by Kip Nelson
“Yes, it is.”
“I can’t believe my dad managed to fight off cannibals. You’re like Mad Max or something,” Brent said, admiration glowing in his eyes.
Darren hadn’t thought of himself as a hero, but seeing the pride in Brent’s eyes made him feel stronger. He straightened up his back a little and puffed out his chest.
“Thank you, Brent, but you can see why I’m feeling a little wary to send you out there. I don’t want you running into men like that.”
“I don’t much want to run into them either, but like I said, I could just stay in this area,” Brent said. “What did they look like?”
Darren imagined Brent had in his mind the image of some savage wild men who had cast off all semblance of society, men who were more like animals. The truth was far more disturbing.
“They looked normal, Brent, and that’s the scariest thing. Anyone you run into could be someone like that. We just never know. All I knew from one glance was that they were after me. But I never imagined they’d actually want to eat me.”
“Wow, it’s like you’re in a movie.”
“No, Brent, this isn’t a movie!” Darren snapped. “This is real life and one wrong move could be enough to get you killed. I know it sounds unreal to be talking about cannibals, but we have to keep aware of these things. We can’t let our guard down.”
“I know, Dad,” Brent said in a small voice.
There was a moment of awkwardness between them. Darren felt bad for snapping at him. It wasn’t anything Brent had done. Darren just was tired and was so tense with worry that sometimes he lashed out at his son. He clenched his jaw.
“I’m sorry, Brent. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know I’m not the father I used to be. This world, it just…”
“It’s not this world,” Brent said. Darren glanced over at him, arching his eyebrow in surprise.
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t been yourself since Mom left.” Darren bowed his head while Brent continued speaking. “You withdrew from us, Dad. We haven’t been a family for a long time.”
“I’ve been trying.”
“I know, and I know you’ve been working two jobs. But sometimes we just want you around. When was the last time the three of us went out anywhere? I don’t think it bothers Michelle that much yet, but recently she’s been getting more agitated whenever you’ve been at work. She’s always trying to get me to let her stay up until you come home, and when this all happened I thought it would change. I thought finally we could just be the three of us. And yes, I wish Mom was here too, but I know that’s unlikely. But you are here, except sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.”
“I’m just trying to take care of you.”
“I know, Dad, and I know there aren’t any easy answers, but that’s the way it is. We just want to be a part of this. I do, especially. So does Betsy. We can help you. You don’t have to be the only one looking after us. You’re allowed to relax. You’re allowed to spend some time with your children. We’re all in this together, Dad, a family. So, let us start acting like it.”
Chapter Two
Brent walked away, leaving Darren standing alone outside the cave. Brent had left Darren with much on his mind. Darren looked down at his hands, at the sore knuckles, and wondered what would have happened if things had gone differently. If just one roll of the dice had been different, he could have been the one to die, and his children would have had no father left.
Brent’s words stung, though. Darren had tried to make his kids understand all he had to do to keep them safe, to help them survive, but in doing so it seemed he had lost sight of what was truly important. He could kick himself. All his life he had tried to make sure he avoided the same mistakes his own father had made. Yet, in the end he wondered if everyone was doomed to repeat the mistakes of their parents.
He’d never wanted to be an absent father, but that’s exactly what he had turned out to be. It was easy to blame Stacie for putting him in the position where he had to work two jobs, easy to blame his old company for their poor decisions that forced him to find new work, and it was definitely simple to blame the world for placing him in a position where he had to leave his home and search for resources.
But, when it came down to it, he was the only person responsible for his actions. That was a lesson that had been drummed into him from an early age. It was the most valuable thing his father had taught him.
The world could do a lot to you, people could betray and hurt you, but the only thing they couldn’t do was make you do what you don’t want to do. The prospect is terrifying to most people, for they can’t handle the responsibility. They like to blame their life on luck or fate or some cosmic plan of a deity, when really there’s nobody to blame but themselves.
Darren felt a hole open up inside him as he realized how much he had isolated himself from his children. It wasn’t something he even had been cognizant of, not until Brent had pointed it out to him. Stacie leaving had been a blow, and perhaps he never really had gotten over that. Still, it made him ponder the way he was going to live his life now.
Although he didn’t want to put his kids in danger, he knew Brent was right. This model was simply unsustainable. Darren had pushed himself to his limits. His body ached, his mind was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was sleep for about ten thousand years.
He needed help.
And yet exposing his kids to the dangers of the world went against every fiber of his being as a parent. He’d tried preparing them and educating them as they had been growing up. Never had he wanted them to be sheltered, and then suddenly shocked when they left school or college and had to fend for themselves. But in a way that was only placating his own needs as a parent, and doing his children a disservice. It wasn’t actually helping them come to terms with this world at all.
All this time it was a shock to think he hadn’t been as good a parent as he thought himself to be, but there was no time for self-recrimination. His children needed him not only to be a father, but a leader too. Brent had made him proud by telling Darren exactly what he needed to hear. If that continued, then they would be in good stead for the rest of their time in this godforsaken world.
Darren knew one thing. They couldn’t spend the rest of their lives hiding in this cave. Somewhere along the way he had lost part of himself, but it didn’t mean it was impossible to recover. He had his kids to remind him of what was truly important, and it was time to unleash them on the world. It wouldn’t do any good to keep them wrapped in cotton wool.
He turned and made his way back to the cave, hoping this decision wouldn’t bring more sorrow upon his family. But there were dangerous people out there and Darren knew they were either prey or predator, there was no in between. If he continued going out by himself, at some point his fortunes would run out. Then he’d find himself up against someone who ended his life, and his kids would be alone.
When faced with that possibility he had to ask himself a number of questions, but only one really mattered: had he prepared them well enough for life without him?
At the present moment, he wasn’t sure the answer was an affirmative one, and that had to change.
He strode back to the cave, to the inviting glow of the warm fire. As he approached he heard the sound of Tara and Michelle giggling. Because of his fatigue he was in a vulnerable emotional state, and because of this his eyes started to fill with tears.
Even though the cave wasn’t comfortable, and the environment around them was harsh and unforgiving, the sounds coming from that cave were the sounds of a family. His family. No matter what else happened, nobody could take that from him. As much as living in this world was difficult, the fact that he had provided this home for his family was a source of great comfort and pride for him. As long as they still were there, he knew anything was possible.
All he had to do was have the same faith and belief in them as they had in him.
When he walked into the cave, he instantly was greeted
by Michelle, who wrapped her arms around his legs. She was delighted to see him, and he realized how much he had missed her. He scooped her up in his arms and she giggled with delight.
“How is Applejack doing?” Darren asked.
Michelle held Applejack up to Darren’s ear, and Darren pretended to have a conversation with the pony. This amused Michelle greatly, and as she pranced back to Tara she had a happy look on her face. Sometimes Darren wondered if kids ever thought adults were silly for playing these make believe games.
Darren rubbed his hands together and looked around at his family, and the place he had built. Slowly but surely this small cave had become a home to them. They had managed to place sleeping bags around to give them places to sleep, and while there wasn’t much privacy to be had, it was just about big enough to get lost in the shadows, if one so desired. Tara and Michelle loved sleeping together in their elevated section, while Brent and Betsy had their separate places. Although when they were awake, the two of them spent most of their time together.
In many ways it was like seeing a family unit. If anything happened to him, Brent and Betsy would have to take care of the little ones. Brent and Betsy would be like the father and mother, while Tara and Michelle already were acting like sisters. It was strange for Darren to look at them and feel out of place, for he was the only one alone.
As it often did, his mind turned to Stacie. He wondered how things would have been different if she had been here. She’d never seemed to be one meant for survival, but perhaps she could have changed had the situation called for it.
There were plenty of occasions during their time together when she had surprised him. Like the first time they had spent the evening together she pulled out a DVD and suggested they watch a three-hour sci-fi epic, when he’d assumed she only ever would like watching light comedies and chick flicks.
She always had been something of an enigma, and in the end, he just hadn’t been able to figure her out. There were times when the bitterness of her betrayal left him angry, and other times when he was more cooled on their time together. In moments like these he actually pitied her, because she had turned her back on being a part of this family. She had walked away from these amazing children, and she never would have any idea of what they were capable.
He wondered if she was out there now, thinking about them in the same way as he was thinking about her. Was she regretting leaving? Was she wishing she just could see her children one last time? Or was she dead?
Darren had thought about that last possibility a number of times over the past few months. He wasn’t sure whether wishing she was dead was a mercy or not. Sometimes it seemed as though those who had died were the fortunate ones. They did not have to endure the hardships of the world or see their loved ones slowly or suddenly die before their eyes. However, over time his seething anger toward her had lessened. He simply didn’t have the energy anymore. If she was alive, he hoped she had found peace, wherever she was. No matter how much time passed a part of him always would love her, for she had given him Brent and Michelle.
“Everyone gather round. I need to talk to you,” he began.
Betsy and Brent looked up from their conversation, while Tara and Michelle stopped playing with Applejack and the wooden pony Darren had made for Michelle. The four kids moved toward Darren, standing in front of him, looking up to him as a lion cub looks up to the leader of the pride.
“I know we’ve grown used to a lot of things in this world, some of which haven’t been very easy to get used to. I want you to know I’m proud of you all for everything you’ve done. I couldn’t have asked for better kids. You’ve all been so well-behaved, and that’s been a great help to me. But things must start changing. I had hoped I was going to find enough food on my trip yesterday to see us through until spring, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. It means we must explore these woods to try hunting for more food.
“I’ve been speaking with Brent and, after some thinking, I agree with him that we’re all in this together. I can’t simply keep going out by myself while leaving you all in here. I was hoping to protect you from the outside world, but I realize now that I can’t. We’ve had some bad people come into our home. I need to teach you more about how to live in this world. I’m going to try teaching you more about how to live. So that in the future you know exactly what’s going on. It’s not going to be easy, and it might be a little scary at first, but I think it’s for the best. And we’re all going to do it together, as a family.”
At this point Michelle beamed, and that made Darren’s heart melt.
“Now,” Darren continued, “it does mean there must be a few changes around here. So far, we’ve been living by a new routine, but if we’re going to hunt and gather resources, we’re going to have to live more by daylight again. I’d still like for most of our waking hours to be in the dark, because it’s going to be safer to sleep in the daytime. But we must make the effort to leave the cave more and explore the world around us. We have to remember that it’s not just the cave that is our home, it’s these entire woods. We have to make use of them as best we can. I’d also like to find another source of water as well, because having two is better than one.
“It also means we must find a way to hide this cave. When we’re gone I don’t want anyone coming around here and thinking this place is free real estate, nor do I want anyone to take our supplies.”
“Maybe we can hide them!” Michelle said.
“That’s a good idea,” Darren said.
“I want you all to think of ways we can disguise this cave, to make it difficult to find for anyone who passes by. Then I want you to get ready, because we’re going to go for a little stroll,” he said, making a point to nod toward Brent. Betsy leaned over and whispered something in Brent’s ear.
Darren let the kids think of some ideas while he sat down and closed his eyes, trying to allow himself a little more rest. Talking to Brent had eased the tension that coiled within, and he felt better for it. But just as he was drifting off to sleep he sensed the presence of two people standing over him. He opened his eyes and saw Tara and Michelle.
“I’m scared, Daddy,” Michelle said.
“What are you scared of?” Darren asked gently.
“The daytime,” Michelle said, scrunching her face.
She raised her foot and pressed her toes into the ground, twirling them slightly. She cast her eyes to the ground and looked every inch the vulnerable little girl she was, and always would be to Darren. All Darren wanted was to scoop her up in his arms and promise her everything was going to be alright. He wanted to shield her from the world, but that wouldn’t let her grow into the person she needed to be.
“Okay, what about the daytime is it that scares you?”
“The people. The mean men,” she said.
Darren wondered if he had done too good a job of highlighting the dangers that were present in this world. It used to be she was scared of the dark, of the monsters hiding in her closet. Apparently, now that had shifted to being scared of the daytime.
“Well, you know that as long as I’m around I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, and that we’re all here to take care of each other. I know that I said the daytime is something we should avoid, but it’s going to be okay. We’re still going to try staying hidden from any mean men we see, but there are some nice people out there as well.”
“Are there?” she asked.
“Of course there are, Sweetie. I met some of them yesterday.”
“You did?”
“I did. There was another man I saw on the road who was just like me, looking for more food for his family. There were two women who were trying to find their way to their home. There were three other people who offered to let me go with them, but I told them I had a family to get back to.”
Michelle seemed to understand. Then it struck Darren that with Brent he had focused on the dangerous people he had encountered, whereas with Michelle he wanted to speak more about the ones who
posed him no threat. It also served as a strong reminder to himself that there were decent people left in the world, and it wasn’t a given that a stranger was going to be dangerous.
“Betsy and I spent all our time awake in the daytime. It wasn’t so bad,” Tara added.
“Yeah, and we didn’t really see anyone in the forest until we came across you,” Betsy said from across the cave. It was difficult to have any kind of conversation around here without being overhead.
“See, Michelle? It won’t be so bad. If Betsy and Tara can do it, then we can too,” Darren said, smiling.
Michelle seemed to be a little reassured by this and nodded. Darren could tell she was troubled, but at least she was willing to go along with what he wanted, rather than fight against him and wail out her frustrations. She’d always been a good girl, though, obedient and trusting.
The five of them got to work at making the cave ready for their departure. Darren didn’t want to be gone too long, but he wasn’t going to take chances leaving the cave undefended. If they lost this cave, he didn’t know where the next safe place was going to be.
Tara and Michelle worked on hiding the food. They struggled with dragging the bags across the cave, but it amused Darren to see how they dealt with this task. Their young minds still had not developed the ability to solve problems properly, but they were giving it their all, bless them.
They ended up carrying the cans up to where they slept, and then placed their sleeping bags over them. It wasn’t the worst hiding place in the world, and in truth there weren’t many good places to hide the food. It served to keep them busy as well, while the older three devised ways to protect the cave’s entrance.
It was clear the main issue was hiding the cave’s mouth. They needed a curtain or something, which Betsy was quick to point out. Darren was impressed with her quick mind. Brent likened it to disguising the Batcave, which also made Darren smile.
“I think we need to make the entrance harder to get through, make it look as though a fallen tree is blocking the path or something,” Darren said.