by B Truly
Nighttime is a different story. It seems like almost every night, his face haunts me. Mostly, I wake up terrified and shivering. The only thing that helps to calm me is gripping my friend underneath my pillow. Anxiety, nightmares, and terror has become a part of my new lifestyle. How much longer will I have to go through this? The only good thing is that Jackson seems to be avoiding me as much as I try to avoid him. I couldn’t be more relieved.
29
Sweet Seventeen
February whips in. My seventeenth birthday is approaching, which happens to be on the day of worldwide love. It sucks carrying a broken heart. The icing on the cake is that I’m the one who broke it off. The last few weeks have been dreadful. Justin and I are only speaking in passing. I ride to school with Tanya. Demanding we part ways and pretending I have another boyfriend is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
The day before love fills the air, I halt in my tracks when I see them. Reba, a gorgeous junior who is on the cheerleading squad, is blatantly flirting with Justin. She flips her hair, batting her lashes. Nothing I’m not used to seeing. Clearly, the chicks at Taylor can tell Justin and I are no longer an item. What scalds me is how Reba is rubbing his bicep. As I pass them, I catch Justin shifting his weight, causing her too touchy hand to fall. It shouldn’t make me giddy. I’ll be lying if I say it doesn’t. It just seems to lessen the blow.
I couldn’t have been more thankful that Valentine’s Day, aka my birthday, falls on a Saturday. Glancing at my phone, I see I’ve received several happy birthday wishes from family members and friends. Dari sent me a flashing birthday emoji. Even Justin texted me. My spirit lifts. We’d gone from all over each other, to being uncomfortable in the same room within a short span of time. But, of course, he would send me best wishes. Justin’s heart is gold. I thank everyone, and then look around my room, determining what I should do today. Not thinking about past events is my number one goal.
Hiding in my bedroom is what I decide on. I keep my head in a book all day and watch a bit of TV. Mama peeks in a little after 5 pm. “Happy birthday, Madison.”
My lips curl upward, happy for the acknowledgement. She hadn’t texted yet, and I didn’t see her when I’d gone downstairs earlier. As typical as Saturdays go, our house has been fairly quiet. “Thanks, Mama.”
“Be downstairs by six. Regan ordered pizza for you guys. We also have an important announcement to make.”
“Um, okay.” Guess I’ll find out soon enough what this news is about. Terror consumes me that Jackson may be downstairs. He lives here but has made himself scarce since that night. I don’t know if it is purposely or by chance. This year we haven’t been eating Sunday dinners together like we’d started a pattern of doing. Important work stuff has come up and Regan has had to work every Sunday. My good fortune will probably only last so long, and I’m not sure how I’ll react to being in the same room with him.
After I throw on some casual clothes, I trot downstairs. The aroma of pizza fills the air. Pizza boxes lay on the bar counter, and Regan is organizing gifts on a side table. The kind gesture fills me with warmth.
“Happy birthday,” Regan greets me.
“Thank you. This is very nice.” My eyes roam over four pretty wrapped presents. Full of glee, I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday party. Probably not since I started my double digits.
“You must eat pizza and have gifts when you turn seventeen. That’s one year away from being a legal adult,” Regan explains. “Charlotte and I can’t stay long, though. We have dinner plans to celebrate.”
“I understand. It is Valentine’s Day, after all.” He nods. “Um, are the twins going to eat pizza with me?”
“Justin and Tanya should be down shortly. I’m not sure where the other knucklehead son of mine is. Said he’d be here by 5 pm.” Regan rolls his eyes, glancing at the time. “He’s lucky I’m in a good mood. Let me check on your mother. She tends to run late. You guys can eat if you’re hungry. We’ll stop in before we head out.”
Respite fills me that I may not have to see him. Justin strolls into the kitchen. My heart turns a cartwheel. His effect on me hasn’t changed—being able to look into his face is a different matter.
“Happy birthday, Madison.”
Our eyes lock momentarily—his hazel eyes are full of affection. Though it fares difficult meeting his gaze, my heart melts. Such conflicting emotions, loving and hating the same face. My biggest fear was that Justin hated me. Basically, I admitted to cheating. To top it off, I chose another guy over him. Nothing is further from the truth. I just can’t see another way, but Justin must not hate me with the smile he’s giving me now.
“Thanks for the birthday wishes. It means a lot.” He hasn’t a clue of how much. Justin walks over to a counter with a frosted glass cake holder sitting on top. This kitchen is enormous, so I hadn’t even noticed it on the far counter.
Lifting the lid, he says, “I made this for you last night.”
I feel my eyes grow large, getting a closer look. I gasp, truly shocked. A mouthwatering German Chocolate cake sits on it—my fave. A 17th birthday candle is on top. “You made this for me?”
“Actually, from scratch.”
Tears spring to my eyes. I fight hard to keep them at bay. This is such a sweet gesture. Especially after how I’ve treated him. He knows German Chocolate is my favorite. Out of reflex, and my feelings still full force for him, I throw my arms around his neck. For a minute, I forget about my dilemma. “Thank you, Justin.” He hugs me back tightly. We stay this way for a moment, until Tanya waltzes in.
“What do we have here?”
I release him, abruptly, wiping my eyes quickly. “Nothing … Justin was just showing me the cake he baked for me.”
“Very thoughtful. You two making up?” Neither of us answers. Tanya’s honey-brown irises are tinged with mischief. “Mum’s the word, huh?”
“I can’t wait to taste it, Justin,” I say, wanting to break awkwardness that seeps in. “I’m sure it’s delicious. You guys hungry?”
“I am,” Justin replies.
“Regan said we could eat. They’re going out for dinner.”
“I wonder what their big surprise is. Although, I have a feeling what it’s about,” Tanya adds.
“I got my guesses, too,” Justin mumbles.
My stomach churns. I grab three plates. Justin hands us drinks from the fridge, and we sit to grub on pizza. Mama and Regan come into the kitchen just as we’re finishing. My mother looks fabulous, as always, strutting a gorgeous knee-length crimson dress. She has an hourglass figure, and the silk-texture fabric hugs her curves. Mama still has a slamming shape even after popping out two kids. It must be genetics—she’s not much into exercising. Chrome pumps accentuate her outfit. Diamonds glitter from her ears, her neck, and to her wrists. Regan is wearing a finely tailored black suit. They must be going someplace fancy.
“Why don’t we sing and open gifts, Madison,” Regan suggests.
“Sounds great.”
Justin lights the candle, and they sing happy birthday. Closing my eyes, I wish things could go back to how they were before the day after Christmas. This is the happiest I’ve been since, a small form of normalcy I’m grateful for. Regan and Mama hand me my presents. I start with the largest gift from them, which is a new tablet.
“Thanks, guys.”
“The man at the store claimed it’s the best on the market.” Regan always strives to have the finer things.
My second gift is a new iPhone. I’m still not used to such extravagant gifts. They are a nice treat.
“I’m so jealous. That phone just came out!” Tanya exclaims.
“Guess you’ll have to wait until your birthday or buy it yourself.” Justin shakes his head.
Next, I open two pretty purple covers—one for my tablet—the other for my phone.
Justin hands me the last bag. “This one is from me.”
Tears rise to the surface again, threatening to overflow. Inside the bag is a gray and black c
offee mug with The 100 logo. This is too much. My lips tremble.
“Nice mug,” Mama says. “What brand?”
“It’s from a TV show Justin and I watch.”
“She can’t get enough of our latte machine. I thought it would be the perfect gift.”
“I love it, Justin. Thanks.” He grins from ear-to-ear.
“Where’s Jackson?” Mama asks Regan, worry lining her features.
Regan’s brow furrows. He lifts his diamond-studded watch, checking the time. “He texted, saying he was on his way. That was thirty minutes ago.”
“We’re going to be late,” she tells him.
Sighing, Regan says, “Well, we wanted all four of you here for this announcement, but we can’t wait for Jackson any longer.”
“What is it about?” I inquire.
“First off, I want you ladies to know that I love your mother, Charlotte, very much.” Regan looks between me and Tanya. “You have been a welcomed addition to our family.”
Charlotte smiles bigger than I’ve ever seen, extending her left hand for us to see. “Regan proposed this morning, and I happily accepted.” Her grin spreads even wider. “Since it’s the second time for both of us, we’ll probably just do a destination wedding. We’re planning on the beginning of November.”
She has it all laid out. This news isn’t shocking. Clearly, they are in love. It’s written on both their faces. We children used to joke about being each other’s stepsiblings. It hasn’t quite been a year since my dad passed. I understand life goes on, but a ton has changed since we first moved to Houston. Getting hitched will make living here permanent. I still have the rest of my junior and entire senior year to finish. So far, I’ve managed to avoid Jackson. The reality is that it can’t last forever. With knowledge of this fact, I can only muster, “Oh….”
Tanya grabs our mom’s hand. “It’s gorgeous!” They both giggle like schoolgirls.
“Congrats, Dad,” Justin chimes in.
“I’ll have to tell your hardheaded twin later. We need to get going so we don’t miss our dinner reservations.” Regan and Mama bid us good-bye, rushing out a few minutes later.
Tanya lingers. “Well, I already made plans with friends, so I’m about to bounce,” Tanya says. “Besides, you two probably have catching up to do.” Chuckling at her own joke, she walks out.
Justin remains at the bar. He is pulling one of my acts, staring at the floor. “Thanks again for the mug.”
His head snaps to attention from being deep in thought. “I’m glad you like it. It’s been kinda uncomfortable between us, but I still wanted to get you something.” I nod in understanding. “So how do you feel about this?”
“About our parents tying the knot?”
“Yeah....”
“I saw it coming. They can’t seem to get enough of each other. My mom has never been like this before, not even with my father. At least, not that I remember.”
“They do seem crazy about each other. Dad asked Jay and me recently how we’d feel if he got married again. Both of us are okay with it. I mean, if he loves her….” Justin blows out his breath.
Justin mentioned he was fine with it, so does his sigh have to do with us? “But?” I encourage. Justin’s sitting on a barstool. I’m standing in front of him. His eyes catch the jewelry around my neck. He reaches out, lifting the heart pendant he gave me for Christmas.
Justin rubs his thumb across it. “You’re still wearing this.”
I feel my cheeks flush. I’ve rarely taken if off since he gave it to me. I know I should, I just can’t. Maybe deep in my psyche, I feel if I do, the memories I have of Justin will disappear. It’s like I’m desperately holding on to him. “It’s precious to me. It came from someone special, so I don’t want to take it off,” I admit.
His hazel eyes dilate. “I like the fact you still wear it.”
Justin leans toward me, skipping his usual forehead kiss, going straight to my mouth. It’s like a magnet is pulling me toward him. I lean into him, and then before our lips touch, I jerk away. It would be wrong to send him mixed signals. I know what will happen if we kiss. The panic will set in. Justin’s face scrunches up, misreading why I pulled away so curtly. I don’t know what to say—how to fix this, so I remain quiet.
“It’s hard being around you and not being able to touch you. I guess you’re still with that dude.” Justin runs his hand over his low fade. “What did he get you for your birthday?”
Justin’s subject change throws me off kilter. His brow furrows, though he appears to try to keep his expression neutral. I hate this. Maybe I should just fess up, but what would that solve? “Um, I don’t know yet.”
“Do the two of you have plans?”
“I’m staying in tonight.”
“Is everything all good with him?”
Okay, this is going downhill fast. Since our falling out, this is the nicest moment we’ve shared. I want it to end on a good note—not have Justin upset with me over lies I must maintain. The wound created that night doesn’t seem like it will ever heal, so we can never go back to what we started. The reality doesn’t make it any easier.
It’s my turn to change the subject. “Let’s try some of the homemade cake you made me.”
“Yeah, sure.”
His German Chocolate is outstanding. Justin and I chat while we devour our slices. He offers for us to watch a movie—I decline. His disappointment is evident.
“Thanks again for everything. I really appreciate it.”
“Goodnight, Madison.”
I notice how he calls me Madison. Sighing, I remind myself, it’s for the best. My feelings toward him haven’t faltered. His searing gaze roaming over me makes me heated inside. At the same time, heartbroken. His lips are a whole other issue. Being alone in the media room will surely lead to kissing. No sense in torturing ourselves. A flashback of gorgeous Reba flashes into my mind. She has been flirting with him all week. I hate the idea of Justin being with anyone else. It’s just the reality I must accept. The fact remains—I can barely stand to look him in the eye.
Our parents are going to tie the knot, creating another problem. The thought of having to live here with his brother for well over another year is unbearable. Contemplating how my life will play out is about to give me a migraine, so I do what I have been—try to pretend it never occurred.
* * *
Later that night, my bladder is about to burst. I relieve myself in the bathroom, then I hear footsteps outside the door. My ears spring to alertness. When I open the door, he’s standing in the threshold. His lips curve sideways, and there’s no left cheek dimple. My heart begins to pound. It’s him!
“What do you want?” I whisper, stepping backward. Jackson comes inside, locking the door. My stomach lurches to my mouth.
“I wanted to wish you happy birthday.” Jackson smirks at me, moving closer. “Here, I bought you something.”
Jackson gives me a small square box wrapped in purple and silver paper from his pocket. I can’t believe he bought me a gift. I hold it in my hand, speechless.
Jackson’s eyebrows rise. “Aren’t you going to open it?”
Maybe if I do, he’ll leave. I take off the wrapping paper, and then remove the lid from the black box. Inside is a pair of princess-cut amethyst earrings. My birthstone and favorite color. The earrings are stunning. At the same time, it makes me uneasy to receive such a present. Why would he give me a gift of this nature? Reaching forward, Jackson lifts the diamond heart-pendant from Justin that I can’t bring myself to remove.
“My brother shouldn’t be the only one you wear something from. I want you to wear the earrings to represent me.”
My jaw drops. He can’t be serious. This guy is off his rocker!
Jackson’s smile flips upside down. “Don’t you like them? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. From your bedroom, I know purple is your favorite color.”
“The earrings are lovely, thank you. They just look expensive,” is all I can muster.
<
br /> “They were, so I expect you to wear them. I don’t go around buying girls expensive gifts.”
The fact he did scares the crap out of me. What does Jackson want from me? Doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Yet, he’s buying expensive gems like he is expecting me to throw my arms around him. “I’ll wear them,” I lie, then fake a yawn. “It’s late. I’m going to hit the sack.” I try stepping around him. Jackson doesn’t let me pass.
“A little birdie told me you broke my brother’s heart.”
I can’t keep up with Jackson’s personality changes. His comment does bother me. I feel terrible for hurting Justin. I stand my ground, not wanting him to know how much he intimidates me. “What does that have to do with you?”
“It has a lot to do with me.”
He’s lost me. I place the earring box on the counter, inching further away. Jackson only comes closer. That’s when I notice how dilated his pupils are. I can barely see the brown-green irises surroundings his pupils.
Jackson tilts his head. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Nothing….”
“The first principle in any relationship is honesty.”
Yeah, Jackson must have a personality disorder. The way he’s acting is far from normal. I decide to be honest and let the chips fall. “Why are your eyes dilated?”
He shrugs. “It’s just my bliss from Molly. We should pop a pill together. I promise you will love the way it makes you feel.”
No, thanks. I’m certain Molly is another name for Ecstasy. X seems to make people delusional, at least where Jackson is concerned. I swallow the moth ball in my throat. Jackson’s decided he’s done with small talk, tugging me to him. I attempt to struggle from his grasp. It does no good. Jackson is much stronger than me—much bigger. He lifts me, putting me on the bathroom counter, then pushes himself between my legs. I can feel how happy he is to see me, and my body trembles.
“Jackson, stop.”
“Don’t be like that, sweet-cheeks.”
He nips my earlobe, then kisses his way down my neckline. I push against him, while he continues to nibble on the nape of my neck. His greedy hands join in cupping my bosom. Shoving against him is a futile effort. He’s not budging.