“Give him a break, Mitchell. His ex did a number on him. Found the poor guy upstairs, passed out, watching a video of his wedding.” I swallow hard, casting my eyes to the mug in my hand and sit at the table, glaring at the caramel-colored coffee inside.
“Oh,” Tina whispers. I glance up to her hands gripping the countertop so tightly her knuckles are turning white. Good, feel as uncomfortable as I am angry. You deserve it.
Jones’s phone starts ringing and he glances over his shoulder. “I’ll be in the car. Don’t take forever to get dressed.” Turning around, he walks out the door and I assume he’s speaking to his girlfriend by the sudden change of his tone. Whipped. I get it, but still, he’s fucking whipped.
“Are you going to be okay with this?” Tina asks, regaining my attention. The answer is no, I’m not going to be okay. The breakfast might be over, and the chief may have given a speech I didn’t attend and will pay for it later, but I know why they’re here. It’s been three years since Yaris died and a bunch of my brothers are going to the cemetery. I don’t want to go, nor do I want to talk about why I don’t want to go, but how am I supposed to tell that to someone who didn’t give a fuck that I was drowning when she left me?
“Don’t have much of a choice,” I say, brushing her off and slamming my coffee, an entirely different burn making its way down my throat, yet still I welcome it.
“You always have a choice, Nick. If you don’t want to go, tell me and I’ll make something up. Don’t put yourself through something you’re not ready for.” I know she’s trying to be nice, but I need her to stop. It’s hard to remember how much I hate her right now when she’s acting like the Tina I married, instead of the Tina who walked out on me when I needed her most.
“That’s not really your job anymore, is it, Christina?” I say through gritted teeth. “Why are you even here?”
“I rode over with Jones. The chief was tripping balls when you didn’t show up and Tony said he was coming here to check on you. I don’t know, I figured you’d need a familiar face.”
“And you thought you’d be that face?” I scoff. “I’ll be out in a second if you want to wait outside with Jones.” She knows I basically just kicked her out, and the look in her eyes almost has me taking it back, but I don’t. Instead, I turn on my heel and walk out of room. It’s bad enough I have to watch her strut around the house in those tight-ass pants that aren’t supposed to be sexy, but on her they are. I sure as shit don’t need her in my home wearing a short-ass dress and sexy fucking heels.
I don’t look back at her when I make my way back upstairs to change clothes and my only indication she’s left is the slamming of the door on her way out. Exchanging the sweats for a pair of jeans, and downstairs I pull my DFD jacket over my tee shirt, I slip into some boots and meet the pair at Jones’s car, Tony in the driver’s seat and Tina already in the backseat, her back turned toward me.
Fuck, this is going to be a long ass day. I should have had a drink before I came out and now that Jones has seen me, it’s too late to run back inside.
CHAPTER FIVE
TINA
As expected, we arrive at the cemetery and there’s already a large group of people standing around Yaris’s grave. I’m not sure if Nick’s been here since the funeral, but I’d be willing to bet he hasn’t. Getting out of the car, the three of us slowly approach the crowd. I make my way toward the front, right where I assume Lacy’s standing with Dakota. Glancing to my side, I’m surprised to find Nick next to me, his face white as a ghost and small beads of sweat forming on his brow.
I never thought how difficult this would be for him, but knowing the man I used to love, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Dakota, and even if being here makes him feel sick, he’ll put on a brave face for Yaris’s little girl.
Finding our group, and yes, no matter what happened with our relationship, these are our people—our family—I stand next to Lacy, taking her hand and linking our fingers together. Even though she and Yaris broke up soon after Dakota was born, he was a constant part of her life, not willing to sacrifice any time with his daughter. I think Lacy loved that most about him, even if the pair just weren’t meant to be. Also, with Yaris and Nick being best friends and me and Lacy being as close as we’ve always been, it just kind of made sense, in a weird, awkward kind of way.
Nick finds his way behind me, giving Lacy a small rub to her shoulders and taking Dakota’s hand much like I have Lacy’s, and smiles down on the little girl who’s a spitting image of her father.
“Hi, Uncle Nick. Mommy says we’re going to say a prayer for Daddy. Do you want to pray with us?” Dakota asks in a hushed tone, grinning with adoration for her pseudo uncle. Well, he is her Godfather, as I’m her Godmother, but still, not blood related, not that it really matters.
“Absolutely, Buttercup,” he responds and I notice him subtly grit his teeth, like he’s holding back emotions he doesn’t want to show.
Nick glances toward me and I give him a tight-lipped smile, wishing he’d open up, just like I had before we divorced. Just for a moment, I want to see his wall come down enough for me to try to help him, and just like before, the wall is fortified before I even have the chance.
His eyes dart forward as the chaplain begins to speak.
“Losing a brother is never easy. Bonds that are so tightly woven in this profession are hard to break, if ever really broken. Three years ago, an unfortunate accident happened and one of our own paid the ultimate price. Timothy Yaris wasn’t just our brother, he was a father and a friend. A well loved member of our community. And a true hero.”
Tears well in my eyes as memories of that day come back to me. I stopped suppressing them after I began therapy, but it’s been a while since the past—all my past—was so up close and personal.
“Get him on the gurney,” I screamed to Nick as he carried Yaris out of the house, both of them covered in soot and dirt. Nick did exactly as I asked, wasting no time stripping Yaris of his coat. I grabbed the scissors and frantically cut at his shirt, needing all the access I could get.
“Save him, Tina. You have to save him,” Nick begged, holding tight to his brother and best friend’s hand. “You got this, man. You fucking hang on. Don’t you dare let go,” he whispered in his ear.
“Nick, baby, I need you to back up. Give me room to work, okay?”
He looked up at me with sad, worst case scenario eyes, silently pleading with me to perform a miracle. Because that’s what it was … a miracle. Letting go of Yaris’s hand, he backed away until he reached the curb, where he sat with his hands in his disheveled hair, waiting for his act of God.
With everything in me, I tried. I spared no measure. I hooked leads to his chest, pulled out the portable defibrillator and gave the shock that should have pulled Yaris from wherever he was. Nothing happened.
I ran drugs through the IV and stopped to say a prayer or five, begging for a heartbeat to show on the monitor. It never happened.
“Tina?” Nick called from the curb, unshed tears filled his eyes.
I couldn’t speak. It wasn’t the end. I couldn’t call a time of death, therefore he wasn’t dead. With my partner at my side, we loaded Yaris in the ambulance and sped off toward the hospital, Nick in the back of the rig next to me, gripping my hand so tight I thought I’d lose circulation. But I didn’t pull away. I didn’t flinch. He needed my strength, so I willingly gave it.
Lights and sirens blared the entire drive that took less than five minutes. Hospital staff were waiting the moment we pulled into the bay, opening the doors and taking Yaris into the emergency room. Nick and I waited together with bated breath for a doctor to give us good news.
But that never came, either.
I was beyond impatient and Nick’s patience was wearing quickly. I left him in the waiting room with the rest of the guys at 75 and walked through the ER like I owned the place. They all knew me and didn’t think twice about me going in areas a family member or a friend shouldn’t be. I paused o
utside Yaris’s room and watched the nurses and doctor move around the bed and do everything I couldn’t do in the field.
But it wasn’t enough.
“Time of death: 14:38,” the attending said, bowing his head, removing his gloves and scrubbing at his defeated face.
My knees hit the floor first, followed by my hands. With my head hung low and my shoulders violently shaking, I remembered being picked up and carried back to the waiting room. I remained in Nick’s lap until everyone else had cleared out and Lacy arrived with a sleeping Dakota across her chest.
I lost it again. That wonderful little girl had just lost her father and she’d never remember him. Being just a year old, she’d have no memories of what an amazing person Timothy Yaris actually was. There’d be pictures, sure, but nothing she could hold on to in her heart.
Together, Nick, Lacy and I sat in the waiting room, with Dakota curled up and sleeping in the chair next to us, and cried for the loss of an amazing man whose life was cut short … way too short.
Wiping away the tears falling down my face, I suck in a deep breath of air, trying to fill my nearly empty lungs. It shouldn’t have happened that way. I should have been able to save him. If I did, none of us would be here right now.
Bowing my head as the chaplain requests, I let the tears fall freely now that I’m alone in my own private moment. I try hard not to sniffle, but it’s a futile effort. I can’t control my emotions. I’ve never been able to, but I wanted so badly to be strong for Dakota and Lacy … and Nick.
At the small of my back, I feel fingers rubbing a small circle and I know who it is without even having to look. I’d know that touch anywhere. Reaching my hand behind my back, I take Nick’s hand and he doesn’t pull away, but grips me as tight as he did on that day.
Risking a look behind me, Nick is still holding Dakota’s hand ever so gently with his head lowered the same as everyone else. I get it. For the first time, I get it.
Nick doesn’t have much strength where this whole situation is concerned, and he’s giving all of that to Dakota, being the good uncle Yaris would expect him to be. And in return, he’s seeking strength from me. Understanding what he needs for the first time since Tim died, I tighten my hold on his hand and his head raises, his eyes capturing mine. I nod my head and mouth, “I’ve got you.” A few tears fall on his part and my own as I continue to squeeze his hand, giving him every ounce of strength I have to get through this day.
Nick never needed to talk about his problems; he just needed someone to hold onto him while he felt … everything.
*****
Stepping through the doors at the firehouse, I get the extreme pleasure of meeting an entirely new shift of firemen. I’m sure it would have gone over much better, especially if I hadn’t just left the cemetery. Luckily, the chief had made an exception for me to do the thing for Yaris and report an hour late for shift.
“What’s up, Princess? You lost?” some big, burly, bearded man asks, stepping in front of me, blocking my path to the locker room so I can change.
“Nope,” I respond, trying to move around him, but his body’s far too large to maneuver around.
“Only staff’s allowed past this point. I’m sure I could make an exception if you were to give me something in return.” His stale breath hits my nostrils and I nearly gag—here’s the obnoxious behavior I was used to from guys who didn’t know my skills. In his defense, not that he deserves it, but I’m sure he’s just a little confused about my attire. Most paramedics don’t show up for work in a dress and heels. If he’d just get his head out of the gutter, he’d realize where I was coming from and cut me some slack.
“Hey, man,” a familiar voice rings in my ears and soon after fills my line of sight.
“What’s up, Conrad?” Nick and the bearded man’s hands slap together in some sort of handshake.
“I see you’ve met Mason’s new partner.” He motions toward me with his head. “Worked a shift with her the other night. Seems pretty good. Legit even.” Letting out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, I glance up at Nick and my lips split into a grin, thanking him for saving me.
“Ah, so you’re Mitchell. Chief said we’d be expecting you. Nice to meet ya. I’m Flynn.” The bearded wonder sticks out his hand and with a disgusted look on my face, I accept the gesture. His face seems remorseful, but it’ll be a while before I let him live down the fact he tried to bag me just a few moments before.
“Christina,” I say through gritted teeth and a fake smile in his direction. Finally able to step around him, I make my way back to the locker room and pull my uniform from my bag. Stepping into the private bathroom, I quickly change into my gear and the moment I open the door, Nick’s standing on the other side, on the opposite wall, with his arms crossed across his chest and eyes burning holes through me.
“Hey,” I whisper. “Thanks for that back there.”
“No problem.” Nick’s eyes shift to his feet and he almost appears conflicted with what he wants to say next. When he raises his head, my own eyes sympathetic, knowing today must be one of the hardest days he’s had in a long time, I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze.
“I know,” I mutter. “I know.”
“Thanks, Tina.” His genuine smile melts my heart. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, let alone seen him happy. “Well, I just wanted to make sure these assholes didn’t give you any shit. They’re not as evolved as the rest of us.” With a quick pat on the back, Nick walks out of the locker room and I assume back home until his shift tomorrow.
Back in the mess hall, I find a spot at the long, wooden table and grab the newspaper from the middle. Reading through all the disaster the city I love has turned into, I mentally prepare myself for a busy shift. It’s common knowledge the nights are far worse than the days, but I can’t help but feel on edge. It probably has something to do with the cemetery this morning. Mortality and all that.
And where the hell is my partner? Now that I think about it, I didn’t see him on his bunk when I was upstairs, nor did I hear his snoring. I glance around the living area and he’s not here, either.
“Hey, any of you know where Mason’s at?” I ask to nobody in particular. Flynn, the bearded pig from earlier, points toward the chief’s office. Setting down the depressing article in my hand, I peek around the corner and don’t see Gary in the office, either. I do, however, see a young—maybe not so young, but younger than —woman with dark, sleek hair pulled back in a long ponytail standing in front of the chief’s desk.
As if he knew I was looking, Max makes eye contact with me and waves me back. Great. Fantastic. Being summoned back there is never a good thing. Unless you’re up for a promotion, that is, which I’m not. I haven’t even completed two shifts, so I couldn’t be in trouble. Unless … Nick.
Knocking on the door jamb, Chief nods his head and I walk through the threshold. “Morning, Chief,” I say, gently closing the door behind me.
“Mitchell, I’d like you to meet Francesca Martinez. She’ll be riding with you today.”
“Mason sick or something?” I ask.
“Nope. He’s been up for retirement for sometime now. When we got the word 75 was closing shop, he wanted one shift with you to see if you could cut it here. Last shift was his final at 22. You’re running the show over there now, and Martinez, here, is your first trainee.” Looking pleased with himself, Max leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest with a smile.
“I’m sorry, Francesca, do you mind if I chat with the chief for a moment? You can head up and get changed if you like. There’s a private bathroom in the bunks.” Trying to remain pleasant—I don’t want to scare the poor girl off—but getting a closer look, she’s a lot younger than me, maybe twenty, meaning she literally just completed her required courses.
“Frankie,” the girl blurts out. My eyes, as well as the chief’s, whip in her direction.
“Excuse me?” I ask before Max has a chance to say anything.
“You can call me Frankie. Everyone else does.”
“Okay, well then, Frankie, can you give us a minute, please?”
“Sure, no problem. Thanks again, Chief. I swear I’m going to do a great job.” With too much pep in her step, Frankie turns on her heels and bounces out of the office and into the mess hall. Shutting the door behind her, I take a seat in the chair in front of the desk.
“Chief. Thank you for the vote of confidence, but I’m not sure how well I’m going to do. I’ve never trained anyone before. Didn’t really want to, to be honest. I’m used to working with a seasoned partner. I need someone who can play off my cues and vice versa. You know how important that is, Chief. This kid’s barely finished school.” I place my elbows on my knees and bend my head forward preparing for a panic attack to start any time.
“Listen. I know you’re new here, but I’ve heard about you, Christina. Your last chief had nothing but great things to say about you, and whether you like it or not, you’re the lead paramedic now. That means you’re training this girl. No other house in the city can take her and she’s not qualified to work anywhere else. I can’t have you riding alone, so it’s kind of a both of you or neither of you situation.”
“What?” I ask a little too loudly. Composing myself, I remind myself I’m only here because of my last chief and I’ll be damned if I make him look bad. He took a chance on me when no other house would. He had faith in me when nobody else did. “I’m sorry. I’ll get started right away, Chief. Thank you for the opportunity.”
“Thought you’d see it my way,” he chuckles, and his casual but firm demeanor returns. “You’ll do great. If you can make her half the EMT you were when you first started, she’s going to be great, too.”
Relief washes over me. I know I had glorious recommendations when I thought about leaving the city a year ago. My old house had nothing but the utmost respect for me and wanted the best for me, but until this moment, nobody had ever voiced that to me personally. I’m probably being a girl, but it feels damn good and I want to keep hearing it. Instead of fishing for more compliments, I rise and walk out of the office in search of my new partner.
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