by Erin Noelle
Sighing aloud as those thoughts continued to assault my mind while I sat bored at work, I decided I was in desperate need of a Chocolate Bar rendezvous with Max. Since we lived together now and talked to each other regularly at the apartment about what was going on in our lives, we ditched our weekly dates at the dessert shop, but I was dying for some chocolate, a latte, and some good advice. I texted him a message asking if he wanted to meet up there after I got off. He responded quickly, like he always did, saying he would see me there.
As soon as I locked up the music store, I headed straight there, anxious to talk to Max about my visits with Mase. Walking through the glass doors, I grinned as I saw him waiting at our old table. Hurriedly, I walked over to him and threw my arms around his neck.
“Well, I’m glad to see you too, sweetheart,” he said with the emphasis on the nickname.
I jokingly gave him a mean face as I sat across the table from him. “Hey, assface, so glad you could make it.”
“Assface? Really, Scarlett, are you twelve?” He started laughing hard at my comment, which in turn made me get the giggles.
“I have no idea where that came from, but I’m kinda liking it,” I teased. “It suits you.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he protested, rubbing his hand over his face. “My face is quite gorgeous, if you haven’t noticed.”
“Nope, haven’t noticed,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
We continued to pick at each other back and forth for several minutes until he finally got serious and asked, “Okay, Scarlett, really, why did you text me here? Something’s gotta be up. Talk to me.”
I grew quiet and looked down at my half-eaten chocolate-covered Twinkie, contemplating just how to go about saying what I needed to say.
Not coming up with any way to ease into the conversation, I looked up at him and blurted out, “I’ve been seeing Mase.”
His back straightened, his eyes got big, and he pounded his fist on the table, startling me. “Damn it, what in the world is wrong with you? Why would you cheat on Ash, Scarlett?”
“It… it’s not what you think, Max,” I stuttered. “I didn’t mean like seeing him. I’ve been visiting him in rehab.”
He relaxed a little in his chair, but I could tell he still wasn’t pleased. “I’m guessing you haven’t told Ash.” I shook my head. “And I’m guessing that’s what you need help with.”
“I don’t know what to say to him to make him understand we really are just friends and that things aren’t like they used to be between us.”
Max shook his head and rested his forehead against his palm. “Well, my first word of advice is to not start out the convo with ‘I’ve been seeing Mase.’”
I couldn’t help but laugh at how horrible it sounded when he said it. “Yeah, that’s probably not a good idea.”
“Honestly, Scarlett, I’m not really sure what advice to give you. I can tell you he’s not gonna like it one bit. He thinks that even if you’re intentions are pure and innocent that Mason’s aren’t… and I can’t really blame him.”
“But we went to therapy together and talked about everything. We got it all out… the past, the things we did wrong, what we want from the future… all of it,” I explained.
He raised his eyebrows and shook his head at me. “You’ve been going to therapy with him? Scarlett, how often have you been to see him?”
“Three times,” I answered. “And today was the first time I had gone to the session with him. But I’m not gonna stop seeing him, Max. He needs a friend, and I promised I would be that for him.”
“I know you mean well, but you have to think about Ash and how all this will make him feel. I’m sure if the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t be gung-ho about him being the friendly support for one of his ex-bimbos.” He leaned forward and grabbed my hands again. “Look, I understand you feel you have to save him, that you feel like this is at least partially your fault, but don’t ruin things with Ash over this. I’m telling you that as a friend. Talk to Ash and see what he says… shit, maybe he’s secure enough in y’all’s relationship he’ll be okay with it. Just be prepared for an unpleasant reaction, okay, sweetheart?”
I nodded. I knew what he said was true; he wasn’t trying to sugar-coat any of it. I also knew I wasn’t going to let Mason down; I had to figure out a way to make everyone happy. “Thanks, Max. I’ll tell him when I see him this weekend.”
We left the café together and went back to the apartment, never discussing the situation again.
Two days later, I went to visit Mase again and was pleased to find the same progressive energy I’d felt when I left on Tuesday afternoon was still flowing freely between us. He was prepared for my arrival this time. It appeared he even styled his now shaggy hair and—gasp—put on socks. I teased him about it and got a kick out of the blush that covered his face.
We spent the afternoon with him trying to teach me how to play Xbox… again. For some reason, I just did not have the hand-eye coordination necessary to play video games. It was way too many buttons and things to pay attention to on the screen. Mase just laughed at my frustration.
“If you can play both the guitar and the piano, figuring out a control stick should be a piece of cake for you,” he said as he ruffled my hair.
I turned around and gave him my mean face as the game came to an end. I had two kills and suffered fourteen deaths. That was worse than terrible. “It’s completely different,” I argued. “When playing an instrument, you know what comes next in the song. It’s static. When playing this stupid game, you have to react to what’s going on around you. You can’t pre-plan your actions.”
“I promise you can figure this out, my studious little owl. You just need to practice,” he encouraged me with a smile and a shoulder nudge.
Reminding myself that ten-year-old kids could play this game, I turned my attention back to the screen and controller and spent the following three hours practicing. Remarkably, at some point while I was playing, it was like a switch went off in my head and I all of a sudden was actually pretty decent. Mason got excited for me when he realized the first two games I ended up with more kills than deaths wasn’t just a fluke.
“See!” he exclaimed. “I told you that you were smarter than the game.”
Feeling smug with a newfound skillset, even if it was mediocre at best, I began running my mouth. “Careful, Mase, before you know it, I’ll be kicking your ass as well as Ash and Max’s.”
As soon as Ash and Max’s names crossed my lips, I instantly regretted it. The last thing I wanted to do was to throw either of them in Mason’s face.
I guessed my face showed my remorse, because he put his hand on my shoulder and immediately addressed my comment. “Angel, look at me.” I raised my eyes to his, cringing a bit. “You don’t need to feel bad about mentioning either of them. I understand they are a part of your life, and if you’re gonna be in mine, so will they. I’m not sure how they feel about me.” He gave me one of his deep-dimpled grins. “Well, I have a pretty good idea, but I’m not gonna let that deter my friendship with you, as long as that’s what you want.”
I smiled meekly in return. “I’ve told Max I’ve been coming to see you, but not Ash yet. I’m gonna tell him this weekend. I’m really scared he’s gonna freak.”
He pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m not saying this just because we’re talking about our friendship, but stop letting others make decisions for you. Do what you want to do. Live for Scarlett, no one else. It’s what I’m trying to do too.”
Our bodies broke apart and I couldn’t help but feel a warmth inside me. “I’m not sure if I’ve told you yet, but I’m really proud of you, Mason. I’m proud to be your friend.”
He kissed my forehead and whispered against my skin, “That’s one step closer to my euphoria.”
Ten
Where Did You Sleep Last Night—Nirvana
By Your Side—Tenth Avenue North
Ash
On that Thursday afternoon, I went h
ome to grab a bite to eat in between my classes and working in the lab. I was sitting at the table, quietly enjoying my favorite cold weather combo, a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, when I heard the postman on the front porch delivering the daily mail. I jumped up and ran outside to grab the stack of bills and letters. I had been anxiously awaiting the responses from the universities and research groups I applied to. I desperately wanted to know where I would be spending the next phase of my life so I could begin making arrangements.
Scarlett was my biggest concern. I refused to leave her, so wherever it was, I needed to convince her to transfer there with me. I knew asking her to leave Rice, especially after the hurdles she already faced, was a huge request, but I wasn’t going anywhere without her. Unfortunately, I had gone as far as I could possibly go at my current school with my degree in astrophysics, so staying in Houston wasn’t an option.
As I thumbed through the envelopes, I set aside those items that were for Jess and those for Meg until I reached the envelope from the University of California Berkeley. My hands began shaking slightly as I opened the top of it, anxious to see the contents. UC Berkley was my number one choice by far, because it had a research cooperative with the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory and a direct link to the CERN facility in Geneva, which was the mecca for nuclear physics. Despite my partying and womanizing in the college years before Scarlett, I always put a major emphasis on my studies. I was blessed that a lot of it just came naturally to me; for whatever reason, I just “got” math and science. I’d known from my high school years I wanted to do something in the world of physics. Proving and disproving molecular theories was fascinating to me, and my ultimate goal had always been to work at CERN.
As I unfolded the single piece of paper, I held my breath and began to quickly scan over the text of the letter. It wasn’t until I reached the words We are pleased to inform you that we have accepted your application… when I actually remembered to breathe again. I’m pretty sure if my neighbors had been home, they would’ve heard my roar of excitement. All my hard work seemed to have started paying off; everything was falling into place. I just had to tell Scarlett.
The rest of the afternoon, I could barely contain my enthusiasm. I was about to burst at the seams. I told my boss the good news as soon as I got to the lab, and he was not only extremely proud of me but understanding of my inability to focus. He let me off early to celebrate, so I went straight to Scarlett and Max’s apartment to tell them my good news.
I was a little surprised to not see her car in her parking spot when I arrived but didn’t think too much of it. After several knocks, Max swung open the door and invited me in.
“Hey, man, how are you? Come on in,” he said as he walked over to sit back down on the couch.
“I couldn’t be better actually; thanks for asking,” I replied, still beaming. “Where’s Scarlett?”
“Not sure. I haven’t seen her since I’ve been home,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug.
I found it odd she wasn’t home yet, seeing as it was nearly six in the evening. The night before, she told me she had class until one and then she would be studying the rest of the afternoon. I assumed she must’ve done her studying at the library or coffee shop, but since it was nearly dark outside, I figured she’d be back soon. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and joined Max on the couch, waiting for her to get home.
Thirty minutes or so later, I was starting to get a little worried about where she was. I texted her and didn’t get a reply, so I really began to panic. I got up to go throw my empty bottle away before heading over to the library to check for her car; however, when I was in the kitchen, I heard the front door open and then her voice.
“Hey, Max! I’m so glad you’re here! Mase taught me how to play Call of Duty today, and I can’t wait to kick your pretty little assface.”
My heart shattered all over the tile floor, and the overwhelming excitement I felt about my acceptance letter was replaced by complete devastation.
Scarlett
As I hurried into the apartment, trying to escape the near freezing temperature outside, I was thrilled to see Max home so I could show off my new and improved Xbox playing abilities. However, after my announcement of just that, Max’s horror-stricken face followed by the sound of someone in the kitchen told me all I needed to know. I could feel the color draining from my face as Ash appeared from around the corner. I couldn't tell if his expression was more of hurt or anger, but either way, I didn't blame him. It definitely wasn't how I wanted him to find out, but since he knew, I knew I better start talking fast before I lost him.
"Ash, babe, it's not what it seems. I promise," I tried to clarify, dropping my backpack and walking toward him.
"Oh, now it's 'babe,' huh? Convenient," he said with a snarl, backing away.
"I… I didn't mean—"
"And it never is what it seems when it involves him, is it, Scarlett? In Miami, it wasn't what it seemed, now here yet again, I get the same bullshit line." I had never heard such loathing in his voice before. "At some point, Scarlett, it really is what it seems!"
Thankfully, Max silently slipped out of the room in the middle of Ash's rant. Not that he wasn't able to hear it all from there anyhow, but at least we had perceived privacy.
"Ash, I know you're angry, and I understand why. I planned on telling you when I saw you this weekend. I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. I knew you weren’t going to be happy, and I want to explain to you why. Please calm down. Let’s sit down so I can explain everything to you.”
He stormed over to the couch and sat. Looking up at me, he snapped, “I’m sitting, so start explaining.”
I crossed the living room floor and sat next to him. Wringing my hands in my lap with my eyes fixed on my shoes, I told him everything—from Mina calling Cruz to my first visit to see Mase to our counseling session with Heather to that afternoon of just hanging out. I emphasized how we both felt closure with how our relationship previously had been, and we were only interested in being friends. After I was finished laying it all out, I looked up into his icy-blue eyes and pled to him, “Ash, I swear on Evie’s grave I am telling you the truth. I know I should’ve told you when I first went, but I am hiding nothing from you and am being one hundred percent honest with you about my feelings for him. I am in love with you and I want to be with you, but I am going to be a friend to him. He is far from perfect, just like both of us, but he has always been there for me when I needed him and I’m not about to turn my back on him, especially during this time of instability. I really hope you can understand that.”
“I do understand that, Scarlett, but you have to know how hard this is for me. I know what he once was to you, and it scares me that those feelings between y’all will reemerge. I don’t associate with any girls I have a past with, and I never even had true feeling for any of them. I do that mainly because I have no desire to be around those people any longer. I’ve grown up and moved on from that stage of my life. But I also do it, because I have respect for your feelings. I know you wouldn’t feel comfortable with me even being just friends with them.
“I honestly feel like I’m painted in a corner here. Either I give you my blessing to see him or I risk losing you if I don’t. You know I’m not the type of person to tell you what you can or can’t do; we don’t have that kind of relationship. So I’m going to tell you this one time and one time only.” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “You are an adult and you need to decide who you have relationships with. That being said, I expect you to put me first in your life, just like I do with you in mine. I don’t need daily or even weekly updates on what’s going on with him, because I really don’t care, but I don’t want this cutting into the time we get to spend together either. I love you and I’m going to trust you until you give me a reason not to, but I will not be made a fool of. I deserve to get back the same commitment I put into this. Do you think that’s fair?”
I nodded before launching
myself at him. I crawled into his lap, my knees on either sides of his thighs, and pressed my forehead to his. “Thank you so much. Thank you for being so wonderful. You are always my first priority, and I’m not gonna let you down. I love you so much.”
His strong arms engulfed my waist and he pulled my chest down to his. His soft lips found mine, tenderly pressing them against each other before his tongue began teasing me, begging entrance into my mouth. Parting my lips, our tongues found one another, delicately caressing and massaging into the perfect kiss. As the kiss ended and our mouths broke apart, a thought crossed my mind.
“Not that I ever mind seeing you or kissing you, but was there a reason you came over tonight or was it just to hang out?” I asked him before giving him another soft peck on the mouth.
He stood up with me still wrapped around his body and rubbed his nose against mine. “Nah, it wasn’t anything important really. Plus, I don’t want to spend any more time talking tonight; I need to feel your body against mine. I think it’s time for another reminder fuck,” he growled.
My body responded to the possessive tone in his voice, as I instantly ached for his intimate touch. I clenched my legs tightly around his body so my clit rubbed against his crotch and I nipped at his bottom lip before sucking on it. “What are you reminding me of?”
“That. You. Are. Mine.” He walked us down the hall to my bedroom where he spent the next couple hours reminding me of just that.
Eleven
Nothing Fancy—Dave Barnes
Burn—Ellie Goulding
Together—Demi Lovato (feat. Jason Derulo)
Ash
I knew I should’ve told her about the doctorate program acceptance letter when she asked why I came over, but I just couldn’t. Not then. We needed to deal with one issue at a time, and in that moment, pretty much everything else was on the backburner. I also decided to wait to confirm she had gotten accepted at UC Berkeley as well so I could present it to her as a package deal. I had to make her see the future for us there… away from here.