by E. L. Todd
“You coming, Yaya?” Axel asked.
“No, I’ll pass,” Yaya said. “I’m not a fan of the smell.”
“Okay,” Axel said. “We’ll go in the morning and be back by lunchtime.” Then he turned to me. “If you aren’t ready by six, we’re leaving without you.”
“I’ll probably be awake before you.” My brother teased me a lot, but I knew it came from a good place.
“You’re like a sloth,” Axel argued. “If I don’t poke you, you won’t move.”
“And you’re like a snail. If I don’t pick you up and carry you, you’ll never go anywhere.”
Yaya leaned toward Hawke. “They’ve been this way since they were kids.”
Hawke chuckled. “It’s entertaining.”
“Do you have siblings?” Yaya asked.
“No, unfortunately.” He immediately took a sip of his water.
“Consider yourself lucky,” Axel said.
I never took his insults lying down. “And consider yourself lucky you don’t have a brother that sings like Carrie Underwood.”
Hawke laughed but tried to stop himself.
“Whatever.” Axel gathered the plates and took them to the sink. “I’m going to wash these just so I don’t have to look at your ugly face.”
***
I sat in front of the fire while I read a book. The windows outside showed the forest and endless trees. It was a dark place, and sometimes my eyes played tricks on me when I looked into its depths.
The TV was on, and Yaya sat in her usual recliner. Axel and Hawke were on the other couch. Even though I was reading, I could feel Hawke’s stare penetrate deep into my skin. I knew exactly when he was looking at me and when he wasn’t just from the heat of his gaze.
Toward the late evening, Yaya yawned then left her recliner. “I’m going to bed. You guys have fun fishing tomorrow.”
“We will,” Axel said.
“Good night, Yaya,” Hawke said.
I waved to Yaya as she walked up the stairs. “See you in the morning.”
She stared at all of us with affection in her eyes. It looked like she was about to cry. “So nice having you here…” Then she walked up the stairs. When her footsteps receded and her bedroom door closed, we knew she was gone.
“She’s a really sweet lady,” Hawke said.
“Yeah, she’s pretty cool,” Axel said.
They continued to watch TV.
I went back to reading my book and knew Hawke was staring at me again. I couldn’t believe I had to spend the entire weekend with him. It was supposed to be a relaxing vacation but now I had to be on my guard the entire time. My goal was to stop thinking about Hawke but that was backfiring.
“I’m tired,” Axel said an hour later. “We should get to bed since we have to get up early.”
“Yeah.”
Axel got up and headed for the stairs. “You coming?”
“In a little bit,” Hawke said.
Axel shot him a suspicious look before he glanced at me. Then he turned back to Hawke. It looked like he wanted to say something but he decided not to. He walked upstairs and moved down the hardwood hallway. Then his bedroom door opened and closed.
I knew exactly why Hawke stayed down there.
“I didn’t know.” That was all he said, and he said it like it explained everything.
I put down my book and turned to him. “Yaya didn’t give it away?”
“Axel didn’t refer to her that way. He just invited me to spend the weekend with his family. He didn’t specify who that entailed.”
I knew I couldn’t be mad at him. “Well, you’ll have a great time. My family is really nice—even my brother.” He didn’t have a family to spend the weekend with so how could I make him feel bad about that?
“Yaya is a very warm person. I see where you get it from.”
His compliment made me flinch. He didn’t know me well enough to make a statement like that.
“I’m sorry if I ruined your weekend.”
“You didn’t,” I said automatically.
The sound of running water made us both look up. My brother was probably getting ready for bed, which meant he might overhear us talking.
I set the book on the table then moved to the seat beside him. “You didn’t,” I repeated in a lower voice.
He looked into my face freely, and his bright blue eyes were breathtaking like always. He glanced at my lips like he wanted to kiss me, but then he quickly looked away like the thought hadn’t crossed his mind to begin with. “I don’t want this to be awkward for you.”
“It’s not. There’s no reason why we can’t be friends.” Even though I still wanted to be something more.
“You want to be my friend?” His voice was full of surprise.
“Why wouldn’t I want to?”
He pressed his lips tightly together as he considered it. “I know we have an unusual circumstance.”
Because you made it that way. “I’m willing to leave the past in the past if you are.”
He released a deep sigh like my words hurt him. “Then let’s move forward.”
This guy was an enigma. I still couldn’t figure him out. It was like our date had never happened. Did he forget about the passionate kisses in front of the door? Did he forget how good that felt? Or did he feel nothing on his part? I wanted to ask him, but I knew it would lead nowhere. “Well…I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yeah.” He continued to stare at me like he never wanted to stop.
The gaze made me sit still longer than I wanted to. I stayed in my seat for another minute, just returning his gaze. Then I finally pulled myself away and headed up the stairs. I tried to get to my room as quickly as possible, knowing my room was directly next to his.
I sat at the edge of the bed then looked out the bedroom window. The moon hung low in the sky, and it cast a bright light into the room. Shadows fell everywhere. I tried to clear my mind and think about the quiet beauty all around me.
But all I could think about was the man I couldn’t have.
Fishing
Francesca
I was the first one downstairs and ready to go. I already had breakfast and coffee, and my fishing pole was hooked to my backpack.
I should have known my brother wouldn’t be ready.
I headed to his bedroom door and knocked. “Get your ass up, Axel!”
I heard a mumble from inside.
“It’s past six,” I yelled. “If you aren’t ready in five minutes, we’re—” I stopped talking because the bathroom door opened and Hawke stepped out wearing only a towel around his waist. Steam emitted from the room around him, and his hair was still damp. “Uh…” I forgot what I was saying. His chest was chiseled and defined, and his stomach had eight grooves of muscle instead of six.
Oh my lord.
Hawke must have seen the expression on my face because he smiled. “Morning.”
“Morning…” I needed to stop staring at him. I just hoped my mouth was closed and my tongue wasn’t hanging out like a dog.
He ran his fingers through his hair then walked down the hallway to his bedroom.
I immediately turned and watched him go, noting the prominent muscles of his back. They were defined like someone chiseled it to perfection. He was the ideal model for the male body. Droplets of water were still on his skin and they streaked down his body.
I was vaguely aware of the fact I was still knocking on Axel’s door.
“Shit, I’m coming!” Axel called. The door flew open, and he gave me a venomous glare. “Give me five minutes, and I’ll be ready to go.”
I turned back to him. “What?” I hadn’t heard a word he said.
He rolled his eyes and slammed the door.
***
We hiked up the trail with our bags across our backs. Hiking at sunrise was my favorite part of fishing. The birds hummed from their branches, and the smell of the trees entered my nose. I took my time and hung in the back to appreciate the scenery—espe
cially the view of Hawke’s ass.
It was nice.
“You doing okay back there?” Axel called from the front of the line.
I immediately tore my gaze away from Hawke’s behind. “I’m fine. Keep going.”
It took us nearly half an hour to get there because we had to hike uphill the entire time. My calves felt like they were on fire. I breathed hard, but the strenuous exercise felt good. I didn’t always have the time to work out during my normal schedule.
When we finally reached the lake, I stretched out my back. “Geez, that took forever.”
“Someone’s out of shape,” Axel said.
“At least I don’t sound like a girl,” I mumbled under my breath.
Hawke shot me a smile.
“Damn, I’m never going to live that down.” Axel approached the dock where our small boat bobbed. “Let’s do this.”
“You’ll catch more fish near the shore,” I said.
“How do you figure?” Axel asked.
“Because there’re tons of boats in the middle of the lake. Fish will go to the coolest and least populated area.” Dad taught us this a long time ago. Axel never remembered anything.
Axel didn’t seem convinced. “Or maybe we should get in a boat because everyone else is doing it.”
“There’s a pipe just around the lake where the freshwater comes in. I’m telling you, that’s where they’ll be.”
Axel still seemed unsure.
“You know a lot about fishing.” Hawke said it like it wasn’t a question or a statement.
“I was a tomboy growing up,” I answered.
Hawke nodded but said nothing else.
“I’m sticking with the boat,” Axel finally said. “And I’m not letting you go off by yourself so get in here.”
“Let me?” That was one of my biggest pet peeves. I refused to be bossed around—by anyone. “You don’t let me do anything. I’ll go wherever I damn well please.”
Hawke didn’t react overtly, but there was a look of approval in his eyes.
Axel rolled his eyes. “We’re going to be in the boat so wouldn’t it make more sense for you to join us?” He backpedaled because he knew I was a loose cannon when it came to stuff like this. I would take off and head back to the house by myself if he pissed me off enough. “Come on. It’ll be more fun this way.” He stared at me and waited for an answer.
I put my hands on my hips.
Hawke intervened. “Don’t leave me alone with him. He’ll start singing—and you know what that means.”
Axel gave him a murderous look.
“Fine. I’ll come along.” I walked down the dock and approached the boat.
Axel breathed a sigh of relief then climbed on.
Hawke stayed behind and offered his hand to help me on board.
“No, thanks.” I hopped into the boat without any problems and sat down.
Hawke stared at me with an unreadable expression. Then he climbed on and sat in the row behind me.
“Alright.” Axel grabbed both oars. “Off we go.”
***
By late morning, I’d caught the most fish—by far. My brother barely caught one. Hawke did better by catching three, which was impressive since he hadn’t fished in ten years.
“It’s your poles,” Axel said. “They’re better.”
“And the fish can tell?” I said sarcastically.
Axel splashed water on me.
“Gross.” I splashed him back.
Hawke remained in the back and looked across the lake with a peaceful expression on his face.
“Knock it off,” I said as I shielded my face. “You’re going to tip the boat.”
“Not when your fat ass is sitting in it,” Axel snapped.
“My ass is beautiful!” I splashed him a final time.
The boat reached the dock and Hawke jumped out. “You guys keep acting like toddlers. I’ll wait here.”
Axel held up his hands. “Truce?”
“You owe my ass an apology,” I said.
“How about a kick?” Axel asked.
I smacked him playfully with the oar then climbed onto the dock without taking Hawke’s extended hand.
Hawke leaned toward me while Axel tried to climb out of the boat. “You really do have a beautiful ass.” He gave me a playful wink before he turned back to Axel.
I walked past him so he couldn’t see my reddened cheeks. I tried to brush off the compliment, but since it came from Hawke, it hit me in a sensitive spot.
Axel got out of the boat then grabbed all his gear. We had more to carry back than we did on the way up. At least the hike would only be thirty minutes or so.
We headed back, and Axel took the lead like usual. This time, I walked behind him with Hawke behind me. I wondered if he was staring at my ass just the way I was staring at his not too long ago.
Halfway into the hike, Axel looked at me over his shoulder. “Frankie, come here.”
I didn’t like taking orders, but I did as he asked just in case it was something important. I sped up my pace until I was at his side. “What’s up?”
“Have fun today?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Just curious.” He glanced at Hawke over his shoulder then turned back to me. “What do you think of him?”
What kind of question was that? “He’s nice…”
“You aren’t into him, right?”
Why was he asking? Was I making it that obvious? “No.”
“Good.” He looked relieved. “Then I don’t have anything to worry about.”
What? “Anything to worry about?”
“Well, I know you had a thing with my friend Michael.”
“Like a million years ago. And what does that have to do with Hawke?”
“Well, Michael is a good guy. Hawke…not so much.”
My heart slammed hard in my chest, and I felt light-headed. Hawke made a similar statement, and now my brother was agreeing with him. What did that mean? “He’s not a good guy? I don’t understand. Why are you friends with him then?”
“Well, he’s a great person. He’s one of my closest friends. But he’s not the kind of guy you want to date your sister. You catch my drift?”
“Does it look like I catch your drift?” I snapped.
He glanced over his shoulder again to make sure Hawke couldn’t eavesdrop. “He’s a player. He doesn’t do the girlfriend thing. He’s…you know what I mean. I thought I detected some kind of…I don’t know…connection between you two. I just didn’t want you to waste your time with him. I know I tease you a lot, but I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve been through enough as it is.”
He’s a player? He doesn’t do the girlfriend thing?
“I just wanted to give you a heads up. You know I don’t stick my nose in your business but…I thought I should say something. All the girls like him so I’m sure you think he’s cute or whatever.”
My heart fell into my stomach. “Well…thanks.”
Axel didn’t detect the disappointment in my voice.
Now everything made more sense. I was looking for something serious—eventually—and he was looking for something fun that would never go anywhere. That was why he didn’t sleep with me. He thought I wanted a meaningless fling when I asked him out and kissed him in front of his truck, and I honestly couldn’t blame him. But when I made the comment about breakfast and wanting to take things slow, he must have understood I wanted something more than a single night. He could have accepted my invitation to come inside and then blew me off the following morning after he got what he wanted, but he didn’t.
So how could I possibly hate him?
A Night Out
Hawke
Axel knocked before he came into my bedroom. “You busy?”
“No.” I locked the screen to my phone and shoved it into my pocket. “What’s up?”
“Want to go out tonight?”
“Go out where?” Last time I checked, we were in the middle of nowhere.
>
“There’re a few bars in town. And Thanksgiving weekend is the best time to pick up girls. They’re depressed about being alone and crap.”
Francesca’s face immediately came into my mind even though I wasn’t sure why. “Maybe we should stay here so you can spend time with your family.”
“We would leave late after dinner. Yaya will be asleep and so will Francesca.”
It still didn’t feel right.
“And there’re cheap motels nearby so we can bring the girls there. Maybe we can swap like last time.”
It was one thing to stop dating Francesca and decide to be friends, but it was another matter to parade my personal life around her. I really did like her, and spending time with her over the weekend just made my fondness grow. She was different than other girls. She was smart, confident, and strong. She took care of herself and didn’t need a man to help her out of a boat or carry her pack on a hike.
And that was why I couldn’t be with her.
When she came on to me, I thought she just wanted a fling. Like all the others, we would spend a night fucking before I got bored with her and kicked her aside. But when she said she wanted to cultivate a relationship before sex, I realized I’d completely misread her.
And I felt like an idiot.
I didn’t want to walk away the way I did. But I didn’t want to give her a reason to call me. I pushed her away so she wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
Because I knew I would struggle to stay away from her.
The Grind didn’t serve the best coffee. It was mediocre and overpriced. But I went just to see her. I liked talking to her, flirting back and forth. She had a warmth to her that immediately pulled me in.
I loved the curves of her body and the way her lips tasted. I’d thought about fucking her for the entire date. I fantasized about all the different ways I’d make her come around my dick.
I still wanted to fuck her.
But I never could. She was unattainable. She would ask me for something I could never give her, and not just her but anybody. It could never happen, not unless she suddenly changed her mind about what she wanted.
But that would never happen.
I respected her, and I really liked her. I suspected that fondness would never go away. There was a connection between us, one I couldn’t deny no matter how hard I tried. And because of that, I couldn’t go out with her brother when she would know exactly what I was doing. It made me feel guilty in a way I’ll never be able to explain. “Let’s stay here. We can go out any other time.”