Finn averted his gaze, focusing on starting the game up for us instead. He helped Ollie pick out a character. When it came time for me to choose, Finn said, “Peach, right? For old time’s sake?”
“Hell-- I mean, heck yeah,” I said, stealing a glance at my son and hoping he hadn’t picked up on my faux pas. I tried not to swear in front of him. He was like a sponge, and always picked up on everything I said. Thankfully, he seemed to be focsed on the television and his character instead.
“I knew it!” Finn said, grinning from ear-to-ear, “Some things never change.”
Ah, yes, maybe some things don’t change, I thought, but sadly, the big things in life are constantly changing. I dropped the conversation, and like him, focused my attention on the game instead.
Ooo000ooo
“You’re going down!” I cried out, smashing Finn’s Pikachu into oblivion. Pikachu splatted across the screen, looking pitiful, and I celebrated yet another win.
At first, Finn had been kicking my ass, but after a few rounds - and once Oliver was passed out on the couch - I managed to get good enough to win a few rounds myself.
Chinese takeout boxes surrounded us, most of them empty or near empty. We’d eaten in front of the tv, never stopping the game for too long. Ollie loved it, and I found that I did too.
In the midst of my celebrating, Ollie’s eyes opened, and I realized I’d been too loud. Covering my mouth, I tried to stay quiet as his eyes fluttered back shut. Finn stifled his own laughter as he turned the game off.
“That’s enough for tonight,” he whispered.
“Yeah, you can’t take losing anymore, can you?” I teased.
“Nah, just think someone is getting too excited and might wake up the little man,” he said, winking at me.
He was right. I needed to put Oliver to bed.
“So much for catching up on our lives, huh?” I said.
Finn walked over and picked up Oliver, holding him in his arms. I wanted to argue, to tell him I could carry my own son, but it was hard not being enamored by the large, handsome man holding my little boy. I let it go.
“We still have time,” he said. “I’m used to working late, so I’ll be up for awhile.”
“Me too,” I said, nibbling my lip.
Finn led the way down the hallway, and I watched his ass in his tight jeans. It was impossible not to. He’d always been in pretty good shape, but even at eighteen, he still had the body of a boy. Now, he very much looked like a man. A man who worked out pretty hardcore from his thick, tree-trunk like arms and broad shoulders.
He looked back at me and smirked, as if he knew what I’d been doing. My cheeks flushed red and I stared at the ground in front of me. One foot in front of the other, I told myself. Don’t look at the gorgeous man walking ahead of you, it might give you some ideas.
Finn tucked Oliver into bed, pulling the blanket up around him just like I would have done. He smiled down at my little boy for a long time, and I stood beside him, in silence.
Oliver’s little eyes opened up, and he blinked a few times.
“Mommy?” he said, his voice cracking. “I had a bad dream.”
I fell to my knees beside my little boy, stroking his face as tears fell down his cheeks. Finn moved toward the door, shutting it most of the way as he left, giving my son and me some private time.
Oliver’s lip trembled.
“It was just a dream, baby,” I said. “Everything is fine. You’re safe.”
“No more fires?” he said.
“No, baby,” I said, feeling his soft skin underneath my fingertips. “No more fires.”
“Because Finn is going to protect us,” he said softly.
This stopped the tears from falling, and there was so much hope in his little eyes.
“Why do you say that, Ollie?” I asked.
“Because he’s a fireman.”
It seemed so obvious, but for some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me. The reason Oliver so easily latched onto Finn was because he was a firefighter, because he’d been there after one of the scariest experiences in his young life, and he made Ollie feel safer. That’s why he’d handled everything so well, why this was the first mention of a nightmare since the fire had occurred. He’d been feeling safe under Finn’s roof, and who could blame him?
“Of course, honey,” I said. “Finn will keep us safe.”
As long as we’re here, I thought. I wasn’t sure what would happen once we left his apartment and we had to live on our own again. I didn’t want to think about that. Not right now, at least. Hopefully, within a few days, Oliver would forget all about the fire, and wouldn’t need Finn to feel safe anymore. Hopefully, I’d be enough.
His breathing steadied, and my little boy was back asleep. I stayed with him for a few more minutes, just to be sure. Knowing that my son felt safe and loved was important to me. More important than almost anything else in this world. The fact that I’d let him down killed me, and I prayed I could somehow give him that feeling of safety without Finn being by our side.
When I went back out to the living room, Finn was cleaning up. He hadn’t heard me come into the room, and I stood there, watching him. At one time, he’d been my safety net too. The one constant in my life, the person who always knew what to say or do to make everything okay. Like Oliver, being with Finn made me feel safe both back in high school and in the current situation.
He turned around and caught me staring, a sheepish grin on his face.
“Oh, hey, I didn’t hear you come out,” he said. “Is the little guy okay?”
“He’s fine,” I said softly. “He just had a bad dream.”
“Yeah, I get it,” he said. He tossed away the takeout containers and went to the fridge. He grabbed a beer and offered me one. This time, I took it.
He motioned for me to follow him into the living room and he sat down on the couch. I took the other end of the couch, allowing for some space between us. I didn’t want to get too close or comfortable, God knew what I might do.
It was awkward for a few minutes, as neither of us knew what to say. I wanted to ask about his family, but after finding out about his mom earlier, I was afraid to dig too deep into a past that might be painful to talk about. And I’m sure the questions on his mind seemed too personal to ask too.
I decided to just go for it. “I bet you’re wondering how I ended up here, like this,” I said, staring down at the beer bottle, turning it in my hands.
Finn sighed. “It’s really none of my business, Chels, but if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”
I nodded. Part of me did want to talk about it, to explain how I had fallen so far, to live out my worst nightmare instead of the dreams I had once had for myself. Another part of me was ashamed. I wished I could make up a story where I did everything I’d talked about back in high school and more. But Finn would know it was a lie, and besides, what was the point? Making up stories wouldn’t make it true. My life would still be the same, and I had to live with it.
“So, as you know, I went to college out in California,” I said. “Thanks to a scholarship you helped me get.”
“I remember,” he said, his voice strained. “You were so excited to get out of the cold weather, to live somewhere warm year-round.”
“I was, and it was nice,” I said, closing my eyes and remembering the first day on campus. UCLA was everything I had imagined it to be and more. It was a gorgeous campus and I was ecstatic to be in California. It hadn’t felt real. I would randomly see a palm tree and it would hit me, I was in Los Angeles. It took months of living there before I stopped getting excited by things like that.
But then reality hit.
“College was a lot harder than high school Finn,” I said, letting out a deep breath. “God, it was so hard. And I had no friends. I felt so out of place and alone, and I couldn’t even call you without feeling guilty.”
“You could have called me, you know,” he said.
I looked up at him, stared into th
ose brilliant, hazel eyes. When I left him, I knew I had to cut all ties. I knew it would be too hard on him to have me hanging around, even through phone calls or e-mails. Finn had loved me dearly, and he’d talked about waiting for me. I wanted him to wait, but I also knew it wasn’t fair to him. I also didn’t think I’d ever want to leave Los Angeles and return to New York, which was where his heart belonged. At the time, it seemed like the nicest thing to do. Cut ties and allow Finn to move on while I struggled with feeling more alone than I ever had before.
“Finn, you know I couldn’t do that to you,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “You needed to move on, find someone else. Not have your ex-girlfriend calling you up in the middle of the night because I was struggling to make friends.”
“You could--”
I stopped him right there, holding up a hand. “I could have, yes, but I didn’t. I can’t change that now.”
“Alright,” Finn said, holding up his own hands in defeat. “Go on.”
“Thank you,” I said, going back to staring at my beer bottle instead of at Finn. I didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face as I continued.
“So, after a while, I met Emma and Stacey. We were all from out-of-state, there on scholarships and didn’t come from wealthy families like many of the other students did. Stacey managed to get us some fake IDs, I’m not sure how, but that allowed us to get into bars and drink, which sounded like a good idea at the time. That’s where I met Rick.”
Finn didn’t say anything; he remained quiet. I was sure a million questions were swirling around in his brain, but he let me continue.
After a few seconds pause, I did just that.
“Rick was twenty-nine. I had just turned nineteen about two weeks prior to meeting him, but he thought I was at least twenty-one for a while. He had money – mostly family money I found out - and he seemed nice enough. He was only the second man I’d ever dated, so I hadn’t seen the signs.”
“Signs of what?” Finn asked, concern now furrowing his brow.
“Signs that he wasn’t really a good guy,” I said quietly. Clenching my eyes shut to stop the tears, I wished I could stop the memories from flooding back to me. I hated the sight of Rick’s face now, but there he was. In my head. He was always in my head. He’d known how to get to me, to make sure I’d never forget him.
Something brushed against my leg, causing my eyes to pop open. Finn’s hand rested there, on my thigh. It was a supportive gesture, nothing more, but his touch caused shockwaves through my body.
He pulled back quickly at the sight of my face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.”
“It’s fine,” I said, wishing he’d touch me again. “I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”
After a few very long seconds, Finn cleared his throat. “So is Rick Ollie’s dad?”
I nodded, biting my lip. “It was an accidental pregnancy. I’d trusted him to use condoms, but one time he didn’t and that was all it took for me to get pregnant. We’d only been dating for about two months at the time, but he convinced me that he’d take care of us. He had money, he offered me the world if I just moved in with him. So I did. He expected me to be a housewife, to take care of the house, the cooking, and before long, my grades slipped, and I lost my scholarship.”
I trailed off, mentally kicking myself again for letting things get as bad as they had. For some reason, I’d convinced myself that Rick would pay for my schooling, but he was against me going to school. He was against me doing anything that gave me any sort of freedom whatsoever.
But I didn’t need to explain that to Finn. I settled with, “And I couldn’t afford the tuition, so I was forced to drop out.”
“I’m so sorry, Chels,” Finn said.
I shrugged, trying to make it seem like no big deal, but the truth was, it still hurt. The day I was supposed to go back to college at the beginning of the new year, I stayed home and cried. I was nearing the end of my pregnancy at that point, so I blamed it on my hormones, but deep down, I knew that it was a huge mistake.
“Once Ollie was born, Rick’s true self started to come out. He felt like he had something to control me with,” I said. “And he did. He reminded me daily that there was no way I could keep my son if I left him, that he’d sue me for custody and win since he had money and I didn’t.”
“Where’s Rick now?” Finn asked, and edge of anger in his voice.
“He’s still in California, I believe,” I said. “I don’t talk to him. He doesn’t know where I’m at, and I want to keep it that way. That’s why I work jobs under the table and keep my head down. He can’t find me, Finn. If he does, he could take my son.”
The tears started falling then. My eyes filled up with them and they ran down my cheeks in waterfalls. The idea of losing Ollie scared me more than anything. Losing him to Rick, a manipulative, controlling man, would literally kill me. I’d die before I ever let my son be raised by that controlling son of a bitch.
Finn reached for me, and I let him hold me. I fell into his arms, closing my eyes and nestling against his neck as I sobbed. He stroked my hair, his hands as gentle as they used to be.
“He’s not going to take Ollie,” Finn said.
I wanted to believe him so badly. Finn had that power over me, to make me believe everything was going to be alright. Simply because with him, everything always was. But this was different. There was no way he could prevent Rick from storming back into my life and stealing my son away from me.
“You can’t promise that,” I said softly.
Finn lifted my chin with his fingertips, forcing me to look into his eyes. He stared at me, serious as ever. “I’ll protect you, Chels. You and Ollie. No one is ever going to hurt you or separate you again. You got it?”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Finn’s lips silenced me. He kissed me, taking my breath away as his mouth pressed to mine. He pulled back quickly, scrambling to apologize.
“I shouldn’t have--”
The feeling had been so nice, so comforting, I didn’t want it to stop. I closed the distance again, grabbing his face in my hands and kissing him harder than he’d kissed me, silencing any apology coming from him.
I gasped as our tongues met, melting into him. His arms held me tight, and I’d never felt safer or cared for than I had in that moment. I forgot about everything else and allowed myself to believe that Finn would make everything okay. He’d keep us safe.
Finn laid me down onto the couch, and I wrapped myself around him. His large body covered mine completely. I was nestled against him, holding him close. His body was so hard against me. Feeling his erection against my stomach sent shivers down my spine, and my insides ached for him.
I pulled off his shirt, with his help, tossing it to the floor. My hands ran over the smooth muscles of his chest, tracing his pecs and marveling at how utterly perfect his body was. His breath was warm against my face. I kissed his neck, his chest, every inch of free skin I could find, and he did the same to me. Our hands were all over each other, and before long, I was sliding his pants down.
Finn grabbed me in his arms, lifting me up from the couch as I squealed in surprise. He held me, against his chest, much like he had held Oliver earlier that night. With a sly grin, he whispered, “I think we should move this to the bedroom.”
My heart raced. This was real. Finn, the love of my life, and I were going to his bedroom. He lost his pants entirely on the trek into his room. When he placed me on the bed, I stared up at his naked form, mesmerized by how his body had changed over the years. He was much bigger, his arms thicker. His abs were always tight, but now, he sported a perfect six pack and a chest that would rival any body builder’s. I tried not to drool as my gaze fell lower.
Ah, just as I remembered - thick and long. Until I’d been with someone else, I had no idea how lucky I’d had it with Finn. He was gifted below the belt - too thick for my hands to fully grasp even back then.
Finn reached for the oversized sweatshirt, ri
pping it off over my head as if he couldn’t wait another second. I hadn’t been wearing a bra, and when my shirt came off, Finn’s eyes nearly bulged from his head.
His mouth explored my breasts, and he took a nipple between his teeth and sucked. I wrapped myself around him, pulling him into me.
“I need you, now,” I said, lifting his head to stare deep into his eyes.
Finn fumbled with my jeans, sliding them down and tossing them to the floor. And just like old times, he didn’t rush to the main course.
He kissed down the length of my body, from my neck to my breasts, twirling his tongue around each nipple before going lower. His hazel eyes watched me the entire time.
He moved lower, kissing my soft belly. It wasn’t nearly as flat as it was years before, but Finn caressed it and kissed, not seeming to mind one little bit.
His hands were on my thighs, guiding my legs open. I gasped as he spread me before him, lowering his face to my inner thighs. He teased me, kissing my lower lips, before sliding his tongue between them. The warmth on my clit brought out a whimper and before long, I was holding his head there, grinding myself against his mouth as he devoured me. He sucked and licked, fucking me with his tongue. It had been so long since I’d experienced pleasure like that. Writhing underneath him, my hands locked onto the back of his head and I cried out, “I’m coming. Finn, I’m coming.”
He never let up, continuing to eat my pussy as I came again and again, trembling and shaking. I tried to keep quiet, not wanting to wake Oliver, but it was so hard. I lost control of everything, calling out his name over and over again.
“Finn, yes, Finn! Oh God!”
He held onto me too, holding my hips in place, pulling me up toward him until my last orgasm subsided, and I relaxed into the bed. Raising his head, he looked up at me from between my legs, my juices still on his lips. He smiled at me, obviously proud of his accomplishment.
I smiled back at him, my eyes feeling heavy from exhaustion. It had been a long time since anyone - or anything - had made me come like that.
Hearts On Fire: Firemen of Manhattan Series Page 5