Crazy for Your Love - Lexi Ryan
Page 23
Sabrina grabs the mic out of my hand. “I’m sorry, everyone, but I have to add something.”
Saanvi and I look at each other, but my sister laughs softly, so I take a step back to let Sabrina say her piece. Unlike me, she likes this stuff.
“I want you to know how lucky you are,” Sabrina says, swaying slightly as she smiles at Saanvi. “You two deserve each other. And you know who else deserves each other? Carter and Teagan.”
I feel the blood drain from my face. What is she doing?
Sabrina turns her smile on me now, but it isn’t a happy smile. It’s the expression of a woman gone mad. “It took me some time to realize it, Teagan, but you two deserve each other, and I’m glad you’re together. After all, you’re both cheaters.”
Everyone gasps, and I feel my dinner surge in my stomach. “Sabrina, stop.”
“I’ve walked around all this time with your dirty little secret.” She points a pink, manicured nail at me but addresses the crowd. “She slept with Rich while she was with Heath. Did you know that?”
Another wave of gasps ripples through the room. While no one in Jackson Harbor knew about Heath before this week, nearly everyone in this room does.
“Sabrina,” Saanvi says from her seat. “Please, stop this.”
“Oh, you guys didn’t know?” Sabrina asks, squeaking. “It was crazy. I walked in on them one morning. She was with Rich in Heath’s bed.” She shrugs. “You can’t blame Rich. He’s always been clear about how he feels about her, but Teagan did just enough to lead him on so he could never get over her, even while keeping Heath to herself.”
Liam pushes out of his chair. “That’s enough.” He reaches for the mic, but Sabrina scrambles away before he can take it.
“I’m not done!” She’s crying and swipes angrily at her tears. “And now Teagan is with Carter, who’s supposedly in love with her even though he slept with me four weeks ago.”
Murmurs rise from the crowd, and heads turn in every direction, as if they can’t decide whether to look at me, Sabrina, or Carter. Carter’s staring at me. I can handle the questions in his eyes. What I can’t handle is the hurt, the betrayal.
“In my defense,” Sabrina says, “I didn’t know she and Carter were together then. I came to town to do a story on him. We had a couple of drinks and went to his place . . . You know the rest of the story. I was an idiot, but now that I’ve had a chance to think about it, I’m glad you two are together. Because you deserve each other.”
Mom yanks the microphone out of Sabrina’s hand. “That’s enough.”
I try to catch Mom’s eye, but she doesn’t even look at me. I’m shaking and speechless and horrified. Every set of eyes on me feels like an accusation, a guilty verdict. Is this really happening? It feels like a bad dream—like someone else’s drama on TV.
Saanvi looks between me and Sabrina and shakes her head. “I’m sorry,” she says softly.
She’s apologizing to me. The decisions I made brought us here. I ruined her wedding, but still she’s the one whispering the apology. Two little words, delivered with love, and I don’t deserve them.
I shake my head furiously. “Don’t. Don’t apologize.”
Tears roll down her cheeks, and her husband leans forward and kisses her shoulder before saying something in her ear.
She nods.
Everyone at Carter’s table is staring at him. He’s stony-faced, his jaw hard. Seeing that steely façade of his in place is worse than the hurt I saw there last night.
“It’s not Carter’s fault,” I blurt. I can’t bear to have everyone here think he’s a cheater. He shouldn’t be punished for doing me a favor. I don’t have a mic, but the whole crowd goes quiet to listen to me. “When Sabrina came to town a few weeks ago, he had every right to do whatever he wanted with her. We weren’t a couple then.” Murmurs of confusion fill the room. I draw in a breath. “I asked Carter to pretend to be my boyfriend so I wouldn’t have to come to this wedding alone.”
At the sound of a sob, I turn away from the guests to see my sister staring at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Saanvi.”
She shakes her head. “How could you? How could you lie to me?”
I catch sight of Rich down at the other end of the room. He folds his arms and leans back against the wall. Is this what he wanted? For everyone to find out what we did? For everyone to believe I cheated on the man I loved?
“I couldn’t handle the idea of being close to Rich. You invited him to stay with us, and I didn’t feel . . . safe.”
Mom blanches. “Teagan, really?”
“He scares me, Mom. He was so controlling when we were together. Didn’t you see it? He told me what to wear, who I could be friends with, what parties I could go to. I loved him, and I had no idea how bad it was until I got away. When I went to college, I escaped him and that control, and I was so glad. But when I came home, he’d become like a son to you. I was forced to accept him back into my life. When I started dating Heath, I thought it’d be okay. If I was dating his friend he’d have to let me go, but he still found ways to manipulate me. To make Heath doubt me. And then when Heath died . . .” I squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t want to tell this story. Not here. Not now. “Please, don’t choose him over me.”
“I would never,” Mom whispers. “Oh, Teagan, why didn’t you say something?”
A sob lodges in my throat. Courage. “I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. I was afraid you’d let him convince you I was crazy.”
“You’re my daughter,” she says, intensity vibrating through every whispered word. “We might not agree on everything, but I will always choose you.”
She pulls me into a hug—so tight and comforting that I regret every minute I didn’t trust her to take my side.
When she releases me, I scan the crowd to find Carter. He’s gone.
I turn to my sister. “I’m so sorry, Saanvi. You have no idea how sorry. For all of this.” Then I run from the reception, feeling every single pair of eyes on me as I chase after the man Sabrina has proven I don’t deserve.
Teagan
I’m somehow not surprised to find Carter in the empty office by Levi’s. I can’t believe it was only a week ago that we were tangled up together in here. It feels like decades have passed. Now, instead of two adults blurring the lines of their friendship for the first time, we’re two people who’ve shared a bed, secrets, and passion.
He’s sitting on the floor in the dark, arms folded on his knees. Through the light streaming in from the hallway, I can make out his grim expression, his tie askew, top button undone.
“I’m sorry,” I say as I step into the room. I grimace at how empty the words sound. My own words to Heath echo back to me. “Sorry isn’t enough. Sorry doesn’t erase your actions.”
“I specifically asked you,” he says. “I asked you if you cheated on Heath with him. You said no.”
“Because I didn’t cheat.” A sob tears from my throat.
“And yet Sabrina walked in on you two in Heath’s bed. Was she lying about that? Was she wrong about what she saw?” I’ve never heard his voice so raw, so full of pain.
I squeeze my eyes shut. “She isn’t lying, but she doesn’t understand what happened.”
“I’m guessing only you, Rich, and Heath know that. Because I certainly don’t see you trying to tell me the whole story.” He drags a hand through his thick hair, making a mess of it. “I’m done, Teagan.”
Oh God. After all this time. I thought I could run from the truth. That I’d be safe from it. But now Carter’s walking away.
“I don’t like being lied to, and I’m shit at lying. So maybe I should’ve never agreed to this.” He pushes off the floor and past me. Leaving. Leaving. He stops in the doorway, gripping the frame. “I believed you when you said you were scared of Rich, but you waited until I wasn’t around and met with him. I believed you when you said you didn’t cheat on Heath, but you don’t deny what Sabrina saw. You aren’t who I thought you were. If you�
��re not someone I can believe, I don’t know how to do this.”
Carter
“Stop.”
I squeeze the doorframe harder. I need to get the fuck out of here. Looking at her hurts too much.
She takes my shoulder and turns me to face her. “You want the truth?”
I want you. But I want you to want me enough to show me your whole self. Ugly insides and all. But I’m too raw to put that out there, and I already know there are parts of herself she’s not willing to share. So instead I ask, “Whose truth?”
She shakes her head. “Isn’t there only one?”
I wanted to tell her about Isaiah. I wanted to tell her how good it feels to know I’m doing something for him. I wanted to kiss and make up and start something real. And instead I’ve found myself in the middle of a disaster created by years of omission, lies, and . . . God knows what else. “This has all happened really fast, Teagan.” I swallow hard. “Last week, I didn’t want to be close to anyone, and then this week . . . It’s been a lot. For both of us. I think it’s a good idea if we both figure out our own shit before we try to figure out if we can work together.”
She opens her mouth, then closes it again. “Okay. I understand. I’m sorry. For everything.”
Walking away is hard, but what’s harder is seeing Rich right outside the back door, his smirking face all the proof I need that he was waiting there for me. “If you don’t believe Sabrina, I have the proof right here.” He grins and waves his phone at me. “Do you have any idea how hot it is to have a woman want you so much she lets you take her in her boyfriend’s bed while he watches?”
I catch a glimpse of the photo on the screen—bare flesh and hands, Teagan’s dark hair. I pull my gaze away and my arm back. Maybe I should be a bigger man, but throwing the punch isn’t hard, and the flare of pain as my fist connects with Rich’s jaw is the best thing I’ve felt in a long time.
Teagan
I don’t know how long I sit on the floor alone in that dark office. I thought the tears would come when Carter walked away, or when I looked out to the parking lot and watched him drive off. They didn’t. I feel too empty to cry. Too shell-shocked from the last twenty-four hours. I can’t cry, but I can’t return to the reception either. All I wanted was to make it through this weekend while staying safe from Rich and keeping my secrets from my family. And I failed. I failed and ruined Saanvi’s wedding in the process.
There’s a knock on the open door. “Someone wants to talk to you,” Molly says softly.
I look up and see a beautiful bride step into the room in her white lace dress. “Saanvi?”
“Would you two like to talk in my office?” Molly asks. “It might be more comfortable.”
Saanvi shakes her head. “No. We’re fine.” She hoists up her skirt and lowers herself to the floor in front of me, then smiles up at Molly. “Could you close the door, please?”
Molly nods and does as she was asked, and when the door clicks closed, my sister and I are left sitting on the floor, face to face in nothing but the light from the street lamps outside the window.
“Rich and Sabrina left,” she says softly. “Mom asked Rich to leave, and Sabrina threw a fit and went with him.”
I take a breath, trying to imagine my mom, who loves Rich so much, asking him to leave her daughter’s wedding.
“I will always choose you.”
I should have given her more credit.
I swallow. “Saanvi, I’m so sorry about all of this. I ruined your wedding day.”
“To be fair, Sabrina’s the one who gave the drunken revenge speech.” She smiles, actually smiles at me, as if she’s more worried about cheering me up than the mess my drama made of her special day. “Did Carter leave?”
I nod. I’m shaking. “He didn’t let me explain.” I swallow. “And I’m afraid that even if I make him listen, he still won’t want me.”
“Explain to me.” She takes both of my hands in hers and squeezes hard. “Tell me everything.”
I take a deep breath, and for the first time, I tell someone the whole story.
Carter
Teagan: Are you home?
Me: Yeah.
Teagan: Will you let me in?
I stare at my phone for a long time before heading to the door to unlock it. It’s after midnight, and Teagan is at my house. I almost don’t trust myself. I’m afraid I’ll say fuck everything and pull her into my arms before either of us knows if that’s really what’s best. Just because it’s what I want right now doesn’t mean it’s what I need.
When I pull open the door, my breath hitches at the sight of her in the soft glow of my porch light. She’s changed out of her bridesmaid dress and into a pair of jeans and a Jackson Brews T-shirt. Her face is scrubbed free of makeup, and her hair is tied into a sloppy bun on top of her head.
And she looks so fucking beautiful like this—so much like the woman I’ve been falling for slowly over the last four years that I’m not sure I do have the willpower to keep my distance.
“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now,” she says. She’s so wrong about that. She’s the only person I want to see right now. “But you accused me of lying to you, so now you have to listen.”
I close my eyes for a beat, then pull the door wide. “Come on in.”
“I was in love with Heath. Desperately in love with him.” She crosses into the living room and stares out the window. I hate how hard I have to fight the instinct to hold her. I want to tell her it doesn’t matter. I want to beg her not to say a word and to forget about everything so we can be together. But I know I’ll hate myself later. And our relationship would be doomed from the start. “I would’ve done anything for him. We say that about people we love like it’s a good thing—as if ignoring our own instincts and fears is commendable. I thought it was. I thought it proved how much I loved him. I didn’t understand that giving him that kind of control over me would be the end of us.”
I sit on the couch, needing the distance. I’m not sure what to say, but she seems content to carry on without my input.
“We told each other everything. Our secrets, our hopes and dreams, and our fantasies. I told you he was a bit of a player before we got together, and one of his days of the week, as I called them, was Sabrina. We’d been living together a couple of months when Heath came home late and confessed he’d gotten a blow job from her. A relapse, he called it.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head, as if she has to fight to keep the memory from taking her under. “He had the perfect solution, though, so it was going to be fine.”
“A solution?” Sounds like a load of shit to me.
“If I slept with someone else, we’d be even and could start over.”
I sit back. “What? That’s insane.”
She laughs, low and a little jaded. “I know, right? I told him that would only be throwing gas on the fire. It would make things worse, but he said he’d be there, he’d be part of it, and it would be good—for both of us. I thought he was nuts, but he pushed for weeks. Eventually, he admitted it wasn’t about evening the score between us. He was turned on by the idea of sharing me with someone—of watching me with another man.”
I swallow. I know some guys are into that, but I’ve never understood it. Maybe it’s unenlightened or some base caveman instinct to possess, to claim a woman as my own, but when I have Teagan in my arms, there’s not a single cell in my body that wants to share her with anyone else. But if they were both into it . . . “Did you like the idea?”
“No. But once he’d admitted it was a fantasy, I thought that would be the end of it. I thought it was just something he wanted to talk about to get turned on. It didn’t mean we were going to act on it. There’s a difference between talking about a fantasy and actually wanting it to happen. Heath would whisper in my ear when we were . . . intimate. Describing it turned him on. He’d tell me he wanted to watch someone else go down on me, told me I was so beautiful to him that he just . . . He wanted to watch.
I lean forward, propping my elbows on my knees and swallowing back my nausea. My stomach clenches as I realize where this is going.
“Do you have any idea how hot it is to have a woman want you so much she lets you take her in her boyfriend’s bed while he watches?”
Holy shit. She didn’t sleep with Rich because she wanted to. She did it because Heath wanted her to. “Did Heath . . . make you?”
She looks me in the eye for the first time since she walked in the door. “I like to think he’d have backed off if I’d said no that night, but . . .” She squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath, as if she’s trying to brace herself for what comes next. “He and Rich were such good friends, but Rich and I had a history. It never occurred to me that Heath might be thinking of him—planning something with him. One night, Rich was over. The three of us were drinking bottle after bottle of my favorite wine, and they were killing me in poker. I was too naïve to realize what was happening. I went to use the restroom, and Heath caught me in the hallway on my way back.”
“Shit.” God, I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry I only took one swing at Rich. He deserved much worse.
She wanders toward the chair opposite me and traces the seams. “Heath was so turned on. I don’t think he’d ever kissed me as deeply or passionately as he did that night. Rich was right around the corner, and Heath put his hand between my legs. He touched me until I was nearly undone. Then he started whispering his fantasies again, but now instead of this nameless, faceless third party, he used a name. He talked about the way Rich was looking at me. About how hot it made him to think about watching me with his best friend.