by Susan Sands
As she stared up at him, her gaze slightly unfocused, he grinned. “Feel better?” Of course, he wouldn’t show all his cards now.
She would think him insane. They’d made love three times without words, taking very short breaks for him to renew his stamina.
“That was—um—thank you.” She smiled hugely, and her beauty nearly overwhelmed him.
Had she just thanked him for sex? He wanted to tell her that he loved her, and that she completed him like no other woman ever had.
But he said instead, “No, thank you. That was amazing.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“I totally get it now.”
“Get what?”
“Why those women are in therapy.”
He frowned. “So, I’m now a piece of meat—to you?”
She laughed. “No. I just now understand what it’s like to be on their side of the fence and wanting more.”
“You want more?” That sounded promising.
“Only if you’re up for it.” It was a challenge.
Ben never backed away from a challenge. “I’ve created a monster.”
He’d called someone, she wasn’t sure who, to take her car early this morning for cleaning. Since it was Saturday, she didn’t have appointments booked. For awhile, she’d scheduled a few on Saturday mornings, but since those patients were now much-improved, Sabine decided to take the entire weekends off, and only see emergencies on Saturdays.
Sabine had taken a shower and was wearing an old T-shirt of Ben’s with a pair of his sweats. They were huge, but she was comfortable, and while she waited for Ben to check on his animals in the barn and muck a few stalls, Sabine thumbed through a Garden and Gun magazine and watched some local news.
She couldn’t bear to break their tenuous trust today though, even while everything inside her screamed that she tell him about her father’s upcoming parole hearing and the fact that she was a married woman. It was too soon.
“Hey, you.”
She nearly jumped straight up from her sitting position on the couch. She hadn’t seen or heard him come in because she’d been so lost in her thoughts. “You startled me.”
He was standing in front of her, wearing a ripped, old T-shirt, filthy jeans, and he was drenched in sweat.
“I’m just gonna hit the shower.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “You’re welcome to join.”
Boy-o-boy was she tempted. “I just got out, but thanks for the offer.”
“I’ll just be a minute.”
As she watched his spectacular jean-clad rear retreat into the bedroom, she sent up a prayer for wisdom and courage. And self-restraint, because she was gonna need that the most.
Sabine grabbed her nearly-dry clothes out of the dryer and slipped them on while he showered. Best to be fully-dressed when he got out. Her guilt was headed into overdrive, so she’d best be suited up with as much armor available to her as possible.
Not that her skirt and blouse provided much protection from Ben Laroux’s prowess, but at least she felt a little more like her old self. The one that wasn’t naked in his bed and begging him to do her again and again.
He entered the room and thankfully had clothes on. His hair was still slightly damp, but at least they were back on a somewhat level playing field.
“Hank just dropped off your car. Says it’s good as new.”
“Who’s Hank?”
“He owns the detail shop in town. He was a year or two behind me in high school.”
Sabine nodded. “Let me know how much I owe you.”
Ben laughed. “Are you kidding? I’m way on the owing side of this one.”
She smiled. “Okay. I’m not going to argue with that.”
“Why don’t we head into town and I can pick up my truck? I’ll buy you lunch, and we can start my therapy/dating while we’re at it.”
The quick stab of guilt came out of nowhere, but she said, “Sure. Sounds fine.”
Sabine’s car smelled like Ben had never christened it, thankfully. So, she wouldn’t have to budget for a new one. His truck was still parked in the same spot where he’d left it the day before. It had several small pieces of paper slid under the windshield wipers. Two pink and one pale yellow.
Sabine raised her brows. “Probably concerned about why my truck was still parked here.”
“I’m sure they were.” She laughed.
He hopped out and grabbed the notes, read each, and stuffed them in his pocket.
Leaning down into her passenger window, he said, “Should we head over to the barbecue place?”
She nodded. “Sure. Anything important?” She inclined her head toward his pocket.
He blushed. “Uh. Just a couple offers.”
“I’ll bet.” She rolled up the window, causing him to pull back quickly.
“What the—” he yelped.
She smiled and put the car in reverse.
He followed in his truck to the restaurant where they’d shared their first meal together. Sabine shook her head at the changes since then. The changes in their relationship, and the ones within herself toward Ben.
They ate, they laughed, and they talked. But Sabine didn’t divulge anything he didn’t already know about her. It was fun, relaxed, and they drew some curious looks from the other diners. It was lunchtime on Saturday, so the place was nearly full. Ben waved at, smiled, or shook hands with numerous folks as they passed the table coming or going.
“Do you ever get any peace?” Sabine asked.
“Huh?” His expression showed real confusion.
“You can’t even eat a meal without being interrupted every minute or two on a busy day.”
He seemed to digest this a moment. “I really hadn’t thought about it. It doesn’t bother me, if that’s what you mean.”
She understood it and had lived that life. It had driven her crazy that wherever they’d gone, Richard was constantly interrupted from his meal and forced to discuss local and state issues. So, she guessed she was overly sensitive to the intrusion. Of course, he’d adored the attention. They’d been so young to be in such a position in politics. His junior senator position made him an up and coming star.
“You okay?” Her silence had obviously been noted.
How could she tell him she’d been a politician’s wife, that her father had been a politician, and that she’d jump in a lake and never come up before she’d live that life again? “I’m fine. Just getting full from these ribs and potato salad.” That was true enough. She loved barbecue, but didn’t indulge very often. Her treadmill would get a good workout tonight.
“This has been fun. I know it’s meant to be work, but I enjoy your company. This morning was amazing, but obviously you know that.”
“So, about the notes. Let’s see them.” Sabine gestured an empty spot on the table.
“You really want to?”
“I think I need to know what kind of interactions you have with women regularly if I’m going to help you mature in your relationships.”
He pulled out the crumpled scraps of paper from his pocket.
Sabine smoothed them out. One was from a girl named Candi, who suggested Ben give her a call and they could hook up sometime. She’d dotted the “I” in her name with a heart.
“Tell me about Candi with a heart,” Sabine suggested.
“She’s a tech at the drive-through pharmacy. And we went out maybe three times.”
“Sex?”
“On the third date only.”
“Why didn’t you go out again after that?”
“She told me she loved me.” He winced.
“How old is sweet Candi?”
“I have no idea. Maybe twenty-five?”
“How many times did she try and contact you after your third date?”
He outwardly cringed. “Ten or fifteen, maybe. I called back, but told her it wasn’t her, but me, and that I wasn’t looking to get serious.”
“The second you slept with her, she opened her heart to you. That third
date, she believed you wanted to continue seeing her. That’s why she slept with you. But you were done with her. Women make love; they don’t just have sex.” As soon as she said the words, Sabine nearly slapped her hand over her own mouth. Here she was, less than twenty-four-hours out of his bed. “Except me. I was the exception. I was physically desperate.”
His eyebrows went up. “I’m confused. Everything you say about other women doesn’t apply to you?”
“Let’s go with that assumption for now, okay? You know I needed release—not love.”
He studied her. “How do I know you won’t need to seek therapy from our night together?”
She laughed out loud. “Oh, get over yourself. It was fantastic, but I’m emotionally intact, don’t worry.”
“Well, let me know if you need to talk about it, okay?” He grinned.
“Stop. Just stop.”
He held up his hands. “Fine. I get what you’re saying about Candi and the others. We were on different wavelengths and saw things differently. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, as I’ve said before. I’ll call Candi and apologize for misusing her and for the miscommunication. In fact, I made a list.”
“A list. Of women?”
He nodded, his expression grim. “I needed to really think about each person I’ve been with or dated and how it went. I now realize there were quite a few miscommunications and timing snafus. We wanted different things.”
“I’d say so.” But a list and a plan was a good strategy for him to follow. It would help ease his conscience to make amends, would help those who were hanging on to hopefully find closure.
“I didn’t want to have a real relationship or commit. I just hadn’t found anyone before or since Lisa who I really connected with.”
Sabine was silent for a moment.
“Until you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You.”
Chapter Nine
Sabine returned home in a tizzy. Her response to Ben’s admission had been interrupted by his mother and new stepdad, Howard, stopping by their table. Sabine was never so thrilled to see anyone in her life. She’d had no response to give Ben. Thankfully, there hadn’t been a need, since their private conversation couldn’t be finished.
She’d excused herself then, after pulling out her phone as if she’d gotten an urgent message from a patient, leaving Ben staring at her as she’d never seen him. With complete vulnerability. It was too much. She needed time to think about what he’d said. Think about what she hadn’t told him and how she might break it all to him. Soon.
Were they headed down a relationship path? Together? She was married. To a Louisiana state senator who didn’t want to let her go—without conditions that might be her ruin. Her father was in the federal prison camp in Alabama. Ben had no idea who she really was. No one did.
She was a first-class fraud, and it might hurt Ben’s professional reputation if anyone found out. It would hurt Ben. He’d just been appointed to the governor’s ethics board, for heaven’s sakes. She had an awful feeling this was all going to matter to him. A lot. Until now, Sabine hadn’t felt such an urgency to confess her secrets. They’d become close quickly.
As she let herself into the house, she noticed it was unusually dark and quiet. “Mom?”
There was some shuffling, and muffled sounds coming from her mother’s bedroom. “Oh, God. Mom.” Sabine burst into her mother’s bedroom fearing the worst.
It took her a moment to process what was happening. Her mother was in the bed—and so was Norman Harrison. And they were naked. Oh, God.
“Sabine. Are you alright?” Her mother sounded positively cheerful, but pulled up the covers. And Norman, while covered from the waist down, appeared a little less comfortable, still smiled and waved.
“I-thought—I heard—” Sabine stuttered.
“It’s alright, dear. Why don’t you make some coffee while we get dressed?”
“I’ll just go make coffee.”
Sabine moved in a daze toward the kitchen, unable to process the scene that had just met her eyeballs. Good Lord, she and her mother had both gotten laid within twenty-four hours. She was waiting for the lightning bolt.
“Are you okay?” Her mother approached, wearing her robe and slippers.
“What were you thinking, Mom?” Sabine went on the offensive.
“You really don’t want to know, but it was lovely,” Mom said with a grin.
“Ew. I don’t mean literally. I mean that finding you in bed with a strange man was disconcerting to say the least.”
Her mother pulled off a dramatic eye roll. “Are you kidding? First, young lady, you didn’t come home last night either, which tells me you took care of some pretty sexy business with Ben Laroux, or you foolishly missed a prime opportunity. Second, do you think I’m a nun? Or that I haven’t missed sex like any other red-blooded woman? I’ve been seeing Norman, so he’s not some strange man, as you put it. He’s a lovely, kind, and considerate person, who knocks my socks off. And third; I told you I planned to move forward with my life, so this is what that looks like. Get used to it. I love you dearly, but don’t be such a stick in the mud.”
As Mom finished her tirade, Norman, now fully clothed, approached and placed an arm around her mother’s shoulders and kissed her temple. “Sabine, I know it’s a shock to catch your mother in bed with an old man, but I promise my intentions are honorable toward her.”
Sabine softened watching the two of them together, obviously happy. “I apologize to you both. I have no right to judge anyone else.”
“I knew it! You and Ben were together.” Her mother grinned from ear-to-ear.
“I’m not discussing what happened with Ben. I’m going to my room to catch up on my backlog of paperwork,” Sabine said, then exited with as much dignity as possible.
She fired up her computer, ready to do a little more research on Ben’s appointment by the governor. If it was public knowledge, then she might not feel as guilty for reading the outside of his mail.
She didn’t want him to think she’d slept with him or agreed to date him because he might somehow help her pull strings with her father’s case. While she understood that her father’s case was federal, he was incarcerated in Alabama, and Ben was clearly in the governor’s good graces. It just didn’t feel right, the way she’d kept such secrets from him, after he’d been placed in this new highly political position. It gave her a stomach ache and reminded her of her old life in politics.
Ben ran a hand through his hair. His frustration at the interruption of his and Sabine’s conversation was eating at him. He was dying to know what her response might have been. Did she view him differently now? She’d slept with him, so surely if she still believed he was the lowest form of life, that wouldn’t have happened. They’d connected at a deeper level than just sex, he was certain of it. Of course, her point to him regarding the women he’d slept with was that they’d believed it had been a deeper connection than just sex as well. Point taken.
But, really, it had been deeper with her. For him, anyway. This turnabout being fair play and all was beyond disconcerting.
He was home now and he sensed Sabine all around. Her scent lingered in his house. Ben fought the urge to call her up and invite her to come back over. His sanctuary suddenly seemed empty without her here. It hadn’t ever lacked anything before. She’d ruined him.
He needed a distraction. Looking over, he noticed the stack of mail. As usual, it was piled up because he’d been avoiding it. So, he grabbed the pile and began the boring process of attending to the things that required action. Fortunately, he’d already thrown away the ads and junk mail, so all that remained were the bills and correspondence. Some things, he took care of online, but other items continued to arrive, monthly, to his home address, without fail.
Small towns trailed the rest of the world when it came to technology. He doubted the local hardware store would ever catch up to online billing. In fact, they still carried monthly paper accounts, inste
ad of taking payment when items were purchased for its regular customers. They just “put it on the bill.” Granted, most of his outdoor supplies were ordered by phone and delivered when Ben wasn’t at home, but it was an old-school way of doing business. He guessed it was a comfortable way, but it created a ton of bookkeeping and paperwork for poor Jan.
The letter from the governor’s office jumped out at him. Ben knew it was coming, but hadn’t been especially excited about attending his first task force meeting. Of course, this letter informed him of the upcoming date and alerted him that he would be receiving a packet within the week, via certified mail, with the cases the board were to make inquiries into. He did look forward to being part of the solution to help clean up corruption and waste in the state, but he dreaded carving out time from his already busy work schedule. His hope was that this additional commitment didn’t end up causing him to be less available to his family when they called upon him. Because as much as he complained and gave them crap about it, it was the best part of his week.
Tutoring Lucy in math and babysitting Dirk and Susie for JoJo grounded him like nothing else. Those hours meant something to them all and, in a few years, Uncle Ben wouldn’t be cherished and needed in quite the same ways. It made him sad. He couldn’t imagine how his sisters dealt with the kids growing up and becoming less dependent on them as parents. In fact, he was getting a little choked up about it himself.
Ben’s deepest held secret was in desperately wanting children of his own to love, parent, and nurture. He just couldn’t think of anything he longed for more. Well, he guessed they needed a mother, preferably one with silvery blue eyes and midnight black hair. Their children would be stunning.
Ben had watched as others were experiencing satisfying lives and relationships while he’d sat, emotionally stunted. But suddenly, the sensations of genuine emotion were returning, thanks to Sabine. Yes, he had some real soul-searching to do, but now that he’d begun to understand his inability to connect with women, and how his actions had impacted others, it was like rebooting his inanimate self and reattaching the wires. They sparked and sputtered, and he wasn’t moving smoothly yet with the new upgrade, but he sensed the potential.