She understood what he was trying to say though. Hell, she even appreciated that he was watching out for her. But that didn’t make him right or give him reason to doubt her. Or Dom.
So… they sat.
Their travels had halted at the Crossroads because of a very unexpected discovery. Lying in the middle of the road was a body, wearing only briefs and boots.
There were lots of dead people in this kingdom, but this one seemed to intrigue their guides for some reason.
Uriah kicked at the man in an attempt to turn him over without touching him. “Crushed.” He decided.
Ransom pushed him out of the way, looking exasperated with him for not wanting to touch the body. She knelt down beside the corpse and flipped him over.
“Do we know him?” Uriah asked, his voice serious.
“This is a waste of time.” Dom made an annoyed sound. He pointed at Ransom. “How is she supposed to know that, you moron!?!”
Uriah ignored that, remaining focused on his partner.
“He’s a Baselander.” The woman decided after a moment, her voice soft but definite.
That got everyone’s attention.
“How can you tell?” Dom asked, suddenly listening.
The woman tapped her nose. “Boot polish.” She shook her head. “No one in the Cormoranian army uses it anymore. They’ve got bigger problems right now.” She rose to her feet. “Boots are military issue and not stolen. No simple bandit uses boot polish.” She pointed at her partner. “Except him.”
“I like to look my best.” Uriah argued, sounding insulted. “I make no apologies for it.”
“What does this mean?” Ryle asked, walking towards them. “Is this somehow news?”
“The whole mission was to beat them here.” Taylor explained. “If this man is from Baseland…”
“He is.” Uriah interrupted, not questioning his partner’s judgement on the issue.
“…it means that they’ve made it this far and reached the capital ahead of us.” Dom finished for her.
“No, it doesn’t.” Taylor shook her head. “It means that one Baselander made it to the Crossroads ahead of us.” She looked around the area. “We always thought that might happen. It doesn’t mean we have to give up on the rest of the plan, just that we need to be more careful, that’s all.”
“Someone did a number on this guy…” Ryle told no one in particular, looking down at the body and making a face. “Looks like a herd of cattle ran him over or something. Angry cows too.” His eyes scanned the various roads which branched out around them. “What could do something like this?”
“The plan is finished, Tay-Lore.” Dom told her gently, as if breaking hard news. “I know you wanted to free your people, but…”
“You.” She corrected. “I want to free you and get you your lands back.”
“…but it’s over.” He repeated. “I don’t need my lands, I just need you.” He shook his head. “I won’t risk you over something so meaningless. In fact, I won’t risk you at all.” He met her eyes. “We’re talking about an army here. And a good one at that. I won’t fight them just for the possibility of maybe getting the Mountain back. I will gladly die defending your doomed kingdom, however, if that is what you wish of me…”
“Because I hold the Magic Wand Thing?” She whispered.
“No.” He shook his head. “Because you’re you.” He pointed at the body. “But I won’t risk you. Not for my sake or anyone else’s. So if you want me to fight an army for you, I will, but you will take no part in it.”
“What ‘Magic Wand Thing’?” Uriah asked in curiosity. “That silver one? Why, what’s it do? Magic? How?”
Ryle swore, obviously worried about that. “Come on guys! What was the first fucking rule!?! Huh!?! We all discussed it!”
They ignored him.
“Where would we even go?” Taylor asked, feeling defeated. “If the Baselanders took my kingdom… where could we go where we’d be safe?”
She turned in a circle, examining the various signs and destinations around her. The Crossroads was the central hub of travel in Cormoran and was thus one of the biggest in the world. Roads and paths to almost every kingdom joined here and then spread out through the countryside and mountains.
Usually, the place was busier than anywhere else in the kingdom.
Today, they were the only ones around and had been since they arrived here.
That was not a good sign.
Ryle leaned against a sign pointing north. “Well, if we were feeling suicidality adventurous, we could go here.” He gestured with his thumb down the path. “It’d certainly be something we’ve never seen before.”
Taylor knew where that road led. Everyone did. It led to the domain of The Empress Above the Sky.
Not even Baseland was crazy enough to take that road.
Behind Ryle, three weathered skeletons, sat cross-legged in the middle of the overgrown road. Two of them held their own skulls on the pikes clutched in their boney fingers. The one in the middle wore a tarnished royal crown and had his arm outstretched and braced, pointing to warn travelers to turn back lest they suffer his gruesome fate. On either side of the road were piled ancient skulls of other intruders, now covered with grass and overgrown.
It was one of the few roads which no one used anymore. Ever.
She took an unconscious step away from the skeletons. “Umm… let’s call throwing our lives away like that ‘plan B’, okay?” She rolled her eyes. “This is serious, Ryle.” She looked at another sign, and her eyebrows rose. “Well, I suppose there’s always…”
“Don’t go to Yorgo.” Uriah cautioned immediately, noticing the name on the sign. “That place is ridiculous. Like a bad caricature of itself.”
“And there’s the hats.” Ransom added matter-of-factly.
He nodded in agreement, making a face. “The hats are just…”
“…a crime.” She finished for him. “I’m blind and they’re still ugly.”
“Yep.” Uriah nodded in complete agreement, pointing at her as if she were speaking for him. “Yep.”
“I can feel the stupid, sight unseen.”
“I’d certainly never wear one.” He announced.
“You’re giving fashion advice now?” Ransom asked skeptically.
“Meaning?”
“Nothing.”
“No, no.” He shook his head. “What is that supposed to mean, Rance?”
“You dress like a male prostitute.”
“How do you even know!?!” Uriah objected. “I could be wearing a chicken suit right now and you’d have no idea!” He straightened his jacket. “And besides, I do not!” He pointed at Dom’s loincloth. “He dresses like a male prostitute!” He pointed at his own chest. “I dress like a pirate captain!”
“…who’s also a prostitute.” His partner added under her breath.
“At least I don’t wear a shroud everywhere.” He flicked at the garment in question with one finger, causing it to fall away and expose her face. “It’s like having the draperies as a quartermaster.”
She swatted at his hand and pulled her hood back into place. “You’re such a child! Cut it out!”
“Or what?” He flicked her hood back again. “Will it be curtains for me? You gonna stab me again?”
“When I stab you, you’ll know.” She assured him, then paused. “I…I didn’t actually stab you last night,” her voice was softer now, sounding worried, “…did I?”
“I’ll recover.”
She turned away from him. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
“That I’ll recover or that you stabbed me?”
Her mouth formed the barest hint of a smile. “Both.”
He chuckled pleasantly, clearly delighted by the woman.
“The fact remains that we have a very serious problem here.” Dom reminded them, getting them back on track. “Our options are that we can go back the way we came…”
“We’re being pursued.” Uriah announced. “Remember?
”
“Well, even if that were true, I don’t see how we’d be in any worse a position.” Dom counted off another option on his fingers. “We could find some new destination among these places…” He gestured to the road signs which surrounded them.
“And then sit back and wait for the Baselanders to conquer that new kingdom.” Ryle chimed in. “Because they seem to be on a bit of a winning streak lately.”
“…or we can push ahead and take our chances with the capital.” Dom turned to look at Taylor. “What do you want to do?” His voice was soft but strong. “Tell me what you want and I will see it done.”
“I recommend Geet.” Uriah announced to the group at large, pointing to a sign. “That would be my vote, if I were going with you, which I’m not, because I hate you. Obviously.”
“The centaurs?” His partner asked.
“Certainly.”
She made a dismissive face. “They creep me out.”
“I thought women liked horses?”
“Not when they’re creepy.”
“How about Stheno?” Ryle asked, pointing at another sign.
“Too far.” Ransom assured him.
“They did have that charming little genocide not too long ago though.” Uriah thought aloud. “Property values will be very competitive.”
“Nah.” Ransom made a face again. “The wolves creep me out.”
Uriah’s brow furrowed. “Lots of things creep you out, apparently.”
“Just the creepy stuff.” Ransom responded casually. “Like friggin’ animal people.”
Uriah rolled his eyes. “But giants are fine, I suppose.”
She gestured to Dom with her thumb and snorted in dismissal. “You see me picking out baby names with this guy or something?”
Uriah chuckled again.
Dom ignored them. “What do you want to do, Tay-lore?” He stepped forward and took her face in his large hand. “This is your choice.”
“Perhaps you could just continue doddering about the countryside, righting wrongs.” Uriah suggested, sounding amused by their stupidity.
“I don’t know…” She told Dom honestly, feeling uncertain.
“Yes, you do.” He assured her. “You always know what you want and how to get it.” He leaned closer. “Just tell us.”
She bit her lower lip nervously. “I just…” She met his eyes and suddenly felt a surge of confidence. “This is my kingdom.” She decided. “If I’m going to die anyway, I’ll do it here.”
“Okay.” Dom nodded. “So we’ll continue on to the capital then.”
She nodded, letting out a long breath. She couldn’t decide if she had just killed them all or saved them, but she felt like it was the right decision.
She turned around to face their guides. “Listen, I know we said that we only needed you to take us here, and that we’d handle everything at the capital…” She began.
Uriah sighed deeply. “Brace yourself, Dove.” He interrupted. “The clients are thinking again.”
Ransom made a disgusted sound. “I need a drink.”
“Have you noticed that whenever they conceive of some new aspect to their plan, our job grows more difficult?”
“Yes.”
He heaved another longsuffering sigh. “I truly believe that they will soon demand that we make this journey by walking on our hands, in order to minimize the threat we might pose to the innocent insects and flora of this…”
“Hey!” Dom bellowed, cutting him off. “You’re not getting paid to talk! I will TELL YOU when you can speak!”
Uriah calmly turned to his companion. “He’ll ‘tell us’ when we can speak, Dove.” He reiterated, in case she didn’t hear. “Won’t that be nice? It’ll certainly ease the stresses inherent in conversing with the rustics of this kingdom. I do hope he also tells us which small words he actually understands though.”
“Perhaps we should return the favor and tell him when he can go fuck himself?” Ransom offered.
“A marvelous idea!” Uriah agreed in delight. “How about now? Would now be a good time to suggest to him that he engage in such action?”
“Now’d be good for me.” Ransom nodded.
Uriah cleared his throat, as if about to make an important announcement to Dom. “My partner and I have discussed the matter and have decided that…”
“This doesn’t help us!” Taylor interjected, trying to break things up before there was a fight. “We don’t need this right now!”
“That’s right.” Uriah smirked at Dom and pointed at Taylor with his thumb. “You heard your mommy: shut your mouth before you get hurt.”
Dom’s mouth hung open in total shock. “I can’t believe that you are trying to mock me for listening to a wom…”
“Enough!” She shoved him, and Dom allowed himself to be pushed away from Uriah. “Don’t kill them. We still need them.”
“I don’t need them.” He growled. “And no one else does either, I guarantee it!”
“You need to calm down!”
“Me!?! I’m being perfectly reasonable!” Dom protested. “Talk to the pirates!”
In unison, Ransom and Uriah immediately flashed him rude Adithian hand gestures.
“They can’t help it.” Taylor explained. “They’re bad people.” She met his eyes. “But you aren’t. You need to rise above their petty bullshit and focus on the fact that you’re going to be free soon. You can’t let anything stand in the way of that. You’re about to get everything you’ve ever dreamed of having.”
“I hope that includes ‘pants.’” Ransom told no one in particular, absently gesturing to Dom’s loincloth.
Uriah snickered in amusement.
“For your information, I am in the process of making him the finest clothes this land has ever seen!” She informed them.
“Please hurry.” Uriah urged.
Ransom giggled, despite the fact that she had no way of seeing the garment in question anyway.
Dom started forward to throttle them, and Taylor quickly got in front of him before he did something their guides would regret.
“Rise above it.” She quickly soothed. “Just take a deep breath and rise above it.”
“I’ve been ‘rising above it’ my entire life, Tay-Lore.” He reminded her. “I can do it for a few more hours. But that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.”
Uriah turned to his companion. “His personal tragedy really is a metaphor for the loss of innocence which is the first casualty in all wars, and…”
“I said that’s enough!” Taylor bellowed at him, whirling around to face the pirate. “You do not get to insult him in front of me, you arrogant bastard!” She poked him in the chest with her finger. “If you say one more goddamn word to him, I will kill you myself!” Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Am I understood?”
Uriah pretended he didn’t hear her.
“I said: am I understood!?!” Taylor demanded, poking him in the chest again.
“Yes, fine.” Uriah finally got out, sounding put-upon. “Whatever.”
“Good.” Taylor started from the scene, then turned to glare at Ransom. “And that goes double for you.”
Dom smirked at Uriah smugly.
Uriah looked decidedly less pleased.
“Okay, so we’re agreed then?” She asked them. “We’ll make our way to the capital, and convince the king to give us Dom’s Mountain back.”
“And my fee, of course.” Uriah added, his voice sharp. “I was supposed to be paid at the Crossroads, and I hate to point out the obvious… but no payment has been forthcoming.”
“Yes,” Taylor nodded, “yes, we’ll get the king to pay you, obviously. We just have to get there first.”
Ryle opened his mouth to say something.
“And help rally the troops to save the kingdom.” She finished for him before he got the chance to remind her.
Dom took a deep breath. “Okay. But if this starts going bad, stay behind me.”
“I’m touched that you’d be w
illing to sacrifice yourself for me like that, ogre.” Uriah praised sarcastically. “That’s beautiful.”
Dom flashed his teeth at him.
Ransom nodded and started towards them, then tripped over a root. Ryle immediately grabbed her arm to steady her and she took hold of his hand in gratitude, like she’d done a dozen times during the course of their journey… But this time she used the motion to pull him forward and then stepped on the back of his knee. Ryle fell to the ground in astonishment as the woman produced a jackknife from somewhere under her poncho, flicked it open, grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head back, pressing the blade against his throat.
Taylor gasped in horror. “Let him go! Now!”
Uriah pursed his lips in thought as he watched the scene for a moment, then turned to them. “You know, you’ll have to excuse my partner. She suffers from a natural predatory instinct which she can’t always suppress.” He turned back to her. “Rance? What are you doing?” Uriah sounded both confused and worried that she had finally snapped, his voice soft and slow like he was trying to talk down a tiger.
Dom started forward.
Uriah held up a hand to stop him. “No, that won’t help.” He refocused on his partner. “Not to try to second-guess you, Dove, but why exactly are you now holding our client’s beloved little brother hostage? Perhaps deciding to murder the younger sibling of the woman who is paying us, is a matter we should have discussed before you decided to embark upon it unilaterally?” He lowered his voice. “It’s bad for business.”
She leaned closer to whisper something to him.
He seemed to puzzle over her words for a moment, then whispered something in reply.
She shook her head.
He turned back to Taylor, his eyes narrowing in suspicion or fury. “You wouldn’t happen to be planning on ending our mutually beneficial arrangement by alerting the authorities once we reach our destination so that you don’t have to pay us, now would you?”
Chapter Eighteen
“I can’t believe we’re really getting a lesson in morality from an Adithian and a pirate from the fucking Grizzwood.” Ryle decided, the knife still pressed to his throat. “This is just so ironic it’s sickening.” He made a face.
Travels With a Fairytale Monster Page 26