by Kip Nelson
“When Tara mentioned him today I suddenly felt so guilty. He was my dad. I was supposed to be there for him. I look at you and Brent, and I listen to the way you two look out for each other. He told me what happened with the men who came in here and I just…I know I should have done more to help my dad.”
Darren was a little surprised that Brent had divulged that information, but he was pleased to see that Betsy didn’t hold it against him. Betsy sniffed again, her emotions getting the better of her, and Darren was glad he had come over.
“I know it’s hard. We always think we can do more when the people we love are hurt, but you did all you could, Betsy. I’m sure your father would be proud of you for keeping Tara alive. I never knew him, but if he’s anything like me, the only thing he’d want from this world is for his children to be safe, and they are. You played a part in that, and you should be proud.”
“But why did I forget about him?”
“You haven’t forgotten about him, Betsy. But it’s unfair to yourself to think you have to have him on your mind all the time. Life happens and, unfortunately, there’s not enough time in the day to think about everything we’d like to. We just don’t have the capacity for it. Like you say, there’s been so much stuff to keep ourselves occupied it’s easy to lose track of our thoughts. But that doesn’t mean you don’t love him, or you don’t honor him.
“Those memories are always there, always ready for you to recall. It just means that you’re allowing yourself a little break, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to cut yourself some slack. And sometimes with grief you think you’ve moved on and then suddenly a random memory comes to you, or you see something that triggers a memory and you’re right back into that sadness again. Your dad is going to be with you for the rest of your life, Betsy. I know you’re never going to forget him, but that doesn’t mean that you have to think of him all the time. Our minds just don’t work like that I’m afraid.”
Betsy nodded slightly. “I just wish I was able to go back and tell him all the things I wanted to tell him. I was so angry at him for taking us away from home, for betraying Mom, for having Bill involved in our lives. I’m afraid that he died thinking I hated him.”
“I’m sure he didn’t. Being a parent always comes with the risk that your kids are going to be angry with you, but deep down you always know they love you. I’m sure wherever he is now he’s looking down on you and he’s proud of you and Tara. I know I am.”
“Really?” Betsy said, her eyes lighting up.
“Of course, and I wanted to thank you as well for what you’ve done for my kids. It was hard for them to leave everything they knew, but since you’ve come along this place really has been like home. It’s been so good for them to have people their own age to hang out with. I think it makes this whole thing more palatable.”
“It’s been good for us as well. When we were with Bill we didn’t think we’d ever see any kids again. I…I wanted to thank you for what you did. I know it could not have been easy.”
Darren tensed. He didn’t like to think of how he had killed Bill. It had been necessary for the safety of these kids, but it wasn’t something he liked to dwell on.
“It’s okay, Betsy. Don’t think anything of it. Let’s just relax and wait out this storm. Things will look better in the morning, I promise you that. And just remember what I said. Give yourself a break. We’re all human, we’re not perfect, and one of the most important lessons you can learn is how to forgive yourself.”
Betsy nodded and thanked him. She wiped the remaining tears away from her eyes. Darren was about to get up, figuring that he had done his duty, when Betsy spoke again.
“What was she like?” Betsy asked. Darren’s heart lurched. Betsy didn’t have to specify the identity of the person she was talking about. Darren knew she meant Stacie. “Brent has talked about her, but he doesn’t really tell me anything specific. Just that he misses her.”
Darren sighed, wondering how much to tell Betsy.
“She was a good mom, when it suited her. She loved Brent and Tara until it became too much, I guess. Then she left. She was the warmest, most beautiful, kindest person I ever knew. I loved her with all my heart and the sad thing is if I had to do it all over again I probably would.
“Despite how hard it hurts that she left she still gave me Brent and Michelle, and part of her always will be with them. So, I can never hate her for what she did, not truly. But despite all that, and please keep this between us -- because I know that Brent still has a lot of mixed emotions about her -- she’s selfish, cruel, and the way she left us was unforgivable.”
Darren didn’t have much else to say after that. So, he got up and told Betsy that if she ever needed to talk with him about anything, he was always free. And that he never was going to replace her dad, but he would do his best to be there for her and Tara.
Soon after he had spoken with her, he saw Betsy walk toward Brent, and the two of them were lost in a deep conversation again. He imagined they were talking about their families, bonding over everything they had lost. He wondered if they realized all they had found, though, in each other and in this place.
Darren sat by himself for a little while until Tara and Michelle came up to him and asked him to play. Even though he was tired he didn’t refuse, understanding that he needed to be there for the kids to make them see that things still could be normal. He played make believe with the girls and they ran through the cave. Michelle asked if they could play hide and seek, but Darren explained there wasn’t really enough room for that in the cave, and they’d have to wait until the storm ended.
It didn’t seem as though the storm was going to end anytime soon, though. The wind still howled through the woods, buffeting the trees, and making the fire dance wildly. The girls looked a little scared. So, Darren distracted them again with more games, playing with them until all three of them were exhausted.
It had been a long day, and nothing had been accomplished, but at least they were still alive, and perhaps that was accomplishment enough.
Darren wondered what Tara and Michelle really were thinking about with all they had experienced. He tried coaxing conversations out of them. But it wasn’t easy since children their age had a different way of processing emotions, and he didn’t want to risk upsetting them. In many ways they had adjusted to this new state of affairs better than the others, for they just saw this as their new home rather than an uprooting of their entire lives. Darren truly hoped they wouldn’t have to leave this place.
As yet, the water levels didn’t seem to be threatening the cave, but he knew in this world everything could change swiftly. He made sure to keep his eyes on the outside world, prepared to leave at a moment’s noticed.
They ate soup for dinner, and the warm meal was satisfying. The rich tomato flavor filled his mouth, although of course there wasn’t enough to satisfy his appetite and he had to leave the ball of hunger rolling in his stomach once again. Once they all were finished Brent smacked his lips and took the pot off the fire, then held it outside to wash it.
The pelting raindrops made tinny echoes as they hit against the pot. Brent winced, holding his head away from the outside world, but he could do nothing to protect his hand from the rain. He brought the clean pot back, the remnants of soup having been blasted away by the rain. Then shook his hand dry, wiping them on his clothes before he held them above the fire.
“I wouldn’t want to be out in that,” he said.
“Tell me about it,” Darren said, remembering how he had been caught in the storm. The wind was even louder than it had been before. It whirled around the outside world. If the cave hadn’t been so sturdy, a part of the ground, Darren was sure they would have been blown away, as if they were little pigs tormented by a big bad wolf.
“Hopefully it’ll die down during the night and we can get back to our tasks tomorrow,” Darren continued.
Brent didn’t ask what would happen if the storm didn’t let up, but Darren could tell he was thinking about it. The
last time this had happened Darren had had to go searching for more supplies. They couldn’t allow themselves to be trapped in this cave. Darren had to accept the fact that it may come to a point where they would have to go out in the rain and try fighting against the winds to get anywhere. But for now he was happy to wait in the dry cave.
The rain was one thing, but the wind was something else. Walking out there now would be like fighting a tempest. He glanced down at the little girls. Darren knew that he, Brent, and Betsy could brace themselves against the force of the wind, but it would be harder for Michelle and Tara. Their bodies were lighter and they lacked the strength to plant their feet on the ground and resist. Like Dorothy, they could be carried away, although not to Oz.
Throughout the night Darren woke up periodically to check the water levels. They were rising. The stream must have flooded, creating a swamp. His heart quickened as he thought about that area, how it would be swarming with water, flooding the land. It was an epic storm, the kind that only could be found in mythology. Perhaps this was a way for God to cleanse the world of the wicked sinners again, just like in the story of Noah.
Except Darren had no way to build an ark.
The lightning crashed down now and then, making the sky flash brightly for an instant before it faded into gloom again. The wind was blowing the rain all over the place, some of it even encroaching into the cave itself, splattering against the stone walls. Occasionally the fire hissed and steam whispered out as an errant raindrop fell onto the flames, but there wasn’t enough water to put the fire out entirely, thankfully.
Darren stood there with his hands on his hips, one man against the torrent of nature. Leaving now was too dangerous, for the whipping wind could well sweep them away, and they would take so long trudging through the wind, sinking into the muddy ground, that they barely would be able to make any headway, especially when they had to carry their bags as well.
There would be no point in taking the bike. If any of them rode it, they’d simply be blown over. Darren also was afraid the wind was so strong it would push against the wheels, causing the bike to sway this way and that, the rear wheel a danger to anyone in proximity. If that wasn’t bad enough, he knew well how soaked they would be, and without the promise of shelter anywhere nearby it seemed as though he would be leading his family into despair.
At least when he was caught in the storm before he knew he could return to the cave and enjoy the safety it promised. If they left now, there was no guarantee they’d find anywhere else. He just had to hope the water levels wouldn’t rise any more, and the cave didn’t become a swimming pool.
The sky was so dark now that it was impossible to tell day from night. The more time that passed, the more Darren and his family were isolated from the world. In his most anguished moments he would look around at the walls of this cave and think to himself that this could well be their tomb. They could starve, freeze, or drown, and their bodies would be left to rot. One day other people would stumble across this cave and think themselves fortunate to have found such a shelter, but when they looked inside they would see the five bodies, and they would wonder who these people were.
Darren wouldn’t be able to answer them. Everything they were would be lost to time. Nobody would miss them. It was an incredibly sobering thought, and it only made him more desperate to survive. Without life there was nothing, but for all their fighting, for all their hope for the future, they were at the mercy of nature. The outside winds would seal their fate. The rain held them captive. If they stayed, they might die, but if they left, it surely would be only a matter of time before that happened. Everything Darren did was with the best interests of his kids in mind, but in this instance he was utterly helpless. He had no control over anything, and simply had to wait and see what the weather would do.
“Daddy?” a muffled, sleepy voice said.
Darren turned around to see Michelle yawning, wiping her eyes. Darren walked away from the cave entrance and picked her up in his arms. He carried her as he had done when she was a baby, rocking her gently to try soothing her to sleep. She nestled her head against his shoulder and her little breaths washed over his neck.
“It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy’s got you,” he said.
She mumbled something in reply, then fell asleep again. Darren thought about putting her back down into bed, but in all honesty he didn’t know how many more opportunities he’d have to hold his daughter like this. He wanted to cherish every moment. So he paced around the cave with her in his arms, remembering the time she was born.
It had been something of a miracle, really. He hadn’t expected them to have another child after Brent. Once again it was a show of nature’s strength, how it was able to combat the technology that humans put in front of it, overcoming the birth control that he and Stacie were using. The night Michelle was born was like this as well, with the wind howling and the rain pelting down. Darren had been pacing all day, sitting with Brent, trying to answer Brent’s questions about birth and what his new baby sister was going to be like.
Darren remembered the nerves. People had said that it would be easier the second time because he’d gone through it all already with Brent, but the truth was it was just as terrifying. Bringing a new life into the world was the noblest responsibility, and one not to be taken lightly. Darren remembered how small she had been, just a face and writhing limbs swaddled in a cloth, eyes barely strong enough to open, mouth sucking in sharp breaths. And now she was in his arms, growing every day, and he still was plagued with that same worry as when she was born.
He wanted to promise her that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to promise her they were going to be safe in their new home and they would be able to have everything they wanted. However, he knew the promises were hollow. So much of their lives were out of their control, and so many of the decisions they faced only led to bad outcomes. If this was a cleansing of the world, then they had no hope to survive, for he clearly wasn’t Noah. There was no dove carrying an olive branch, no message from God, and no rainbow spreading through the sky.
There was only the howling of the wind, the cracking of trees, and the continual hammering of rain. But, for the moment, Darren tried forgetting all that and focusing on the feeling of his daughter in his arms, the weight of her, the warmth, the feel of her little heart beating. He turned away from the storm and gazed around at their home, trying to pretend he wasn’t worried. The time soon would come when he wouldn’t be able to hold Michelle like this, when she wouldn’t be his little girl any longer. She would be like Brent and Betsy, eager to take on the world, with all the brashness of youth.
He hoped she would be strong, able to look after herself. He imagined she and Tara would be friends for life, moving through the world together, taking care of each other. The thought almost was enough to bring tears to his eyes, especially when he thought about Brent and Tara as well. The time would come when he would become too much of a burden to them all and he’d have to leave for the sake of their safety.
In some ways, parents were just caretakers, nurturing people toward adulthood until they reached an age where they were able to branch out and have lives of their own. And what was Darren supposed to do then, just let them go and return to his life? That was supposed to be the way it worked.
Parents were supposed to rekindle their youth and embark on the same adventures that they had planned before the children were born, but it wouldn’t be like that for Darren. While Brent and Betsy were growing closer, and Tara and Michelle already had formed a steadfast friendship that likely would endure for the rest of their lives, Darren had nobody to whom he could turn. He was alone, without peer, and as close as he was with the kids, it wasn’t the same as having an adult friend of his own, or a romantic companion.
Eventually, he placed Michelle back down. She squirmed a little, but stayed asleep. Darren returned to his sleeping bag and settled down. The wind blew outside. Darren pulled the sleeping bag over himself as tightly as possib
le to fight off the chill that swarmed over his body.
He wondered if he ever would feel the warm embrace of another person again. Although thinking of Stacie only served to remind him of what he had lost, he entertained himself with thoughts of her, of her warmth beside him, how he used to be able to drape an arm over her and feel the rise of her chest, listen to the steady rhythm of her soft breaths as she fell asleep. The warm thoughts comforted him. He wished he could go back to that time and enjoy the feeling of contentment and belonging once again, for the shadow that was only a memory surely would fade.
Chapter Eight
The Dawkins family was awoken by a terrible sound, as if the ground was being ripped up from all around them. Darren quickly shook the stupor from his eyes as he heard Tara and Michelle wailing. Brent and Betsy got up quickly and ran to the young girls, holding them tightly, telling them that everything was okay. They had learned the lesson of lying to kids, for Darren could see the worry and panic that rested in their eyes.
He looked at them, and then quickly made his way to the cave entrance, yelling at them to stay back. He hoped it hadn’t been an error to sleep. If the water had risen more than he had predicted, they could be in a whole lot of trouble, but what he saw chilled him to the bone and made his heart sink.
Utter carnage.
He steadied himself against the cave wall, his hand pressed firmly against the hard stone. He looked out and couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The landscape was one of devastation. Trees had been ripped from the ground, their roots grasping up at the sky. Broken branches and pieces of bark were strewn across the muddy ground, some of them upright like the panels on the back of a Stegosaurus, others floating in puddles like driftwood, although the puddles fast were becoming lakes.
The wind still was howling, still tearing up the ground. Never before had Darren been in the midst of such a storm. It was unrelenting and showed no mercy whatsoever. The dark skies cast a gloom over the woods, but it was light enough that Darren could see the devastation.