by Kristi Gold
“No, dear, that’s not the case at all. Charles consulted several lawyers on several occasions through the years. Ironically, he even spoke with one family law attorney who used to work at Logan’s firm. They all basically told him the same thing. A mother’s rights, especially a mother who’d conceived a child and was essentially dumped by a married man, would trump the biological father’s rights.”
She couldn’t fathom the time she’d lost getting to know her father, all because of the law. “That’s archaic.”
“That’s the way it was in that day and time.” Marlene laid a hand on Hannah’s arm. “But Charles never stopped hoping that might change, and he never stopped sending you money up until his death. I took over the payments after that.”
Hannah was rapidly approaching information overload. “My mother claimed my father never gave her a penny of support.”
Marlene sent her a sympathetic look. “I am so sorry you’re learning this now, but Ruth received a monthly check every month from the day you were born, until J.D. learned you’d left college and married, which she failed to tell him.”
Obviously all-consuming bitterness had turned her mother into the consummate liar. “She failed to tell me any of this.” And now for another pertinent question. “Do you happen to know why J.D. came to our house when I was in the first grade? I remembered him when Logan first approached me about the annuity and I did an internet search.”
“He went to tell her about Charles’s death in my stead,” she said. “Ruth only wanted to know who was going to sign the check. J.D. insisted on contributing the full amount and then some, but I refused to let him. That’s when he established the annuity in your name.”
“But why on earth would he list my mother as the secondary beneficiary?”
“I assume he believed it would allow him control over the situation. I honestly believe he didn’t want to create a scandal for me, since he didn’t know Charles had confessed to me about the affair and you. Regardless of what my husband had done, Charles and J.D. were always thick as thieves.”
And that left one very important consideration—the wronged wife. “Marlene, I can’t imagine what you went through all those years, knowing your husband created a baby with another woman. And then you were charitable enough to see to that child’s welfare.” Even if the child had never known. And how horrible to learn her own mother had betrayed her. At least now she knew how Ruth had come by the down payment for the house. A weak gesture in light of the lies.
“Believe me, Hannah,” Marlene continued, “I’m no saint. It took me years to forgive Charles, and I resented the hell out of your mother. I also resented you in many ways, and for that I am greatly ashamed.”
Hannah set the photo next to her wineglass and clasped Marlene’s hand. “I don’t blame you at all. I do blame my mother for the deceit. Although it does explain why she never seemed happy, especially not with me. No matter what I did, I never felt it was good enough.”
“Yet somehow you turned out so well, dear,” she said. “I can tell you’re a wonderful mother and a genuinely good person. Believe me, Logan knows that, too.”
Regardless, that wasn’t going to be enough to keep him in her life. “Logan is a very good man with a wounded soul. I hope someday he realizes he deserves to be happy again.”
“With your help, I’m sure he will.”
If only that were true. “I hate to burst your bubble, Marlene, but when I leave here, I doubt I’ll be coming back anytime soon.”
Marlene frowned. “I was hoping you’d return now and then to get to know your brother.”
Her brother. She’d been so embroiled in the details she hadn’t given Chance a second thought. “Does he know about me?”
“No, but I plan to tell him in the very near future. And I hope you’ll tell Logan how you really feel about him before you go.”
Time to admit the agonizing truth. “He’s only going to be a special man I had the pleasure of meeting, and that’s all he’ll ever be.”
Marlene had the skeptical look down to a science. “Don’t try to fool an old fool, Hannah. I can spot a woman in love at fifty paces.”
Hannah fixed her gaze on the almost-full glass next to the photo, but she had no desire to drink, only sob. “It doesn’t matter how I feel about him. Logan has all but given up on love. And that’s sad when he needs it so very much.”
“I’m asking you not to give up on him,” Marlene said. “Men have been known to come around, once the woman of their dreams has flown the love nest. But before you do that, you need to tell him how the cow ate the cabbage and convince him that you’re worth fighting for. Then make sure you turn around and leave so he’ll have time to chew on it awhile.”
“I suppose I could give that a shot.”
“You’d be surprised how effective it can be.”
Hannah could only hope. That’s about all she had left to hold on to. Actually, that wasn’t exactly the case. She picked up the photo and studied it again. “Do you mind if I keep this?”
“Not at all, dear.” Marlene stood and smiled. “Now let’s go find that hardheaded attorney so you can have the last word.”
Hannah had the strongest feeling it could very well be her last stand.
* * *
“Looks like it’s going to rain.”
In response to Logan’s observation, Hannah looked up. The overcast skies reflected her gloomy mood, but she needed to snap out of the funk in order to tell Logan exactly what had been brewing in her mind, with a little help from Marlene.
She kicked at a random stone as the two of them walked a path leading away from the house. “Hopefully it won’t be more than a spring shower. Just enough rain that lasts long enough for Cassie to get in a good nap.”
“Chance is hoping for a deluge.”
“You mean my half brother, Chance?” she asked, as she took a glimpse to her right to gauge Logan’s reaction.
“I figured Marlene told you everything.”
His poker face and even tone told Hannah he’d been privy to that knowledge. “How long have you known Charles Lassiter was my father?”
“Since Wednesday.”
“And you went three days without telling me?” She’d thought she’d meant more to him than that. Obviously she’d been wrong.
“Now before you get all worked up,” he said, “Marlene made me promise I wouldn’t say anything to you before she could explain. It was damn hard keeping you in the dark, but I had to respect her wishes.”
She shrugged. “What’s three days when compared to thirty years? I still cannot believe my own mother never told me about him, or the fact that she received checks from Charles and then Marlene during my formative years and beyond.”
Finally, Logan showed something more than detachment to her disclosures. “That part I didn’t know, Hannah. I’m sorry you had to find out after the fact.”
She was sorry she couldn’t change his mind about settling down. Or having children. Yet expecting someone to alter their ideals made little sense. “It’s done, and I’m over it. I have a great daughter, own my home and a degree. Now I just need to find a job and my life will be complete.” That rang false, even to Hannah’s ears.
“You know, you could look for a job here,” Logan said.
The suggestion took her aback, and gave her hope. “Why would I do that when my life is in Boulder?”
“So you can get to know your new family since you’re not going to take the inheritance.”
So much for hoping he might actually see a future with her. “That really only includes Chance, since I have no idea how my cousins will take the news.” And who was to say her brother would even want to have a relationship with her?
“I still think that if you moved closer, we could get together every now and then.”
&nbs
p; Not at all what she wanted to hear. “For the occasional booty call?”
He scowled. “You know me well enough to know I respect you more than that. I just thought we could see where it goes.”
She knew exactly where it would go. Nowhere. “Let’s review, shall we? I eventually want to marry again and have at least one more child. You, on the other hand, would prefer to live your life alone, moving from one casual conquest to another with no commitment, in typical confirmed-bachelor fashion. And since I don’t intend to follow in my mother’s footsteps and wind up as someone’s mistress, that puts us directly at odds. Do you not agree?”
He stopped in his tracks to stare at her, anger glinting in his dark eyes. “I’ve never seen you as some kind of conquest and definitely not as a potential mistress. I only thought that if we spent more time together—”
“You’d suddenly decide by some miracle to become a family man again?”
“I told you why—”
“You don’t want to settle down. I know. You’re too wrapped in guilt and grief to give me what I need. But what about your needs?”
He shifted his weight from one leg to the other. “What do you think I need?”
He’d asked for it, and she was glad to give it to him. “You need to get over yourself. You’re not the only one who’s lost someone they loved more than life itself. But life does go on unless you say it doesn’t. And that’s what you’ve been saying for the past eight years. Do you think keeping yourself closed off to all possibilities is honoring your daughter’s memory? Believe me, it’s doing just the opposite.”
His eyes now reflected pent-up fury. “Leave Grace out of this.”
“I can’t, Logan, because deep down you know I’m right. And if I never see you again, it’s going to be tough, and it’s going to break my heart just like that memorial tattoo on your arm. But I’m not a quitter, and I didn’t peg you as one, either, when I stupidly fell in love with you.”
He looked astonished over her spontaneous admission. “You what?”
No need to stop when she was on a roll. “I love you. Oh, I fought it with everything in me. I chalked it up to lust and liking your home theater. And of course my appreciation of your plumbing skills. What woman wouldn’t want a man who could fix her leaky pipes? And I really valued your determination to make sure I found out the truth about my heritage.” She hitched in a breath. “But do you know when I quit questioning my feelings?”
“No.”
“Today, when I watched you playing with my daughter, and I saw this longing in your eyes that took my breath away. Whether you believe it or not, you’re meant to be a father, and somewhere beneath that damned armor you’ve build around your heart, you want to be one again. But that will never happen unless you stop beating yourself up and being afraid of making a mistake.”
Tension and silence hung between them despite the whistling wind. Hannah allowed the quiet for a few moments before she finished her diatribe. “Logan, I only want what’s best for you, believe it or not. And I hate it that I hurt you by laying out the truth. I also pray you find the strength to love again. Maybe I’m not the woman you need, but you do need someone.”
For the first time ever, he appeared to be rendered speechless. Either that, or he was simply too irate to speak.
When he failed to respond, Hannah decided to give up, though that went against her nature. But she wasn’t too stubborn to recognize when it was time to throw in that towel. “If it’s not too much of a bother, I’d like to go back to your place, collect my things and my car, and get back to Boulder before dark.”
This time she didn’t bother to wait for his answer. She simply spun around and headed back to the house to gather her child in order to go home and lick her wounds.
Yet as she afforded a glance over her shoulder, and she saw him standing there in the rain, looking forlorn instead of furious, she wondered if maybe she’d expected too much from Logan too soon. Given up on him too quickly. She wanted desperately to believe he might eventually come around to her side.
And that possibly could be too much to ask.
* * *
Yesterday afternoon, Logan had told Hannah goodbye after giving her and Cassie a brief hug, not once giving away the sorry state of his heart. Since then, he’d been carrying around a brand-new bushel full of regrets that kept running over and over in his head. He wound up spending the night seated on the floor in the now-vacant child’s room, alone and lonely. He dozed off now and then, always awakening with a strong sense that he’d made the biggest mistake of his life when he let Hannah go without putting up a fight.
He’d blamed her for treading on his pride, when all she’d done was shine a light on the hard truth. In many ways, he had stopped living. But he hadn’t stopped loving, because he was—without a doubt—in love with her. He loved her wit and her gentle ways. He loved the way she made love to him. He loved the fact she could melt his heart with only a smile. He hated that he hadn’t uttered one word of that to her before she’d driven away, and now it might be too late.
Although he was dog-tired, that didn’t keep him from sprinting down the stairs when he heard the doorbell chime. He hoped to see Hannah on his doorstep, but instead he peered through the peephole and found Chance Lassiter. As much as he liked and respected the guy, he wasn’t in the mood for company. But when he noticed the wind had begun to push the rain beneath the portico, he decided he should probably let him in.
Logan opened the door and before he could mutter a greeting, Chance said, “You look like hell, Whittaker.”
He ran a hand over his unshaven jaw and figured he looked like he’d wrestled a bear and lost. “Good to see you, too, Lassiter.”
Chance stepped inside without an invite, shrugged off the heavy weatherproof jacket and shook it out, sprinkling drops of water all over the travertine tile. He then dug a pair of tiny blue socks from his jeans pocket and offered them to Logan. “Mom told me Cassie left these at the house. Is Hannah still here?”
He wished that were the case. “She went home yesterday afternoon.”
“Damn. I really wanted to talk to her. When’s she going to be back?”
“I don’t think she’ll be coming back anytime soon.” Voicing it made the concept all too real. “At least not to see me.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
Paradise had disappeared the minute she’d walked out his door. “Guess some things aren’t meant to be.”
“That’s really too bad,” Chance said. “I was hoping maybe you’d be my brother-in-law in the near future, that way I wouldn’t hesitate to call you when I need help with the cows.”
Chance’s attempt at humor sounded forced to Logan, and with good reason. Suddenly learning you have a sister because your late father was a philanderer would be a damn bitter pill to swallow. “You don’t hesitate to call me for help now, and I take it Marlene told you the whole story about your father and Hannah’s mother.”
“Yeah, the whole sorry story.” Chance let go a caustic laugh. “You spend your life idolizing your dad, only to learn the guy was a good-for-nothing cheater. But at least I got a sibling out of the deal. That’s if she wants to acknowledge me as her brother. Had I known the facts before she took off, I would’ve spoken with her yesterday while she was still at the ranch.”
Had Logan known how bad he would hurt, he might not have let her take off. “I’ve got her phone number and address if you want to get in touch with her.”
“I’ll do that,” he said. “Question is, what are you going to do about her?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
Chance shook his head. “For a man with a whole lot of smarts, you’re not real good at pretending to be stupid.”
He didn’t much care for the stupid designation, even if it might ring true in this instance. “Didn’t k
now you planned to deliver insults along with the socks.”
“Well, if the shoe fits, as Mom would say.”
Logan also didn’t appreciate the pun. “Look, Hannah and I had a good thing going, but now it’s over.”
Chance narrowed his eyes, looking like he was prepared to take his best shot, or throw a punch. “You do realize you’re talking about my sister. If you used her and then threw her away like garbage, that’s grounds to kick your ass.”
“I don’t use women and I sure as hell didn’t use Hannah, so simmer down. In fact, I stayed awake all night thinking about her.”
Chance seemed satisfied by that response, at least satisfied enough to unclench his fists. He also looked a little too smug. “Man, do you have it bad for her.”
Dammit, he’d walked right into that trap. “That’s one hell of a major assumption, Lassiter.”
“Are you going to tell me I’m wrong?”
Not unless he wanted to hand Chance one supersized lie. “No, you’re not wrong.”
“Well, hell, that sure explains why you look like something the mountain lion dragged in that the bloodhound couldn’t stomach.”
He really should have checked a mirror on his way downstairs. “Are you done deriding me now?”
“Nope. Not until you admit how you really feel about Hannah.”
“I love her, dammit.” There, he’d said it, and a hole in the tiled entry hadn’t opened up and swallowed him. “Are you happy now?”
“As happy as a squirrel in the summer with a surplus of nuts. Do you still want to be with her?”
More than he could express. “Yeah, I do.”
“Now what are you going to do about it?”
Logan didn’t have a clue. “I’m sure you’re itching to tell me.”
“I don’t even begin to understand what makes a woman tick,” Chance began, “but I do know if you want her back, you’ve got to do it soon, before she has time to think about how you’ve wronged her.”