“Everything in her room’s packed,” I tell her. “She’s off.”
Mom turns toward Jo. Jo just edges toward the kitchen. So does Eyebrow.
“Quick!” I shout. “AFTER THEM!”
Maysmith is way too slow. The bad guys are far too fast for him.
But they’re not fast enough for the Cat, who leaps like a tiger through the hatch.
She pushes a serving cart into Eyebrow. He pushes it back.
She grabs a huge frying pan. She leaps onto the cart, she surges across the room like a knight riding in and then . . .
BAM!
She conks Eyebrow with the pan.
Eyebrow is down. He is on the floor like a fish.
But Jo is still going. She chucks a can at the Cat.
The Cat grabs a trash can lid and smashes the can aside.
Jo grabs the lid, then smacks the Cat with it and runs!!
I cannot believe it.
This is a woman who’s made me smoothies a hundred times. Now she’s whacking girls on the head with trash can lids. What will she do next?
Suddenly I see it . . .
And I know what I’m going to do.
Jo turns and sprints for the back of the restaurant.
The Cat flings plates at her. Jo bangs them off with her shield.
She gets through the yard door.
And that’s where she’s stopped by Wilkins Welkin, the dog detective, who comes CHARGING in.
(To be fair, it’s not her he’s after. It’s the pig. But he does enough to trip Jo and stop her for two seconds.)
And then I COME ROARING IN WITH THE SPEAR!!!!!
But the trouble is Jo sees me coming.
She bashes down the spear, and she yanks and pushes, and before I know it I’m pole-vaulting over the door. Then Jo is free and alone!
Except for my mom.
Who takes her out with a cutting board.
No one messes with my mom.
(Well done, Mom!)
By this time Stephen Maysmith has arrived. He puts Jo in handcuffs, and she is gone.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A Bit Like Heaven, and a Bit Like a Big Bang on the Head
But what about me? That’s what you’re thinking. Well . . .
That’s what you should be thinking. The last you heard I was going flying over the door.
You should also be thinking about the pig!
One moment he’s standing there eating his slops and thinking his evil piggy thoughts.
The next I’ve come flying in like a jet, and I’ve head-butted him.
The pig is knocked out cold.
Trouble is . . . I am also knocked out cold.
The pig and I are both lying side by side like a pair of sunbathers.
BUT . . .
Though my eyes are shut, in my head I’m seeing A LOT . . .
I’m seeing Dad.
I’m seeing Dad on the last day I was with him. We’re in the park.
Then we’re getting into his car.
But where are we going? What is about to happen?
For a moment it feels as if I am about to see it all again, and I will know what happened to Dad, and I need that so much, but then, also, at the same moment . . .
Back in the REAL world . . .
My mom is running toward me.
“Rory!” she screams, and my eyes are still shut, but I hear her fine.
“Rory!” she says again. She is really crying. “My beautiful boy! Oh my God! I love you so much! Oh, Rory . . . please come back! I would never shout at you again! I would give you ANYTHING!”
Hang on . . . ! I cannot believe this! I’m thinking: I should keep my eyes shut. Any second my mom is going to say I can have her room and a new computer!
My mom now REALLY CRIES.
“Roryyyyyyyy!” she sobs. “Oh God . . . You’re such a beautiful boy!”
I open my eyes.
“Ah,” I say, “you’re not so bad yourself!”
And I smile.
And my mom can’t help herself.
“RORY!” she shouts. “What were you doing?”
But I can’t answer, because suddenly someone else is there.
It’s the Cat. And I remember it was she who closed both eyes. It was when I said she’d called herself Cassidy Corrigan. Why was that?
I am just about to ask. But then she smiles.
And I try to get up (all cool) but I’ve really hurt my leg, so I fall back like a big toddler.
Then a third person appears.
It’s Stephen Maysmith. Suddenly he’s looming over me.
“Young Man!” he booms. “Are you OK?”
“I told you I would help,” I say. “And I did!”
“You did well,” he says. “But in future you keep your nose out of police business. Do you promise?”
I am thinking: I have just found out that I am a detective. Now I am going to find my dad, and there is NO WAY on earth that you will stop me.
But I don’t say that.
I just say: “I promise.”
And as I do I shut my eyes.
Then I open them again, because I have just had an absolutely brilliant idea.
“But you will have to do something for me in return!” I say.
“What?” says Maysmith.
And I tell him.
And I’m delighted to say . . . he agrees.
It all works out exactly as I planned. Better, in fact.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The Trip Home
For a start the Cat and I are driven home in the police car. (Maysmith stops on the way. I don’t find out why till later.)
Then . . .
When we arrive home, EVERYONE is there. Cassidy’s mom is there. My mom is there. (She’s already back!) Wilkins is there.
The whole block is there, as we arrive. And you can tell that the story of what’s just happened has already spread, because as the Cat and I step out of the car everyone claps.
Stephen Maysmith opens the back door as if he’s opening it for a king and queen.
My leg is now hurting badly, but Cassidy helps me out.
I have to put my arm around her waist, but I find that I actually don’t mind that at all.
First Wilkins comes running over (he is so relieved I got away from that pig), and so for a moment I am in pure doggy love heaven.
And it gets even better, because just then . . . Corner Boy appears.
“Rory!” he screams. “I don’t believe it! You were right! It was tetrodotoxin. The hospital called. They’ve got my dad, and he’s going to be all right!”
“But,” I call, “what about Mike Tyson?”
“Oh,” says Corner Boy. “That’s the best part.”
“WHAT?” I shout.
“Mike Tyson,” shouts Corner Boy, “has just had a baby!”
“WHAT?!!” I shout.
“Oh yes!” says Corner Boy. “It turns out Mike Tyson was pregnant (and that was why he ate so much) and now he’s had a baby!” “And,” I say, “is he OK?”
“Oh yes!” Corner Boy assures me. He nods his head. “Mike Tyson and his baby,” he says, “they’re doing fine!”
I laugh because I’m so happy. Then it gets even better. Because . . .
Only then does my brother’s evil face appear at the door. And right at that very moment Stephen Maysmith, the police detective, turns to me.
“Rory Branagan,” he says, “you have been a true detective today!”
He literally says those very words, and I just beam my face off.
“Two dangerous people were caught,” Maysmith continues. “We could not have done it without your help.”
Maysmith swivels to my brother:
“So y
ou, YOUNG MAN,” he shouts, “have to give him your complete collection of trading cards from the years 2010 to 2018!”
It is so fantastic!
“And on behalf of the police,” he says, turning to me with a big warm smile, “I would like to give you these three packs of trading cards.”
And when he gives them to me he says, “Well done!”
I go to my house. As I reach the front door, I see there’s someone waiting for me, by her front door. Cassidy.
“Deadly Branagan!” she says. “What the heck happened there?”
“Well,” I tell her, “I’d say Guinea Pig was poisoned by my Auntie Jo, on the orders of Thompson. She then tried to poison Maysmith to stop him getting her. Jo and Eyebrow then tried to run away: we took them down.”
She gives me the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
“I’d say that covers it!” she says. “Well done, Mr. Detective! You did well!”
“You did well yourself!” I tell her.
And I want her to say more but then she goes inside.
I don’t actually mind. I’m suddenly feeling like I’ve been through a lot. I am thinking I probably need a moment to myself. I need to be in the tree house.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
In the Tree House
It’s not easy to climb up there. (I swear my leg could actually be broken.)
But it’s worth it.
I have forgotten my flashlight, but the moon is now shining so brightly it doesn’t matter.
I open the trading cards, and I cannot believe it, because the first card is actually Dele Alli. I rip open the front of the pack and I see Dele Alli’s smirking face grinning at me in the moonlight like a goblin, and even he seems to be saying, “Well done, Rory!”
I settle back against the tree.
And just then I realize I have something in my pocket, which I have actually been carrying since this whole adventure started . . .
It’s the letter that I found by the front door.
I open it up and—to my absolute astonishment—I see it’s from Dad.
It says . . .
Rory,
I know it was your birthday last week but I couldn’t get to a mailbox just then. So I am doing it now. I want you to know that I am fine. In fact, I’m in the place where I was happiest, and I want you to know that on your birthday I thought of you for every single second, because you are a boy in a million, Rory, and I love you to the moon and back.
Dad
PS. By the way you probably should destroy this letter now. And don’t mention it to anyone.
I read the letter. Then I just stare at it.
For a moment it’s like when I realized Jo was the poisoner. I cannot move I am so shocked.
And then I feel a bit dizzy as if I’ve rolled downhill.
But then—of course—I start to feel very, very pleased and excited, because I now know for the first time in seven years that my dad is alive! And then—of course—I am more excited still, because now some very detective-y questions start LEAPING like dolphins into my head.
I am thinking . . .
And I am thinking . . .
And then I am thinking . . .
And then I am thinking . . .
And I am going to follow those clues and I am going to FIND HIM!
Because I am Rory Branagan, and I am actually a detective!!
And then I just lie back.
And I think of all the things that have happened, and I think of all the things that are going to happen.
And I just smile.
The End
My brother’s big head appears.
“There is someone to see you!” he says.
“Who is it?” I ask.
But my brother just goes. No matter. You don’t have to be a genius to detect who’s coming. I can hear the Cat singing as she climbs the stairs.
“Dun dun der-dun der-DUN,” she sings. And then she springs through the door.
“Hello, DEADLY!” she says. (That’s what she calls me!)
“Hello, Cat!” I say. (That’s what I call her!)
I am so pleased to see her.
“So will we go out,” she says, “so we can beat up baddies, and solve mysteries?”
“Er, no . . . ,” I tell her, “because of my leg.”
“Ah, I wouldn’t worry about a little thing like that!” she says. “I have made something to help.”
“What?”
“Jump aboard!” she says.
She then piggybacks me down the stairs, making clip-clop noises, as if she were my horse.
“Behold,” she says. “Your chariot!”
It’s a trash can.
“I am NOT going in there!” I say.
“I have cleaned it,” she says, “and I have put in cushions, and I have something very detective-y to show you.”
She winks.
So that gets me curious.
“Stand back!” I say. “I will mount the chariot!” And I get into the can.
“Advance!” I shout, and we set off up the street (fast).
But as we set off I see the weirdest dog I have ever seen. He has a very long back, and a long face, but tiny legs, so he looks like a furry crocodile. I love all dogs, though, so I am wanting to go and pet him.
But Cassidy is in the mood to go fast.
“Charge!” she says, and sprints all the way to a store, where the thing she wants to show me turns out to be a magazine called Real Detective, but unfortunately we have no money, and I can’t go into the store in my trash can . . .
. . . so we read at the door. Real Detective is fantastic. We just open it and we see . . .
REAL DETECTIVE
SECRETS OF THE FAMOUS DETECTIVES
SHERLOCK HOLMES:
Always notice EVERYTHING.
HERCULE POIROT:
List all evidence, list all suspects.
REAL DETECTIVE
SECRETS OF THE FAMOUS DETECTIVES
PHILIP MARLOWE:
Don’t be afraid to fight.
I am loving this! I am wanting to read the whole magazine. But . . . just then . . .
I (Rory Branagan, detective) notice something very interesting . . .
Actually it hits me in the face, and I have to pull it off, and I see . . .
I look at the lamppost, where I see more notices about missing dogs.
I cannot believe this. Someone is stealing dogs from Dean Swift Drive (which is my actual road) and straight away I am very angry, but very CURIOUS.
And just then I also notice that . . .
. . . at the other end of the block, someone is leading away the furry crocodile and you can tell he does not like it. For 0.2 seconds, I can see someone. They are wearing a black hoodie.
“Quick,” I shout to Cassidy. “I think someone is stealing that dog right now!”
“What?” she says.
“TAKE ME BACK!
TAKE ME BACK!”
I am shouting.
“All right!” says the Cat. “There is NO NEED TO SHOUT!”
But there definitely is a need to shout, because if someone is taking dogs there is a DANGER they might take Wilkins Welkin!!!
To be continued . . .
About the Authors
Andrew Clover is an actor and comic-nominated for a Perrier at the Edinburgh Fringe. He performs his show The Seven Secrets of Storytelling in schools worldwide from the UK to United Arab Emirates working with Authorsaloud.
Ralph Lazar is the creator of the Happiness Is... project, which is viewed by over 10 million people each week and followed by over 3.4 million people on Facebook.
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Rory Branagan Page 5