets my ear in a shrug, he whistles low. “Shiiit, he's got a lot of work ahead of him.”
I laugh, I really like Finn. He's funny and genuine, something I haven't had too much of in my life. Honestly, he reminds me a lot of Jasper. He winks at me, and I nod letting him know to go on. “Let him explain before you write him off.”
“It looked to me like Bishop isn't as done with Alexis as he claims to be,” I say as my heart continues to break apart.
“We don’t know what they are talking about. You know you’re his Cara, give him a chance to explain what happened. You owe that to him at least.” Davie implores. I didn't realize he had walked over to us.
I arch an eyebrow at him “Do I? I’ve known him for less than a week. There is way too much happening right now. He seems like a great guy, but-”
Davie interrupts me. “He wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you."
My lips press together. I'm pissed. I don't need to listen to his best friends fight Bishop's battles for him. I turn and walk away.
“I’ll go with you,” Mandy says making her way toward me.
“I’m okay Mandy. I don’t need a babysitter every second. I’m sure you’d like a break from your duties.” I see her stiffen at my words.
“Ahh shit Mandy. I didn’t mean it. I’m all screwed up right now.”
She hugs me close, and I wrap my arms around her back resting my head on her shoulder. “I got you Care Bear. He might be my boss, but you’re my soul sister. You come first. Got me?” I nod and release her. “Now let’s get out of here.”
I smile at my best friend. We may have just met, but she’s got me, that’s all I need to know, and I’ve never had that before.
Finn stops me before I go to walk away, “Remember what I said, Cara. Just let him explain before you cut him off completely.” I nod so that he will release me, and I can get away. I see it in his eyes, and he knows I won’t. He curses but releases me.
I quickly find the exit I'm looking for, and walk to the parking lot.
“What now Care Bear? What’s your plan?” Mandy asks sounding giddy.
I look down at my hands seeing how bad they’re shaking. Clenching my hands, I make a fist, release them and repeat it a few times. When I see they aren’t shaking as bad, I face her. “Want to come with me to get my car?”
She smiles, “Right on CB, let’s go see if your hot as fuck car is ready." I walk to my Uncle's truck and pull out my uncle’s keys. We giggle and hop in his truck. “Alrighty, Mandy Pandy, where do they have her?" She gives me directions to the auto shop, and we’re there in less than fifteen minutes.
Mandy and I walk to the counter where an older man with salt and pepper hair is looking at some paperwork. When he spots us, he takes the glasses that he had perched on his nose off and eyes us disapprovingly. “Little early to be out of school aren't we?” He asks.
Mandy rolls her eyes, and I hold out my hand to shake his. “Good afternoon, I’m Cara Giordano, and I hear you have been fixing up my baby.”
Recognition fills his eyes “Yes, a beautiful car you have there. I’m George Arnetti, Bishop’s uncle.”
I smile. “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Arnetti. Thank you. My dad and I designed it together before he passed.”
His smile slips a little and with a gruff voice says “I’m sorry to hear that dear.”
I shrug a shoulder and smile sadly. “Not a thing to do about it. She means a lot to me is all. Is she ready?”
He nods, understanding the significance of the vehicle. “Let me go get the keys and paperwork for you to take a look at, give me a moment sweetheart.”
“That's Bishop's uncle? He's kind of hot for an older guy.” Mandy gags.
“That's fucking gross. Take it back.” I laugh at her.
He comes back and hands me my keys and the paperwork. “We cleaned her up as best we could, but had to sand her down to get all the paint off. We repainted it to replicate what it looked like before. We replaced the windows, with the ones my nephew requested.”
“I’m sorry, you what?”
“He didn’t tell you about that did he?” I shake my head no, and he smiles.
“Just like my brother that boy. Doesn’t ask permission, begs for forgiveness instead.”
While he laughs, I stare him down. He clears his voice. “Sorry dear.”
“How much more are these windows than the ones that should have been put in?”
“Doesn’t matter, Bishop took care of it.”
“He what?” I s
creech.
Now he's grinning like a fool. “Bishop had me send him the bill. Don’t worry about the cost. These windows are the safest you can get, and they're bulletproof.”
“Why do I need bulletproof windows? Look, it’s my car, let me pay for it okay? How much is it?” I hand him my credit card, but he refuses it.
“I can’t let you do that. It’s Bishop’s job to take care of you now. Let him do that, huh?”
Before I can retort, he walks towards the back. “See you at home Mandy. Don’t think we won’t be talking about why you aren’t in school right now.”
She smirks, “Yes daddy.”
I look at her and then back towards where Mr. Arnetti is walking away. No way. That's her dad? I laugh, realizing I told her that her dad is hot. She shakes her head at me.
“Wait! Mr. Arnetti.” He comes back over, and I thrust my uncle's keys in his hands. “I have my uncle’s truck. Could you hang on to these until he comes to pick it up?”
“Of course, dear.” he walks out the back and into the garage.
We walk outside and take a look at my car that someone brought up to the front. I walk around her while Mandy waits for me to inspect my beautiful car. “She looks good Manda Panda. Your Dad’s boys do good work.”
She smiles, and I can tell how proud of her father she is. “That they do.”
Unlocking my car, I go to get in and holler “What are you waiting for girly?” She claps her hands and giggles, then hops into the passenger seat beside me. “Ready?” I ask. She shakes her head. I pull my phone out of my backpack, and I’m amused to find it with two percent life. I plug it into the car charger. I see I have a lot of missed calls and texts from Mandy and Bishop, and a few from Finn. I ignore them and press play on one of my playlists cranking it up. We squeal out of the parking lot singing along with Rachel Platten’s Fight Song.
We drive around for an hour, going nowhere, singing along to whatever song comes up. I realize I’m singing alone and look over to see Mandy staring at her phone with a frown on her face. Turning down the music, I see a mountain lookout up ahead and park, happy to see we’re alone here. When I shut off the car, I wait for her to talk.
Looking out at the mountains, she takes a breath and speaks. “Bishop and the guys are blowing up my phone. They’re all pissed, especially Bishop.”
I grab her hand, “I’m sorry Mandy. I’ll take you back, but please don’t tell him where we are.”
She shakes her head and squeezes my hand then releases it. “I’m good here. I’m tired of listening to those boys anyhow. I finally have a best friend. It’s you and me sister, and I wouldn’t betray you like that.” I smile big. “I do think we should figure some stuff out, though, we can’t be gone forever.”
“Mandy, I don’t know what to do. I moved here because my dad died. I’m not here to make waves. If Bishop wants the she-bitch, he can have her. Shit-”
“What’s wrong?”
I laugh, an empty pain filled chuckle. “Every time I think or talk about not being with him, my body revolts.” She looks at me with sympathy. Mandy grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I don’t know him, Mandy. Not like I should, to be feeling the way I do about him. I’m connected to him in ways I never expected be with anyone.” Taking a breath, I continue. “He’s important to me in a big way. I didn’t get to decide this. I didn’t get the time to come to that conclusion on my own. It’s like my body and soul made up its mind as soon as we touched, and that’s the end of it. My mind has been outvoted, overthrown by my heart and body.”
Slumping, I rest my head on the steering wheel and face her. “My mind tells me that he betrayed me. I mean what could he want with me when he could have Alexis. She’s a bitch, but she’s a hot bitch.” Mandy tries to interrupt, but I hold my hand up to her. “This isn’t me being an unconfident twat.” She laughs and nods. “The shitty part, my heart doesn’t care if he betrayed me, she wants him back like the fool she is. My body is always humming for him.
He explained to me yesterday that these feelings won't go away but will only get stronger. He has to want me because his body is making him. What if he wants her Mandy? What if he wants someone else, but chooses me so he can get his powers? I'm alone. I’m always fucking alone. My mom left me, my grandma died and left me, I raised myself and then dad died. I’m a burden to Uncle Greg. He doesn’t want me. He's letting me live with him out of family obligation.”
“That can't be true Cara. This is all new to him too. Give him a chance, and he may surprise you. You aren't alone anymore Care Bear. You have me, you have the crew, and as much as you don't think it right now, you have Bishop.”
I am not this girl. I do not beg for anyone’s attention. I make my own way, forging ahead no matter what. Screw him. If he is in love with someone else, he can have her. The person I give myself to will never want another after me. How could I even be his ‘one’ if he has feelings for someone else? It’s not like he’s reacting from any of this. There must be something screwed up with him. My body has got to be messed up from all the stress it's been through the past month.
Driving back to my place after dropping off Mandy, I spot his truck in the driveway immediately. I curse seeing him sitting on the front porch steps. I park my car and turn off the engine. Well, this should be fun, not.
Chapter 11
Bishop
I. fucked. Up. I’m pretty sure it happened yesterday while explaining what was going on between us, who Cara was to me. I’m not sure what I said wrong to her, but I know I fucked up somewhere. My explanation didn’t satisfy her curiosity and seemed to only complicate the situation more. I could see it in her eyes, the trust I was starting to build, gone. The way she was wary of me getting near her. I felt it in the silence on the way home and how we left things when I dropped her off. She didn’t want me touching her.
It went against my better judgment to leave her alone. I had eyes on her though, and I knew she was safe. I am determined to give her the space she said she needs. I know I had bombarded her with a lot. I’d need a break too, after all, she had gone through.
I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with her. I wasn’t prepared for what I should tell her. I should have told her how she made me feel, like I was finally whole, that the missing parts of me have been found. I would have said I felt blessed with her as my soul mate, that God couldn’t have chosen a more perfect match for me. Fuck I’m such a pussy for her. No way in hell am I letting the guys know about this.
Trying to give her the space she asked for, I don't call or text her. Instead, I decide to go talk to my Nono Peter. I tell him about what happened, and he shakes his head at me like I’m an idiot. Yep, I fucked up.
“You better take care of her son. I know your father, bless his soul, raised you to be smarter than that. Think about everything that she has gone through in the past month.” He tells me.
I shake my head, pissed at myself for being a selfish asshole, remembering some of the things I had said to her. “Yeah, Nono. I get what you mean.”
He nods at me, and when I turn to leave, he grabs my shoulder. “You’re an Arnetti, Bishop. You'll figure this out. We aren’t always perfect, but you’ll know what you need to do when it counts.”
“Thanks, Nono. I’m gonna get going.”
I make it home and decide to call her, but no one answers, so I leave a message. I go for a run around my property hoping to get rid of some of this energy I’m carrying. When Greg calls me back, he tells me that she’s asleep, so I attempt to sleep myself. I keep waking up checking my phone hoping to see a missed call or text from her, my Princess. I don’t.
Waking up for the last time, I decide I’m done. I send her a text and let her know I’d be picking her up for school at 8:00 so we can talk before class. I didn’t hear from her, but I don’t expect to. When I arrive at her house, I’m not sure what I expected, but her not being there never entered my mind.
I am pissed. Cara was avoiding me. I don’t like playing games. Wh
at’s killing me more is the fact that I haven’t talked to or seen my Princess in entirely way too many hours. I need to set eyes on her, hold her, tell her all of the things I left out yesterday. I try calling her, and it goes straight to voicemail. I throw my phone into the seat next to me and shout “Fuck!” I hit the steering wheel a few times for good measure, but it does nothing to help me feel better.
I’m beyond frustrated and feel like I’m losing control. I go to school hoping to find her before my first class, but coach pulls me into a bullshit meeting about this week’s game. He let me out in just enough time to make it to my first class.
I don’t hear from her or see her all morning. When it’s time for lunch, I make it to the cafeteria, only to have Alexis stop me to talk.
“That hippo Cara is looking pretty rough today. You break it off with her already? I knew she wasn’t anything to you. You sure put on a good show for everyone yesterday, though.”
“What did you just say?” I fume.
She steps into me, grabbing my arm. “Oh, come on Bishop. You know we’re perfect for each other. I get it okay. I’ll be more serious about us this time.” She says as she caresses my upper arm.
Leaning into her so she’ll understand me, I say “You don’t fucking get it, Alexis. Cara is mine. I love her. You and I aren’t ever fucking happening.”
Running her perfectly manicured nails over my chest, she scoffs. “What does she have that I don’t? Look at her Bishop, then look at me. You and me, we fit. She’s just the trash you’re using to piss me off.”
Not one to put hands on a girl, I’ve had enough. I put my hand on her shoulder and push her away, gentle but firm. “You need to back up. Don’t touch me ever again. I’m not yours to touch like that.”
She laughs. I back away not wanting to be anywhere near her.
“I mean it, Alexis. You continue bad mouthing her, things around here will change for you in a way you won’t like. Leave her the hell alone. Find someone else to sink your claws into. I’m not interested.” I leave not wanting to spend another minute talking to her. I walk to my friends who are staring at the showdown going on between Alexis and me.