I admit that Jon’s tough, rugged side turned me on, but the more vulnerable parts of him owned me. I was pretty sure that very few people saw the real man and that made me feel even more special. I placed both my hands at his temples and narrowed my eyes like I was reading his mind.
“Careful,” he playfully admonished and lightly swatted my ass, “there’s top secret intel stored in there.”
“Yeah, I’m not getting anything that I could leak to a conspiracy theorist,” I said, playing along. “I see round, firm balls.”
“Yeah?” Jon waggled his brows because he liked where the conversation was going.
I closed my eyes and played up my abilities. “Hmmmmm. I see white balls with red stitching.” I reopened my eyes dramatically. “You love baseball!” Jon looked at me suspiciously like he was debating whether I pulled that out of his head or made a lucky guess. “Neither,” I said after a good chuckle. “I remembered you talking about the Reds game from the bachelor party weekend. I heard the excitement in your voice when you talked about it going into extra innings and the one time you saw a perfect game as a kid.”
“That was a magical night for a twelve-year-old boy,” Jon told me. “I’d won those tickets for making the honor roll all year long. They were up in the nosebleed section, but I didn’t care. The atmosphere was amazing, and, for once, my mom seemed carefree and happy. We ate hotdogs, popcorn, cotton candy, and drank way too many sodas.” Jon closed his eyes briefly and swallowed hard. “You could feel the crowd’s excitement build as the innings passed without the opposing team reaching base. Pure magic.” Jon smiled and said, “I remember my mom covering her eyes when the last batter hit a line drive toward the gap between second and third base. She yelled for the shortstop to catch the ball.” He laughed at the memory then added wryly, “He made a diving catch that still makes highlight reels nearly thirty years later.”
“That does sound like an amazing time,” I told him. “So, let’s plan to see a lot of baseball games this year.”
“I thought you didn’t like baseball.”
“Who said that?”
“I just assumed since you didn’t go to the Reds game that…” Jon’s voice trailed off. “Ah, you didn’t go because of me.”
“Yep.” Why bother denying it? “My hot water tank isn’t nearly as generous as yours, so we better get to washing up.”
“I’m only in here because you asked me. I have no problem smelling like you.”
“Well, I guess I’ll have to rub my scent all over you again.” I hardly recognized the husky voice that came from my lips.
We had so many things to discuss, but neither of us wanted to talk right then. I had other ways I wanted to communicate with Jon first. Washing my body was difficult to do in the small shower. Instead of getting frustrated, I used it as an excuse to brush my leg against his erection. Jon jerked the washcloth out of my hands and shut the water off.
“You’re clean enough.”
He wasn’t nearly as forceful when he toweled me off though. I looked forward to the day that he would feel safe enough to toss me down and fuck me like an animal, but I was willing to settle for slow and sweet until then. Jon lay me down and lovingly kissed, licked, or nibbled on every part of my body until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Please, Jon,” I pleaded.
He stopped tormenting me and reached for the drawer where I kept the supplies. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, halting him. He looked at me with a concerned gaze.
“Nothing between us ever again.”
“Are you sure, Emory? I mean, I get tested regularly and—”
“I’m sure.” I took the lubricant and slicked his bare cock with it. “I want to be yours.”
Jon dropped the condom wrapper and positioned himself between my legs. As much as I wanted him to take me hard and fast, I could feel the amount of pressure building in my skull and knew it wasn’t what I needed. Jon lowered his body over mine, supporting his weight on his forearm beside my head. He reached between our bodies to grip his dick and slowly pushed into me.
I whimpered at how good it felt having him inside me after that final barrier was removed. I wanted to close my eyes but didn’t want to miss a single expression that crossed his face as he loved me. I caught each of his gasps with my mouth, just as he did for me. I ghosted my hands all over his hard-muscled body and felt goose bumps pop up beneath my touch as Jon loved me thoroughly. He built my pleasure up slowly, turning me into a bundle of raw need by the time I reached the peak. I teetered back and forth—almost there, but not quite—until Jon said the magic words that pushed me over the edge.
“I love you, Emory.”
I soundlessly came apart in his arms, unaware that I was holding my breath as I came all over my stomach until my lungs started to burn. I sucked precious air into my lungs as I watched Jon join me in nirvana. He kept his eyes open, and I could see the pleasure of his orgasm slowly wash over his beautiful body.
“I love you too, Jon.”
Jon collapsed on top of me after he was fully spent. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight, even though it made it harder to breathe. I didn’t care that his dick was still in my ass and he didn’t care that he was lying in my cum. Hell, if it were up to me, I would stay in bed naked with him all day. Jon had a different idea though.
“Do you think your water heater has anything left in the tank?” The pillow muffled his words.
“Why?” I asked suspiciously. “I thought you liked smelling like me.”
“I do, but I’m not sure how Gabe and Josh would like it.” Jon raised up and looked into my eyes. “They’re worried sick about you. They love you. Let them be here for you right now.”
“Okay.”
I showered again, dressed, and took my medication with the soup and sandwiches Jon made us for lunch. While we ate, I told Jon about the symptoms I’d experienced that prompted me to seek medical attention, and I repeated everything my surgeon had told me. I could tell he was still going to read every single word in that folder later that night. After lunch, Jon drove us to the Roman-Wyatt’s house so I could tell them what was going on.
“What time is your surgery?” Josh quietly asked. I could tell how much it hurt him that I had planned to go through the procedure without telling them. They’d been so generous and kind to me already. I just didn’t want to be a burden to them while they had their hands full with the twins.
“I have to check in at seven and surgery is at ten.”
“We’ll be there,” Gabe said.
“You guys don’t…” I let my words trail off when I saw Josh’s Don’t Fuck With Me expression.
“The grandmas will have everything under control here, and we can be there for Jon while he waits and for you while you recover.” Josh wasn’t asking; he was telling us how it was going to be.
“I’m sure Jon and Memphis will be glad to have company.”
“Memphis?” they all asked at once.
“He’s my cousin and best friend.” I told them about some of our less colorful shenanigans growing up. “You guys are going to love him.”
Two tiny cries split the air, and we laughed as Josh and Gabe hauled ass over to the bassinettes to pick up their babies.
“What do you think? Hungry or stinky?” Gabe asked.
“I don’t think I care for the new nicknames you’ve assigned to our angels,” Josh said, earning a glare from Gabe. “Hmmmm. Dylan has his poop face rocking, and Destiny is trying to eat her fist.”
“One of each,” Gabe said, nodding.
“We’re going to take off so you guys can enjoy time with the twins,” I told the new dads.
“You don’t have to go,” Josh said. “We’ll just go change their diapers, and you guys can help us feed them.”
“We don’t have the right equipment,” Jon teased.
“And we do?” Gabe countered then rolled his eyes.
“What if we drop one?” Jon asked, getting to the crux of his warines
s.
“Try your best not to do that,” Josh quipped as they headed upstairs to change the babies.
Fifteen minutes later, Jon and I sat on the couch feeding Destiny and Dylan. Josh had tucked a pillow beneath my arm when I told him about the potential for sudden weakness. I glanced over at Jon, and he smiled at me. Dear Lord, those big strong hands were meant to cradle babies. He squinted his eyes like he could read my mind and wanted to discourage me from getting big ideas. Too late! Maybe someday, I said to myself.
I barely slept the night before Emory’s surgery because too many wild thoughts jockeyed for attention and I couldn’t shut my brain down. The predominant emotions were joy and happiness that Emory was finally in my arms and admitting he loved me too. Unfortunately, I was afraid of what drove him to that point. I wanted to believe it was an epiphany that we belonged together, but I figured it had more to do with the tumor they discovered.
We’d spent every private moment talking and getting to know one another, and I came right out and asked him some tough questions while he was tucked up against me in the privacy of his bedroom. “Em, do you think we would’ve arrived at this moment if you hadn’t found out about the tumor?” As much as I tried, I couldn’t push all the doubt out of my mind to focus on the positive. A person didn’t shake their lifelong habits overnight.
Emory propped himself on his elbow and looked down at me. “I do.” He sounded so certain and resolute, but how? Before I could ask, he answered my unspoken question. “It was fated to happen. I could cut my hair and fight it all I wanted, but it was going to happen.”
“So, you just settled for a future you didn’t want?”
“Oh, I wanted you, Jon. The strength of my connection to you is what I resisted. Loving someone as much as I love you is a huge risk. I know how it feels when…” Emory’s voice broke off and he shook his head. “At first, I felt disloyal to River’s memory for wanting you, then I resented you when I couldn’t banish you from my mind. Once I finally realized that you were the key to my happiness, I worried that I had pushed you too far and lost my chance at something amazing.”
“What would you have done had I not shown up at Josh and Gabe’s the other night?”
Emory ran his hand over my chest and smiled. “I would’ve shown up at your fancy iron gate.”
“Nate’s fancy iron gate,” I corrected. I thought the home was beautiful, but it never felt like mine.
“I know this seems like a sudden reversal of feelings, and I get it, but in time you’ll accept that my love is real. We’re real, and we belong together. Loving you doesn’t take anything away from the way I loved River. I know that now.”
I tugged Emory down for a long, lingering kiss that turned into another round of lovemaking. I’d never connected to someone the way I did him and the thought of losing him terrified me. I couldn’t be angry anymore about his previous determination to remain loyal to his deceased husband. I finally understood how he felt the night before his surgery as I tamped down terrifying thoughts of what if.
What if Emory doesn’t survive the surgery? What if he wakes up a different person and the new guy doesn’t want me? What if I gave my heart to a man who only thinks he wants it?
I closed my eyes and willed happier thoughts to replace the worrisome ones. Emory is going to come out of surgery with flying colors, and I will be by his side every step of his recovery. Trust that Emory knows his heart and quit looking for excuses to build walls around yours. I was the tough-ass man who had faced down many enemies and survived. There was no room for doubt in war nor was there room in the battle for happiness. Winning Emory had been an epic battle, and I would celebrate my spoils instead of worrying about how long they would last.
We had finally drifted asleep a few hours before his alarm went off. The mood could’ve been somber, but I refused to allow it. Emory wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything, so I didn’t either. “When you feel up to it, I’ll make you my famous Spanish omelet.”
“Do you cook often?”
“Nothing like Josh so don’t get excited, but I do the basics pretty damn well,” I replied proudly.
“I can’t wait to sample your cooking. There are so many things I’m looking forward to doing with you, Jon.” I thought Emory’s voice was thick with sleep, but I realized it was something more when he said, “I want to go into that hospital smelling like you.”
Who was I to refuse him? Besides, the scent of him on my skin could comfort me when I was ready to lose my mind during the long procedure. Em was right about Memphis; he was a lovable guy who kept the drive to the hospital interesting. I admired the way he openly showed love to Emory inside his pre-op suite without worrying that it made him look less manly or some shit. He patted me on my shoulder and left the two of us alone so we could have some privacy in the last minutes before surgery. I took a page from Memphis’s book and ran my hand over Emory’s smooth, bald head. He had decided at the last minute to have Josh shave off his hair instead of a stranger.
“It’s not surprising that your head is a perfect shape,” I whispered against his lips. “It matches the rest of you.”
Emory’s smile warmed the cold, sterile hospital room. “I’m going to grow it back out. I miss the long hair, and you never had the chance to run your fingers through it.”
“I’ll take you any way I can have you.” I pressed my mouth to his ear because my words were only for him. “There are so many ways that I’m going to have you, baby.” It might not have been the best time to whisper dirty words to my man, but then again, one should never waste an opportunity to tell someone how they feel. What I wouldn’t give to tell my brother that I loved him. Even though I’m pretty sure Nate knew what our time together meant to me, I wished I had been less concerned about my masculinity and said the words out loud to him. I cleared my throat because I wanted my voice to sound confident and sure. “I love you, Emory. I’ll be right there waiting for you when you open your eyes.”
“I’m counting on it. I love you too, Jon.”
I gave him one more kiss before I left his pre-op room. I headed out into the waiting room area with the little buzzer thing that would go off when I was permitted to see him again. There was a large television in the waiting room that alerted me to Emory’s progress as he went through the various phases of surgery. It reminded me of how the airports display flight information. Each patient was assigned a personal number rather than putting their names up there for people to see.
I expected to find Memphis there but was surprised to see Josh and Gabe had arrived already. They didn’t come alone either. Mere, Harley, Chaz, Kyle, the Dorchesters, and the Goodes were sitting in the waiting room with Memphis when I walked in. Their smiles were confident and compassionate as I settled in for the long haul.
The mood in the room was upbeat and positive, which I appreciated. I also liked the fact that they didn’t try to talk me out of staring at the monitor. They included me in their conversation while giving me space at the same time. I wasn’t sure how a person accomplished that balance, let alone eleven people, but they did. Deanna brought me a piping hot coffee and a warm blueberry muffin after an hour passed.
“I know you don’t want to leave the waiting area in case there’s news, but you need to keep your strength up,” she said softly.
“Did you make this yourself?” I teased. Josh was known for his homemade goodies while Deanna had a reputation for buying things in the freezer section and passing them off as homemade to her husband.
“Picked the berries before we arrived,” she replied sassily before returning to her husband’s side.
I bit into the warm muffin and was grateful for her thoughtfulness. I liked it even more that it irritated her husband. John Dorchester was a wisecracking smartass. I liked him a lot.
“You didn’t bring me one?” John asked in a pouty voice.
“You should’ve been the one to get up and treat me to a blueberry muffin after this morning.”
“Wha
t?” Gabe asked in a shocked voice. “Did John finally get lucky after a three-year dry spell?”
I nearly choked on my bite of muffin due to the oversharing going on, but then I recalled John tormenting Gabe and Josh about the lack of sex parents have when they brought the twins home earlier in the week.
“He’s good for another three now,” Deanna said proudly. John hooked his arm around his wife’s neck and pulled her close so he could kiss her temple.
The longer I waited, the harder it became to sit still. “Em’s doing great,” Memphis softly said. “I promise you that he’s much stronger than we realize.”
“Thanks, Memphis.”
Around one o’clock most of the group decided to head to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. They offered to bring me something back, but I wasn’t hungry. I heard Gabe warn Josh about being on the lookout for loser ex-boyfriends before his husband left. Memphis had chosen to stay with Gabe and me.
“I appreciate you guys being here for Emory,” I told Gabe. “It’s going to mean the world to him.”
“We’re here for you too, Jon.”
I nodded because I was too choked up with emotion to say anything without making an ass of myself. I hadn’t given them many reasons to want to be my friend, yet there they were supporting me. I vowed to become a better friend to each them. Emory wasn’t the only one who built a fortress around him to protect himself from unwanted emotions. Corbin and Beau had always been with me, but it was time I opened the gate and let others get to know the real me. I would do it as soon as I figured out who the real me was.
Emory’s surgery took six hours and forty-five minutes. I relaxed a little when I saw his patient number move from the operating room to recovery. I wasn’t aware of how tensely I sat in the chair until my muscles ached after I relaxed the tension in them.
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