by Natavia
“Nooo, I’m on a diet.”
“Yo, Essa, you ain’t gotta front around me. Y’all females always act like y’all don’t be smashin’. But it’s up to you. I’m just lettin’ you know I’m not trippin’ over that,” he said.
“Naw, I’m really on a diet. I’ll take a turkey burger with cheese fries.”
“Aight, bet,” he replied and pulled out his phone.
The office doesn’t close until six o’clock and I have a few more hours. Thank God because my hormones are jumping like Harry Potter’s magic beans.
One hour later…
When our food arrived, Governor went to the back to eat. I thought he was going to keep my company but he stated he had to make a few important phone calls. I ate alone while thinking about my son, Ke’Ari. Ricardo was only letting him stay one day out of the week. Tears welled up in my eyes when I thought back to how I lost custody. I shook it off instead and prayed for better days which I knew were going to come. After I finished my lunch, I got back to scheduling appointments. Governor walked out his office with his keys in his hand. He was wearing a wife beater and it fit his body perfectly. I wondered if he looked good in a suit, too.
“I was in the back taking estimates on video calls. That shit took too long,” he said. His lip was swollen and looked worse than it did before. I desperately wanted to ask what happened but the words wouldn’t form out of my mouth.
“We’re ready to close up soon. Everything good?” he asked.
“Yeah, you had a lot of emails and a few complaints.”
“That’s because it wasn’t organized. I had a few other things goin’ on and Mayor was busy, too, so we pretty much had the workers runnin’ the company. Shit is gonna be different now that I got you,” he said.
“Look, I’m not tryna be nosey, but it’s hard for me to hold my tongue. What happened to your lip?”
“I might as well tell you since the hood is gonna be talkin. Anyway, me and Rochelle got into it and shorty swung on me. That’s it,” he said.
“Oh wow.”
“Yeah, but it’s small shit,” he replied.
“So, the rumors were true about y’all.”
“Me and Rochelle was cool before she moved into the building. Everyone thought I started fuckin’ the tenants off the break soon as the rumor spread. I was just tryin’ to keep it personal because of the nosey muthafuckas. But enough about that. I’m takin’ you home so you can close out of that,” he said.
“Okay.”
I had one-hundred-plus more emails to check and I wondered if I could take the laptop home with me, so I wouldn’t feel behind. The feeling of working again soothed my soul and eased my mind.
“Can I take this home and finish it? It’s so much I need to check.”
“Aight, cool,” Governor replied.
I grabbed my purse, folders and laptop. My legs cramped a little bit from sitting most of the day but I wasn’t complaining. Governor went into the back and locked up a few things before we left out of the building. The summer night was pretty and it had a slight breeze. Governor opened the sunroof and grabbed a blunt from his visor after we got into the truck. My phone rang and it was my cousin, Tinka, calling. I took a deep breath before I answered the phone.
“Bitch, where you at? Me and Kitty is outside your building. We knocked on your door but nobody answered. Hurry up, I got a surprise for you,” she said.
“What kind of surprise?”
“Girlllllll, just hurry up. We had to catch a cab over here and Kitty got grocery bags. We’re makin’ your favorite dish, sloppy joe sandwiches with jalapenos, garlic fries, bacon drizzled with ranch dressing and nacho cheese, and let’s not forget Kitty’s bomb-ass coleslaw! Hurry up!” Tinka yelled into the phone.
“I’m on a diet, Tinka, damn. Why you actin’ like you can’t remember shit,” she said.
“Di-et? Bitch, for what? We’re fat and gorgeous. What you need to die for? Girl, listen. My crocs are leanin’ and is about to melt on these steps. My titties and coochie is sweatin’ and my eyelashes slidin’ down the side of my face. How are they gonna let you work on your first day of work? You should’ve called out!” I hung up on Tinka because she was getting amped for no reason. She didn’t understand important things and lived life however she wanted. Governor passed me the blunt and I took it away from him.
“Lean back and get comfortable, shorty. I’on bite,” he said.
“But I do,” I replied.
“You still sexually harassing me?” he chuckled.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”
“You need some dick?” he asked. We stopped at a red light and he gazed at my lips when I wrapped them around the blunt.
“Why do you need to know?” I asked, blowing smoke in his face.
“Shiidddd, I don’t need to know but if you gonna be talkin’ out loud about givin’ me some chocolate babies then I gotta know. You sound like you’re fertile as fuck though,” he said and I burst into laughter.
“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s a term we use sometimes to express how fine a nigga is like, ‘damn I’ll give his ass a baby.’ Take it as a complaint and move on.”
“So, what if a nigga really bust down on you for talkin’ shit? Be careful what you ask for,” he said.
I passed him his blunt and his fingers touched mine. The need to have him was driving me crazy. The way he talked was with an arrogant hood boy smoothness. I stared at him as he gripped the steering wheel while smoking with the other hand.
“Thank you for my first pay. It’s gonna help me out a lot.”
“No doubt. You deserve everything, baby girl. Don’t let your pride get in the way when someone has sumthin for you. We all need a little help. I had too much pride to hire someone outside my circle but look what it did for me,” he replied and I agreed.
A few minutes later, Governor pulled up to the building and I cursed myself because the ride ended so fast. My cousins were standing on the steps. Tinka was smoking a Black & Mild while fanning herself. She was wearing a lime green outfit with knee-high rainbow socks and pink Crocs. Her blonde lace front weave with pink tips stopped at her ass. Despite the way she dressed and acted, Tinka wore nothing but top of the line wigs on her head. Kitty, on the other hand, was wearing a jean romper and gladiator sandals. She kept her hair in braids. My cousins are hood as hell but they had beautiful faces. All three of us were on the heavy side; we even called ourselves “Power Puffy Girls” when we were younger. Tinka walked down the steps and opened the door to Governor’s truck.
“Ohhhhh, bitch. That’s the President?” she whispered but he heard her.
“Damn, shorty. Essa wasn’t ready to get out,” Governor chuckled.
“Ummmm hmmmm. I hope you’re payin’ because we got good pussy in this family, honey. Tuh, ask somebody about us. We are some freaky fuckin’ hoes,” Tinka said.
“Bitch, move!” I shouted and stepped out the truck. Governor got out and carried my folders and the laptop. Tinka did her hand in a sucking dick gesture once she got a good look at Governor and I wanted to slap the hell out of her.
“You stayin’ for dinner?” Tinka asked Governor.
“Naw, I gotta bounce. Thanks though. Be safe, Essa. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said, handing me my things. He got back inside his truck and peeled off.
“Can y’all hurry up. This crate is heavy!” Kitty shouted.
She was carrying an animal carrier. Apparently, Tinka saved a cat from a dumpster from what Kitty told me a few weeks ago. I didn’t mind cats but Kitty said the cat messed up Tinka’s apartment really bad one day while they were out shoplifting.
“Y’all bitches are embarrassin’. And you need to learn how to mind your business,” I said to Tinka.
“We can fight later. I need to shit and I hope you got a lot of toilet paper. I ordered some small tummy tea from Instantgram and, babbyyyyyyy, I thought I was pregnant the other day. I’ll tell you about that lata,” she said. We went inside the buil
ding and I walked upstairs to the second floor. Soon as I unlocked the door, Tinka dropped the bags on the floor and ran down the hallway. Kitty went into the kitchen to start cooking and I followed her so I could pour myself a glass of wine.
“Why are you so quiet?”
“No reason. I had a long day today. Me and Tinka had to run out the store because she was stealing pregnancy tests. I’m still tired,” she said. Kitty was around my size while Tinka was a little bigger than us. Tinka had more ass, hips and breasts but still wore skimpy clothes with no bra.
“Why were y’all stealin’ pregnancy tests? Which one of you hoes got knocked up?”
“Tinka thinks she’s pregnant because of that tea, bruh. I keep tellin’ her she’s not pregnant in her tubes, it’s just bubble guts. That hoe silly,” Kitty laughed. Kitty encouraged Tinka to do bad things just to complain about it. I heard scratching coming from inside the animal carrier by the door and left the kitchen.
“I hope Tinka’s bad ass cat don’t tear up my apartment when I let it out. What kind of cat is it?”
“Tinka said it’s a Maine Coon,” Kitty yelled from the kitchen.
I went inside the carrier and grabbed the fluffy animal and it made a weird noise. When I pulled it all the way out, I screamed. It jumped out my hands and climbed up on my bookshelf.
“TINKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Bitch, you brought a raccoon in my fuckin’ house!” I yelled. Kitty ran out the kitchen and I wanted to punch her.
“That’s what that is? I told Tinka that fuckin’ cat looked funny,” Kitty said. The baby raccoon had on a collar with a bell on it. Tinka left the bathroom with her shorts down to her ankles, showing all her business.
“You out here fuckin’ with my cat? Come here, Barbie. Come to Mommy!” Tinka held her hands out.
“Tinka, if you don’t get that dirty ass animal out of my fuckin’ apartment! Who has a raccoon as a pet, bitch?”
“First of all, tone it down while talkin’ to me. Secondly, it’s a Maine Coon which is a fluffy cat. I know what the fuck I’m talkin’ about. Use goggles if you don’t believe me,” she said.
“You mean, Google? I’m calling animal control. Kitty, get my cell phone!”
“Girl, let Barbie chill on the bookshelf. She ain’t hurtin’ nobody. Look at her, the bitch is scared,” Kitty replied and went back into the kitchen. Barbie ran down my bookshelf and pulled the curtains down off my window. Tinka tried to catch her and it ran down the hallway into my bedroom.
“Listen, I can get you a new mattress after she tears it up. Baby Head Poo got five new ones in her mother’s shed,” Tinka said to me.
“Go get that thing and put it back in its carrier. NOW! And pull your shorts up. We don’t want to smell that,” I replied. Tinka pulled up her shorts and snatched the carrier off the floor by the door before she walked down the hallway. Kitty was listening to music in the kitchen and I could already smell the aroma of the ground beef. I sat on the couch and opened the laptop to get comfortable. Someone knocked on the door and Tinka came out into the living room with the animal carrier. The raccoon was making noises and going crazy. If the raccoon was an adult it would’ve fucked us all up. Tinka put the carrier in the coat closet and left it open. When she opened the front door, my life drained out of me. Her on-and-off again boyfriend stepped into my apartment with two of his friends and they were all lame! Cooley thought he was DMX. It was 2018 and he still tied his bandana to the front like Tupac. He was wearing a pair of oversized FUBU shorts with a very big FUBU shirt. The fool even had on Timbs with his outfit. I couldn’t do anything but laugh because he had an earring dangling from his ear. He tongue-kissed Tinka while he grabbed her bottom and the two were rubbing against each other like they were fucking.
“Ummmm, what the hell is this, Tinka?” I asked when she pulled away from Cooley.
“Well, I figured I’d have a celebration dinner for you and Cooley. You have a job now and he got a new position at the grocery store. My baby doesn’t push carts anymore, chile. He’s in the meat apartment,” Tinka said.
“Meat department, Sis. But anyways you keep bringin’ unwanted guests to my home. First a raccoon and now three possums. You can’t come over here anymore,” I replied.
“Wait a minute, Essa. Don’t talk to my baby like that! We’re all family and I thought you and Kitty can do a few things with my homies,” Cooley said. I wanted to grab the sharpest knife in my kitchen and stab him in the forehead. Not only was Cooley a perpetrating lame, he was old enough to be Tinka’s father. He was forty years old and he was older than his friends.
“Look, where is the party at? I’m tryna see some titties,” one of Cooley’s friends said. His teeth were sharp and he had on Nike slides with dirty socks. The wave cap on his head used to be white I assumed and he had a matted beard. The other one was quiet but he looked cleaner than Cooley and the other guy they came with.
“You need to get out of my apartment,” I replied to Cooley’s friend.
“I’m in here like a cold sore. How about you take your computer and go in the room while we party,” he said.
“Pleaseeeee, Essa. He’ll leave after we eat. I wanted to do sumthin for the both of y’all,” Tinka begged.
“Fine, but they better not talk to me!”
Tinka went into the kitchen and Cooley and his friends sat on the couch across from me.
“Look at my new car, Essa. Tell me what you think,” Cooley asked, handing me his phone. I couldn’t hold in my laughter as I looked at the picture. Cooley’s white Honda civic had the biggest rims I’d ever seen on a small car. The part that got me was him and Tinka posing by the car like they were in jail and she was holding Barbie. I felt bad for the dirty animal. Tinka was treating it like a pet when it was a wild animal. I know people had them as pets but not in the hood. Our raccoons were filthy and grimy. I screamed in laughter when Cooley asked me if I loved his hot ride.
“Don’t be laughing at my baby,” Tinka said and Cooley snatched his phone from me.
“See, Tinka. This is why I don’t come around your family now. These hoes be hatin’ on me because I got a 401k plan and good benefits. See, I could’ve given you the hookup on pork chops,” Cooley said, and I gave him the finger.
“Anyway, this is my friend, Big Bucks,” Cooley introduced his dirty friend. I wanted to throw-up when he smiled at me. The other guy they were with still didn’t say much. He didn’t belong with Big Bucks nor Cooley. He looked to be in his mid to late twenties and he had a cute face. He wore jean shorts, a white T-shirt and a pair of Jordans.
“Oh, and this nigga is my little cousin. He gave us a ride over here,” Cooley said with an attitude.
“Hi cousin,” I waved, and he waved back.
I sat back and listened to Cooley and Big Bucks brag about their luxury life and new jobs. Big Bucks worked at a gas station, but he used to work at a car wash. Kudos to them for having a job but they were doing too much. Tinka brought out our drinks and Kitty was still cooking. She sat next to me on the couch and lit up a cigar.
“So, Essa. When can I take you to Paris?” Big Bucks asked.
“Come again?”
“You need a Password to go to Paris,” Tinka said.
“A what?” Big Bucks asked.
“Nigga, you heard me,” Tinka said.
“Passport, baby,” Cooley corrected Tinka.
I opened my laptop back up to finish what I started for Governor. After the food was ready, Kitty fixed our plates. Having company wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be and I managed to crack up laughing at everyone. Especially Cooley and Kitty who kept arguing. When I looked at the clock on the wall, it was going on nine o’clock. At ten o’ clock, I planned on kicking everyone out, so I could get up early and finish going through the last few emails.
“Excuse me, miss, what’s your name? Can I come? Can I take you out tonigghttttt?” Big Bucks sang in my ear. When I turned to my left, he was puckering out his lips to me and I spotted a big booger dangling from hi
s nose hairs.
“Ohhhh noooo. Time to go! Tinka, party is over! Get your squirrel, bootleg drug-dealing boyfriend and his crackhead friend out of my apartment! NOOOWWWW!”
“Who told you I smoke that shit? Cooley, you told these cows I get high?” Big Bucks asked Cooley.
“Cows? Get your dirty ass out of my apartment!” I replied.
Big Bucks stood up in a fighting stance. He was really trying to fight me in my living room.
“I came from a hard place, bitch! You don’t know the things I did when I was gettin’ high. Shit, I’m not too proud of it. Do you know what it’s like havin’ orgies in homeless shelters just to get a hit? I came a long way and I’ll fight you to protect my image!” Big Bucks yelled at me. Kitty went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. Tinka grabbed a bat out of my closet.