I missed her so much and I missed Will, her son. I got to see him quite a lot of the time since his dad, Peyton, was a busy man building up his empire – and Kody, his partner, still worked full time allowing me to help out. Since I worked in the evenings I was always available to pick the little guy up from school – but it wasn’t like it had been in the old days when I got to watch kids TV with him and then show him how to bake cakes and cookies – and tuck him up in bed at night and read all of his favourite books to him before snuggling up on the sofa with Siobhan before we made our own way to bed...
I might not have been perfect, but I was the best stepdad I could be and I’d loved being his stepdad. It wasn’t the same anymore. Will still loved spending time with me but the sadness of losing his mother was still with him – well, it was still with all of us. She’d been amazing...
I swallowed. I’d be bawling my eyes out again in a second if I didn’t drag myself out of my self-pity.
I looked up at Joel’s podium and a thrill of apprehension went through me. Fuck. He wasn’t there... How long had I been daydreaming? He must be on his way back to the bar... It wasn’t that far but I couldn’t see him anywhere... So, where the hell was he, then? Shit. I was supposed to be looking out of him...
Some guy could have decided to take advantage of him... I abandoned my section of the bar completely. Guys were just gonna have to wait for cocktails or go to the others... I tore down the dance floor to the bathrooms. There was no way he was going to get into a situation on my watch...
“Joel!” I yelled as I catapulted myself through the door, “You okay, mate?”
“In here!” He yelled back.
Fuck. He was in a cubicle? Was he with a guy? Or alone?
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Some guy,” he panted, “Bigger than me – dragged me in here.” He sounded so out of breath.
Fuck. My blood ran cold. He’d been attacked and I hadn’t been there for him. “What did he do to you?” I demanded in a panic.
The door opened and there was the guy, slumped against the cubicle wall, sat on the toilet, fully clothed – skimpy as they were... “Nothing.” He said with a grin.
I blinked. “Oh.” I said, my heart rate beginning to return to normal as relief flooded through me, “What happened?”
Joel shrugged, “I was taught self-defence when I was younger. I just put it to good use.”
I frowned, “Well, I’m glad you did but I’m horrified that you had to do that – we’ll get Buzz to throw this loser out. He won’t be coming back.”
Joel nodded. He smiled at me, “Hey, thanks for coming to my rescue.” He nudged my arm, “That’s kind of a turn-on.”
I shook my head, “Fuck off, Joel.” I said with a laugh, “I’m straight.”
He nodded, “Yeah, yeah I know... that’s too bad.”
“I’ll pour you a drink.” I said, “Come to the bar when you’re ready.” I went back to the bar feeling heartily relieved that Joel hadn’t been hurt by the guy. His words ringing in my ears, “yeah, I know... that’s too bad...”
Shaking my head I got back behind the bar and set about making him his lemonade.
Chapter 7 – More than I bargained for...
Joel
I was exceedingly relieved that Seth had finally gotten himself out of his depression and come to find me. The guy who’d gotten over-friendly wasn’t all that bad but he wasn’t taking no for an answer and the only thing I could think of when he’d wrestled me into the men’s bathroom was to knock him out with a swift heel of the hand under his nose. He went down like a pack of cards and then all I had to do was put him somewhere safe. I was in the process of doing just that when Seth arrived. His voice had sounded panicked. Panicked for me... So, maybe there was hope yet.
Dancing on my podium had been awesome up to then and I was keen to get back up there for my next session but first I wanted to hydrate... and to have a chat with the lovely Mr Matthews...
“So what were you thinking about while I was fighting off Mr Muscles in there?”
Seth looked at me sheepishly, “I was just thinking about Siobhan.” He said.
My jaw dropped. Harley had told me that he never talked about Siobhan... “Oh, right.” I nodded, “wanna talk about it?”
He put a glass of lemonade down in front of me. “No.” He said shortly.
Fair enough... Clearly it hadn’t occurred to him that he’d started the discussion off by mentioning her. I’d just have to let him talk about it in his own time...
I necked my drink in seconds. “No peace for the wicked.” I said with a wink as I slid off the bar stool and stood up.
Seth smiled, “You’re doing great.” He said, “And Mr Muscles won’t be bothering you again. Buzz just confirmed that he’s put him in a taxi.”
I nodded, “Cool.” I said. I felt a little sorry for the guy having his night cut short – he was just after a good time, but things might have gotten ugly had I not been able to handle myself, so it was probably for the best...
Chapter 8 – Look but don’t touch...
Seth
The weeks flew by and Joel’s performances went from strength to strength – as did his reputation of being a ‘look but don’t touch’ performer. We hadn’t really had one of those before.
He was intriguing. He was beautiful and he seemed to be permanently single, making me wonder what, or rather whom it was that he was saving himself for...
It was Tuesday and I was feeling anxious. I had no idea why. I’d felt like it all day yesterday too, unable to settle to anything and feeling almost like I was hyperventilating all day. I hadn’t been like this in a while but I recognised that it was anxiety I was suffering from. I just didn’t really understand why after all this time.
I checked the time on my phone. Six-thirty. The guys would be arriving soon.
The door went and Buzz’s cheery face greeted me, “Hey, Seth.” He called, “Put the kettle on, babe – it’s Baltic out here tonight.”
I chuckled. I was pretty chilly out tonight but it would get a whole lot warmer soon. The clocks had gone forward and the nights were drawing out. Just another sign that time was passing by. Jeez, it’d be the first anniversary of her death before long...
I snapped the kettle on in the kitchen and wandered back out to the bar. I looked around as I heard another voice. My heart rate had picked up as I recognised his voice. Joel had arrived.
He was so beautiful. He looked a little like Harley but his cheekbones were more defined. He looked like a model and I had no idea why he hadn’t gone down that route instead of dancing here – not that I was complaining but I was a little fearful that he’d get snapped up by a talent scout one of these days and I’d never see him again.
I went to make the drinks. We had an array of hot drinks for the various guys on the staff. Buzz was a coffee drinker and refused to drink anything else. River loved coffee too. Simon was a tea drinker – not that we saw much of him anymore and then Joel, bless him, had shyly brought along a jar of instant hot chocolate with an adorably apologetic smile, “Didn’t want to trouble you to heat milk for me all of the time...”
I didn’t really care what I drank. Coffee was probably my favourite – but a decent cup of tea in the afternoon usually hit the spot for me, too.
I went back out to the bar with a tray, “Buzz,” I called, “Coffee.”
He ambled over with Joel hot on his heels, “I’ll just go and make myself a hot chocolate... oh...” He spotted the tray and then looked at me, his eyes wide that I’d already made him a drink. I found my face heating up. Had I been a little over-presumptuous?
I smiled at him, “I heard you talking to Buzz – figured you’d like a hot drink too.”
He nodded, “I really would. Thanks, mate.”
I sighed. It occurred to me as I reached for my drink that my feelings of anxiety had gone now that he was here... Well, that was just plain weird.
Joel
He�
��d made me a drink. That was cute. It didn’t have to mean anything, though. I shouldn’t read anything into it. I had to stop thinking that every little thing he did for me was a sign because, depressingly, it wasn’t.
He’d made Buzz a drink too, so he wasn’t trying to woo me or anything. God, I was such a doofus. A lovesick idiot...
I took a sip and looked around. I jumped slightly as I noticed Seth watching me.
When I jumped, so did he and he spilt a little of his drink.
“Fuck,” he muttered, wiping his hand down his immaculately ironed shirt.
Immaculately ironed shirt... I looked at his jeans. They fitted him like a second skin. His hair might be a mass of loose curls but they were perfectly styled curls. Was it my imagination, or was he every bit as perfectly put together as the rest of us?
Fuck it. He had to be gay. He was just in denial...
I turned and caught Buzz’s eye. He was smiling at me knowingly.
I frowned at him and he winked at me before turning away and heading back for the door.
When I turned back around, Seth had shot off and was now busy doing something with one of the pumps. He’d changed the barrel on it the night before but it was still giving him issues. I followed after Buzz.
He raised an eyebrow at me.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t know him all that well, but he’d known Seth for years and I wanted to know more about his life before Siobhan. “Can I ask you something?”
He grinned, “You can ask.” He said, “But I might not give you the answers you’re looking for.”
Fair enough... “You’ve known Seth a long time.”
He nodded, “Yeah,” he agreed, “I have.”
“What was he like before?”
He frowned, “Before?”
I rolled my eyes, “You know,” I said embarrassed to even be broaching the subject, “Before she died – before he retreated inside himself and cut himself off from ever having a relationship again.” I explained in hushed tones so as not to alert Seth to the fact that I was talking about him behind his back.
“Oh,” Buzz nodded, “He was pretty much the same as he is now, really.” He said, scratching his stubbly chin, “He was always looking for ‘the one’. He wasn’t into casual hook-ups... I mean, he did have a couple of casual encounters – but to be fair to him, he was drunk.”
“Casual encounters?” I probed. With guys? Girls? What?
Buzz was clearly a brilliant mind reader. “He reckons he’s straight.” He said in a low voice, “But straight guys don’t suck gay guys’ dicks even when they are blind drunk. They’re in denial if they say they’re straight.” He winked, “So hang in there buddy, if he’s the one for you. I’m sure he’ll come round... eventually.”
I didn’t mean to sound so desperate with my hopeful “Really?” But it was too late – it was already out there.
Buzz chuckled, “Yes,” he said, “really.”
Seth
I came back up from the cellar. The damned connector had come off the barrel again. We really needed a new one. It was just about the time for the guys to get into position for the night and I found my eyes straying to the left hand podium, which was now Joel’s regular spot.
He wasn’t there yet. I frowned, wondering where the hell he was, then.
It was then I noticed him coming from the main entrance. Had he been talking to Buzz? I wondered what they’d been talking about.
Buzz knew everything about me. Hell, we’d been mates forever and he’d been there all the time I’d been with Siobhan – and he’d been there for me at the hospital – along with his boyfriend, Franz, his brother, Simon and our closest friends, River and Jodie, while I had all the painful procedures for my burns, and in the immediate days and weeks that followed the accident. It would be fair to say that Buzz and the guys at Studs knew more about me than anyone else – including my own family who didn’t really know me at all.
Had Joel been asking about the accident? Had he seen my scars and wondered about them? Was he repulsed by them? Intrigued? What? What?
I was going to have to go and ask Buzz. It was driving me mad, wondering.
As it happened, I didn’t have to go looking for Buzz. He came looking for me.
“Seth,” He grinned, “I’ll have a lemon and lime, please.”
I nodded and started making it, “So,” I said, “What was Joel asking you about?”
Buzz raised an eyebrow, “He wanted to know what Franz and I were doing for Christmas.” He said, “Why, what did you think he was asking me about?”
Christmas? What the fuck? We were closer to last Christmas than the one coming – it was absolutely ages away. Was he lying? I didn’t know. I felt my face heating up and shook my head, “I wondered if he’d asked you about getting extra hours,” I lied. If he was lying then so could I. Two could play at that game...
He shrugged, “No, mate.” He said firmly, “He never mentioned working extra hours.”
Chapter 9 – Room for rent...?
Joel
I was at it again – searching for more information about Seth. I’d exhausted my sources at the club and now I was round at my brother’s house instead...
“So you’re saying that Seth definitely isn’t bi?” Well, what the fuck was he then? Pansexual? I didn’t even really understand what the definition of that was...
Harley looked at Alfie who smiled back at him and raised his eyebrows. He looked back at me and shook his head, “Well, he says not, but Alfie and I both think he’s in denial. I know he loved Siobhan but he’s had dalliances in the past. Alfie walked in on him with a guy – and he wasn’t the first to either. River, Rob and Buzz have all seen him with guys before now, too.”
My jaw dropped. I fucking knew it! There was no way he could be straight...
Harley nodded, “It’s always when he’s had too much to drink – and when he’s single. He never saw anyone while he was with Siobhan. He’s definitely not the type to cheat.”
Alfie shook his head, “Definitely not.” He agreed. “He’s a man of principle.”
I raised an eyebrow, “But you think there might be hope for me with him, then?”
Harley shrugged and Alfie sighed, “Maybe one day – but right now,” he trailed off and then he and Alfie spoke in unison, “he’s still very depressed.”
I nodded. Then it was my job to turn that down-turned mouth upside down.
“I can help him.” I said, “I know I can.”
Alfie smiled, “I believe you.” He said, “If anyone can get him talking about it, it’ll be you – and he needs to talk about it. He never has.”
I blinked, “He already has talked to me about it.” I said. Well, not loads... but he’d mentioned it that one time and then he’d talked about things they’d all done together in the two years they were together. He hadn’t ever talked about the crash, but that was understandable, “He’s told me quite a lot about Siobhan and Will and how much he loved being a dad to him.”
Harley’s jaw dropped, “You’re kidding?” He said, his voice coming out high with surprise.
I shook my head, “You know me.” I said, “I might be able to talk a glass eye to sleep – but I’m also really easy to talk to – and, you know, he seemed to like offloading.”
Harley grinned, “Keep it up.” He said, “You’re obviously making progress with him.”
I nodded. Maybe I was but that wasn’t really what I was here for. I had a more pressing problem... “You know Dave – my roommate?”
Harley nodded, “Yeah?” He asked, frowning.
I made a face, “He’s moving in with his girlfriend. I don’t want to move back home – the commute will be too far for work...”
Harley scratched his chin, “And you can’t afford to rent the place on your own?”
I shook my head, “Not a chance – well, I could but then I wouldn’t be able to eat.” I shot him a grin.
Alfie chuckled and Harley smiled. They both knew what my a
ppetite was like. Mum had always said I ate her out of house and home...
“What am I gonna do?” I asked. I could see that they weren’t exactly rolling out the red carpet for me to move in with them and I really wasn’t all that sure I wanted to either – the walls were pretty thin in new builds and I knew that as relatively new newlyweds they were very, uh, active...
Harley shrugged, “I have no idea.” He said.
Alfie grinned and squeezed my arm, “Between you and me,” he said in a conspiratorial whisper, “I know for a fact that Seth’s got a spare bedroom and he really needs the extra cash, too – he was scouring the net looking for a cheaper rental himself the other day at work...”
Holy shit. Did I dare ask him if I could rent his spare room? Well, I guess I had two choices. I either asked Seth if I could crash on his sofa/in his spare room/in his bed with him or I went back to live with Mum. And I really didn’t want to do that. For starters, she’d start asking questions about Seth and I could really do without it – and secondly, I was kind of used to the freedom now of living on my own.
Not that I’d been on my own and it was the being on my own that was the problem. I couldn’t afford the damned rent under my own steam. I actually needed a roommate to share the expense with...
I had no idea what Seth would say. I was actually kind of scared that he’d get angry with me and start shouting. It wasn’t really in his nature to get nasty but I felt as if he might think that I was trying to muscle in on what was his private haven with Siobhan... I really didn’t want to upset him.
Well, time would tell... I parked my car in the car park. Seth’s car was, as ever, already there. I got out and jogged across the car park to the staff entrance of the club. When Buzz was here it was easier to go in the main entrance, but it would be locked up at this time of the afternoon.
I let myself in and wandered through, past the dressing rooms and then past the kitchen and out to the bar. Seth was on the other side, collecting up the glasses from the previous night that had been missed – there were always one or two that got missed with it being so late when everyone finally left.
Seth... Saved Page 3