by Lucia Franco
I break the kiss and he groans. Chills dance down my arms at the sound of his desire. Our love is insurmountable.
"I don't want to fight with you," I say quickly. "I feel like there's this wall between us and I don't like it."
"Sweetheart, shhh," he says. James cups the side of my face and I lean into his palm. His blue eyes gaze into mine like he's baffled. "There's never going to be a wall between us, Aubrey."
My heart, god, what he does to me when he tries to show his commitment.
I nod. "Promise?"
"Yes." He hesitates for a split second, then says, "I respect your decision and won’t bring it up again."
A breath hitches in my throat. My ribs feel like they are being laced together and pushing the air from my lungs. How can I tell him I want him to without sounding needy?
Instead, I try a different route. "Can you just give me time to process it? It's not off the table." I throw in, my voice shaky. Shit, I'm so nervous. "I just wanted you to know that."
Cupping my cheeks, he tilts my face up to his so I'm only an inch or so away. James looks into my eyes. He’s all I see and all I want in this life. There's a hint of lavender surrounding him that fuses gently to the cognac on his lips. I find myself pressing closer to reach him.
"I will forever want every part of you," James says. "Never doubt that. I will forever love you more than anyone ever could. Never doubt that either. You were right about something, though. We don't need a piece of paper to prove what we have. We are only what matters."
"I don't know what I did to deserve a man like you."
"Not deserve but complement. When two people have an unconditional love like ours, to me that's a complement to each other.
I don't know whether to cry or smile or do both at the same time. I don't think James is convinced I’ve changed my mind, but it's clear he's doing what he is simply for me, and that just wrecks my stomach. That's a losing battle for both of us. I need to tell him again just to make sure he heard what I said, so he knows I do want to marry him.
Fuck. Here I am worried he'll never ask me to marry him when he asked me a handful of times already. I'm the definition of an ungrateful woman, one who held onto the past and ruined what was right in front of them.
"You heard what I said, right?" My brows angle in worry between my eyes. "Marriage isn't off the table."
His lips twitch, and he nods. "I'll think about it. Gotta make sure you really are wife material."
A matching smile tips my lips, I pull in a gasp and giggle. James steals a quick kiss, then says in all seriousness, "I love you, Aubrey."
"Not more than I love you," I say. "I want all my moments to be with you for the rest of my life."
Twenty
"It's been thirty-seven days, sixteen hours, and four minutes since the day you were here, and he still hasn't asked me to marry him again," I whine to Natalie over the phone. "He's never going to ask me. He's going to make me ask him, I just know it."
I almost laugh at myself over how ridiculous I sound.
"He's doing it on purpose," she says. "I thought he would've this morning before your shelter opened, but I guess not. I wish I could've been there with you today. Congrats, Ram Jam. That mouth of yours is still paying it forward."
Shaking my head, I smile into the phone. Today marked the opening of my second non-profit shelter, Retreat, a place for fathers with children. I decided to keep the men's and woman's shelters separate since more than half of the women had noted on their questionnaires that they felt more comfortable amongst other females. Respecting everyone's wishes has been a struggle since I want to help everyone, but we've managed pretty well so far. I had planned to open one final shelter, a place for runaway teens, but James had suggested we do one for families too. His desire to be involved melts my heart. I guess teamwork really does make the dream work.
"Well, he isn't getting any younger, you know."
Natalie laughs. "I'm sure he's aware. He still doesn't know I told you I spoke to him. How sweet. He's really respecting your wishes and not pushing it."
"Fuck my wishes. Since when has he really ever done that?" I mean… he has and hasn't… like in the heat of the moment when I'm screaming his name.
"This is different, sis."
I groan, gripping the phone tighter. She's right, and that annoys me. "I know. Maybe I should drop hints. But obvious ones."
"Don't embarrass me."
A smile draws across my face. I wouldn't go that far, but it was fun while the thought lasted. Exhaling a breath, I wince at the inflamed skin over my ribs. I gently cup my side and hold myself, wondering what James will say. After this morning’s opening of Retreat, I told a little fib and said I had a doctor’s appointment I couldn't miss.
"Do you think James will like the tattoo?" I ask Natalie for the tenth time since I got it. She saw it the moment the artist was finished, I had quickly FaceTimed her before it was wrapped up.
"Yeah, I actually think it's gonna give him a raging boner."
I shake my head. Any chance Natalie gets to be vulgar, she jumps on it. "I hope so. At one point I felt like she was under my damn boobs with the needle gun."
"It's gorg, Aub. He's gonna love it. Maybe be a little jealous you didn't take him with you for your first tattoo. Put a robe on so he doesn't see it through the slip."
"Good idea," I say, then stand up to retrieve the silk robe. I’m waiting until later tonight to surprise him with it. "How's Italy treating you?"
"I'm rich, young, and single, fucking my way through Italy with limoncellos running through my veins. What's your question again?"
She's a rare breed of person. "You are literally the worst, and I love it."
"Oh, speaking of lemons… this man came up to me on the beach today, and to make a long story short, he said I haven't had the best limoncello, even though I claimed the one in my hand was the best, to which he replied I haven't had his lemons yet. Thank heaven he was gorgeous, or I would've taken him to church for that one."
I cup my mouth and laugh. We both hate lame-ass pick-up lines and would try to beat each other with who had the worse ones in college. I could just imagine her facial expression when he said that to her, it would've been priceless.
"I would've loved to have been there for that. What did you say?"
"I told him when you’ve had one lemon, you've had them all." I feel like she's right next to me as we're having this conversation. "He asked me to come to this place called South of the Lemon Tree."
"What's that?"
"A restaurant that overlooks the Amalfi Coast."
A dreamy sigh rolls off my lips. "I've been wanting to visit Italy, especially that coast. Your Insta pics are stunning, girl. That's one place James and I haven't been to yet together. So, when do you leave?"
"For what?"
"To meet the lemon guy."
"Yeah, that's not happening."
My jaw drops. "What? Why not?" I was kind of hoping she'd tell me she was on her way so she could come back and tell me what happened.
"Because he sounded like a fucking creeper and talked about how amazing his lemons are?" Natalie says with such sass. "Any man who talks about his junk in any way like that gets kicked out of my bed."
"I think you should go. Humor me. He could be one for the books. You never know unless you try. What else do you have going on?"
"I don't know. Watching this amazing sunset alone on my wraparound balcony in peace? Don't you have somewhere to be?"
I glance at the clock and see I have a few more minutes before I have to put on my dress. "We have the New York City Women of Impact Humanitarian Awards dinner tonight. All I have to do is put on my gown and I'm ready to ride."
"Take pics for me. What are you wearing?"
"An emerald green sequin frock James picked out for me. It's floor length with a thigh-high slit and a deep plunge neckline. My boobs don't fit though, they look massive."
"I'm sure he loves that."
I c
huckle. "Oh, he does."
The bedroom door opens, and James struts in wearing a white dress shirt, a black fucking bow tie, and matching suspenders that connect to tux pants. My jaw flops to the floor as my gaze takes in the length of his body.
"Damn, baby," I say in awe. James's confidence is in his stride, the quiet way he holds himself, and how he doesn't smirk like a know-it-all. "We're gonna be late." He gives me a dirty smile that heats my blood in the best way.
"Annnnddd that's my cue," Natalie says. "I have a date with the lemon man that I apparently need to get ready for."
James leans over and I tilt my head back to give him a kiss. "If you don't want to go, then don't," I tell Natalie.
She hesitates. "It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"I just feel like I shouldn't be drinking alone with him."
I frown. "Why's that?"
"Because I think he would give back just as good as I give. I'd want a second serving."
"And the problem is…?"
Natalie huffs obnoxiously loud into the phone. I grin, knowing I got her. "I want to do filthy, nasty things to him, okay? Like leave a mark on him so he always remembers me."
"There it is." I chuckle, my voice a little higher but full of laughter. "Despite his corny comment, you still want to hook up with him."
"I have eyes, okay, and they like what they saw… a lot."
She's so annoyed with herself that I can't stop smiling. Natalie isn't the type to fall hard, but she does love the pretty boys. I can tell this guy is on her mind and that she actually wants to go see him. She just needs a little push.
"Listen, I have to go and ravish your dad before we leave for the dinner, but I think you should go and live in the moment and have fun. Text me tomorrow, ho."
I disconnect our call, not giving her a chance to respond, and put my cell phone down. I rise in my five-inch heels and walk to where James is standing in front of our dresser putting on his cuff links. He looks like a beast from behind, and I wonder if there will ever be a time when he doesn’t make my heart rush for him over the simplest thing. I catch his reflection in the mirror and fall into what he's doing. Stepping close to him, my fingers slide over his to lock in the first cuff link. Before I can reach for the other, James grips my fingers and holds me in place. My stomach clenches. He already looks like a walking wet dream and smells like the devil is testing me. I don't need much of a push at this point.
I look at our fingers and smile at the contrast. Mine are boney and milk white with a delicacy to them. His are much thicker, darker, and seasoned with age. With his other hand, James uses his index finger to tip my jaw up toward him.
"It's taking everything in me not to rip your clothes off right now and have my wicked way with you," I blurt out before he can say anything.
Everyone loves a good compliment, and James doesn't hide the fact he likes what I said. The smile that lights up his whole face rouses a need inside of me. He palms my waist and slides his hand over my hip.
"The feeling is entirely mutual, sweetheart. Every day of my life I feel that way, and it's not just because of your beauty. It's because of up here," he says, gently tapping my temple. "I love your vision and your drive, that you allow me to be part of your life with you." James pauses, and I swallow hard. "And right here," he says, placing his hand over my heart. "Because you love me unconditionally, and you allow me to love you the only way I know how." A soft gasp clutches my throat. James showed me how to make love with untamed passion. "And then, right here," he finishes, two fingers pressed to my lips. "You make me so happy, Aubrey. I don't know what I'd do without you."
The longer he stares into my eyes, the harder my heart beats for this man. His gaze is intense, like there's something on the tip of his tongue he wants to say. I wait for another moment to pass and wonder if he's looking at me like I am him, like he’s my whole world.
Thanks to my heels, I don't have to stand on my tiptoes to reach him. Leaning in, I press my stained lips to his, the prickly fine hairs of his mustache are like sharp little knives on my skin that only heightens his touch. The urge to feel his lips on mine after the way he spoke from his heart is too strong to deny. Sometimes a kiss is more intimate than sex and creates a deeper connection by way of showing love for someone.
I expect his hand to cup my ass and give me a rough squeeze, like I know he loves to do, but James surprises me. Pressing his body to me, his thick tongue strokes over mine and tugs as his hand drags down to my sex. I gasp around his kiss and tense from the blitz of need assaulting me in all the right ways. My skin is tingling from head to toe. James slips his hand beneath my robe and slip and cups my pussy, making sure one of his fingers is painfully teasing my entrance while there's pressure on my clit. I grind against his hand, aching for more already. I love when James's control is unforgiving, how he knows exactly how to touch me to make me weak for him. How to make me melt in his hands.
I grip his shoulders. "James." His name is a prayer on my lips. "I need you."
His kiss is deep and slow and leaves me breathless. There's nothing like a man who appreciates sex but gets total gratification in making his partner feel good too. James is that man.
"We have twelve minutes until we leave. Turn around and bend over. We don't have time for you to get fixed up again, and I don't have another pair of tux pants."
"We can wait until after," I suggest with a flirtatious glint in my eyes. "Allow the temptation to build."
"Too late for that, sweetheart."
"I love the way your mind works."
Grabbing my jaw, James growls then plunges his tongue into my mouth for a quick kiss. "It's going to be so good, sweetheart."
"The best twelve minutes of my life."
Twenty-One
"You look beautiful," James whispers. "I know I never got to meet your grandmother, but I'd bet my life's work she's looking down on you and smiling, proud of you the way I am and what you have become."
We're sitting in a room with a few hundred people illuminated by chic chandeliers that shimmer like diamonds under water. His words were low and only meant for me to hear. Swallowing thickly, I turn to look at him, a tint of blush colors my cheeks. He's holding my hand as the names of the four honorees are being called, including mine. I still can’t believe I’m among the women being honored tonight when there are others just as worthy, maybe even more than me. My thumb strokes over the top of his hand as I gaze into his eyes. I love this man so much. I just hope he knows that.
"Thank you for being here with me." My words are soft and intimate.
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."
A demure smile curves the corners of my lips. James truly means that and it moves me to pieces. I feel myself getting more attached to him, falling deeper in love with him, if that's even possible, and I'm okay with that. I just hope he is too.
"Aubrey Abrams…"
"Get going, sweetheart." James smiles at me.
I glance at the stage and my eyes widen when I realize the honorees are already up there.
In a quick succession, James cups the side of my neck and presses his kiss to mine. My eyes automatically roll close at the touch of his lips between mine. His thumb is gently resting on the front of my throat then sweeps over to the side and strokes down. I lean in just as he breaks the kiss and mumbles against my lips. "They're waiting on you. Get your ass up there."
I nod quickly and blink a few times to gather my bearings. Standing up, I exhale a breath I didn't even realize I was holding and smooth down the front of my gown. I smile at James one last time before I make my way toward the front of the room then up the few steps to the stage.
A shiny trophy-like award is handed to me. It's black and in the shape of a tall rectangle. Though I'm filled with disbelief, I smile at it. It's heavier than I anticipated, and the corners could scratch glass, they're so fine. I glance at the gold-plated tag and read the inscription as the applause dies down.
The award’
s committee had informed us we would be going in alphabetical order to give our acceptance speeches. Lucky me, I get to go first. Licking my lips, I take a deep breath before stepping over to the podium. I gaze into the crowd of designer suits and custom dresses and allow the reality of the moment to sink in.
My full heart is content. All the people in this room are on similar wavelengths as I am. We're all just trying to make a difference in the world.
"As most of you may know, my grandmother raised me after I lost both my parents. Giving back is something she instilled in me at a very young age. She was my best friend, my mom, my dad, my sister…" Tears fill my eyes. Nearly five years later, and I still get choked up thinking about Grammy not being here anymore. I miss her every day. "We may not have been able to afford heat every winter, but that never stopped her from offering a helping hand. She always said it could be worse and I needed to count my blessings.
"As I grew up, I wanted to be just like her. I still do. She taught me to follow that driving need in my heart, to go after what makes me happy, and that's what I've been doing ever since. My need to help others has never wavered. When she died, I lost a life, but in opening Sanctuary, and now Retreat, I’ve gained so many more. I think she would've been proud of the shelters she helped me build even after she left."
The last thing I want is to be that person who talks too much and has to be ushered off the stage, but I have a few more things I must say.
I look at James and meet his steel blue eyes. I grip the award a little tighter in my hand as I speak.
"My grammy isn't the only one who's influenced me. There's a man here with me today who means the world to me. He's my best friend, my confidant, and without his support and encouragement, I would've crumbled so many times trying to build Sanctuary and Retreat the way I had envisioned them. He's my biggest cheerleader and extremely patient with me." The crowd chuckles lightly. "You know how us women have our moments," I add to lighten the mood. "I'm a better person because of him, because he's inspired me to grow into the person I am today and the reason I'm able to give back even more.