A Secret of the Soul (Amish Secrets--Book 6)

by J. E. B. Spredemann

  “It’s Tabitha Stolzfoos. Your brother has been in an accident.”

  His heart pounded. “Danny? Is he okay?”

  “He’s in the hospital. He said to call you.”

  Oh, good. He sighed in relief. If Danny was able to tell Tabitha to call, that meant he wasn’t dead. “Please, Tabitha. Tell me where.”

  After giving Elam the needed hospital information, they hung up. Elam sighed. No doubt, Danny had been on his motorcycle. No doubt, the leaders would use this as a lesson to warn others to avoid worldly possessions. No doubt, he’d be blamed for loaning it to his brother.

  He couldn’t dwell on that now. He had to go check on Danny and assure himself that his brother was okay. Because if he wasn’t, Elam didn’t know how he was going to live with himself.

  He bowed his head. Thank you, Gott, for protecting Danny. Please don’t let him be injured too badly. And help him to recover quickly.

  ~

  As soon as Elam entered the hospital, he located the nearest information desk to inquire of his brother’s whereabouts. The attendant hadn’t said he was in ICU, so that was a good sign. He now walked with purpose in his step, searching for the room number they’d given him.

  Remarkably, the waiting room had been empty when he passed by. He’d expected it to contain at least a few Amish well-wishers, given his brother’s circumstances. He’d hoped he could reach his brother before anyone else in the community. Maybe he’d get his wish. He wanted to hear straight from Danny what had happened.

  He cautiously opened the door to his brother’s hospital room, not exactly sure what he’d find. The curtain had been pulled and the bed nearest to the door sat empty.

  He would have moved forward, but he didn’t want to interrupt the conversation taking place on the other side of the curtain. He strained to hear the voices, attempting to make out who was visiting.

  “See, Tabitha. This is what becomes of someone who doesn’t follow the old ways. Before you know it, he’ll jump the fence just like his brother.” Elam had no doubt it was Tabitha’s father spewing the words of warning. “I forbid you to keep seeing him.”

  “No!” A young woman—who he assumed to be Tabitha—cried. “I won’t.”

  Elam’s eyes widened. He had never heard an Amish woman speak that way to one in authority. His sister wouldn’t dare address their father in such a manner. Surely, Danny would have his hands full if he were to marry Tabitha Stolzfoos.

  “You will do as I say,” her father retorted.

  “But, Dat. I’m in the family way! I’m going to have Danny’s baby.”

  Elam grimaced. That probably wasn’t the best way to announce the future arrival of their kinskinner. He regretted being there and contemplated leaving the room. He would if he thought he could escape unnoticed. Should he interrupt?

  He heard a gasp, most likely Tabitha’s mother—or maybe his own?

  “Is this true?” Tabitha’s father asked. Who, Elam didn’t know.

  Danny responded. “Jah.”

  “I should have known something like this would happen. That’s what I get for hiring a Zook,” her father fumed. “You’re fired, Daniel.”

  “But you can’t fire him!” Tabitha cried.

  “I just did. Now come, Tabitha. You’re going home with your mudder and me.”

  Elam blew out a breath. This was a really awkward place to be at the moment. He couldn’t stay hidden any longer.

  He took a few steps and moved the curtain. “Danny!” he said, ignoring the grunt exuded by Tabitha’s father.

  Elam feigned ignorance and looked at each of them. “I hope I didn’t interrupt.”

  “No. We were just leaving.” Tabitha’s father glowered at Elam, then at Danny. “We’ll discuss this situation later—before the leaders,” he threatened.

  “Goodbye, Danny.” Tabitha’s longing gaze met his brother’s before she was whisked out of the room by her folks.

  Elam was thankful for the time alone with Danny. He examined his brother’s condition. Other than his arm being in a sling, a bandage on his head, and a few scrapes on his face, he looked all right.

  “Are you okay? What happened?” Elam frowned.

  “I’ll replace your bike.”

  “We can discuss that later. It doesn’t matter right now. I want to know what happened.”

  “I was going around the curve. I don’t know what happened for sure. Maybe we didn’t—”

  “We?” Elam’s brow shot up. “You had someone on the bike with you?” He’d promised he wouldn’t. Elam couldn’t stop the disappointment from displaying on his face.

  Danny nodded. “Marlin Wickey.”

  His fists tightened, causing his fingernails to dig into his palms. “Is he injured?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t heard. They brought us in separate ambulances. I asked the nurse, but she wouldn’t say.”

  Elam rubbed his forehead. “Have Mamm and Daed been here?”

  “Nee. But they probably will be any time.” Danny shook his head. “I can’t believe Tabitha’s father won’t let her see me no more.”

  Elam locked eyes with his brother. “If she’s carrying your boppli, you can be assured you’ll see her. Her father is probably just upset right now. And understandably so.”

  “I want to marry her. But how can I, now that I don’t have a job?”

  “You’ll find work. Zooks always find a way to get what they want.”

  Danny smiled, a hint of mischief gleaming in his eye. “Jah, you’re right.”

  Just then, the hospital room door opened and a couple of Amish men from the community walked in.

  Elam lightly clasped his brother’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you to your visitors. Call me later, okay?”

  Danny agreed.

  “I’m glad you’re still alive.”

  “Jah, me too.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Elam stared at the empty space in his garage where his motorcycle used to be just a week ago, reminiscing about the fun times he’d had riding it. Chances were, he wouldn’t be getting it back. Ever.

  He was quite certain his insurance wouldn’t pay to replace it, since his brother had been unlicensed. And he wasn’t about to make Danny pay him back if he had a family on the way. If only he’d said no to his brother’s request to use his bike. It would be a decision he’d most likely always regret.

  At least he still had his truck. He’d thought a motorcycle and a truck had been the perfect combination. One could be used for hauling things and traveling during the colder months, and the other could be used for quick or economical trips to wherever when the weather was nice.

  He stopped his musing and remembered his reason for entering the garage in the first place. Today was the day he’d meet up with the guys at the YMCA. It was something he’d been doing twice a month since learning about the youth mentoring program. They’d be bummed to hear his motorcycle riding days were over. He’d wanted to loan the bike to some of the guys in the past when they’d expressed their desire to take a ride, but it had been discouraged. Something about liability issues, they’d said.

  He pushed the button to open the garage door and practically jumped out of his skin when he saw his brother standing there.

  “They let you out already?” Elam teased, but his brother’s expression did not match his own. Were there tears in his eyes? “Danny, what’s wrong?”

  “Marlin didn’t make it.”

  “What? He…he died?” Elam stared at his brother in disbelief. “Oh, no.”

  “I don’t know what to do.” Danny shrugged, no doubt gripped with the same feelings Elam was now having. Regret, helplessness, guilt.

  “I’m sorry, Danny.” Elam frowned.

  He shrugged again, and Elam got the feeling his brother was most likely walking around in a state of shock. He’d felt the same way when he’d learned of Julianna’s death. It was still difficult to believe it was true. Even now.

  “I feel like I don’t know what to do no
w. He was baptized, Elam. I’m sure I sent him straight to Hell.”

  Elam’s eyes flew wide. “No, Danny. That’s not true. Riding a motorcycle doesn’t send a person to Hell, even if they are baptized.”

  “But he was disobeying the Ordnung.”

  “Come on, Danny. Come inside. Let’s have some root beer and a snack.” Elam led his brother into the house, grabbed a bottle of soda from the fridge, and thrust it toward his brother. “There’s a bag of chips in that cupboard right there. Go ahead and take them out. I need to make a quick phone call.”

  After calling the supervisor of the youth program and informing him of his circumstances, Elam grabbed his Bible and joined his brother at the table.

  “Is your girl coming over today?” Danny asked.

  “No, I usually have other plans on Saturday afternoon. But I cancelled them to spend time with you.” He regretted missing out on time with the guys, but family came first. Fortunately, the singles class had been cancelled tonight and Megan had plans with her family.

  “What is that? An Englisch Bible?”

  “Jah. It’s the same as our German one, just in Englisch.” Elam flipped the Bible open. “I want to show you something, Danny.”

  His brother eyed him warily.

  Elam held up his hand. “Just bear with me a minute, okay?”

  Danny nodded.

  “You said that you think Marlin is in Hell, right?”

  “Jah.”

  “Danny, what do you think it takes for a person to go to Heaven?”

  His brother shrugged. “Obeying your parents, the church, the Ordnung. I don’t know. Lots of things, I reckon.”

  Elam shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong. Look here at what this says is required for Heaven.” He pointed to the verse and read it aloud. “He that believeth on the Son—this is talking about Jesus Christ, the Son of God—hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.” He turned to another place. “And here, the Bible says, That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. So, here, the Bible shows us that belief in Jesus is what it takes to be saved. But belief is not just knowing, not a head knowledge, but a heart knowledge.”

  Danny frowned. “I’m not sure I know what that means.”

  “Do you love Tabitha?”

  Danny smiled, but his eyes took on a far away, sad look. “Yes, very much.”

  “How do you know you love her?”

  He shrugged. “Well, I think about her a lot—probably too much. I want to be with her all the time. I would do anything for her.”

  “See, those things show that you love her. It’s something on the inside that comes out on the outside—it is a heart knowledge. If you were to say that you love Tabitha, but showed no evidence of it, I would question your love. She would question your love.”

  “How does this relate to believing in Jesus—with your heart?”

  “Well, if you have a heart knowledge—faith in Christ—then, yes it should show in what you say, do, and how you act. But those things are not what places that knowledge in your heart—that knowledge comes from God. He calls and you respond to His calling by faith. Understand?”

  “I think so.” He nodded. “So, if that’s all it takes to go to Heaven, then why don’t the leaders teach that?”

  “That’s a very good question, Danny.” Elam rubbed is chin. “My guess is either they don’t know this truth themselves, or they want to keep the Amish traditions alive and so they just keep on teaching the same thing that was taught to them—that you have to keep the Ordnung.”

  “But if keeping the Ordnung and being Amish doesn’t get us to Heaven, then what’s the point?”

  “God sees things differently than man does. He doesn’t look at what’s on the outside, He looks straight through to your heart. You can be Amish and go to Heaven, if you believe in Jesus. You can be Englisch and go to Heaven, if you believe in Jesus. On the other hand, you can be Amish and go to Hell, if you have a heart of unbelief. Or you can be Englisch and go to Hell, if you have a heart of unbelief.”

  “So, are you saying that it really doesn’t matter if a person is Amish or Englisch?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying. But some remain Amish, even if they have been saved by believing in Christ, because they know that if they don’t, they will lose fellowship with their loved ones.” He took a sip of his soda. “And then there are those who leave the Amish because they can’t keep silent about what God has done in their hearts. If they remain Amish and speak about it, then they are shunned anyway. So, instead of enduring the hardships of Amish culture, they find freedom to practice their beliefs among the Englisch.”

  “This is what you have done, jah?”

  “Yes, this is why I have remained Englisch. But I originally left for different reasons. My belief in Christ came as a result of leaving, so I thank God that He called me and opened my eyes to the truth.”

  “I can’t leave. I have Tabitha and the boppli coming.”

  “Danny, you don’t have to leave the Amish to get saved. Remember what we read? You can be saved by simply placing your faith—that heart knowledge we talked about—in Christ. All you have to do is call on Him and He promises to save you. That’s why He died on the cross—to save you from your sins so you don’t have to go to Hell. I don’t know whether your friend is in Hell or not, but you don’t have to go there. Tabitha and your boppli don’t have to go there.”

  “I don’t want to go there, Elam. I want to believe in Jesus.”

  “That’s gut. Sehr gut!” Elam had a difficult time containing his excitement. “Just call on Him and ask Him to save you. There are no special words to say. He is listening to what is in your heart.”

  “Okay. I will right now.” Danny smiled.

  ~

  “Another thing.” Danny looked to Elam before exiting his truck. “Will you come with me to Marlin’s funeral? I know everyone will blame me for his death, and I probably deserve that. But I don’t want to be there alone.”

  “Won’t Mamm and Daed be there?”

  “Jah. But I want you there. You understand, Elam.”

  Elam nodded. “Okay. Call me and let me know when it is. I’ll be there.”

  “Denki, Elam. You’ve been a gut brother to me.”

  Elam now watched as Danny walked with new confidence toward the house that held so many memories for him. Memories that would be ingrained in his mind for as long as he lived, he supposed.

  He breathed a silent prayer of thanks for the wondrous things that had transpired today. Danny was not only a brother through their biological blood, but now he was a brother by God’s blood as well.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Attending Marlin’s funeral had brought back all the reasons Elam had for hating them. It all seemed so dark and hopeless, and he realized that for many of the people there—perhaps most, even—it was. Knowing you had Heaven awaiting you when you died was truly a gift, and each new circumstance seemed to remind Elam how precious that gift was.

  He and Danny had stayed at the cemetery long after those in the community had gone. They discussed things they now had in common. It was peculiar that a tragic event for one person, could turn into a glorious opportunity for another. But that was how God worked—He could turn unfathomable tragedies into unbelievable blessings.

  Elam looked around at the headstones, carefully reading each one. “Do you know where Julianna Yoder’s marker is? I’d like to see it.”

  “Hmm…don’t know.” He surveyed the grave markers around him. “You know, it’s strange that I don’t remember attending her funeral.”

  “Maybe you didn’t,” Elam suggested.

  “Do you want to check every one of these?”

  “Not the ones we know have been here for ages. Just the more recent ones.” They continued their search, examining each headstone.
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  “I don’t see it anywhere.”

  “Could they have buried her somewhere else?”

  “This is the only Plain cemetery in the area. She’s gotta be here somewhere.”

  While Elam wanted to see Julianna’s grave, a part of him hoped he wouldn’t find it. If he did, he’d have to acknowledge something he hadn’t allowed his heart to truly believe—that Julianna was indeed gone from this life. And that he would never see her again.

  ~

  When Elam dropped his brother back off at their folks’ house, he noticed extra buggies in the yard. No doubt, the leaders had come to reprimand them. He wondered if his recent presence had stirred up more trouble for them. He sincerely hoped not.

  “Ach, it’s Tabitha’s folks and the deacon.” Sheer dread filled Danny’s voice and expression.

  “Well, perhaps now would be a gut time to express your desire to get hitched.”

  “Jah. Now I regret not telling Mamm and Daed sooner. It will be more difficult for them if everyone is here.” Danny opened the door to the truck and stepped out.

  “Looks like you have no choice. God speed, bruder.”

  “Denki. Please say a prayer for us.”

  “I will do that. Remember, you can talk to me anytime. You know where I live and you have my number.”

  Danny nodded.

  Elam pulled out of the driveway breathing out the prayer he’d just promised his brother. He added an extra request—that God would give him favor with Martha so he could find the answers he sought about Julianna. Mainly, where had she been buried?

  Less than ten minutes later, he drove up to the property owned by Martha Yoder’s family. Elam couldn’t believe his eyes. Martha stood near the mailbox out by the road. Had Der Herr prompted her to take a walk at just the right time Elam drove by? Surely, God was already giving him favor.

  A renewed confidence gave Elam the extra boost of determination he needed. God would help him.

  Elam rolled down his passenger side window. “Hello, Martha.”