My magic blistered out of me and his charged back at me in a sonic wave that felt like all kinds of challenge.
“It wasn’t anything that mattered,” the green-eyed pretty boy drawled at me, like I was the one screwing up here. “C’mon Sage, don’t be so uptight. I just blow the dude sometimes and he gives me a discount on new releases. That’s not cheating, it’s a good deal.”
“Holly know about your arrangement?” I growled at him.
“Of course not, I’m not stupid.” He leaned against the wall, supremely confident that I wasn’t going to hit him. His eyes lidded in a lazy expression, and he looked me up and down. “You don’t have to be stupid either. Holly’s a sweet girl, neither of us want her feelings to be hurt. Keep your mouth shut, and I’ll make it worth your while.”
When I realised what he was offering — hell, he was five seconds from dropping to his knees right there in the alley — white hot rage surged through me. I almost punched him in the face, that’s how much of a redneck cliche I am deep down, I guess.
That wasn’t the worst part. The worst was the coil of want that unspooled for a moment. A fierce, angry, completely hot desire to shove him against a wall and… yeah, hitting him wasn’t actually what I wanted to do right then.
He saw it. That was the worst part. (That wasn’t the worst part, obviously, but I had a whole lot of repression and denial to unpack before I got to the actual worst part.) He smiled, like he’d proved something. “I knew you’d been watching me.”
Had I? That didn’t make any sense. But right now, nothing made sense.
“Tell her or I will,” I managed to say, then turned and walked away.
After half a block, I started to run.
Why did it have to be that guy?
Embarrassing as hell, that despite having the world’s best girlfriend, I somehow managed to share Holly’s terrible taste in men?
Also.
Shit.
Hebe.
I had a lot of thinking to do, now the adrenaline was starting to wear off.
Because the truth was.
Yeah.
It wasn’t just that guy.
This wasn’t new.
And that right there was the worst part, rolling out in front of me like the shittiest red carpet in the history of the world. I was going to have to tell her.
Right now.
It couldn’t wait.
Chapter 13
Hebe Flies Better Than Holly
“You’re welcome,” Holly said smugly.
The sisters were running broomstick drills, less than a metre above the school oval. Grade 10 had just started, and there was an option to start training for your provisional flying licence before you turned sixteen.
Hebe had hoped her twin could manage at least one lap without falling off, before they went for the test. It wasn’t looking good.
“I have a boyfriend now, Holly,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “It has literally nothing to do with you.”
“If I’d dated Sage when he first got to this school, you would not be with him now. Right? So, you’re welcome.”
“I’m not giving you credit for this.”
“He’s a huge nerd, even if he does have cool taste in music sometimes. You two are perfect for each other.”
“Yes,” Hebe said crisply. “I’m aware.”
“So you’re…”
“I will push you off your broom.”
Holly laughed so hard she fell off her broom anyway.
Chapter 14
Sage Learns A Surprising Fact About Hebe Hallow
There were four of them in the Mundane Reality gaming club. Sage wasn’t sure if it was worth getting invested in a card game about a world without magic — that summed up the first thirteen years of his life, and it was boooring. But his aunt was making noises about him needing friends, and it was this or sign up for some kind of sport.
Weevil and Lam were all right, the kind of speccy kids that Sage always got along with as long as he remembered to act less threatening than his wide frame and natural resting thug face implied. Once he passed their tests of hidden geek knowledge and made it known that he was willing to push over any arsehole who looked at them funny, they accepted him as one of their own.
Sage was playing the long game here. He was determined to get these kids playing old school tabletop D&D by the end of the term. With actual fucking dragons, thank you very much.
The club consisted of Weevil, Lam, Sage and Hebe, the only girl, who had so many school commitments that she only ever made it to one in three of their sessions.
“I don’t get her,” Sage complained, after his milkman character was trapped in a traffic jam for four turns. “Sometimes she’s totes cool about gaming and comics and music and whatever. We can talk for hours — she’s read every Terry Pratchett novel and she knows obscure indie bands I’ve never heard of, right? But other times I start a conversation and she just looks at me with this blank expression like she has no idea what words mean. Is there some kind of memory curse fad going around or something? Because I’ve heard about some of the weird things that happen at magic schools in the big city…”
Weevil and Lam stared at each other, and then back to him.
“Bro,” said Weevil, and then stopped.
“You know they’re twins, right?” said Lam. “Holly and Hebe Hallow. I mean, you hang out with them a lot. You have to know. Hebe’s the one who comes to the club sometimes, knows about books and gaming. Holly’s the crazy one who’s into like, guitars and bands and shit.”
Sage froze for about three seconds. “Yeah,” he said, laughing it off. “Obviously I know they’re twins. I was just kidding.”
Weevil cracked up first, and then Lam. “You so weren’t kidding.”
“This is amazing.”
“HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE FIGURED OUT THEY WERE TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE?”
“Guys,” Sage said urgently. “They must never know. You gotta take this one to your graves.”
Chapter 15
Holly Spots A Cute Boy
“He’s mine,” said Holly, when she spied the new boy across the canteen. “Look at those shoulders. Very promising.”
Hebe didn’t even turn to look around. “You can’t dibs people, Holly. Anyway, I thought you were swearing off boys.”
“Not cute ones, obviously,” said Holly. “Poor dear looks so grumpy and lost. Shall I invite him to sit with us?”
“No,” hissed Hebe, but it was too late.
Holly was already flitting across the canteen floor.
Hebe had an Alchemy test up next with the most sarcastic and demanding teacher in the school. That was totally the reason she didn’t stick around to watch Holly hit on the new boy with the great shoulders.
Yep, that was the only reason.
Two days later, Sage McClaren had accidentally blown up the school laboratory three times, and made it rain frogs out of the fire sprinklers, because apparently he had more magic than any human being who had ever lived and never learned even an iota of control because of his weird religious upbringing.
Hebe looked over at his open, laughing face and thought:
Yes. Okay. If can you still have a sense of humour in the face of that level of disaster? I probably want to be friends with you.
* * *
THE END
BUT ALSO THE BEGINNING
Author’s Note
Thanks for reading!
The Belladonna U stories began life on my podcast, Sheep Might Fly, unfolding as serial stories. They’re still unfolding, with many more adventures still to come. The next Belladonna U collection will be called Holiday Brew.
Special thanks to Teresa for my lovely cover art, and to Katharine for proofing this edition.
* * *
Stay brilliant,
Tansy RR
January 2020
More Belladonna U
Holiday Brew (Belladonna U #2)
Coming in September 2020.
&nb
sp; * * *
What’s an Aussie witch to do for Halloween when the weather is all spring sunshine and happiness? What’s the appropriate ritual for breaking up with your boyfriend on the Summer Solstice? And who did Ferd Chauvelin kiss on New Year’s Eve?
Follow our Belladonna U student witches through three holiday festivals with their usual romantic disasters, friendship dramas, and magical explosions.
* * *
(Includes the stories Halloween Is Not A Verb, Solstice on the Rocks and Kissing Basilisks)
Acknowledgments
This book was made possible by all my Patreon subscribers, who support me every month in my creative projects. Words cannot describe how grateful I am to you all.
Special thanks to those who pledged high to get the very first paperback editions of Unreal Alchemy:
* * *
Adelaide P
Anna H
Aurora C-H
Debbie L
Heath C
Ilta A
Jean S
Joanna K
Ju L
Katharine S
Koa W
Leah C
Mark W
Sarah D
Scott L
Ursula S
Also by Tansy Rayner Roberts
Thanks so much for reading! Please consider leaving a review or star rating, as this helps other readers find me.
Sign up to my newsletter for free stories and more: https://tinyurl.com/tansyrr
* * *
You can hear many of my stories first on the Sheep Might Fly podcast.
* * *
Check out my other books:
* * *
Castle Charming
Merry Happy Valkyrie
Tea & Sympathetic Magic
Power & Majesty
The Shattered City
Reign of Beasts
Cabaret of Monsters
Musketeer Space
Joyeux
Love and Romanpunk
Please Look After This Angel & other winged stories
The Mocklore Omnibus [Splashdance Silver & Liquid Gold]
Ink Black Magic
Bounty
* * *
NON-FICTION & ESSAYS
It’s Raining Musketeers
Pratchett’s Women
* * *
AS EDITOR
Mother of Invention (with Rivqa Rafael)
Cranky Ladies of History (with Tehani Croft)
About the Author
Tansy Rayner Roberts is an award-winning science fiction and fantasy author, who also writes murder mysteries as Livia Day. She lives in Tasmania with her family.
* * *
You can listen to Tansy across three different podcasts: Galactic Suburbia, providing a feminist point-of-view of the SF publishing world; Verity! six smart women talking about Doctor Who; and Sheep Might Fly, where Tansy reads aloud her stories as audio serials.
* * *
Find TansyRR
* * *
Website: tansyrr.com/
* * *
Newsletter: tinyurl.com/tansyrr/
* * *
Patreon: www.patreon.com/tansyrr/
Unreal Alchemy Page 21