by Lara Swann
“Yes.” I breathe, looking up at him again, unable to fight back the grin that spreads across my face. “That’s what I want too, Ash. I…you mean so much to me. More than just because of the baby - I’ve never felt the way I do with you. I want this too, the baby and you—and—well, I think I would have been a little bit heartbroken if you’d decided to date someone else, after all—”
“I…what?” He interrupts, his expression turning from joy to confusion in an instant.
“Oh—nothing.” I say, flushing a little bit and giving a slightly awkward laugh. “It was just something Nathan said one time—”
“You know, I think I really need to meet this Nathan of yours.” He says, scowling a little, but I can tell by the sparkle in his eyes that he doesn’t mean it.
“You do.” I say, my smile becoming a grin again. “I want you to. I want this, Ash, I really do - for us to be a proper family. The three of us - you, me and the baby.”
“Me too.” He smiles back, then laughs. “Look what you’ve done to me - turned me all traditional. Suddenly, that’s the only way I want to do this - as a good, old-fashioned family.”
That comment makes me happier than I could ever believe, lighting me up from the inside. Somehow, I never pictured that from Ash.
“And…” He adds, his expression becoming a little more serious again. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet, too, if you’re up for it.”
“Who?” I blink, surprised at the sudden suggestion, but I’m immediately curious.
“My Mom.” He says, and for a brief moment, his small smile seems almost shy.
Yeah, Ash. Shy.
“We could go via Dover on the way back to Baltimore.” He continues. “It wouldn’t add that long to the journey, and I know she’d love to meet you and hear all about the baby.”
“I—have you told her about the baby?” I ask, feeling suddenly nervous. I love that he wants to introduce me to his family but…what’s she going to think?
He shakes his head. “Not yet - I wanted to do it in person, and things got a bit busy for me to make the trip. Besides, the moment I do, she would just be hounding me to bring you up to meet her, so…”
He trails off, his smile tilting up at the edges as he looks at me expectantly. My stomach feels slightly twisted in knots, but I nod anyway.
“Sure.” I say, sounding slightly unsteady. “I—yeah, it would be great to meet her too.”
It’s not entirely a lie - I do want to meet his Mom. It’s just…I haven’t been able to handle the idea of telling my own parents all this time. Do I really want to be there for the explosion on his side too?
“Are you okay?” He looks at me, frowning, then takes my hands. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Chloe, really, if this is all too fast—”
“No.” I say quickly. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea. “No, it’s not too fast - I want to meet your family, really. It’s just…what’s she going to say? If you turn up with me, already pregnant and all of that? When she’s never even met me before? What’s she going to think of me?”
The concerns flash through my mind one after the other, a staccato beat, and Ash’s expression creases with sympathy.
“Nothing.” He says, his voice soothing as he pulls me into his arms. “Chloe, she’s going to be thrilled. She’ll love you - and she’ll be so excited that we’re expecting a baby. Really. There’s nothing to worry about—”
“But you haven’t even told her. And it’s been months!”
“Well, I’m telling her now.” He looks almost confused.
“But…”
“Chloe, I wouldn’t suggest it if I thought there was going to be any sort of problem.” He says, his tone steady and reassuring. “This is only going to be a good thing, I promise.”
He holds my gaze and I can see that he really does believe that - and I should believe him, he would know - but I can’t help the tension that’s still coiling through my gut. I’ve been so on edge about telling my own parents that it’s hard to imagine what he’s describing.
“Okay.” I say, taking a breath and refusing to let that stop me. “Let’s do it.”
It’s his Mom we’re talking about - and I’m trusting him with bigger things than this. If he says it’s going to be fine, then it will.
“You sure?” He asks, searching my eyes.
I nod, determined, and finally manage a smile. “Yes, I’m sure. I want to.”
“Okay.” He smiles, and I don’t miss the hint of relief there. “Shall we?”
I nod again, though I’m a little reluctant to leave this place and the precious time we have left together.
“Do you want to call her then? Tell her we’re coming?”
He shakes his head, shrugging. “Nah, I usually just turn up.”
I frown. “What if she isn’t in?”
That makes him grin. “It’s Sunday evening - she’s always in. NCIS airs at 9pm, it’s pretty much her favorite show ever. We’ll probably have to leave before then, too.”
“Ash, we’re telling her we’re having a baby. I’m pretty sure that trumps a TV show.”
He shrugs again, giving me a crooked smile. “Maybe. But I’m just saying, if we happen to leave before then…she’ll probably be secretly relieved. C’mon.”
He takes my hand while I’ve still got a slight frown, unsure about just turning up, but I don’t object and within a few minutes he’s starting the engine and we’re on our way…to his Mom.
I still feel nervous about it, but I’m a little excited too. I’m curious - about his Mom, his past…everything. I want to know more about Ash - I want to get to know his family and his life. Everything I can. He’s the father of my child - and now, so much more as well.
If anything, that’s what makes the nerves easy to manage. If I have him in my life - like this - I can face a few awkward family moments if I need to. It might even be good practice for talking to my own parents - which I definitely need to do now.
And I will.
I smile as I think it. Now that I’m going to have a real family, with Ash and my baby, it’s completely different. It’s still going to be difficult to explain why I waited so long to tell them - but at least I have something good to tell them. Something they might, in the end, even approve of.
The journey passes quickly as I get lost in those thoughts - of Ash, and the baby, and the future we might have together now - and before I know it, Ash is turning off into Dover and we’re navigating down smaller streets. I barely have time to get nervous again before he pulls up outside a little house, just across from a lake.
“You okay?” He asks again, after he removes his helmet and helps me down from the bike.
I nod, handing my own to him.
“Yeah.” I say, giving him a slightly anxious-excited smile. “Yeah, I just can’t believe we’re doing this.”
He laughs. “It’s just my Mom. Not a big deal.”
“Hah, yeah. Sure.”
It definitely feels like a big deal. We’ve gone from co-parenting a child, to a relationship, to meeting his family in barely the space of an hour. I follow him as he walks through the little white gate and up the path to the house, feeling better when he reaches back and takes my hand, smiling at me.
He knocks on the blue-painted door, then takes out his key and opens it without waiting, calling out as he enters the house.
“Mom? It’s me!”
There’s a noise from further down the hallway and then footsteps before a woman appears in front of us, already responding as she walks.
“Ash? What are you—oh.”
She sees me and stops, and I hold Ash’s hand a little tighter as I offer her a small smile. She’s shorter than Ash, with long gray strands of hair escaping from a loose bun at the back of her head. Her face is creased with lines, the skin slightly red and puffy, but there’s a warmth in her brown eyes as she looks at us that matches what I see in Ash too.
“You don’t usually bring girls around.” She say
s, her brows high and her tone slightly scolding. “You should have told me, I would have—”
“Mom.” Ash interrupts, with a tone of easy familiarity in his voice. “This is Chloe - I wanted you to meet her. And this is my Mom, Jean.”
“Hi.” I say, still smiling at her and feeling almost painfully shy. “It’s lovely to meet you.”
Her attention shifts to me and after sending a slight scowl in her son’s direction, she gives me a beaming smile as she walks toward me.
“It’s lovely to meet you too, sweetie - and I’m so sorry, if I’d known you were coming then I would have prepared something for you both—dinner, or—”
“It’s fine, Mom, really.” Ash says, stepping forward to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “We don’t need anything - we just wanted to see you.”
“Well you must have something if you’ve come all this way - and with a guest, too! I’ve got some cake, at least, and I’ll put the kettle on - do you like coffee, Chloe? How do you take it?”
I glance at Ash, wondering if he’s about to spring our other news on her too, but his Mom is already bustling us along into the kitchen and he gives me a subtle shake of his head, mouthing ‘later’. I’m a little relieved - I don’t want to interrupt her right now either - and I answer her questions instead, asking if I can do anything to help as we enter the kitchen. It’s a small space with aged appliances and a kitchen cart in the middle that makes it hard for all of us to fit at once.
“No, no!” She turns around, looking appalled, and then starts shooing us out of the kitchen. “You both go and sit down. I’ll be through in a minute—Ash, show Chloe the sitting room—and the bathroom, if you need that, it’s just down the hall—have you had a long journey?”
“Um, no, it was fine...” I start, slightly overwhelmed and unsure whether to stay and answer her questions or leave as she asked.
“I bet it was on one of those bikes of his, wasn’t it?” She tuts slightly in his direction. “Do you like all that too, Chloe? Is that how you met? If you ask me, they’re death traps, those machines—I do wish he wouldn’t—”
“I’ll just take Chloe through to the sitting room, okay Mom?” Ash interrupts, repeating her earlier suggestion.
“Oh, right—yes—yes, do that—I’ll just be right there—” She says, her tone distracted as she pulls mugs and plates out of the cupboard.
“Just say if you need anything.” Ash offers, and she waves a hand in his direction, the constant stream of words continuing under her breath, this time about the cake and coffee.
Ash flashes a grin in my direction as he all but pulls me out of the kitchen. We walk back down the hallway and he opens a door to the right, revealing a cozy space with a couple of weathered armchairs, a couch and a small TV. There’s an old fireplace that looks like it hasn’t been used for years and the walls are covered in alternating cream and yellow wallpaper.
“Soo…” Ash says, his voice quiet as his eyes sparkle at me. “That was my Mom.”
That’s all it takes for a small giggle to bubble up from my chest, and I cover my mouth with my hand as I laugh a little. I had absolutely no idea what to expect, so I can’t exactly say that she’s not like I expected…but she definitely isn’t. The constant stream of questions and thoughts might be slightly overwhelming, but the affection behind it is obvious and it just feels…nice. Like being smothered in warmth and care.
“She’s lovely.” I whisper to him, smiling as I take a seat in one of the armchairs, and I mean it.
Ash sits opposite me on the couch - and then his Mom comes in before we can say anything else. I lean away from him, almost guiltily, but I don’t think she notices. Instead, she beams at me.
“Do you like chocolate cake, Chloe? I’m afraid that’s all I’ve got—”
“Yes, that would be lovely.” I say, feeling a little more confident in cutting her off after seeing Ash’s responses.
“Lovely.” She repeats, setting the tray on the low table in the middle and then distributing the mugs of coffee and plates of cake. “I’m glad you could both come - I was thinking it’s been a little while, Ash.”
She says as she takes a seat on the other armchair, some of the semi-frantic energy and conversation calming a little as she holds her cup of coffee and looks at both of us.
“And with a girl, too.” She smiles at me, and then at him. “Maybe you’re finally growing up a little, after all. I’d nearly lost hope.”
She directs the last comment at me and I don’t try to hide my amused smile. It’s almost strange to hear the way she talks - especially about Ash - with comments that could be little jabs, or passive-aggressive criticism…but aren’t. I’m so used to comments like that, but…not like this. The words might be similar, but the tone behind them is full of sweetly exasperated affection, and I can hear the love and care behind it.
“Thanks, Mom.” Ash says wryly, and exactly the same tone is in his voice. He doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest by the things she says about him…and with the way she says them, I can understand that.
I can’t quite describe what it is about their relationship, or quite how it’s different, but something about it - something about being here - makes me feel warm in a way I wasn’t expecting.
She gives him a fond smile, before looking over at me again.
“I never used to like him running around with all those bikers.” She says, her tone confiding, but without the slightest concern that the person she’s talking about is right here too. “But he’s really made something of himself now, working in that shop of his.”
I smile back, and the undertone that I couldn’t quite identify suddenly hits me, almost straight in the chest as I recognize the difference for what it is.
She’s proud of him.
Whatever her comments are - however disparaging the act she puts on is - that shines from her like a beacon. Pride and love and affection. So much that it’s impossible to miss, no matter what she says.
It’s a strange realization - at once making me flush with pleasure, before my stomach twists with something that might almost be jealousy, or frustration.
Why can’t I have that, too?
Even though she obviously disapproves of some of Ash’s choices and she isn’t shy about it, she still supports him anyway. It doesn’t change that feeling of pride and love. There’s a small, stabbing pain in my chest when I think about it and I have to push the thought away to let me focus on being here with Ash and his Mom again. That’s hard enough that I’m almost relieved when Ash starts the conversation I’ve been anticipating-yet-dreading, and I get the distraction I need.
“Mm, well, there was something else we wanted to tell you, Mom.” Ash finally says, after chatting for a little while about how the shop is going.
“Oh yes?” She asks, sipping on her coffee.
He glances over to me, then reaches over to take my hand and I give him a tentative smile.
Then he looks at her and just comes right out with it, so straightforward I can barely believe it.
“We’re going to have a baby.”
She sits there for a moment, the coffee forgotten in her hands as she stares at us, her eyes slowly widening as she looks back and forth between us.
“A…baby?” She repeats, then squints slightly at him. “You’re not…having me on about this, are you, Ash? Because that’s a pretty terrible joke, even for—”
“There’s no joke.” He says, and the small smile playing around his mouth, the warmth shining from his eyes, it all makes my heart lift in my chest. “It’s really happening. We’ve known for a couple of months now…ohh, here, let me show you…”
He shifts, dropping my hand as he pulls his wallet out from his back pocket.
“Really?” She says, her lively voice turning soft for once. She sets the coffee back on the table, very slow and carefully, before her eyes dart to mine, wide and disbelieving. “You’re really…”
I nod, and I can’t help the small smile
I get as I say it, either. I still don’t know quite how she’s taking this, but just saying it makes something jump for joy inside me.
Being able to tell someone. Finally.
“Really.” I say, my own voice quiet too. “I’m pregnant…we’re going to have a baby…together.”
I see the moment the light comes into her expression, the shock turning into the kind of thrill I’ve been experiencing for so long now. The grin starts slowly, but spreads across her face faster than I can imagine, until it seems like it might split her small frame in two.
“Oh…oh, Ash. Really? Did you—was this—well, I guess it doesn’t matter. You’re…you’re happy…about it all, though?”
Her response darts between several different thoughts, as she’s obviously careful not to assume too much, but I can see the hope underlying all of it.
“Yes.” I say, emphatically, unable to help the smile. “I’m happy. So happy.”
Ash nods, finally finding the scan picture in his wallet and passing it over to her.
“We’re excited, Mom, really.” He smiles at her, almost seeming shy for a moment. “Here, have a look at our little one…I’ve wanted to show you since we had the scan.”
She takes it in slightly trembling fingers, as if it’s fragile enough that it could disintegrate at any moment, and I can hear the murmur of awe as she sees it. When she looks up, moisture is gathering at the edges of her eyes and she blinks at us.
“I’m going…to be a grandma?”
Ash’s smile gets bigger, until he’s grinning back at her. “Yes. You are.”
“Ohh, Ash…” She swallows, and then the tears are running down her face as she stands up to embrace us both.
I laugh slightly, overwhelmed by the sudden happiness I feel at being able to share this with someone - seeing someone so happy by the news that has made us so happy too.
It’s an unbelievable, amazing feeling and I couldn’t have imagined any way this could have gone better. Ash was right. His Mom is amazing and lovely and wonderful - and she couldn’t have had a better reaction to our news.
We stay for another couple of hours, talking about everything and anything baby-related as she gushes about how good this is going to be. She doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest that we’ve only been ‘together’ for the last few months - we don’t tell her it’s technically the last few hours - or that this is the first time she’s met me. If anything, all she says is how thrilled she is that Ash is finally settling down.