“Ready.” I force a smile, hating myself for having to deceive him. I’ve had to do a lot of things to survive in the last eight months, things I wish I hadn’t, but this will prove to be the most painful. While I still haven’t forgiven him for all he’s done, I know we’re on the verge of finding our way back to each other. This will surely shatter that.
When we file into the transit Keenan keeps me with him in the front and the guards lead Haven and Grayson toward the back. He’s separating us. He doesn’t want us concocting some escape plan. If only he knew the plan was already set.
“Now where are we going?” I ask once I’m settled into the seat next to him. For affect I lean toward him, placing a hand on his chest. I can’t over-do it though. He’ll know something is amiss if I do.
“Why so anxious to know where we’re going?” he asks me. His voice is laced with suspicion.
I have a perfect answer for that though. “Come on, Keenan. You know very well I do not like not knowing something.” I say, leaning against the cushioned back of the seat.
Keenan smirks, suspicion gone for the moment. “Oh, I know. Which is why I want it to be a surprise. But I did hope I could show you some of the city before we go. Just the two of us.”
Even better. Haven and the boys will have all day to figure out where Talvinder lives and confront him about the prophecy before Keenan and I even make it back to the transit, given we’re going on foot. I pray to whatever gods are out there that we’re going on foot.
“Hah, well you and I can go wherever you’d like. Just the two of us. I just…I wanted to get Haven out of there for a little while. She’s getting antsy, what with the wedding being a little over a month away.”
I’d promised Haven I’d get her out of here before the time when Bastian promised to wed her at the Fall Equinox and it seems we’re going to just make it. When we returned from Zakaria Bastian suggested Haven start planning the wedding and when she’d refused he’d handed it off to someone capable of making it happen. We’re running out of time. Today has to be a success.
“Well,” he begins, taking my hand into his. “Once theirs is over we can start planning ours.” I give him a smile, but he sees right through it. “I know we haven’t exactly talked about what happened while you were sick, but I did hope it was a start, to you being okay with this.”
“It was.” I whisper, letting him catch me in his blue gaze. Who knew a longing stare could be so convincing?
It’s not a long ride into the city, but once the city people catch a glimpse of the royal transit they gather around to see which royal it contains. The driver drops down the windows in the transit in order for Keenan and I, a prince and a princess, to greet his people and what he believes will be my people once we’re married. For the first time I feel sad to think I’ll be disappointing him.
The crowd is more excited to see me than they are to see Keenan. I’m the lost princess of Llìria. Everyone wants to get a glimpse of me. A couple of children call out my name as we drive by and I blow them a kiss, sending them into a fit of giggles as they run off to tell their parents what they’ve seen. There are even some people who gush over Haven, the princess of Limacore.
When the transit comes to a stop deep inside the city Keenan gestures to one of the guards and I watch as one goes over to Haven and slaps one of those magic-suffocating bracelets on her wrist. My eyes fly to Keenan and he pats my hand gently to try and soothe me.
“Relax Mara. It’s just a precaution, so that she behaves while we’re gone. We’ll take it off soon as we get back to the palace, alright?”
I don’t like it, but Haven having her magic wasn’t a must for the plan to work, though it leaves her defenseless out in a city where people know her face. I hope that Daxon can be discreet.
“Come on. I know a nice, little Zakarian restaurant every royal needs to visit at least once in their life.” Keenan curls his fingers around mine and tugs me out of the transit, bracelet-free. He doesn’t trust me enough to let me sit near Haven, but he trusts me enough to let me keep my magic outside of the confines of the bulletproof royal transit.
I glance at Daxon over my shoulder as we step down out of the transit and he gives me a curt nod, letting me know that he is going to take care of everything, and Haven. I leave it up to them to do what I promised Queen Katania I would do. It’s a difficult thing, to just be the distraction and not the one going on the mission, but I trust Haven will get it done. Our freedom counts on it.
I try desperately to put the mission out of my mind and be with Keenan for the day. He’s right about the Zakarian restaurant. Every royal should eat there at least once before they die. He takes me through the sights. It truly is a beautiful city, with a great view of the towns surrounding it. For a while I forget about Talvinder and the queen’s wrath we will face if we fail. What’s more I have fun with Keenan for the first time since before our fallout back in Baal. I’m reminded of all the reasons that I loved him then. He’s funny and tentative and charming. The place he brings me to next only stands to cause me more guilt.
We step into what appears to be a jewelry store. “Keenan, what are we doing here?” I ask nervously.
“Well, I’ve been going over it in my head, what to get you and the king’s treasury would have probably been enough. There are so many engagements rings in there, you wouldn’t know what to do with them all, but…I know you and I know you prefer the hidden gems to flashy diamonds so I wanted to bring you here, so you can pick out whatever you want.”
Another arrow to the heart. “We’re here to pick out an engagement ring?” I ask hesitantly.
He looks down at me, frowning. “Yes. Why—why do you look like I just killed your favorite horse?”
“N-nothing. It’s just…it’s been so long since the engagement was announced. I figured we’d go straight for the wedding band at the ceremony and that would be it.” It’s not completely a lie. I did think that, but that’s not why I feel so terrible now. Not by a long shot.
“That’s my fault. I should have done this months ago. Just look around, okay? Whatever you want, it’s yours. And if nothing here is good enough I’ll take you to the treasury when we get back.” He’s nervous. Not a lot of people would notice, but because I know him better than anyone I do.
I look around the shop, feeling a fiery ball of guilt building in my stomach. The thought reminds me that I haven’t had one fiery incident since we left the palace. I hope that my nerves don’t ruin that. Something tells me lost princess burns up jewelry store in a fiery rage isn’t what one might call good publicity.
The fact that I know I won’t be wearing it for long makes the decision easy. I pick the first one I come across that seems me. Granted, I never thought this is how it would go. I figured one day when Keenan and I were married we’d be back in Baal. He’d propose at a party or by the lake. Kara would have helped him pick it out and it would have been perfect because she knows me better than I know myself. I’d say yes, of course, and he’d kiss me under the moon and maybe my family would cheer in the background. This is quite different. Keenan nervously pushes the chosen ring on my finger. No one cheers. No one is even here to see it, but he does kiss me and I do feel something in the pit of my stomach. But it isn’t joy. Instead it’s anxiety and regret and guilt. I feel it all and it makes me want to vomit.
“I could use a drink.” I say once he breaks the kiss.
“That is a good idea.” he tells me. “Come on. We can go have a drink before we head back to the palace.”
Keenan brings me to a tavern that apparently was Bastian’s favorite hiding place back when he was a prince pretending that he wasn’t eager to receive his crown from his father one day. Keenan orders us both something strong and I drink it like it’s a lifeline. I’ve got three more in me before we manage to discuss the kiss, or kisses as it were.
“So, I know that we’re getting married and it doesn’t much matter now, but that kiss, the one we had when you were dying, in your
infirmary bed…”
“You wanna know if it was purely because of the…because I was dying.”
“Well, a guy has to wonder, especially given everything we have standing between us.”
I hold my glass in my hand, swirling the contents around inside, trying to focus on anything, but his pleading eyes. “It wasn’t just because I was…dying.” I lift my gaze to his because I have to now, to see what he’s thinking. Hope blooms behind them and I hate that by night’s end that hope will be gone. “It was because I wanted to kiss you. I don’t know if that means I could ever be in love with you again, like I was back then. I don’t know if it means that we could be happy again. I just know that I wanted to kiss you, and so I did.”
He’s silent for a painfully long time before he speaks again. “I can wait, ya know, as long as it takes. I know you could love me again, Amara. I know that we could be happy, if you’d just let yourself.” He shifts on his stool so that he’s facing me, one arm up on the bar, the other coming down to grasp my hand that rests on my knee. “But I need you to understand something. I am in love with you, Amara Boudelaire. I was back then and I am now. I’ve always loved you. I think maybe I loved you from the moment your parents placed you in my arms right after you were born. I love you, Amara, and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that we are meant to be together.”
I squeeze his hand for the moment, completely blank on what I’m supposed to say back to that. Out of the corner of my eye I see Daxon through the window of the tavern. He’s beckoning me to follow him. I squeeze Keenan’s hand again before I pull away. “I need some air.” Keenan is so shaken by the turn of the conversation that he lets me go, not worrying about if I’m going to run off on him or not. When I get outside Daxon moves around the corner so Keenan can’t see us talking. “What, Daxon?” I ask irritably, trying very hard to keep hold of my patience given impatience seems to start small fires these days.
“It’s Haven.”
“What about Haven?” I ask evenly.
“Talvinder has her.”
“What are you talking about, Daxon?” I snap.
“Talvinder knew all about the prophecy, about Kara Volterra’s baby, and when he realized who Haven was he—he took her and he won’t give her back. Not until we bring him Kara…so he can kill her.”
“No,” I say, reluctant to believe the plan could have gone this wrong this fast. “No. Keenan just confessed his undying love for me, Daxon and I didn’t say it back. So you go back there and you drive that pointy sword at your side into his heart to get Haven back if you have to. You got me?”
“Don’t you think that if I could have gotten Haven back without him hurting her that I would have done it? Grayson stayed behind to make sure he doesn’t hurt her, but I—I think we need Keenan’s help.”
“No Daxon, no. If I ask him for help this whole thing, it’s over.”
“It’s over for Haven if we don’t.” he says reluctantly, like he’d rather be anywhere, but here telling me this now.
“Son of a bitch.” I hiss as I walk back into the tavern, returning to my seat to Keenan’s left.
“You okay?” Keenan asks me. He can’t lift his eyes to meet mine.
I knock back the rest of my drink before I begin. “Hah, I uh…I need to tell you something, Keenan and you’re not going to like it, but I need you to let me finish. I also need you to promise me that you are not going to lose your temper when I do.”
Keenan looks at me nervously, thinking this is about us. “Amara, you can tell me anything, okay? I promise I won’t get mad.”
“Hah, okay.” I take a deep breath. “While we were in Zakaria I learned of a sort of prophet named Talvinder who lives here in the city, who was said to know something about this prophecy of Kara’s. This whole thing today was a ruse so that Haven, my guard Daxon, and Grayson could go talk to this prophet, but now…well, now he’s holding Haven hostage until we bring him Kara so he can kill her before her babies are born.” I look over at him nervously and the feeling is warranted when I see the look on his face.
Keenan slams his hand down on the bar and I flinch, cowering back from the waves of anger pouring off of him. “Tell me you’re kidding.”
“I’m not.” I barely get the words out before he slams his fist on the bar this time. I close my eyes tight for a moment. I open them only when he ceases me by the arm.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” he sneers at me. “Do you know how hard it was to convince Bastian to let Haven go with us today, for you?” he shouts and the patrons around us wheel in their seats to look at us. “And now you’re telling me that you lost the princess of Limacore, Bastian’s fiancé?”
I close my eyes a second time, fighting to find the courage to speak. “Daxon’s outside. He knows where she is. He can bring you to her.”
Keenan rips me from the barstool and swings the door open, pulling me over to Daxon where he stands waiting. “Show me where she is.” he sneers at Daxon. Daxon looks down at me sympathetically, but I shake my head to tell him not to even try and rescue me from Keenan’s wrath right now. It will only get us in more trouble than we’re already in.
After retrieving the rest of the guards from the transit, Daxon shows us the way, winding through city streets. Keenan and I keep our heads down so passersby don’t see our faces and form a mob around the prince and princess. He doesn’t let go of my arm, afraid that I might bolt. I want to. So badly I want to. Instead I walk by his side and avoid his eyes as if my life counts on it.
“All of it was a ruse, huh? I should have known. What a fool I am.”
“You’re not a fool, Keenan.” I protest and he stops walking, whirling on me, letting me feel the truth behind his rage. He isn’t just angry. He is hurt, painfully hurt. I can’t say I blame him.
“I am a fool, for thinking you could ever forgive me. Well, I’m sorry, Amara. We can’t all rise to your impossible standards.” He starts to walk again, yanking me along. “We can’t all be exactly what you want us to be.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask irritably.
“What am I talking about? I’m talking about how you try to drag every one of us up onto your golden throne you call a pedestal instead of coming down off of it to join us mere mortals down below. You expect too much, Amara. That’s why you’re constantly disappointed in everyone. Braylie, Aaric, me, Kol. Even Roman, whom you hated upon meeting him just for being the son of a king you didn’t approve of. Your expectations of people are impossible to live up to so we screw up because that’s the only thing left to do. Because you’ll never accept us for who we are. Flawed and perpetually unworthy of you. Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m not gonna live my life according to the rules you made up. Anyone who tries will only fail.”
“I don’t think it’s impossible for you to not betray all your friends. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
“Oh please.” he scoffs. “You’ve been like that all your life, Amara. This wasn’t a post-Zodiac thing. You’ve always been like this. If you’d been able to pull your head out of your ass long enough to see it we might have ended up together, before you decided Tristan was the one you wanted so you didn’t have to go after what you really wanted.”
“Enough!” I shout, ripping my arm from him. He stops walking and turns to me, only a few feet in front of me now. “Do not pretend like this is anyone’s fault, but your own. You forfeited me the moment you got on that transit and left. Yes, maybe I should have stopped you, and yes, I hated you because it was easier to do that then to hate myself for not trying to stop you, for not telling you how I felt about you when I had the chance. And yes, maybe I hold you and Aaric and Kol and the rest to a higher standard than everybody else, but it’s because I know you can be better. But do not pretend that any of this is happening because of my choices because they’re not. You lost me the minute you left town, for him. You just won’t let yourself admit it.”
“Everything I have done has been to protect y
ou, to keep you safe.”
“You could have done all that back in Baal! You didn’t need the king, or the title. You had me! But it wasn’t enough for you to love me. You had to control me too.”
This time when he looks hurt it glances off me. I don’t even feel it. He doesn’t have the right to be hurt when I feel like my heart might break out of my chest at any moment.
“Guys, I’m sorry, but Haven needs us, now.” Daxon says quietly.
I nod for Daxon to lead us the rest of the way. He starts off again. Keenan and I look at each other once more, exhausted now from everything that’s been said. Then we follow Daxon. There’s nothing else left for us to do, but save my friend and face the consequences back at the palace.
Finally we arrive at what appears to be a small little shop off the beaten path. Outside the words Talvinder the Fortune Teller are written across a piece of plywood above the door front. I start to head inside when Keenan grabs my arm, shoving me over to Daxon. “Go in from the back. You try and run Amara and the first thing I’ll do when I get back to the palace is execute Missy, Finn, Hurik, and every Borderline in those cells.” It’s a promise I know he’ll keep. He’s that angry with me.
Daxon tugs me along through the back. “We are so screwed.” I tell him, wary of the guards following behind us. There are two on each side of the little shop. The two behind us pay us no mind. They simply do their job and ignore us.
“We’ll figure something out, Amara.” Daxon tells me as he eases the back door open as quietly as he can.
“I don’t see how.” I whisper, ducking under a piece of shear blue fabric draped across the doorway. “Keenan knows what we tried to do. He’ll tell Bastian, he’ll rat out Grayson, and Kat will have no way of knowing what happened to us.”
“Shh, shh, shh.” Daxon presses a finger to his lips.
In the front of the shop I can hear Keenan’s voice. “Fortune teller, huh? Isn’t that a female profession?”
“He’s bating him.” I whisper to Daxon under my breath.
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