Maybe it had been both.
The second we were in the house I stepped away from Shawn. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked over to the fire.
What was wrong with me?
I had set out determined to do this on my own, but after everything, I wasn't even sure I could do this with the others by my side. If I lost them, I’d give up, and I think that thought terrified me even more.
I sat down close to the fire, but it didn’t seem to be warming my body. It felt as though my bones were made of ice. I was being frozen from the inside out.
I jumped when someone touched my shoulder. Ryder was standing behind me, gesturing for me to follow. Shawn’s eyes shifted up toward me, but he quickly looked away as Ryder led me out of the room.
We stood there in the freezing room they’d taken wood from staring at each other. After a second he stepped forward and pulled me into his arms.
It seemed as though he didn’t know what to say and neither had it. Being in his arms instantly helped warm my bones.
“I was worried,” I finally said after he held me for several minutes.
“For a second, I was too,” he said with a smile.
I pulled back slightly so I could look into his eyes. “What happened?”
“The other one jumped on me. Knocked me to the ground. I swung at him but missed. He howled and ran away. Logan helped me up, and that’s when I saw you were standing out there trying to catch your death.”
Ryder placed his hand on the back of my neck. His head moved side to side like a pendulum.
“You shouldn't have gone out there,” he said pressing his lips to my forehead.
“I thought something happened to you.”
He put his thumb on my chin and raised my face, so I was forced to look into his eyes. “Even if something happens to me, you have to keep going. You can’t put yourself in danger for any reason. Ever. Promise?”
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure his words had sunk in. Even if they had, I didn’t know what I would or wouldn’t do if something happened to him. How could I go on? How could any of us?
It would just be a sign of how limited our time was for all of us. First one and then the next. That's how it would be.
“Look,” Ryder said, smiling, “everything is fine. I’m OK, you’re OK, and now we have food.”
“You shouldn’t have gone out there either. I couldn’t see anything. I don’t even know how Logan found you.” I shook my head. “He could have gotten lost. You both could have.”
Ryder tightened his arms around me, but he didn’t say anything. Hopefully, that was because he’d already known it hadn’t been the smartest move. Or maybe it was because he would have done it again in a heartbeat.
“Are you going to be OK?”
I nodded.
“I’m going to help Logan clean the wolf. Stay inside?”
“I can help,” I said. It was true. I could. I’d seen my dad skin various small animals.
He flashed me a half-smile and stepped away. “I’m sure you could, but I rather you stay inside. Warm up. OK?”
I pressed my lips together and nodded. After he’d stepped away, my bones felt cold again. I did need to warm up, but I wasn’t sure if I could do it without his arms around me.
Eli worked on collecting more wood from the ceiling while Logan and Ryder worked on the wolf. Charlie, Shawn and I sat near the fire, mostly in silence.
Even while we filled our bellies with the overcooked wolf meat, we didn’t talk much. My thoughts were on the snow falling outside. There wasn’t anything I could to stop thinking about it.
If it kept falling, and it didn’t warm up, this brick house was where I’d die. Or maybe we’d try to travel, in which case my grave would be out in the middle of nowhere.
Perhaps everyone was trying to come to terms with the same fate.
After we’d finished, Ryder and Logan packed the leftover meat deep in a pile of snow. There was a chance something would come along and steal it, but we didn’t have a whole lot of options. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be anything wandering around blindly.
That night I tossed and turned more than usual. Even when Ryder held my hand, I couldn’t fall asleep. I didn’t want to face the nightmares. The one I was living in was bad enough.
When the house lit up some, I knew it was morning. I could tell without getting up that the sun wasn’t shining. What I didn’t know was if the snow was still falling.
I got up and slowly walked to the window while the others slept. Eli was at the back window, and I could sense his eyes on me, but he didn’t say anything.
I held my breath as I pulled back the curtain.
20
God dammit.
It was still snowing. I watched as it dropped down to the ground, trying to decide if it had let up. Eli stepped up behind me, and my body jerked.
“Sorry,” he whispered. He must have been trying not to wake the others.
“For startling me, or because it’s still snowing?”
“Only sorry for the one that’s my fault,” Eli said with a grin.
I sucked in a deep breath, my shoulders sinking down as I released it. “Do you think it’s less than yesterday?”
He tilted his head slightly. “Maybe? It’s hard to say, but I can tell it’s still just as cold.”
“How do you know that?”
“I can feel it when I step into the other room. It’s so cold in there, and the more wood we pull out, the colder it’s getting. If this weather doesn’t change—”
“I know. It’s not good,” I said, my lip trembling ever so slightly. “You don’t need to remind me.”
Eli frowned. “Sorry.” He hesitated. “For the reminder.”
I pressed my hands against my face. Eli’s footsteps lightly tapped against the floor as he walked to the back of the house. I reached over and grabbed my jacket to keep myself warm as I stared out the window.
My eyes shifted their focus to the front door, moving down until they settled on the doorknob. Maybe I should walk out there… just keep walking. Take matters into my own hands instead of sitting around waiting for death to find me.
“Good morning,” Ryder said, placing his hands on my shoulders. My visions of walking away poofed away like someone had poked a balloon with a pin. “Damn. Still snowing, huh?”
I nodded.
Ryder crouched down next to the chair and leaned in close. “It’s going to be OK. We’ll figure it out. For now, we’re safe in here… just think if we hadn’t found this place.”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?” I asked.
“I’m not sure what it was supposed to do.” Ryder smiled.
I forced a smile back, but I could tell by the twitch near the corner of his eyes that he could see right through my attempt. His cold fingers slid around the side of my neck, turning me so he could look into my eyes.
“Things could be so much worse. We have food, water, and a shelter—”
“The second we can’t put wood in that fireplace, we’ll start dying. It might not happen quickly, but it’ll happen.”
“We don’t know that,” Ryder said, his jaw tensing. “There is still wood in this house we can use before we even have to start worrying.”
I shifted my weight and stared right back. “If the snow doesn’t stop—”
“It will stop.”
“You don’t know that.”
He shook his head. “Of course I don’t, but I haven’t given up since the second I was born. I’m not about to give up now. I’ve been through far worse than this.”
“I haven’t.” My gaze shifted away from his.
“Is that right?”
He was challenging me. I could tell by his tone. Ryder was right. I’d been through worse, and he was calling me out on it. First I’d lost my dad, and not even that long ago, my mom. Somehow, I’d survived that. Of course, he was right… but it was hard to think about it the way he did. Each snowflake that fell was a minute being sha
ved off my life, and there were a lot of snowflakes falling.
“Want to help me prepare some breakfast?” he asked as he stood and held out his hand.
“Sure,” I said slipping my hand into his.
“Let’s go see if our food is still buried in the snow.”
I pulled on my hat and gloves and followed Ryder out of the house. The cold air against my face felt like sharp pins pricking at my cheeks. Even with the instant chill, it felt good to be out of the house. I couldn’t dwell on all the negative things I’d been focusing on because the only thing I could think about outside was how ungodly cold it was.
“Brrr!” I said, and Ryder put his arm around me. His cheeks were dark pink from the cold, but there was a sparkle in his eye. “You’re crazy.”
“A little,” he said sliding his hand around the back of my neck. He pulled me closer and kissed me. “But only in the good way.”
His lips were soft and warm. Heat surged through my veins, as the snow fell down on us. The air was bitterly cold, but I felt as though I was melting into Ryder.
He pulled back, and I couldn’t help but smile at him. Ryder took my hand into his and led me to the side of the house where there was a big pile of undisturbed snow.
“Good. It’s still here,” he said, bending down to dig into the pile. “When I was younger, we used to have potatoes. I miss potatoes.”
“My mom had a garden for a while.” I could barely remember it. It was a memory that seemed to have stayed back at the house with her.
I remembered the seeds I had with me. If we could ever find warmth, soil, and water we’d be able to have fresh fruits and vegetables. Potatoes. But I didn’t mention the seeds.
“That must have been nice,” Ryder said.
I nodded as he pulled out a big slab of meat and set it down in the clean white snow. He covered up what remained, packing the snow around it tightly before picking up the meat.
“What about all that? Won’t it draw attention?” I asked pointing at the bloody snow with my boot.
“Maybe, but it’ll be covered up in no time. I think it’ll be OK,” Ryder said.
A wolf let out a loud, sharp howl and we both turned sharply to the right. I didn’t see anything, but it hadn’t sounded as though it was too far from where we were.
“He hates me,” Ryder said grabbing my hand, leading me back to the front of the house.
My eyes darted around looking for the wolf. It howled again, and I was certain it was even closer than it had been.
“Come on,” Ryder said, picking up his pace just short of a run. “Probably should have taken the club.”
I took off my glove and tucked it into my pocket. My hand resting on the cold metal at the back of my hip. It would be sorry if it messed with me.
It was around midday when Ryder pulled me into the back room where they had been pulling wood from. If anyone noticed us sneaking away, they hadn’t said anything.
“What is it?” I said, not understanding the look on Ryder’s face. I narrowed my eyes expecting to be hit with a brick of bad news.
“You look so worried,” he said stepping closer. Heat seemed to radiate out of his eyes. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. Distract you.”
Thankfully I had my jacket on, it was practically a requirement in the back room. I stuffed my hands into my pockets to keep them warm.
“What will the others think?” I said wearing a sly, little smirk.
“Who cares?” Ryder said flashing a smirk of his own right back at me.
He took another step towards me, and I took one back. The look in his eyes was burning hotter than the fire in the other room. It was a bit overwhelming.
My back bumped into the wall behind me, and a tiny gasp escaped from between my lips. The pounding in my chest was like a low, rhythmic drum beat.
Bump… bump… bump.
Ryder put his hand up against the wall on my right, and then on my left. He stared at my lips.
“What has gotten into you?” I said in an airy voice.
“I just realized something today,” he said moving his lips closer to my ear.
I swallowed down the lump that had formed in the back of my throat. “What’s that?”
“That I don’t want to waste any time.” His lips lightly brushed against the skin just below my ear. I felt his breath dance down my neck. “Do you?”
I shivered and shook my head.
It was true. I didn’t want to waste time either, but that didn’t ease my nerves. It wasn’t as though I was about to admit it to Ryder, but I had no experience with anything like this. I didn’t know how to act. Or even what I should say.
“I didn’t think so,” Ryder said, kissing down my neck hungrily. My entire body felt as though it was on fire. And there was one thing I knew for certain… that I didn’t want him to stop.
Ryder slid his hand around the back of my neck and tilted my head upward. He kissed me hard, our mouths moving together perfectly with a need I couldn’t control.
I pressed my hand against his chest as his fingertips glided down my shoulder. He stopped at the zipper on my jacket. I could feel his lips curl into a sinful smile.
I drew in a sharp breath when he pulled the zipper down and the cool air brushed against my skin His hand slid around my waist, and he pulled my body tightly to his.
I copied what he’d done and unzipped his jacket. My heart racing as I placed my palm on his solid chest.
Ryder pressed his body harder against mine, and I could feel just how badly he wanted me. He leaned into me, moving his knee between my legs as his hand slid inside my shirt.
“Mmm.” My voice was soft, barely noticeable. His touch felt amazing.
Ryder gazed into my eyes, and when I smiled, he smiled back. Our hands moved everywhere at once. Exploring every inch of one another.
I didn’t want the moment to ever end. It was the first time since leaving my home, I hadn’t been worried about something. Being with Ryder felt so right.
His abs tightened when I slid my hand inside his shirt. My cool fingers glided over his silky-smooth skin. I loved how he felt both soft and hard at the same time.
Ryder’s hand moved up my side. The second he touched my breast, I gasped.
“Ohhh,” I said, biting my lip to stop any other sounds from leaking out.
Ryder smiled. His lips quickly found mine again.
The floorboards creaked behind Ryder, and my eyes popped open. It was strange how the small noise had cut through the quiet like a razor blade.
“What’s wrong?” he asked looking into my eyes as I stood on my tip-toes and looked over his shoulder.
My eyes locked with Charlie’s for a split-second. Ryder turned abruptly to see what had grabbed my attention, but before he’d even been able to turn, she was running from the doorway.
“What was that about?” Ryder said, his eyes still on the space where the door would have been.
“Charlie.” I paused. “I… I don’t really know,” I said pulling my jacket closed, suddenly realizing how cold the room was. Or because of how little privacy we really had.
Seconds later, there was a loud bang. It sounded like the front door being slammed shut.
“God dammit!” Ryder said turning to me. “You OK?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
He kissed my cheek. “I’ll be back. Don’t go outside.”
Ryder ran from the room, and I followed him. Logan was standing in the doorway looking outside. I could see the snow was still falling outside, but it seemed as though it had let up.
“She ran out,” Logan said glancing at Ryder. “Eli went after her. Know what that was all about?”
Ryder shook his head.
Shawn was standing near the fire looking back and forth between the front door and me. It was clear he had no idea what had just happened.
I wasn’t even sure if Ryder knew exactly what had happened. But I knew. Charlie had seen us. She’d seen Ryder kissing me, and
she ran away. She couldn’t get away fast enough.
“They went that way,” Logan pointed. Ryder nodded and stared out the door as if he could see them.
“I’ll go after them,” Ryder said as he pulled on his hat and gloves. “Stay here with them.”
“Ryder,” I said taking in a quick breath. I didn’t want him to go. He’d get lost out there.
He looked at me without blinking. “I’ll be back. I promise. Stay with Logan.”
I shook my head and took a quick step toward him. But before I could say anything, he was gone.
21
I walked over to the window and watched Ryder running away until I couldn’t see him any longer. I could feel Logan’s eyes on me.
“What happened?” he asked when our eyes connected.
I didn’t know what to say. I hesitated so long he looked away from me.
“She… I guess maybe she didn’t like—”
“There’s Ryder!” Logan said, and I saw the movement. He was carrying something… someone. Eli.
Where was Charlie?
“Help me!” Ryder shouted, and Logan ran out of the house. They noisily carried Eli into the house and laid him down on the blankets near the fire.
The second they stepped back I saw the arrow sticking out of the side of his chest. He was as white as a ghost.
“Where’s Charlie?” I asked.
“Still… out… there,” Eli said wincing more and more with each word.
Ryder stood up and went to the door. “Take care of him.”
I wanted to run after him. Beg him to stop, but I couldn’t.
Eli groaned.
Logan was kneeling next to his head looking distraught. Shawn was lightly touching Eli’s jacket where the arrow had pierced through it.
“I could pull it,” Shawn said looking at Logan and then at me.
I shook my head. The injury was far beyond anything I’d be able to take care of… if it was even something that could be treated at all.
“Don’t pull it,” Eli said between his clenched teeth. His eyes were half closed. “That’ll just kill me faster.”
Ravaged Land: Divided Series - A Post-Apocalyptic Thriller Books 1-3 Page 12