“I like it hard and wet.” Josh climbed out from beneath me and got to his hands and knees so that his ass was up in the air invitingly.
Whether it was another attempt to avoid intimacy or not, it was a temptation that I couldn’t ignore. Josh wanted it hard, so I decided to give it to him harder than he’d ever had before and would not stop until he lay beneath me in a boneless heap. Hard, however, didn’t mean cruel, so I allowed time for him to adjust to my penetration before I set out to give him what he had demanded of me with his body and words.
I gripped his hips tight and pounded in and out of him, the sound of our skin slapping together was music to my ears. The needy moans coming from Josh spurred me on, and I thrust hard enough to push him down flat on the bed. I followed him down and covered his body with my own, careful to keep most of my weight on my forearms as I kept up the furious pace of my fucking.
“Do you feel me everywhere?” I asked Josh. I didn’t want to be the only one who felt that way. When I was inside him, it felt like he was a permanent part of my body; an inked tattoo on my soul that marked me for life.
“Y-y-yes,” he confessed in a pleasure induced stutter. “E-everywhere,” he echoed.
I rode him hard, tagging his prostate with every slam home. “You’re going to come so hard for me, Josh.” I knew the added friction of the comforter against his cock, as I thrust long and deep inside him, was driving him out of his mind.
“So hard.” His words sounded slurred as if he was drunk on the pleasure I gave him.
I gripped his hair and turned his head, exposing his neck for my lips. I needed to have them on his body as I felt him coming apart beneath me. I felt my climax begin to build and burn inside me. Sometimes my orgasm would come on fast and would end just as quickly, while others would build slowly and roll through me languidly. That night was a slow burn that began at the base of my spine and spread throughout my entire body. I savored each second of nearly painful pleasure as I felt Josh begin to unravel beneath me.
His breathing became choppy as he worked to pull air into his lungs, his fingers had a white-knuckled grip on the comforter, and his ass had a stranglehold on my cock. “Come for me, Josh,” I commanded as I loomed closer to an orgasm. “Give me everything.”
“Greedy bastard,” he gritted out, but there was no heat to his words—just intense pleasure.
I could tell he was trying to hold back, probably out of spite. “Stop fighting me,” I growled in his ear. “Come.” Josh’s body had stiffened beneath me before he came with a shout. “That’s right. I want all of it.” I fucked him until there was no fight left in his body and pleasured purrs were the only sounds he made.
I slid my arms beneath his chest and held him even tighter to my body, as I became a rutting beast, pistoning in and out of him. The pressure built inside me until I felt like I was going to implode. The pleasure released throughout my entire body as I flooded the condom I wore. I kept working my cock in and out of him as my orgasm rolled through me and only stopped when the last tremor faded from my body.
I knew that I was too heavy to collapse on him like I wanted to, so I gently pulled out then rolled off him and onto my back beside him. I turned my head and looked over at him to find him watching me through hooded eyes. I wanted to close mine and rest a minute, but I was pretty certain that staying wasn’t something he wanted me to do.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, scrambling to find a way to spend more time with him.
“I could eat,” he replied, but then narrowed his eyes as if a thought just struck him. “You mean here, right? Like you were going to get up and cook something you found in my refrigerator and cabinets.” Panic was starting to creep into his voice, and I hated that I made him feel that way, but I found myself wanting to push him a little more.
“I was thinking the diner,” I answered casually like it was no big deal.
“But people will see us and start talking,” he replied, trying so hard to rein himself in.
“Are you ashamed of me?” I tried to keep a light tone in my voice, even though I wasn’t joking. I needed to know if clandestine fucks were all I’d ever be to him. If so, I needed to decide if that was something that interested me.
“It’s not a matter of being ashamed of you,” Josh replied seriously. “It’s a matter of the gossip and bullshit that will be flung around like manure behind our backs. I’ve had enough of that lately, and I don’t want any more.”
“They’re going to talk anyway, so why not give them something real to blab about rather than let them speculate and make shit up.” I was probably going to lose the battle, but I wanted to give it one last shot.
Josh closed his eyes and became so still and quiet that I wondered if he had fallen asleep. After a few long moments, he opened his eyes and the regret I saw in his eyes negated the need for more words. I reached over and ran the back of my hand down the side of his face in an attempt to comfort him, even though I was the one who felt burned by his rejection. I tamped my feelings down so that I wouldn’t show him just how much I was disappointed.
“It’s okay,” I told him, even though it wasn’t.
I leaned over and kissed his cheek before I rolled out of his bed then went into the bathroom to throw out the condom and clean up. He was still in the same spot that I left him in, and he didn’t turn or acknowledge me in any way as I got dressed, or when I left.
My heart pinched painfully in my chest as I walked down the stairs and let myself out through the back door. I loved the way I felt when he was in my arms but hated the way I felt afterward. I decided then and there that I wouldn’t let myself fall into his bed or him into mine anymore. There was only so much rejection a guy could take, and I had reached my limit.
The small part of me that wanted to believe in everlasting love and happily ever afters wanted to say yes to Gabe. That part of me wanted to sit proudly across from Gabe and get to know him better over a shared meal. I could learn about his favorite music or movies; I could learn about his family and life before he moved to Blissville. But that part was so small that common sense easily overruled it. Sure, I knew on some level that I could be pushing away one of the best things to happen to me, but I couldn’t put myself out there again.
Practical Josh, who liked routines and consistency, outshouted Feisty Josh, who dared to take risks and chances. Being a Gemini was tough work; it wasn’t easy keeping the twins balanced and happy. Feisty Josh felt slighted because I only let him out to choose clothes and brightly colored underwear. Oh, and he picked out my convertible Mini Cooper because no way in hell Practical Josh would’ve picked out that bright teal color.
But he asked you out to dinner in a public diner. He’s not trying to keep you a secret. That was all I had ever wanted with some of the guys I “dated,” but I was no longer happy with just that. It’s a step in the right direction though. How can he prove himself to you if you won’t give him a chance? That was true, but I felt a pull to Gabe like I had never experienced before I met him. Everything was more intense with him, including my mistrust. I knew that, if given a chance, he could hurt me far worse than those from my past. I did what I thought was best for me and pushed him away.
I acted like a complete asshole to Gabe, and he didn’t deserve that from me. I felt horrible about the way I reacted to his question, but there wasn’t anything I was willing to do about it. Besides, I was pretty sure I saw the last of him unless we met in an official capacity. I felt a new tension in the air when he left that had never been present between us, not even when I confronted him when he was about to say that I was too feminine for his taste.
I kept reminding myself that night, and the many days that followed without a glimpse of him, that it was for the best. Truthfully, I missed bantering with him back and forth, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was up to. Was he getting anywhere with Georgia’s case? How were he and Buddy getting along? Did he think about me half as much as I thought about him? I couldn’t help but wonder i
f he still watched me as I jogged by his house.
I felt my resolve getting weaker as the desire to see him grew stronger. I needed to stay busy in my downtime, learn how to knit or something so that I didn’t go over to his home and beg to have a go at his cock again. I was starting to feel and sound like a cock whore, and I didn’t like it. Hell, I had a right hand—and a left if I wanted to shake things up. Maybe I needed to jerk off more and think about Gabe less.
My desperation to get over my self-inflicted misery led me to accept an invitation to go dancing from Merrick. He wanted to celebrate his new place and return to single life, which he claimed was better once he and Kevin broke up. Who was I to argue with him? I had never been in a real relationship before, so I couldn’t say which was better. The only thing I did know was that I slept much better in Gabe’s arms than I did alone. I chalked it up to remaining jitters and trauma from the shooting in my bedroom, but I suspected there was more to it than I wanted to admit.
“You know that Merrick’s going to want to pick up where he left off, right?” Meredith maneuvered around vehicles she felt were driving too slow when they were only speeding ten miles over the posted limit rather than the fifteen or twenty over that she preferred. “Are you going to tell him that you’re taken?”
“Taken? What the hell are you talking about, Mere?” Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked Meredith to come along as the designated driver, but she was right about Merrick and his probable intentions. I wasn’t interested in hooking up with him again, but not for the reason she mentioned. I wanted her along so that I would be able to have a few drinks and get home safely without having to spend the night at his place, which was what I suspected Merrick would suggest.
She snorted and shook her head like I was a complete idiot. “Sugar, you might be able to fool yourself, but you sure won’t fool Meredith.”
“Ew, don’t talk about yourself in the third person. You know that creeps me out.” I looked over at her, grinning from ear to ear. “Remember Travis Southerland?”
“Travis is hungry.” Meredith’s voice had dropped low to mimic our former classmate’s. “Travis is the best quarterback in the state of Ohio.” We burst into laughter. “Thank goodness he outgrew that habit.”
“He sure was a hottie back in the day,” I told Meredith. Travis was one of the few kids that went to college and never returned to Blissville after graduation. Last I heard, he was living in Dallas and owned a large insurance agency.
“I prefer brains over brawn,” she replied.
“Uh-huh,” I said disbelievingly. “You forget that I know every single guy you’ve dated since high school.”
“It was a recent revelation,” she said in a moderately defensive tone. “It’s taken me a while to figure out where I’ve gone wrong in the past.”
“Yeah, you’ve chosen guys who aren’t good enough for you. I think it’s more that they lacked balls and not a matter of brains or brawn.” I looked over at Meredith and marveled for the millionth time in my life that her inner beauty rivaled her exterior perfection. Someday the right guy would come along and snatch her up, and I couldn’t wait for the moment that he appeared in her life. “Aim high, baby.”
“I’ll do my best.” Meredith saluted me playfully. “So, why couldn’t Chaz come with us tonight?”
“All he said was that he had plans. He didn’t say who or what he was doing,” I added with a shrug. Chaz never missed an opportunity to dance the night away, and I was a little bit worried about him. I knew he’d come to me if something serious was going on. Therefore I chose to respect his privacy and not press him for information.
“I guess we’ll just have to dance and live it up without him.”
Vibe was the closest gay club, and it was nearly an hour away. The bottom level housed the dance floor while the second floor sported pool tables, dart boards, and other sporty things. I rarely went upstairs because dancing was my sport.
The club was hopping when we arrived, and it took us several minutes to find Merrick. He was pressed up against the bar by some tall, burly looking dude and didn’t look in a hurry to leave him. It appeared that I would be avoiding any awkward rejection of his advances that night. You didn’t have any problems rejecting Gabe. No! I would not be going back there again. I gave Meredith a relieved smile before I tugged her hand and pulled her into the crowd of dancers so we could get our groove on.
I let the music flow through me and became one with the beat. Music had always been my safe place to escape to when I needed relief from both the external pressures in the world and the ones I created in my mind. I threw my hands up in the air and focused on having a good time with my best friend.
It didn’t take long for my clothes to become damp and stick to my body. I was starting to get thirsty, but I was having too much fun to stop. Mere was having a great time too, swaying with the music with her arms in the air and her eyes closed. After what seemed like hours of dancing, Mere stopped and gestured drinking with her hands. I nodded, and we both left the dance floor in search of a cold drink, or two.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the owner of the club, Nate Turner, approach the bar. He was a very sexy man, who rarely came out of his office to socialize with the patrons. I knew whoever had his attention must’ve been special. I turned my head to watch him, as did nearly everyone else at, or near, the bar. There were too many people blocking my view, so I had to lean forward over the bar to see who was sitting on the stool talking to Nate.
“I don’t fucking believe it,” I said loud enough to be heard over the thumping music.
“What, honey?” Meredith looked in the direction that I had been staring, and I heard her gasp. “It’s probably nothing.”
I told myself it didn’t matter that Gabe was at the bar talking to Nate and looking all kinds of chummy. I freaked out when I fell asleep in his bed. I outright rejected any offer that he made other than sex. He was done and had moved on. I knew that, so why did it bother me to see it with my own eyes? I told myself not to look down in their direction again, but it was like my eyes had a mind of their own.
I watched as Nate placed his hand on Gabe’s shoulder and nodded his head in the direction of his office. I had heard from some of the guys that worked at the club that Nate liked to invite someone who’d caught his eye on the monitors back to his office to fuck. It didn’t often happen, which was why almost every eye at the bar was on the two men.
Of course, Nate noticed Gabe; who wouldn’t? In all honesty, it looked like the little meet and greet had happened on more than one occasion. As if Gabe sensed my eyes on him, he turned his head and looked down the length of the bar in my direction. I had just enough time to duck back and hide behind the guy standing next to me, taking Meredith with me so that Gabe didn’t see her either.
“Things aren’t always how they appear.” Meredith’s eyes were filled with sympathy as she reached out and clasped my hand. “Go talk to him, Jazz. If you really want him then don’t let him get away.”
I didn’t want him. I didn’t want him. I… oh, fuck it! I pulled back from Meredith and headed down to the end of the bar where Gabe had sat to find someone else was already sitting there. I looked over toward the hallway leading back to Nate’s office in time to see the two of them approaching it. Nate had his hand at the small of Gabe’s back and the sight was enough to make me sick. My stomach pitched and rolled as if it was the morning after a total bender.
I pivoted on my heels and headed back to Meredith. I shook my head in answer to the silent question I read in her eyes. The music switched over to one of my favorite songs, but my mood to dance and be social had passed. The only thing I wanted to do right then was go home and curl up with my pets.
“Let’s go, sugar,” Meredith said, reaching for my hand.
I followed her silently to her car, trying hard to push the hurt and disappointment I felt out of my mind. I wasn’t mad at Gabe because I had no right to be. I guess what upset me was that I had hoped he would t
ry harder to make something between us work and that was so unfair to him. I mean, how many cold shoulders and rejections was he supposed to take before he moved on to someone who obviously wanted to be with him?
Still, as disappointed as I was, I almost felt better because I had been right. Gabe wasn’t for me. I mean, there was nothing similar between Nate Turner and me. I was convinced that nothing real would happen between us and I was glad that I stuck to my guns, even if a part of me wanted him to prove me wrong.
We drove home in complete silence, which never happened when Mere and I were together. We often talked at the same time or completed one another’s sentences. We never just sat in silence, but that was what I needed, and she was kind enough to give it to me.
Meredith pulled in the driveway behind my house and put the car in park. “You want me to come inside for a little bit?”
“Nah,” I replied, “I’m okay. Thank you, Mere.”
“Anytime.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek before I got out of her car.
Once inside the warmth of my house, I collapsed on my couch and put my feet up on the coffee table “Well, fuck.” There wasn’t anything else to say on the matter.
“Blow me, baby,” Savage said from his cage, making me laugh.
“Dirty bird,” I told him.
“Dirty bird,” he repeated.
Diva jumped up on my lap and head-butted my chin before she started to purr. I stood up from the couch and took the cat with me to let Jazzy the ferret out of her cage. No matter what went on in my life, I knew I could count on my friends and my pets to perk me up.
An image of Gabe lying naked in my bed came to mind, and I hated the way my traitorous body reacted because that wasn’t the kind of perking up I had been thinking about. What Gabe and I briefly shared was over, and the sooner I accepted that, the sooner my life would return to normal. I wanted routine and structure back, even if others thought it boring. The opinions of others didn’t matter because I had been happy before Gabriel Wyatt came into my life.
Welcome to Blissville Page 16