Ballad (Rockstar #5)

by Anne Mercier

  “You’re so dumb, Ben Kingston,” she whispers.

  I nod. “I know.”

  “Is this because I’m sick?”

  I shake my head. “You were sick before.”

  “Then what…?”

  “Let’s just say a good friend knocked some sense into me,” I tell her.

  She pulls back, looking me over.

  “No fists were thrown,” I tell her.

  “Oh, good,” she whispers.

  “What do you want, Nicole? Right here, right now, in this moment, what do you want?” I ask, putting it all on the line… pride, love, all of it.

  She rolls her eyes. Damn, this girl. She’s fucking amazing. I grin.

  “Dumbass, a true dumbass,” she tells me. Then she leans forward, her face so close her nose is touching mine. “What do I want?” she asks.

  I nod.

  “You. Every single dumbass, stubborn, idiotic piece of you,” she tells me.

  “As far as declarations of love go, that one needs some work,” I tell her. She lifts her chin and narrows her eyes.

  “You made me wait forever!” she shouts.

  I nod solemnly. “I did. I’m sorry for that. More sorry than you’ll ever know. Months wasted because I thought I was doing the right thing.”

  She scoffs. “From now on, I’ll make the decisions. Your version of right and wrong is warped.”

  I can’t help it, I laugh. Loud and long and her smile lights me up inside. She’s my sunshine.

  “Seriously,” she says. “It’s you, Ben. I knew it the same minute you did. But be sure, because I can’t—”

  I cut her off with the press of my lips to hers. Her breath catches and I pull her in close, her body molding to mine, the warmth of her sunshine reaching the cold dark places within me and filling them with her sweetness.

  I pull back, licking my lips, watching as she opens those beautiful eyes that are just a little dazed.

  “I told you before and I meant it. I knew when I finally had you I’d never be able to let you go. This is as real as it gets. This is forever. Do you want forever with me?” I ask.

  She nods frantically and I chuckle.

  “That’d be a ‘yes’,” Lucy announces with a sniffle.

  “Well, it’s about fucking time, Kingston,” Sera says.

  I ignore them all. Instead, I pull my girl back into my arms and hold her close, breathing her in, and for the first time since we started Falling Down, I found my peace, my sunshine, and myself.

  Now that the fight for Ben Kingston’s finally over, I realize just how tired I am. I’m exhausted, so exhausted that I fall asleep in the arms of the man who I’ve wanted more than I’ve wanted to breathe, the man who’s just made me his forever.

  Holy Hannah.

  That sucked. Hell, it still sucks. It sucks big time. But she’s happy with him in a way she never would have been with me. Knowing that doesn’t take the sting away. Looks like after the show, it’ll be a night for me to chill with Jack and Coke.

  “It was a good thing you did,” Lucy tells me.

  I nod, biting back the words I want to say. I want to say it’s not right that this dick screwed Nicole around for months and just like that she takes him back. He treated her like shit and I treated her like a queen—granted I’ve only known her a couple days—but still. But Lucy already knows I’m eating those words. Anyone who knows what’s going on knows that.

  “I still want to punch him in the face five or a hundred times.”

  Lucy laughs. “I’m sure you do.” She rubs her hand on my arm. “Your girl is out there, Lucian, and she’s waiting for you.”

  “Well, I wish to hell she’d step out of the shadows so I can find her already. I’m not much on hide and go seek.”

  She leans in and gives me a hug. I wrap my arms around her small frame and wonder how the hell she’s going to push those babies out—how the hell is she able to walk around with all that weight?

  A growl comes from my right and I throw a grin at Jesse.

  “Get your hands off my wife, Cordero.”

  “Hey man, she hugged me. I’m only returning the embrace. Your wife’s really, really soft,” I taunt.

  Lucy snickers and Jesse growls again.

  “But seriously, how are you able to stand upright? Or, for that matter, how can you even move? You’re so damn small and that belly, those babies,” I say, making a gesture with my hands to exaggerate the largeness of Lucy’s baby belly.

  “Don’t you even worry about it,” Jesse tells me, wrapping a hand around Lucy’s shoulders and pulling her into his side. “She’s getting around just fine and when she can’t, then I get her where she needs to go.”

  I nod and grin. This is a Jesse Kingston I never thought I’d see.

  “Good for you, man. Really. Marriage looks good on you,” I admit.

  “Thanks,” Jesse mutters. “Now,” he says, scooping Lucy up into his arms, “let’s get you back to the bus so you can rest before the show tonight.”

  Lucy’s smile is so wide it almost looks like it hurts. Maybe it does, but I’m sure it’s in the best way.

  “Who said chivalry is dead?” she asks with a wave, and I stand here watching their retreating forms. A chivalrous Jesse Kingston. A married, monogamous Jesse Kingston. I shake my head. The man who swore all relationships were doomed to fail. He spouted that shit like it was a religion. And now, it seems, Mr. One-Night-Stand is reformed.

  Where do I sign up?

  TWO MORE CITIES, two more shows, and still nothing to incriminate Misty. It’s starting to piss me off. You just don’t fuck with my family—especially my sister—and think you’re going to get away with it. Never gonna happen.

  “Hey,” Lucy calls out. I stop and wait for her to catch up.

  “Where are you headed?” I ask.

  “To the bus. Do you know that guy right there?” Lucy asks, tilting her head in the direction of one of Cage’s new security guards.

  “Yep. Cage brought some new men in to help with the load.” I hate lying to her, even if it’s a half-lie. But my sister has enough to deal with right now. She needs to remain stress-free so she can carry those babies as long as possible. Dr. Mackenzie already told us carrying to full term isn’t likely, that most women carrying triplets go into labor around the thirty-two to thirty-four week mark. That’s scary stuff. It’s not known if they’re going to be big enough to survive, and I know if anything happens to one of those babies, Lucy will never be the same.

  So, we’ve all decided—without Lucy knowing, of course—to say a few prayers and ask for healthy babies with good sets of lungs. I secretly hope they all weigh enough they can go home soon so they can scream and wail and drive Jesse crazy. What? It’s what sisters-in-law do, right?

  “It’s good that he’s able to do that, but he’s spending entirely too much money on this tour. I sincerely hope he’s getting more than he’s putting in,” Lucy confesses.

  “Little mama, don’t you worry about money. My husband is amazing with numbers.”

  Lucy grins. “I just bet.”

  “Oh, how he can work those numbers,” I tell her. That man. Just thinking about him gets me aroused. I will never, ever stop wanting and loving my husband. Ever. He’s my other half and without him, I’m not whole.

  Lucy snickers. “I haven’t had much number working lately. It’s just too uncomfortable.”

  “I’m sorry Luce. You’re what? Twenty-one weeks now?”

  “Twenty-six, thank you very much!”

  “Sorry! Time’s flying on this tour.”

  “That it is.”

  “So, that means we’re trying to keep your vag corked for another six weeks. You better not have sex. Knowing Jesse and the size of his cock, he’ll pop that cork way too early,” I tell her.

  “Oh my God. That’s not possible,” she tells me.

  “Please. You told me about his ginormous—” She cuts me off with a smack to my arm.

  “Yes, he is, but if we
do anything we’re careful. Very careful,” she admits.

  “I figured. I just worry about my little nieces and nephews in there.”

  She runs a hand over her swollen belly.

  “Is Dr. Sexy Voice going to do another ultrasound?” I ask.

  “Yep. He’s got it all worked out for when we hit New York. Since we’ve got a couple off days there, it’ll work out perfectly.”

  I nod. “Good. Can I come along? Maybe if their Aunt Sera is there, they’ll be nice and let Dr. Sexy Voice see if they’re boys or girls.”

  Lucy huffs and rolls her eyes. “Absolutely. You can talk Jesse off the ledge. He thinks they’re all going to be girls.”

  I can’t help it. I laugh. “Oh, that would serve him right, wouldn’t it? That great big dish of Karma.”

  Lucy smiles. “Right? From manwhore to father of three girls? He’ll go insane when they start dating.”

  “He won’t let them date until they’re thirty,” I tell her with a laugh.

  “That’s the truth. But, seriously, yes, I’d love if you went along. Both Jesse and I could use your support. You know whenever you’re there I’m much more comfortable,” she tells me.

  “Only because you know if someone messes with you I’ll kick their ass.”

  She nods. “That too.”

  Lucy and I are about to board the bus when we hear it. Such a sad, soulful voice—anguished. He’s singing straight from the heart, from the gut, and he’s broken.

  I stop Lucy on the stairs and we listen to him sing Forever Blue.

  Why did you walk away, where did you go

  I’ve been looking for you, but you never show

  Your heart is empty, you left me behind

  Your soul is broken, do I ever cross your mind

  You left me alone, something I never thought you’d do

  You walked out the door and left me forever blue

  You turned away, why, I haven’t a clue

  You broke my heart and left me forever blue

  You left me alone, something I never thought you’d do

  You walked out the door and left me forever blue

  You turned away, why, I haven’t a clue

  You broke my heart and left me forever blue

  If I ever see you again, I hope you’re whole

  If you ever find love again, I hope he touches your soul

  If he loves you like I did, you’ll never be sad

  Mine will be the purest love you’ve ever had

  You left me alone, something I never thought you’d do

  You walked out the door and left me forever blue

  You turned away, why, I haven’t a clue

  You broke my heart and left me forever blue

  Forever Blue

  When he starts singing All Out of Love by Air Supply I cover my mouth to swallow my gasp. Tears well in my eyes and I see them mirrored in Lucy’s. She grabs my hand and squeezes gently. I can’t hold back from going to him when he sings the lines:

  I want you to come back and carry me home

  Away from these long lonely nights

  I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it too?

  Does the feeling seem, oh so right?

  I sit on one side of Xander and Lucy on the other as he strums the guitar and sings with his eyes closed. A small, sad smile forms but quickly disappears. Lucy and I both put an arm around his back and we start singing softly, harmonizing for him while he pours everything out that’s tearing him up inside.

  “What are you thinking of?” he sings harshly, but by the fourth repeat he’s desperate.

  “I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you…”

  I can’t help but wonder as I sing softly with this amazing man what—who has his heart hurting so badly. Coley walks onto the bus and takes a seat on the sofa opposite us, pulling her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around them, and watching with sad eyes as Xander pours his soul into the song.

  He doesn’t stop when the song ends. He moves on to Separate Lives by Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin, then Missing You by John Waite, Faithfully by Journey, I Don’t Want To Live Without Your Love by Foreigner, and when he gets to Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx, Lucy and I are struggling through tears while Xander mourns. That’s the only word that fits.

  Right now, in this moment, Xander is mourning for this woman, and in this moment I want very much to understand what happened. I don’t want to have to browbeat a name out of him so I can throat punch a bitch.

  Wherever you go,

  Whatever you do

  I will be right here waiting for you

  Whatever it takes

  Or how my heart breaks

  I will be right here waiting for you

  We’re all silent when he strums the last chord. Lucy and I just wait—Coley remains silent, tears glistening in her eyes.

  If he wants to share, we’re here to listen. If he doesn’t want to, we’re here to love on him. This crazy, amazing, silly man with a heart of gold.

  He starts to speak but then stops himself.

  I rub circles on his back, soothing and encouraging him to continue while Lucy rubs his shoulder. He sets the guitar down and leans forward, elbows resting on his knees, hands loose between his bent legs, and his head is hanging down. He stares at his hands—the ones that just created such amazing and heartbreaking music—and continues.

  “Tera,” he says softly.

  “What?” Lucy asks meekly.

  He shakes his head, grabs the guitar and puts it with the others. He gets to the steps on the bus and turns to us.

  He smiles sadly. “Tera. Her name is Tera.”

  Then he turns and walks off the bus.

  We just sit there for a minute before Coley breaks the silence. “That. That right there is what I knew he was hiding.”

  “How could you know that?” Lucy asks.

  Coley shrugs a shoulder. “His smile doesn’t always reach his eyes. I knew he was hiding something deep down inside that made him sad.”

  “Sad doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Lucy tells her, then turns to me. “Tera?”

  “Well slap my ass and call me Judy,” I say, in shock.

  “I’m not really a fan of the name, Judy,” Cage says as he steps onto the bus, Jesse following closely behind.

  I grin. “Role play, honey. Role play.”

  He reaches for my hand and gently pulls me up to standing. “We can do so much better than ‘Judy’.” He kisses my lips. “I’d prefer we stick with ‘Fee’. I’m rather fond of it.”

  “Why ‘Fee’?” Jesse asks.

  Cage smirks. “Go on,” he urges.

  “Okay.” I smile back and kiss him quickly. I love the reasoning behind this. “Cage isn’t an endearment type of guy, though he does call me some pretty inventive things sometimes.” I wiggle my eyebrows and he laughs.

  “Anyway…” Lucy says with a laugh.

  “Anyway, he didn’t want to call me Sera like everyone else but didn’t really want to go with the common nicknames either. There is nothing common about this man. I’m just saying. So, one day we were alone and working on some music video stuff and he, completely out of the blue, called me ‘Fee’. I loved it and, obviously, he did too because it stuck.”

  “I’ve never heard you call her that until recently,” Lucy chides.

  “It’s private,” is all Cage says then pulls me toward the doors. “Let’s go get private.”

  He doesn’t have to tell me twice.

  “WHERE ARE WE going?” my Fee asks me. I don’t answer, just pull her closer into my side and keep walking.

  “This ‘man of few words’ thing can be hot but it can also be annoying,” she tells me, giving me a sidelong glance.

  “Is that so.”

  “Yep.”

  “You shouldn’t say things like that to Batman. You never know what he’ll do,” I tease.

  She laughs. “Ooh. Maybe Batman will tie me up with his grappling rope or blindfold me wi
th his cape. Maybe he’ll have some naughty things in his utility belt.”

  I grin. “I’m sure Batman’s prepared for every situation.”

  “Mmm,” Fee purrs against me.

  “Ah, here we are.”

  “I am not getting on the roadies’ bus. It’s nasty in there.”

  “It’s not. I had it cleaned as well as the medical bus. The bands are on their own,” I reassure her.

  “Okay, but if something slithers out of somewhere…”

  “Have I ever purposefully put you in harm’s way?” I ask.

  “No, Cage. You would never,” she tells me, wrapping her arms around my middle.

  “Exactly. Now let’s go,” I order and she winks.

  When we step onto the bus she gasps. It’s not easy finding alone time with your wife when you’ve got this many people on tour with you, but I threw money at the guys—and girls—and now the bus is ours for the next few hours.

  She walks slowly, taking in the candles I’ve set out. The slow music I’ve put on with our wedding songs and others we’ve sung to one another. Then she turns and looks at me, my wife. My life. My Fee.

  Desire is burning in her eyes matching the heat I’ve had to contain for the last week. No hotel means no privacy, which means quickies when we can. We manage them daily, but I don’t want quickies. I want to worship my wife.

  I stride toward her, stopping a foot away from her. She looks up at me and my heart skips a beat. I know that sounds corny and even a bit girlie, but that’s how it is every time Fee and I are in the same room. One look. That’s all it takes—that’s all it took for her to own my heart and soul all those years ago.

  “I love you, Fee,” I confess, resting my forehead to hers.

  Her breath catches and it makes me feel… like Batman. I smirk.

  “I love you so much,” she answers and then I don’t hesitate, I lean in and press my lips to hers. We both go slow, wrapping our arms around one another unhurriedly, luxuriating in the kiss, the taste and feel of one another.

  I pull back. “I had lunch delivered.”

  She lifts a brow. “I thought you were my lunch.”

  I can’t help but laugh. This woman. She has made me laugh more in the last eight months than I have in my entire life.