by Jayne Rylon
“Why don’t we help you to your bus so you can at least relax before they put you through your paces?” Jordan asked.
It was a fitting turn of phrase. Rick certainly thought of Kason as some sort of prized thoroughbred. And she didn’t doubt for a second that the man would be the first to shoot Kason between the eyes if he’d outlived his usefulness. Hopefully Kason knew that wasn’t how she or Jordan or anyone else there would treat him, but she was afraid years in the spotlight might have distorted his vision of the world around him and what made him worthy of love and admiration.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure how to unblind him except to keep showing him over and over how much she cared.
“I’d appreciate that. Thanks.” Kason let his head drop back against his pillow and stared up at the hospital room ceiling for a few seconds before he held out one hand to Jordan and another toward Van. Wren quickly grabbed the crutches that were leaning up against the wall nearby and prepared to offer them to Kason once he was steady on his good leg.
As he usually did, Wren was starting to realize, Kason disarmed everyone with a flashy smile that didn’t reach as deep as the more genuine ones he’d shared with her and Jordan this past weekend. He nodded at Gavyn and Roman, neither of whom seemed amused. “Good thing I know how to use these. Maybe those intoxicated headers off the stage were good for something after all. Don’t worry, I didn’t let them give me any pain pills.”
Ah ha. So she’d been right!
Wren flicked her gaze to Jordan, who was frowning. Probably as he was putting the pieces together too. She wasn’t sure how to hold them together, but suddenly Wren felt like they were as unstable as Kason.
If they could make it to the bus and have a chance to regroup and unpack everything that had happened today, maybe they would have a chance to finish the weekend as she’d thought they would a few hours ago.
Though the mountain fortress had done a good job of keeping reality at bay, even it hadn’t fully succeeded. Suddenly, an urgency and desperation hit her. It was similar to the one she’d experienced during every hour of the time between when those officers had told her Johnny was gone forever and the second Jordan had walked through her door.
It felt momentous. Like she could lose Kason, too, if they weren’t very careful.
She looked at Jordan and tried to steel herself.
The only problem was that, as she’d found out before, she could only do so much of the fighting for them. It took more than one person’s effort to overcome the obstacles standing in the way of a healthy relationship.
She was in.
Jordan took her hand and she knew, finally, he was with her too, and would be to the end.
But Kason? He put his head down. Slowly, he swung out of the room and along the hall toward his responsibilities, ignoring his own desires, whatever they might be.
Tom and Ms. Brown exchanged a worried glance that didn’t make Wren feel any better. Tom looked up and said quietly, “You need to get through to him. Both of you. Go now before he hurts himself any worse.”
Jordan and Wren nodded, then flanked Kason as he made his way toward the bus. Wren knew the older couple wasn’t talking about his physical health.
She hoped she could make him see what they did. Otherwise, there was no hope for a future with him in their lives except as that haunting voice on the radio.
27
“Kason! Kason!” a pack of fans screamed as they raced down the sidewalk.
Jordan tensed. He wasn’t sure how to handle a situation like this. He suppressed his training on how to take down actual bad guys. Though he could neutralize civilians hoping to fill their autograph books without breaking a sweat, he didn’t want to step on Van’s toes. Plus, he had no idea what Kason would want them to do.
“Sorry, guys. I didn’t realize word was out already,” Kason apologized to both Jordan and Wren. Rick, who’d been trailing them, stood back a few feet to avoid being mobbed. “Give me a second and we’ll be inside where we can talk.”
Van moved to intercept the half dozen or so people, who were carrying flowers, balloons, a teddy bear, and a sign that said Get Well Soon!
Though Jordan was vibrating with lingering adrenaline and worry for both Kason and Wren—who was biting her nails to the quick while sticking close by his side, very unlike her—he respected that Kason took the time to treat his admirers well. He never took anything for granted when it came to his career.
As for things with him and Wren, well, Jordan was giving Kason the benefit of the doubt. How could he agree to work tonight when they needed to regroup? Maybe he didn’t realize how triggered Wren was right now. She needed them to reassure her everything would be okay, even if they weren’t sure it would be.
They were only getting started. Things were still fragile.
Today had shown him that they could easily be broken apart if they weren’t careful. If Kason changed his mind now about everything he’d said and done at the cabin, in the face of his real life, Wren would be devastated. And so would he.
More than that, Kason might not survive. Watching him limp to the bus, Jordan had been more worried about his spirit than his leg. They needed time alone to fix the damage.
The fans approached Kason and gave him their gifts. He accepted them graciously, then turned to go when one of the crowd spoke up.
“Hey, we saw that guy in an article online.” The young man pointed at Jordan. Then he asked, “Is it true that he’s your boyfriend?”
Jordan looked at Wren and smiled. It sent warmth and light through him to hear himself referred to that way for the first time in his life. The expression died on his face when Kason denied it swiftly and a little too loud to be casual. “No! But that woman he’s with, Wren, is my girlfriend. Don’t tell anyone, but you heard it here first. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
The guy fist bumped Kason and said, “Hell yeah. I knew that site was trash. Hope we didn’t bother you too much. Glad you’re okay.”
Kason might be fine, but Jordan wasn’t sure he was going to make it.
He hadn’t felt such a yawning emptiness trying to swallow him since he’d watched Johnny’s eyes go blank as his spirit left his body. It felt like his had tried to go with it. And this was no different.
He would rather have crashed a thousand motorcycles than experience the brutal disappointment and shame that swamped him at Kason’s denial of everything they were and had been working toward. How could this man sponsor a program that meant so much to Jordan while lying about his own desires?
He couldn’t.
On the inside, Jordan was shriveling into nothing.
On the outside, he smiled wanly and absorbed the blow. He masked his wounds even when Wren went as stiff as one of her welding projects beneath his arm. After all, he’d been Kason once. Afraid to admit to himself—never mind his partners or the rest of the world—that he was falling for another man.
As the fans trickled off, Kason and Jordan started off toward the bus again.
Wren did not.
Oh shit. Jordan looked back at her then ahead to Kason, caught between them, wondering who needed him more. Selfishly, he also thought for a millisecond about who would take better care of him, then felt guilty about putting himself first.
It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a day. None of them were thinking clearly.
“I can’t do this.” Wren’s voice cracked.
“What?” He put his hand out toward her, still feet away. Was she about to bail?
Maybe for the first time, he truly comprehended how badly he’d fucked up when he’d walked away from her. Not that he hadn’t understood theoretically before, but because if she left now, he wasn’t going to be able to handle it. The thought alone nearly made him sick. He’d already lost the part of him that was an agent. Forging a lasting relationship with Wren, and hopefully Kason, was his purpose. It had given him something to focus on that was positive and meaningful.
Without that…he had no
thing. Was nothing.
Kason realized something was off and turned around about the time Wren took a step back and then another. “Wren? What’s wrong?”
“I have to go,” she told Jordan, as tears welled in her beautiful eyes. He nodded, understanding even if he didn’t like it.
“Wait? What?” Kason raised his voice and started hobbling toward them.
Van cursed, and encouraged them to take their exchange inside before anyone else—especially tabloid reporters, Jordan figured—noticed them.
No one listened to him.
When Wren retreated farther, Kason dropped the gifts he’d been given, the balloon floating away as he attempted to pursue her. Wren was fast and nimble. If she bolted, Kason wouldn’t have a chance, so Jordan tried to intervene.
“Wren, it’s okay. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. It’s new and he hasn’t had a chance to process it himself. It isn’t any of those strangers’ business what happens between us. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You and I know the truth.”
Liar. His own mind was railing at him for uttering such bullshit, but he was willing to accept it if it kept them together so they could do better next time. He should have known that wouldn’t fly with Wren.
“That’s no excuse.” She shook her head, launching tears down her cheeks.
Then he did get pissed. No one made Wren cry on his watch.
Kason started to catch on. “You’re upset because I didn’t spill the juicy details of my love life?”
“Don’t.” Wren stabbed her finger in Kason’s general direction. “You didn’t hesitate to brag about how we were involved, but you denied Jordan. That’s not how this works. In fact, it won’t work at all. Because I’m sure as hell not a weapon to be used against him—to gut him like you just did. No.” Wren waved her hands in front of her. She choked on a sob, breaking Jordan’s heart and kindling his rage.
“Come inside, so we can talk. Please?” Kason begged, exhaustion and pain clear in his strangled request.
“There’s no point.” Wren shook her head, causing another round of tears to leak from her eyes. “If you can’t accept Jordan—or should I say the parts of yourself that love him and want him—then there’s no way we can be in a relationship together. I refuse to be with someone who forces Jordan to hide. Where he has to be someone’s ‘Secret Love’ or wonder if he’s even really cared for on the most basic levels.”
Jordan should have spoken up, but it was impossible to defend Kason when Wren was right. He wanted to keep them together, but he wasn’t strong enough to do it alone.
“I’ve done that before and I already know how it would have ended.” Wren turned to Jordan then and said, “You know that, right? Whether or not Johnny died, we were doomed.”
He nodded.
“I’m not going to make that mistake again. It will only hurt worse if we pretend like we’ve found everything we need because I have what I want.” Wren started to cry in earnest then. When Jordan and Kason reached for her, she stumbled away from them both. “I’m not selfish enough to accept that arrangement.”
“You’re leaving me?” Kason lunged for her then, nearly tipping over on his crutches when she remained out of reach. “Don’t go. I need you.”
She looked up then, took a deep if shaky breath and dashed the tears from her face. “I love you, Kason. It’s not enough, though. I’ll always care for you and support you. I’m not going to vanish from your life. But I can’t pretend we have any hope for true happiness. If almost dying didn’t make you see what’s most important, nothing will. Jordan and I deserve better than that.”
Kason didn’t argue. All it would have taken was one sorry or a promise to do better. He said nothing. The last shred of Jordan’s hope evaporated.
“This is over.” Wren spun on her heel. Her shoulders heaved as she broke down.
Jordan had never seen her inconsolable before.
His horrified stare whipped between her and Kason, who was sagging on his crutches, defeated. He looked up barely long enough to croak, “She’s right. Go, Jordan. Take care of her. She deserves you.”
Rick stood off to the side, a smug smirk twisting his lips as they imploded.
Jordan had never wanted to punch someone so bad in his entire life. He snapped at the guy. “You win, asshole. I hope you can live with yourself once you realize what you’ve done. Someday, you’re going to love someone. Then you’ll see that the best things in life can’t be bought.”
Van put a hand on Jordan’s upper arm, keeping him from making a mistake by taking out his frustration and agony on the bastard’s pretty face. He leaned in and said, “Wren needs you. Don’t end up spending the night in a holding cell and leaving her alone. I’ll take care of Kason. You go after her.”
Jordan nodded. He glanced back at Kason, who was standing alone, defeated, in the middle of the hospital parking lot with his giant, flashy bus in the background behind him. Maybe fame and everything that came with it really were more important to him. If so, that wasn’t the kind of man Jordan could give his heart to.
Wren was smarter than him. She’d nailed this. It was time to go. He said simply, “Goodbye.”
Then he chased after Wren, who was already nearing their friends as they piled into their cars to head back to Middletown.
When he caught up to her, he put his hand on Wren’s shoulder and spun her around before squashing her in a bear hug. “I’m so sorry.”
She laid her head on his shoulder and looped her arms around her waist. As he held her and rocked her softly, she shook in his embrace. “No, I am. You deserve so much better than that. I’m so stupid. I believed that this was the time. That he was the right man for us both. That this is the way things were supposed to have worked out that made all the rest of what we’ve gone through worthwhile. I was wrong. So wrong.”
Jordan heard what she didn’t say. There was no sense in putting any more of her tears, angst, or faith into the situation only to be shattered when things fell apart down the line.
Still he couldn’t keep himself from checking over his shoulder one last time. Kason was still where they’d left him, being lectured by Rick. Nothing was going to change.
“Devra, will you guys give us a ride home?” he asked, trying to stay strong for Wren’s sake.
“Of course, but I’m sorry we have to.” She came over and hugged them both, as did Trevon and Quinn. They understood how bad Wren and Jordan were hurting since they’d nearly been torn apart once, not too long ago.
It was ironic that Jordan had been the one to help them, but he was powerless to do the same in his own case.
28
“What the hell are you doing?” Eli, the owner of Hot Rods, marched over to Kason, making Van edge closer. Kason didn’t plan to so much as lift a finger, or a crutch, if the other guy tried to take a swing at him. He deserved that and more for the agony he’d seen on both Jordan and Wren’s faces.
He hadn’t been prepared.
With everything that had happened, he’d been caught off guard. Denial was a reflex reaction. His old habits had ruined everything.
“Giving up.” Kason thought about sitting down right there in the parking lot. “I can’t make everyone happy.”
“That’s not your job,” Eli told him. “All you have to do is make yourself happy. Are you doing that?”
“I should be. I’m at the top of my game, have more money than I know what to do with, fame, and people listen to my music across the globe. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Are. You. Happy.” Eli stared at him like Kason was stupid while his husband and his wife flanked him, shooting Kason matching half-pitying, half-furious glares.
“Nope, which probably makes me ungrateful as well. Guess I’m screwing everything up.”
“Yes, you are.” Eli didn’t cut him any slack. As the King of their gang, he’d gotten used to doling out tough love when necessary. That didn’t mean he thought he was perfect. “Listen, I’ve done i
t too. So believe me when I tell you that you’re making a huge mistake. I’ve seen the three of you together. You remind me of us. Get Wren and Jordan back here before they put any more distance between you. You can still fix this. All you have to do is explain what’s in your heart and be glad to show anyone else who looks too. It’s not that hard. And it’s definitely nothing to be embarrassed about. Be honest. With yourself. With them. With the world.”
Alanso, Eli’s husband, reached out and put his hand on Eli’s shoulder. Kason had heard about their rocky start. Their wife, Mustang Sally, was even more blunt. “Quit being a coward. Why do you give a fuck what anyone thinks if it’s not you or the two people you’re in love with?”
“Is it that obvious?” Kason winced.
“Yes,” Alanso answered. “So there’s no use in trying to cover it up. Then you seem like a phony and an undeserving asshole. It’s not a good look on you.”
“I thought I was manning up by putting aside my own feelings and doing what I had to for my career and the careers of everyone involved. But I’m starting to think I had it backward. I need to do what’s right for myself even if that means giving up everything else or I won’t be any good to anybody.”
“There you go.” Sally smiled at him. “Now you’re making sense.”
Kason turned toward Van and Kyra. “I’m sorry, guys. I need them.”
Kyra stepped closer and hugged him. “You’ll be better for it, not worse off. Quit hiding, Kason. Everyone else will love you as much as we do.”
“And if they don’t, fuck ’em,” Sally said with a wave of her hand.
Kason grinned—miracle enough given the situation—then reached for his cell, remembering it hadn’t been as lucky as the rest of him. It hadn’t survived the crash. “Van, can I borrow your phone?”
Rick elbowed his way through the Hot Rods, Van, and Kyra. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
Sally glared at Rick and said, “Yeah, he’s sure. Didn’t you hear him?”