by Rose Pearson
“Brandeis?” the Marchioness called, her cheeks a little aflame. “And Lady Winter, of course.”
Her heart leaped from her chest as Caroline took another step back, hitting the wall. She did not want to go anywhere near the center of the ballroom, even though she knew that the Marchioness was being kind in her suggestion that Lady Winter join them. She apparently believed that her second son was truly enamored by Lady Winter and that an engagement would soon follow. Knowing that it would never be the case, Caroline prayed silently that they would not come in search of her, that she would not be dragged, unwillingly, towards the center of the ballroom.
“Lady Winter will not be joining us.”
Closing her eyes, Caroline bit her lip hard in an effort to keep from crying out. Lord Brandeis had appeared from the other side of the ballroom and, given just how much he was swaying, had drunk far too much. Warning bells rang in her ears as he stumbled towards his parents, brother and soon to be sister in law, his eyes roving across the ballroom in search of her.
“She is not Lady Winter, mama,” he continued, in such a loud voice that Caroline was quite sure everyone could hear. “In fact, she is not even nobility. No, she works in the tavern that I frequented a good deal on my return from the army.”
Wishing she could sink into the floor, Caroline pressed one hand to her mouth, aware of just how much she was trembling. Slowly edging her way along the wall towards what she hoped and prayed would be a door of some kind, she heard the gasps and murmurs coming from the other guests.
“She improved me though, did she not?” Lord Brandeis said, with a shrug. “But not any longer I fear. The charade is up.”
Caroline felt her heart break in two, her breathing ragged as she stumbled towards the door, wrenching it open with as much force as she could muster. Running heedlessly along the corridor, tears blurring her vision, Caroline felt herself sink into despondency, her heart so painful that she did not think it would ever recover.
“I should never have come here,” she whispered to herself, tears streaming down her face as she finally made it to her bedchamber, throwing open the door and staggering inside before locking it firmly. Sinking to the floor, her back to the door, Caroline pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her head on them as tears flowed freely down her cheeks.
What had once seemed so wonderful was now nothing more than a nightmare. Lord Brandeis’s words echoed in her mind, making her sob all the harder. He had told his family and the many, many guests who had attended the ball the truth about who she was and her supposed disguise, leaving her naked and alone in front of them all. Nothing could take away her shame, nothing could bandage the wounds he had left on her heart.
The thought of the tavern and Mrs. Beeson left her with such an agonizing feeling of homesickness that Caroline wanted to leave almost this very moment so that she might return to what was familiar, what was safe. Lord Brandeis had let her down in the very worst of ways, proving himself to be nothing more than the gentleman she had first met. There was no true change in character, there was no true respect for her as she had once thought. Why he had offered her such a thing, she could not tell. Was it because he believed her to be that kind of woman? That she would push away a life of dignity and respect, even in her lowly position in the tavern, in order to become nothing more than his plaything?
She sniffed, leaning her head back against the door and wiping her eyes. “It is clear he never knew me at all,” she whispered to herself, feeling fresh tears fall onto her cheeks as she struggled with the pain that seemed to deepen with every moment.
Looking at the bedchamber before her, Caroline forced herself to get to her feet and make her way to the chair by the fire. She would have to change into a walking dress but bar the one she wore and one she would take with her just in case she would require a change of clothes on the journey home, she would leave everything else behind. She wanted no memory of this place, nor of Lord Brandeis, the man who had, somehow, managed to secure himself in her heart.
“I am finished with you, Lord Brandeis,” she whispered, pushing her hands into her hair and beginning to pull out the seed pearls that adorned it. “And I am finished with this life forever.”
15
“Caroline, aren’t you going to talk to me at all?”
Caroline shook her head, sending Mrs. Beeson a quick smile, despite the deep, penetrating loneliness that seemed to fill her entire being.
“I am quite all right, Mrs. Beeson, truly.”
The lady shook her head sadly, her eyes filled with concern. “You’ve not been right since you came back from Lord Fernley’s place.”
It had been a week since Caroline’s return and, even though Mrs. Beeson had been very surprised to see her before her expected day of return, she had welcomed Caroline back with open arms. However, it had not been long before the dear lady realized that all was not well with Caroline, but despite her gentle questions, Caroline had found herself unable to speak openly about Lord Brandeis and all that had occurred. It was as if speaking it aloud would bring her fresh pain, and since she was doing her best to remove that pain from her heart, she was trying to do all she could to forget Lord Brandeis entirely.
She had not, however, been in any way successful. Lord Brandeis was still almost constantly on her mind, her heart no closer to healing than it had been the day she’d left.
“I just hope that brother of yours appears soon enough,” Mrs. Beeson murmured, coming over to Caroline and putting a gentle hand around her waist. “You need someone to talk to and if it’s not going to be me, then perhaps you’ll open up to him.”
Tears pricked at Caroline’s eyes. “Mrs. Beeson, it is just too painful to speak of. I allowed myself to get caught up in Lord Brandeis’s world and it only ended in sorrow. I don’t want to think about it – about him – anymore.”
Mrs. Beeson’s eyes widened just a little and she clicked her tongue. “My goodness, Caroline, I didn’t think you’d ever be the kind to fall in love. Treated you badly, did he?”
Wishing she could bring an end to the conversation, Caroline shook her head. “I did not fall in love with him, Mrs. Beeson. But yes, he did say some truly awful things.”
Mrs. Beeson nodded, as though she knew something Caroline did not. “Well, well. So love’s got its hold on you, has it? Lord Brandeis isn’t the kind of man for the likes of you, Caroline – not because he is a gentleman but because he is arrogant, selfish, proud and vain.”
“But he changed,” Caroline whispered, wondering in her heart why she was still trying to defend him. “At least, I thought he was trying to reform his character, but it seems now that I was wrong.”
Mrs. Beeson squeezed Caroline tightly for a moment before releasing her. “You’re doing the right thing in trying to forget him, Caroline. I’m only glad Peter was there with you, although why he’s not returned yet, I can’t understand.” Her eyes were filled with sympathy as she looked at Caroline, who brushed tears from her lashes. “You have a home here, Caroline, with people that love you. Don’t you forget that.”
Caroline managed a watery smile, turning back to where she was wiping the tables down in preparation for what would be another busy evening. Mrs. Beeson was doing what she could to help, trying her best to say the right things, but none of it took away the pain in Caroline’s heart. Returning to the tavern, to her home, had been a balm to her soul, but there was still the agony of what she had experienced with Lord Brandeis. To have such a hope – foolish as it had been – only for it to be taken away with such horrific words had almost brought Caroline to her knees.
She looked over her shoulder to where Mrs. Beeson was talking to Martin, a slow blush blooming in her cheeks. It was clear to Caroline that Martin would propose soon, and she had every expectation that Mrs. Beeson would accept him. Things were going to change around the only place she’d been able to call home for so many years, leaving her feeling even more unsettled than before. What was she meant to do now? Where was
she meant to go? Her anxiety rose as she continued to rub the cloth over the old wooden tables, her mind whirling with a million different thoughts.
“Caro?”
Her head shot up. “Peter!”
The cloth dropped from her hand as she ran to her brother, hugging him tightly for a moment.
“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you,” he said, as Mrs. Beeson came over to greet him, a look of relief on her face. “There were a few things that had to be sorted out.”
Caroline narrowed her eyes, seeing the light bruising around her brother’s eye. “Peter, what did you do?”
“Defended my sister’s honor,” Peter replied, with a broad smile in Caroline’s direction. “Punched Lord Brandeis good and proper – although I waited until after the wedding, of course.” He shook his head, giving her a sad smile. “And I had to wait until he was sober enough to understand why I was being so violent, which took a while.”
Caroline swallowed hard, squeezing Peter’s hand lightly. “You didn’t have to do that, Peter.”
He laughed softly, shaking his head. “Yes, I did, Caro. You’re my sister and I always told Lord Brandeis that he wasn’t to go anywhere near you. At the time, I wasn’t quite sure what he’d done to upset you, but I planted him a facer anyway for what he’d shouted during the ball.” His expression grew sorrowful. “That was a terrible thing to do, even if he was drunk out of his skull.”
Mrs. Beeson drew in a sharp breath, her eyes fixed on Peter. “What did Lord Brandeis do? Caroline won’t tell me.”
Caroline met Peter’s swift glance with a shrug, which he immediately understood.
“He told everyone that she wasn’t Lady Winter,” he said quickly, not going into any detail. “Caroline had to leave soon after before anyone else in the household came to speak to her about it.”
Caroline tried to smile as Mrs. Beeson looked at her, aghast, feeling her heart clench with sadness all over again. “It was a rather swift departure, I must say, although I should thank you, Peter, for making sure a carriage was waiting for me. I don’t think I could have managed to leave so quickly and quietly without your help.”
Peter smiled. “Of course,” he said, softly, “but there’s more we have to talk about, Caro. There are some things that you need to know.”
She frowned, her mind searching for what it was he wanted to speak to her about. “If it is to do with Lord Brandeis, then I have no desire to hear it, Peter.”
Mrs. Beeson sighed heavily, her forehead knotted as she frowned. “Caroline, you must talk to someone. Holding everything inside yourself is only going to make things worse. Go and spend some time with Peter. Martha can help me until you get back. She’ll be here soon enough.”
Martha was the young girl Mrs. Beeson had hired to help her during Caroline’s absence and, even with Caroline’s return, Mrs. Beeson had thought to keep her on. She had been a big help, Caroline had to admit, even though she was still uncomfortable with the way things kept changing around the tavern.
“Go on now,” Mrs. Beeson said, firmly, giving Caroline a small nudge in the direction of the kitchen. “Go and talk to your brother.”
Peter smiled at her. “Come on, Caro,” he said softly, walking away. “It’s important you hear what I have to say.”
Sighing inwardly, Caroline gave up any thought of refusing to hear what Peter had to say about Lord Brandeis and followed Peter into the kitchen, offering to make some tea which he accepted at once. Seeing him sit down in the chair by the fire, Caroline allowed herself a small smile, thinking just how grateful she was for her brother. If he hadn’t been there, hadn’t been part of the house party, then she might have had a much more difficult time leaving Lord Fernley’s estate.
“Here we are,” she murmured, a few minutes later, handing him a mug and sitting down opposite him with the other one in her hand. “Are you planning to stay here for a while? I know Mrs. Beeson would be glad to have you back home.”
Peter shook his head, his expression serious. “No, Caroline, I won’t be staying here. I’m staying with Lord Brandeis.”
Her whole body froze in shock.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he continued, seeing her shock. “There’s more to Lord Brandeis than you know.”
Caroline took in gulps of air, her heart hammering violently. She couldn’t believe that her brother was so willing to stay with the man who had hurt her so dreadfully, couldn’t understand how he could appear so loyal only to turn his back on her.
“Lord Brandeis loves you, Caroline.”
A harsh laugh escaped her immediately, her eyes narrowing as she fixed them on her brother. “Don’t tell me that he’s managed to convince you too, Peter,” she said, hoarsely, rolling her eyes at him. “I thought I was the foolish one but if he’s managed to take you in too, then – ”
“Caro.”
She paused, looking directly into Peter’s face and seeing the stern look there.
“I’m being quite serious, Caro.”
Shaking her head, she couldn’t help but laugh again. “That’s ridiculous, Peter. He offered me a house in London, his house, as though I could just stay there and give him whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it.” Her stomach flipped over with distaste. “I can’t believe he’d ever suggest something like that, not after everything we’d shared.” Her voice grew quieter, tailing off as she remembered that horrifying moment when she’d realized exactly what it was Lord Brandeis had been looking for.
“Caroline, the man wanted to propose. That’s what he was trying to do!”
Ice froze every single part of her as she turned her eyes back to Peter.
“Trust me, Caro, I’d have beaten him to a bloody pulp if what you’re saying is true, but it isn’t. You’re mistaken, truly. Lord Brandeis isn’t used to speaking openly about things and, from what happened, I’m guessing he made quite a mess of it all!” Peter shook his head, his smile tugging his lips upwards. “Idiotic man.”
Caroline couldn’t breathe, her lungs refusing to work as she saw Peter’s earnestness and tried her best to, at the very least, accept it, even if she did not entirely believe him.
“He wanted to marry you and to live here in London with you, Caro,” Peter said again, with a little more urgency. “When I spoke to him about it all, he put his head in his hands and said he’d made a mess of everything. I’ve never seen a man so full of regret, Caroline. When he’d come to his senses and stopped putting so much liquor down his throat, he told me that he’d been so upset by your refusal, so broken by your strange determination to return to London without so much as a word to him, that he did the only thing he could – drink. Had he not been so upset, so heartbroken, then I don’t think he’d have said a word to his family about who you really were – although I’m not in any way trying to excuse him for that.” Peter’s smile slipped, his brow furrowing. “He shouldn’t have said a word at the ball, but he was in his cups and the liquor loosened his tongue and dimmed his common sense. I’m sorry for that, Caro, for what he did to upset you so much, but I assure you that the only thing he was offering you was marriage.”
Caroline dragged in breath after breath, feeling as though she was about to faint right there in the tavern kitchen, staring at her brother as though he were a ghost or a wraith sent to haunt her with lies. In her heart, she knew that Peter would never say anything untrue to her. He would never pretend that Lord Brandeis was something he was not. He had learned his lesson the last time - had promised that he would make sure she was kept safe around Lord Brandeis. Had Lord Brandeis done wrong, Caroline was quite sure that Peter would now be sitting in the kitchen declaring that he had no intention of ever going near Brandeis again.
But that was not what he was saying. He was saying that she had been the one in the wrong. She had misunderstood Lord Brandeis entirely. Lord Brandeis had been trying to propose but, in his nervousness, hadn’t managed to convey that in any way. Tears pricked at her eyes and she close
d them tightly, the memory of Lord Brandeis speaking to her in the gardens that night coming back to her with a sudden, furious force.
He had been nervous. He had been shuffling his feet, clearing his throat and giving every impression that he was quite uncomfortable with what he was trying to say. It was not that he was uncomfortable due to his proposition that she should be nothing more than his whore, but rather that he was unused to declaring himself in such an open manner. Had he not said to her that her affection was returned? Had he not promised that his own heart was filled with a fondness for her and her alone? At the time, she had thought him to be saying such things for the simple reason that he wanted her to do as he asked, but now she realized that, if what Peter was saying was true, then he had been doing his best to express the deep emotions that wrapped themselves around his heart.
“Oh, no.”
Her whispered words were agonizingly torn from her mouth, her eyes widening as she stared at Peter, who looked back at her with a gentle smile.
“He said to me that his family would disapprove,” Caroline whispered, warmth washing over her like a crashing wave, followed by a shivering cold. “I thought he meant….”
“He meant that they would disapprove of a gentleman marrying a lady who has no connections, no title, no fortune of her own,” Peter finished quietly, his eyes filled with something like compassion. “Caroline, this is no-one’s fault. I can well understand why you believed that of him, and he should have been able to express the truth to you in a much more concise and clear manner for then none of this would have happened.” He tilted his head and watched her carefully, his eyes burning brightly. “Do you think you would give him a chance to explain, Caro, if he came here to talk to you?”
She nodded at once, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. She’d been mistaken about everything? About every single word that Lord Brandeis had said? Her heart had broken over and over for nothing since it was quite clear she had made a mistake. Lord Brandeis hadn’t exactly said everything clearly, had been somewhat tongue-tied when it came to expressing the truth about what he felt and what he desired for their future – but if she’d only just given him a chance to explain, if she’d only made certain that what she thought he was saying was quite correct, then she might now be in a very different situation.