by Rose Pearson
Brushing tears from her eyes, Josephine set down the bowl with a clang and, unable to look at anyone, quickly made her way from the basement. Climbing the stairs, she moved into the church itself, not daring to go outside just in case Lord Dunstable should follow her out.
The church was quiet and she crept into a pew, feeling the hard wood against her back as she sat down. There seemed to be no-one else present. She didn’t know where the vicar was or what had become of him. Had he caught the fever too? Was he lying sick somewhere?
The enormity of the present situation swam over her, forcing her to bow her head. The fever had swept through the city and taken so many lives and, whilst she had done as much as she could, there was always more for her to do. The life she had once had with Lord Dunstable, as tiring as it was, had been a taste of an altogether different existence and, for a time, she had lost herself in that. She had let her heart feel things she ought never to have allowed herself to feel, had let her mind dream of what she might have with Lord Dunstable. It was all her own fault. She had not remained detached and unaffected as she should have done.
Even now, memories assailed her. Memories of talking and laughing with Lord Dunstable. Memories of sitting with him quietly, praying silently that the fevers of his mother and sister would break. Memories of how they had shared together, learning from one another and finding an intimacy she had never experienced before. All gone, now, just as it should. Her life in the Dunstable estate had never been meant to continue. She had, for a time, forgotten that.
“Josephine.”
Looking up, Josephine felt her breath hitch as Lord Dunstable stood at the end of the pew, looking at her with such a joyful expression on his face that she felt her heart break all over again. He was glad that Miss Wells was recovering, which, of course, she was too – but there was something more there. It was a love in his eyes, she thought to herself, unable to look at him any longer. Turning her head away, she forced herself not to cry, forced herself to remain strong as he came to sit by her, his closeness only adding to her agony.
He loved Miss Wells. It was obvious to her now. Foolish, foolish woman that she was! She had taken what he had said in the depths of his delirium and had believed it to be true, even if only for a moment. There had been a hope flickering in her heart ever since then, refusing to be quenched no matter how much she had told herself that she was being ridiculous.
Now, however, it had died completely. Seeing the love in Lord Dunstable’s eyes had only confirmed what she’d never really wanted to believe. He loved Miss Wells, the woman of quality he was to marry. Miss Wells, who was proper in every way, she had no doubt. Not compared to her, the urchin from the streets who had nothing and nobody to call her own.
She sniffed and heard Lord Dunstable sigh heavily.
“My goodness, Josephine, we are in a muddle,” he said, slowly. “But I came here to thank you for what you have done for Georgina. And for me.”
Nodding, she kept her gaze trained on her feet, unable to look at him for fear she would break down completely. “You are quite welcome, Lord Dunstable. I knew how much she meant to you.”
There was a short pause. One where Lord Dunstable did not either confirm nor deny what Josephine had said.
“Francine told you about her?” he asked, a little stiffly.
“She did,” Josephine confirmed, hating that her voice was shaking just a little.
He sighed. “I should have done so myself. I –”
“You are not obliged to tell me anything, Lord Dunstable,” Josephine interrupted, not wanting to be reminded of how close they had become. “I was merely in your house for a time to help your mother and sister with the fever. I am glad I was able to do so.”
Much to her horror, Lord Dunstable reached across and took her hand. Her heart burst to life as their fingers met, his touch already so familiar and yet so unwelcome. She wanted to lean into him, wanted to cry out that she had missed him desperately, that she had clung onto his words for so long – but instead, she sat stiffly, forcing herself not to outwardly react.
“I should have spoken to you about Georgina,” Lord Dunstable said, softly, his fingers tightening on hers. “It was wrong of me to confess my feelings when I am engaged to another. I am sorry, Josephine.”
She did not know what to make of this, confusion spiraling through her mind. His feelings? Did that mean that he had, at one time at least, felt something for her?
“Things are very different now,” he continued, a little sadness tinging his words. “I must care for Georgina. Her father cannot be found and I fear that he too has the fever – although where he might be I cannot tell.”
“I see,” Josephine replied, not knowing what else to say on the matter.
“I think that I should remove Georgina to her townhouse as soon as she is able,” Lord Dunstable continued, although why he was telling Josephine such things as this, she could not quite understand. “Her companion is a little recovered also, although it will take some time for her to regain her strength. There is a good deal I must do. I must find Georgina’s father, Viscount Armitage, for one. In addition, I must continue to ensure that Georgina receives the highest care.”
Josephine nodded blindly, her eyes unseeing as she heard him speak. She would not see him again after this. Their time together was over for good and, in a way, Josephine was glad.
“Will you come with me, Josephine?”
His question shot a lightning bolt through her and she sat bolt upright, turning tear-filled eyes onto him.
“I know it is a lot to ask of you, but Georgina needs the highest level of care. There is no-one better than you.”
She closed her eyes tightly, feeling one single tear fall onto her cheek. “No, my lord,” she replied, knowing that as much as she wanted to help Georgina, she could not bring herself to see Lord Dunstable with his bride to be. “I cannot. There are people here who need me.”
His disappointment was immediately evident. “I quite understand,” he replied, his shoulders slumping. “I should not be selfish, I know, but –”
“She is important to you, I quite understand,” Josephine interrupted, wishing desperately that their conversation would be at an end so that Lord Dunstable would leave her to her misery. “You need not explain.”
There was a short, strained silence.
“Our engagement was arranged.”
She looked at him then, her tears drying on her cheek.
“I had very little choice in the matter and, until some weeks ago, I did not think that it mattered all that much. However, now, I find myself struggling. Struggling to know what is best to do, what is right for me to do.” His eyes met hers, his fingers beginning to thread through her own. “Josephine, can you forgive me?”
She did not know what precisely it was that he was asking her to forgive him for and so stared at him blankly.
“I should have been open with you from the start,” he confessed, seeing her expression. “I should have spoken to you about Georgina but my heart and my mind have been warring for some time and it all became much too confusing. I am sorry, Josephine.”
Somehow, she managed to nod and give him a small smile, which, despite the tearing of her heart, he seemed to accept.
“What will you do now?” he asked, rising to his feet. “When the Devil’s basement no longer needs you?”
She did not move but stayed exactly where she was, longing to be alone. “The doctor has said he will help me. I trust him to do that.”
“The doctor is a good man,” Lord Dunstable said, softly. “I am glad he will care for you, Josephine. Again, thank you for all you have done. I do not think I can ever find the words to express just how grateful I am. You are an angel sent to help me and my family and what you have done can never be praised highly enough.”
Her eyes fastened on him, wanting to keep a hold of him for as long as she could and yet knowing that their parting was imminent. “I pray you will all remain in excellent health
for the rest of your days,” she said, not quite sure what else to say. “Thank you, Lord Dunstable.”
With a swift suddenness, he came back towards her, leaning over and kissing her cheek. His lips lingered there for a moment too long and Josephine’s breath caught. His nearness, his closeness, burned into her mind and her soul, her eyes closing tightly against the flood of tears.
And then, he was gone.
Josephine let out a ragged breath, fighting back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her. Lord Dunstable would take Miss Wells back to her townhouse and then, in time, back to his estate as his wife. The foolish dream she had once allowed herself to create now shattered all around her, the pieces piercing her skin as they fell.
She had to let him go. She had to forget him, to push him from her heart and let go of all that she felt. There was nothing for her and Lord Dunstable to share, not any longer.
Her life would remain here, on the streets of London, whilst Lord Dunstable remained in his wonderful estate, in a life far removed from her own. They were worlds apart once again, completely separated and this time, for good.
It was an hour or so before Josephine felt able to leave the church and descend back down into the Devil’s basement. It was certainly growing quieter, with fewer and fewer patients being brought in to be cared for. She paused in the doorway for a moment, looking over the place that had become so familiar to her and was yet so terrible.
The other ladies who had come to help were soon not to be needed. Two had already left, their employment as maids having been returned to them. The other two would go soon too, Josephine thought to herself, knowing that they had a place to go. She, however, had nowhere to call her own. There was no home to return to, no family to welcome her in. All she had was Doctor Thomas’ kindness and assurance that he would not see her out on the streets again.
Of course, the other thing she had was Lord Dunstable’s coins, given to her so long ago. They were safe and secure, but she felt as though she did not want to use them. They would only continue to remind her of him, everything she bought, everything she used, would bring him back to her mind.
That was not what she wanted.
“Josephine?”
She looked up to see Sam coming near her, a worried expression on his face.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, Sam,” she replied, with a quick smile, hoping that the dim light hid her red-rimmed eyes. “How is the doctor doing?”
Sam tipped his head. “Better today, I should think. There aren’t so many new patients and he’s been able to send a few more back home to recover. That Miss Wells is to be going tomorrow.”
Josephine let her eyes rest on where Miss Wells, now half sitting up against the somewhat dirty pillows, was looking up at Doctor Thomas with an expression of sheer gratitude on her face.
“Doctor Thomas has done wonders for her,” she said quietly, feeling no anger or upset about the lady’s presence here. “I am glad she has recovered.”
“So, it seems, is Doctor Thomas,” Sam murmured, one eyebrow lifted. “He’s been spending a bit more time with her that his other patients, that’s for certain.”
Surprised, Josephine turned to Sam expecting to see him laughing but he was doing no such thing. Instead, he was watching the scene in front of them with an almost calculated expression, as though able to surmise what the doctor intended for Miss Wells.
“I hardly think that is fair to the doctor,” Josephine said, quietly. “He is a good man and not likely to show favor to one lady simply because she is gentry.”
Sam chuckled, putting his hand on her shoulder. “No, of course not. That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” Josephine asked, feeling confused. “I don’t understand.”
Sam chuckled again and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Look sharp now, the doctor’s coming over.”
Josephine rolled her eyes at Sam, her spirits lifting from their gloom at his good humor. “Doctor Thomas,” she began, turning her gaze back to the doctor. “What is it that you need me to do?”
Doctor Thomas smiled, his expression looking a good deal brighter than she had ever seen before. “It looks as though the epidemic is finally lifting,” he said, his eyes filled with relief. “Miss Wells is to be taken back to her townhouse tomorrow morning and I will visit there each afternoon and evening, to ensure that her recovery continues without any problems.”
A little surprised, Josephine felt rather than saw Sam’s sharp glance, but deliberately kept her expression blank. “I see,” she replied, calmly. “Her father’s house is nearby, isn’t it?”
The doctor nodded. “It is. With fewer patients, I feel as though I can leave here now and again and let you take over. That is not going to overwhelm you, is it?”
Josephine shook her head. “No, of course not. I understand completely.”
The doctor let out a long sigh. “It will be good for me to get out of this place for a time,” he said, running one hand through his hair as he turned to look at the remaining patients. “I have had quite enough of living in a basement filled with disease and death.”
His voice took on a haunted tone and, for the first time, Josephine realized just how much of a strain this had been to Doctor Thomas. She felt her heart go out to him, her admiration growing steadily.
“You have been a blessing to so many people, Doctor Thomas,” she said, softly. “I know that there are many who owe their lives to you.”
Doctor Thomas gave a half shrug, his expression wry. “I will choose not to reflect on how many we lost,” he replied, his voice a little thin. “But yet, Josephine, I will be glad to leave this place behind. I have not forgotten you, either. You will have a room of your own that is connected to my practice, so long as you are still willing to aid me in my work?”
Relief enveloped Josephine and she nodded fervently, filled with the knowledge that she would, at least, have a home and a purpose in life. She would not end up on the streets again. Doctor Thomas had been faithful to his word.
“I would be glad to, Doctor,” she replied, as Sam grinned at her. “Thank you.”
Doctor Thomas nodded, before glancing over his shoulder to where Miss Wells lay, her face puckered in a frown.
“She needs something to drink and a little more broth,” he muttered, half to himself. “I should help her. Excuse me.”
Josephine nodded and watched him go, feeling a good deal happier than she had been.
“I will miss you,” Sam murmured, his voice now a little hoarse as he evidently battled with his emotions. “We’ve become like family, these last few weeks.”
Josephine turned to him, her heart stopping for a moment. “Where will you go, Sam?”
He shrugged. “The doctor don’t need me, Josephine. I’ll find my own way somehow.”
“I’m sure Doctor Thomas would be more than happy to help you,” Josephine insisted. “I know he –”
Sam help up one hand. “He’s offered but I refused,” he interrupted, gently. “The doctor is a kind man and gave me some coins to help me on my way, when I wouldn’t accept his offer. I’ll find my own way in the world, just like I always have done.”
Josephine shook her head. “Sam, no. You cannot just go back to the London streets, not after all you have done.” A sudden thought caught her mind. “Why not ask Lord Dunstable for employment?”
Sam laughed harshly. “And what would I do? I can’t be a footman!”
“The gardener, then. Or a stable hand!” Josephine exclaimed, refusing to let the idea drop. “Please, Sam. Let me help you in the same way that you’ve helped so many.”
There was a long silence before Sam, finally, nodded.
“Thank you,” Josephine breathed, one hand on his arm. “I know he’d be glad to help you, Sam. He’s a good, kind man and I know he’ll have something for you to do.”
“If you say so,” Sam replied, a touch doubtfully.
“I’ll write the letter t
oday and have Doctor Thomas hand it to him when Miss Wells is taken home tomorrow,” Josephine replied, firmly. “Don’t you worry, Sam. You’ll have a place of your own too, soon enough.”
Sam let out a slow breath and Josephine was surprised to see tears sparkling in his eyes. She’d known that Sam had always had a bit of a difficult life, what with his limp, but had never imagined that the thought of returning to it would be so difficult.
“I’ll miss you all the more,” Sam muttered, dashing one hand over his eyes. “You’re a blessing to everyone who surrounds you, Josephine. Don’t you go forgetting that.”
She smiled and put her hand on his. “Thank you, Sam,” she replied, quietly, her heart no longer as pained and as sore as it had once been. Perhaps she did have a family, in a way. She did have friends and now, she had a place to stay and a purpose for her life. In time, what she felt for Lord Dunstable would fade and she would find her heart free once more. For the moment, she would simply endure.
15
“How is she, Doctor Thomas?”
Doctor Thomas came down the last few steps and inclined his head as he came near to Gideon. “She is improving slowly, my lord. I have given her some medicine and the maid is now feeding her broth. Miss Wells will require a good rest thereafter, so I would not disturb her for some hours.” Setting down his bag, he let out a long breath. “I fear that she may be weakened for a prolonged length of time, however. She may require a good deal of care and may never have a strong constitution again.”
Gideon swallowed, his once happy future slowly evaporating. He had once had the intention of coming to London to speak to Georgina in order to bring their engagement to an end so that he might declare himself to Josephine, but now that moment had passed. He could not turn his back on Georgina now, not when it was obvious she needed someone desperately. She needed him to take care of her, to help restore her to her full strength – just as Josephine had done for his mother, his sister and for him.