Scorn of Secrets
Page 12
Peeking his head inside, Justin asks, “Hey, whatcha doing?”
My heartbeat speeds up. I lift my book. “Just reading. Nerdy, huh?”
Justin steps inside. “There’s nothing wrong with reading. I like that you aren’t into social media and the next trend. It’s refreshing.”
There go my cheeks, blazing red. I change the subject. “The party was crazy, huh?”
“With Tanya going berserk, me hauling her outta there, and us having to take her to the ER, there was a lot going down. I did notice how you were willing to stand up for Tanya.”
“When Kim’s friend tried to jump in?”
“It was big of you to have your sister’s back when she doesn’t treat you how a big sis should.”
“Regardless, Tanya’s blood. I hope if the situation were reversed, she would do the same.” Justin raises his eyebrow. Guess he isn’t convinced.
“You surprise me at every turn.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you were the quiet, shy type. But the way you handled Angie, I see you’ve got heart, too.”
“I think there’s a lot more to you, also, Justin.”
16
Bitten by the Love Bug
On Sunday evening, I’m in the kitchen helping Justin sort the ingredients for dinner. Regan told us he’d be here shortly. He normally cooks Sunday dinner. Jackson’s looking in the pantry for snacks. Tanya waltzes in and I hardly recognize her. She’s taken the long, wavy weave out of her hair. Her natural black, silky hair falls a couple of inches past her shoulders.
Jackson spots her. “You actually have hair,” he jokes.
“Shut up, Jay.” Tanya’s eyes cut to the ceiling.
“It looks good. You know I’m teasing you,” Jackson tells her.
“Amber did it for me. See, my sister isn’t the only person with pretty hair.”
Tanya shakes her hair to add to the effect. Justin rolls his eyes. I smirk. My hair is still straight from when Amber did it Friday night. It’s obvious Tanya got hers done like mine, so I won’t be the only one getting attention with my new hairstyle. I don’t comment on my thoughts. I tell her how great she looks, which is true. Tanya smiles wider. She brings up the fight she had, knowing the school will surely be gossiping about it tomorrow.
* * *
By the end of the week, the whispers and rumors have simmered down. We lucked out that no one had gotten wind of Tanya being taken to the ER, or it would’ve been deemed major gossip—never ending. One thing about gossip, unless it’s turn of the century, it only lasts for a few days.
Deep in thought, I jump out of my skin, hearing a familiar male’s voice. I’d been exchanging my books for class, not paying attention when Justin snuck up on me. Standing well over six feet, I have to stretch my neck up to make eye contact. The muscles are bulging from his biceps as Justin leans next to my locker. His lopsided grin reveals his left cheek dimple, which is the only way to tell him apart from his brother.
“Hi, Justin. You scared me.”
He crosses his arms—his smile stretching. “Sorry about that.”
“Are you? With how you’re grinning it doesn’t seem like it.”
He bursts out laughing, and it’s contagious. I giggle, too. For some reason, Jackson intimidates me. Justin is the total opposite. He brings out the best in me—in everyone. When he enters a room, the atmosphere lightens, or maybe I’m biased because he’s my favorite brother.
One known fact is, heads turn when either twin is around. Their aura is dominating. Jackson takes being popular to his head. Justin’s down to earth—always full of smiles.
“I meant no harm. It’s just kinda fun rattling you.”
“Yeah, you seem to get your kicks from teasing me.” My voice sounds firm, but he knows I’m only joking with him, wearing a huge grin on my face.
“That’s why I like you, Madi. You aren’t scared to say what’s really on your mind.”
Most of my close friends call me Madie. “Where did you get Madi from?” He looks away, a reddish tint growing on his cheeks.
“The French origin for the word Madi means heavenly. It can also mean, gift from God,” Justin tells me after a moment.
Oh! Now, I’m really digging the nickname.
“What’s the goofy grin for?” Justin wonders.
“It’s a sweet nickname. I’ll allow you to call me that,” I tease, secretly thrilled he wants to call me a nickname with such an endearment.
Justin changes the subject. “Congrats on being the only person in Spanish who aced our test.”
“Thanks. How did you do?”
His nose scrunches up. “Not great. I could use some pointers. I’m dreading the test later this week.”
“Spanish II isn’t that hard. It’s actually the closest language to English.”
“Spanish I wasn’t bad, so I figured Spanish II would be another easy elective. If I don’t start getting it, I’m gonna change the class next semester. Ms. Perez said she’s only going to speak in Spanish then.”
The thought of Justin switching classes causes my chest to tighten. It’s our only class together. I look forward to him sitting behind me, tapping my shoulder, and making small talk. New to Taylor, I don’t have many friends, and it doesn’t help that I’m not a social butterfly. “I can help you study if you’d like.”
“Really? Okay, I’ll take you up on your offer. I can’t afford for my GPA to drop. I’m hoping for a basketball scholarship.”
Justin has been nothing but kind to me—it’s the least I can do. “After school, then.”
“It’s a date.”
* * *
When we study later that evening, Justin catches on pretty fast. After I tutor him, we make idle chit-chat. He’s on one sofa—I’m sitting on another. I find myself not being shy around him, opening up. He tells me basketball is his dream career. I’m excited to see him play when basketball starts. Everyone is already getting excited for the season. The word is that Justin will be the next LeBron or Harden—starting on Varsity since his freshman year.
Justin is a realist, like me. He still wants an engineer degree to fall back on. Hearing his ambitions makes me like him even more. Having a plan in this day and age is a wise strategy. Justin doesn’t assume that since his father is well-off, he shouldn’t have a worry in the world.
Eventually, I confess to having an A in all my classes except Algebra II, my weakest subject. I am harboring a C, desperate to at least pull it up to a B. Being only average in sports, a scholarship in them isn’t in my future. So, my brains will have to pull the weight to get me an academic scholarship.
Hating math, I don’t understand how Justin loves it. That must be the reason he wants to be an engineer. Since I’m struggling in the subject, he offers to tutor me. So, our study sessions turn into a few days a week. We fit in both Algebra II and Spanish.
* * *
Over the next two weeks, we fall into an easy routine. I hate to admit that studying with Justin becomes the highlight of my week. By our fifth session, I think we’re over the initial awkwardness. Justin sits next to me, instead of across. As he quizzes me in Algebra II, I’m surprised I understand him better than Mr. Murk. After that feat, we dive into Spanish tutorials. We make a good team. Dora and the math whiz, Diego.
During the next tutorial, a huge smile lights up Justin’s face. I try to ignore the way it makes me feel and fail. My heart flip-flops. “What’s up with your dorky grin?”
“I have a B in Spanish, thanks to you, Dora.”
“I can’t take all the credit, Diego.” We both smile. “I’m positive I’ll ace my Algebra II test tomorrow, and that’s because of you.’’
His eyes dilate and his cheeks redden slightly. Justin is darker complexed, so his blush doesn’t light up like a red flag. That would be me. He reaches forward, touching my face. His thumb caresses my cheek. My breath hitches and the atmosphere shifts. Closing my eyes, I tilt my head into his palm. Fighting the urge to give in, I snap my lids op
en. I can’t decipher his expression—yearning mixed with awe. It seems to match the emotions that are swirling inside of me. A shiver ignites through my body.
I drift away from him, struggling with the desire he’s stirred up in me. “What?” I ask, trying to play it off.
Justin shakes his head. His lips curve lopsidedly. “Do you remember that was one of the first words you ever said to me?”
I think back, and he’s right. Hey, Jackson, oh, and what?
“You were in the kitchen and caught me red-handed ogling you,” Justin confesses.
“If it makes you feel better, I was checking you out, too. The biggest surprise is that my mom forgot to mention Regan’s sons were twins.”
“I wondered why you looked confused.”
“Yeah, it took me a moment to figure it out. I hope I didn’t give you a bad first impression.”
“I admit to being shocked with your reaction. No girl has ever been so rude to me before or acted like my presence disgusted them.”
The way Justin makes me feel is far from disgust, though I’ll never admit it. Instead, I say, “I never disliked you. You were always my favorite brother.” His Adam’s apple bobs. I like how I affect him, so I continue being honest. “I acted that way because I felt guilty ogling the son of my mom’s boyfriend.” I shift my weight. “Your singing voice shocked me, too—it’s lovely.”
“Thank you. I inherited my voice from my mom. Hers was like an angel.” He switches gears again. “Has it gotten easier for you living here?”
“It’s still foreign to me—new state, new school, living with you guys. My father hadn’t been gone long before Mama got serious with another man, but it has gotten better.”
I don’t dare confess that he is the reason.
“I understand some of what you’re feeling. I want you to know that I’m here for you.”
“I know you are. I hate you lost your mom, too.”
He grabs my hand, rubbing his thumb along the top—a soothing gesture. His affection envelops me in warmth. My senses tell me this is a side of him not many people see. Justin’s the class clown. He has tons of friends and even more admirers, but he doesn’t seem to let a lot of people in.
“With time it gets easier. I still miss my mom but thinking about her is bearable now.” I squeeze his hand. “When you first moved in, I hated seeing that you were hurting. I gave you space because I didn’t wanna scare you off. But I’m fighting a losing battle when it comes to you.”
Justin bites his full bottom lip. The gesture spirals a thrill down my spine. I wonder what he means until he starts to lean in, easing his way closer to me, inch by inch. I’m frozen in place, daring to breathe as he closes the distance. My heart hammers—my breathing escalates. Before I can think more about what’s transpiring, his lips press against mine. Lightly at first, and then with more pressure. I moan. My mouth parts, which is an invitation he accepts.
His hands entangle in my hair, deepening the kiss. My body sparks to life. I’ve had mouth action with boyfriends before. Okay, maybe only two other boys, but the way Justin’s kissing me is different. I’ve never been kissed like this. His lips are demanding, like he is burning for me and only my tongue can dampen the flames. Kissing has never fazed me before. My view has changed quickly. The way Justin’s lips are moving with mine—I could get lost in his mouth forever. Gripping his firm biceps, I follow his lead. He holds me tighter, and the passion blazes as our lips dance as one.
Unfortunately, common sense kicks in. This is risky with our parents dating. Finally, I pull back, winded. He’s breathing just as heavily. “We shouldn’t have done that,” I blurt.
His lustful gaze falters. “I don’t regret it. I just....”
“Hey, you guys seen Jackson?” my sister asks, strolling into the room.
I jump back. For once, I’m thankful Tanya is self-absorbed. She’s talking to us but glancing at her cell. She lifts it, bubbles her lips out, and snaps a selfie.
Justin chuckles. “Nah, Jackson’s not here. He said he was going to his homeboy’s house.”
Creases form on her forehead. Not that I can pass any judgment if she is crushing on Jackson. I can no longer deny I have a thing for his brother. I just got through being all up in his mouth. A flashback fills my mind, causing my body to tingle. I clamp my thighs together.
Tanya skims over our books, scrunching her nose. “You geeks are studying again.”
“Some of us do care about our GPA, Tanya,” Justin quips.
“Well, after I graduate, I’m getting my realtor’s license like my mom did.”
Mama has recently obtained her license and is working under Regan.
“Real estate is the in thing. Mama already has clients lined up and she just started. Your dad has already offered to sponsor me as my broker with his company. So, I’m good.” Her smile grows wider. “Better yet, I might get accepted on America’s Next Top Model.”
Tanya has modeled in the past. I didn’t know she’d applied for the model show—not that she would’ve told me.
Justin raises his eyebrow. “Are you serious?”
“Yep, I applied for the show and it looks very promising.”
It’s generous of Regan to offer my sister employment. Having a backup plan is wise. My sister is a pretty girl. The problem is Tanya’s well aware of that fact. I don’t like how she parades around gloating. She needs to bring it down a notch. “It’s great to have life planned out, especially when you can get favors,” I put out there.
Justin chuckles under his breath. Tanya smirks at me. “I must be rubbing off on you because you’re becoming a smart-ass. Guess I taught you a useful tool.”
Tanya’s logic is backward. Having a smart mouth won’t get you far in life. Her cell pings and her eyes brighten when she reads the screen. Shrugging, she spins on her heels.
Glancing over her shoulder, she adds, “Get your study on. Don’t let me interrupt. I’ve got better things to do.”
I’ve grown used to Tanya’s little jibes, accepting long ago we’ll never be close. Dari is more like a sister than she is. Tanya’s interruption had broken the lustful spell Justin and I were engaged in. I don’t have a clue what to think of our encounter. I’ve wondered if Justin was into me or if I’d only wanted him to be. Our kiss has confirmed it, and he’s the one who initiated it.
I ponder if Justin will continue to pursue me. The connection between us is like a magnet. I’m not sure how long I can fight it, but we must. It’s best not to push the boundaries of friendship. Heaven forbid, one day he might be my stepbrother. Even more problematic.
Our parents aren’t married yet but living together could become awkward either way. Yeah, I need to keep my distance. Justin’s proximity flusters me. Our kiss proved just how great our chemistry is. Engaging further could turn into a disaster.
17
One Week of Restraint
Tossing and turning, I doubt I’ve gotten over five hours of sleep. All my thoughts are of Justin, but after last night, I’m trying to avoid being alone with him. I run into Mr. Arrogant on my way downstairs.
“Hey, sweet-cheeks. Are you riding with me and Tanya this morning?”
Since the stunt Jackson pulled, I’d been riding to school with Justin. I don’t think that’s a good idea today. “Yeah, sure.”
His face lights up. “Bet. We’ll leave in a few. I’ll be waiting in the car.”
I scurry into the kitchen quickly, hoping to avoid him. After I grab a banana, I almost make it out the door.
“You’re not riding with me today?”
Darn it! Sighing, I turn to face the music. Justin is standing against the stair banister. “Jackson offered me a lift…. I wasn’t sure if you had plans after school.” His Adam’s apple bobs. He’s not buying it. Jackson blows his horn.
Justin’s eyes cut to the ceiling. “He’s in a hurry.”
“That’s surprising, since him and Tanya are usually running late.”
Justin grins, though it d
oesn’t reach his eyes. I have to give him credit for trying to play off how awkward I’m acting. As soon as Tanya left us to studying yesterday, I ran to my bedroom.
His eyebrow rises. “I’ll catch you later, then.”
“See you in school.” I bolt, spinning on my heels. Just being near him makes my head spin. The emotions Justin brings out of me are unnerving, feelings I’ll have to analyze later without a clue of what to do with them.
Jackson is barely out of the driveway before my cell pings. I sense who the message is from after brushing him off. I cringe, reading the text.
Madi, I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries yesterday. Please don’t be upset.
My heart contracts, immediately feeling worse. I’m scared of what will happen if we pursue a relationship. This isn’t a normal situation.
Texting back, I reply, I’m not mad.
Then why r u giving me the cold shoulder? U nearly broke your neck getting outta here.
Busted!
I just need some space.
There is a long pause before he responds.
I’m not sure what 2 do with that.
We’re good. I just don’t wanna rush into anything we might regret.
I can respect that. As long as you’re not shutting me out.
I promise, I’m not.
K. Just please don’t avoid me. It wounds my ego.
I can’t help grinning from ear to ear. That is so Justin, to joke in the midst of a stressful issue. It’s one of many things I like about him.
Your ego’s so huge, there’s plenty of room for it to be knocked down a peg.
Lol!
Jackson glimpses at me over his shoulder. Tanya is sitting shotgun. She bops her head to the beat of the music, not paying me any attention.
“What are you smiling about?” Jackson asks. “I want in on the joke.”
I smile wider. The twins are like night and day.
* * *
My weekend is not eventful. Mama and Regan go out Saturday night after working all day. Tanya and I watch movies with the twins. Before they came into our lives, my sister never would’ve watched TV with me. She preferred to hang out with her friends.