by Megan Linski
Chapter 10 - Me, Razberry Sweet
Despite my crazy experience this morning, I’m still anxious to see Uncle Logan in the afternoon. I go in last to see him, tagging along that giant balloon from the gift shop.
It gets stuck in the door. I nearly fall flat on my face as I shove it into the room, catching my balance at the last minute. It’s pretty boring in here... very white, crisp, and clean. I peek around the wall curtain and look around, wondering what he’d be like.
Amazingly, he isn’t too bad. He doesn’t look anything like Bethany, anyway. I heard she’d been sent to another hospital closer to her mother. Sure, he’s a little pale and in need of a shave, and the hospital gown’s too tight around his massive biceps, but for the most part, he looks pretty good for having a heart attack.
I creep inside, drape my jacket over the side of a chair and tiethe balloon to his bedside. He looks up and smiles at it, and then at me.
“Hi, Uncle Logan.” I grimace, feeling awful. “How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’d be better if I could get out of this damn bed,” he complains.
I look down. “I’m sorry. I feel really bad about what happened.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” he says immediately. “The doctor told me months ago that I needed to take better care of my heart, and I didn’t listen. It wasn’t because of our fight. It was going to happen sooner or later.”
“But I started it,” I say.
“Let it go, Raz. It’s over.”
I pause. I’ve been dying to ask him this question since I heard he woke up, but is now really the right time?
“Why did you take me in?” I ask. The words come out of my mouth before I decide to say them.
“What?” he asks, completely flabbergasted.
“When my parents kicked me out, why did you let me live with you? You knew I wasn’t any good.”
“You aren’t a bad person, Raz,” Uncle Logan says, and he turns on his side to look at me. “Someone had to give you a chance. I knew my brother wasn’t going to. But no matter what, I always believed in you.”
“But why? My own father doesn’t even want me,” I say. There’s a lump forming in my throat.
“Your father wanted to mold you into something he wanted you to be,” Uncle Logan says. “But I wanted you to become the man you wanted to be. I thought if I took you in, maybe you’d find yourself. And I think you have.”
The sun’s starting to set. Outside the hospital is a large yellow field outside of it, and a trashed, abandoned yard with some big, white canvas.
“What’s that?” I whisper to myself, not really intending for Uncle Logan to hear.
“That’s the old drive in,” Uncle Logan says tiredly. “It’s abandoned, but the screen is still there. People go there and play movies when they’re bored.”
A smile begins to spread slowly across my face.
* * *
Two weeks later, more than fifty cars are parked in the abandoned lot. The film crew and I spent the entire weekend cleaning up the old drive in, mowing the lawn and picking up the trash, and getting permission from the city to use the property. We had painted lines in the grass for parking spots so people could watch the movie from their cars.
The sky’s wide open. Night’s beginning to fall.
Anxiety flutters in my chest. I had watched the movie twice already, and many more times with Wizard. We went through it over and over and made sure there were no technical mistakes or errors of any kind.
When we were certain it was as good as we could make it, we showed it to the crew, corrected what we missed, then tried it again… needless to say, Wizard and I had been spending a lot of time together.
We hope it’s ready. But art is to be abandoned, not completed, so we hoped we got everything and planned to let our baby fly.
Practically everyone I know is here. Aunt Sara is helping Uncle Logan along, who’s now using a cane. There are way more kids from the high school here that I had expected. There are even people from out of town. Our crew had worked hard to post flyers and spread the word to everyone they could.
Don and Brody are setting up the projector now. We have a backup in case it breaks. Various scenarios of everything that could possibly go wrong are running through my head.
I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder, but see that it’s only Soldier, along with Pepper, Zoar… and Puppy.
The five of us take a seat on the grass and look up. Pepper brought popcorn and the Key Club up at the school decided to jump on the bandwagon and sell refreshments. Soldier has already gone through about five pops, but it’s not phasing him. I know not to have anything with caffeine. I’m wired enough tonight as it is.
As a group, we decided to sell tickets and give the funds to a local charity. Puppy suggested that we donate whatever we made from the showing to a sexual assault awareness foundation.
Even though Puppy is the only one who knows my story, everyone in our group voted yes. I didn’t let anyone see, but I cried after I got home from school that night.
Maymee’s sitting with a gaggle of her friends. All of them are waving at me in a flirty way. I wave back weakly, and music starts to play. The talking stops and everything goes silent.
This is it. I can’t believe it, but here I am, sitting here with all my friends, watching our movie. We look the same up on screen, but by the way people are gazing at us, you’d think we were stars.
There’s gasping and laughing at all the right places, and sometimes, there are reactions that I didn’t expect. I had to marvel at the special effects, which looked even better on the big screen.
The kissing scene comes up fast. The magical lines are said onscreen, I turn to look at Puppy. She glances at me. Our eyes connect for a few long seconds.
Then it happens. People start wolf-whistling. I blush and duck down from all the stares. Zoar, Soldier and Pepper are giving me hell.
Puppy, like me, is hiding her head. I peer over to see Maymee’s reaction. She seems upset.
Weird.
Finally, it’s over. People jump to their feet to give us a standing ovation.
“They love it,” I say to myself, shocked. “They actually love it.”
“We did good, people,” Pepper murmurs, totally patting herself on the back. “We did good.”
“Did you see me, Mommy?” Mitzy asks as my family ventures over to me.
“Yes, honey, I did,” Aunt Sara praises. She nods to me and says, “That was very well done. I’m impressed. You should take up acting as a career.”
“Really?” I ask, heart leaping.
Uncle Logan claps a hand on my shoulder and says, “You really do have talent, Raz. You should follow your dream.”
Puppy taps on my arm. I turn to look at her. She bashfully looks at the ground, saying, “We looked pretty cool up there, didn’t we?”
“We did,” I say. “Maybe the crowd will want an encore.”
She punches me in the arm and laughs. “Don’t flatter yourself, Razberry Sweet.”
My friends gather together, talking loudly and congratulating each other. I go to join them, but before I can, I see Maymee crying behind a Chevy.
I walk over to where she is and ask, “What’s wrong?”
She looks up. She seems happy to see me. “Oh. It’s you, Raz. I’m just… I have allergies, you know.”
“Oh. Ok.”
She draws closer. “We really blew the audience away, Raz. Everyone thought this was just going to be some dumb high school thing and you made it real. It was your idea. You’re responsible for all of this.”
“No,” I shake my head. “I couldn’t have done it without everyone’s help.”
She chuckles. “You’re so brilliant, Raz. So talented.”
“No, I’m not,” I chuckle lowly. “I’m nowhere near it.”
“You are,” she whispers. “You just don’t see it.”
I keep quiet. She walks a little closer, and I nearly back away. She’s almost too close.
But then I remember everything I told her in detention, and how she never told anybody. All those secrets, and she never said a word.
My trust increases. She beckons for me to lean down so she can whisper in my ear. I do so, and she says, “You know I love the way you smile. It’s so funny.”
Slowly, before I know it’s happening, Maymee leans in and gives me a tiny kiss on the cheek.
She sneaks away silently. “Bye Raz,” she whispers. “I’ll see you around.”
She walks away. I have no idea where she’s going. To tell her friends that she kissed me, probably.
Or not. You never know.
Maymee’s a good secret keeper.
* * *
Late that night, after everyone’s gone home, the celebration party is over and it’s long past midnight, I go for a walk.
My sneakers crunch on the gravel road as I walk away from the farm, to a hill overlooking the area. I gaze at the stars, and think of Puppy, and how pretty she would look under them right now.
There’s an old oak tree with a swing dangling from the branches that Mitzy plays with all the time. I sit on it and contemplate things, swinging back and forth like I used to when I was a little kid. That life seems like a past life, and so far away now.
In the same way that I don’t want to think about my past, I don’t want to think about my future. I’m still stuck between questions of, “What do you want to do when you grow up?” and, “What are you going to do with your life?”
I swing slower. Now, I know. I don’t need to do something or be something in order to be somebody.
I’m already worth life, worth living. I never needed to prove that. Bethany taught me that, in a way, but more importantly I’d taught myself.
I can’t think about how I want to become a real actor or wonder what Bethany’s doing right now. I don’t even want to dream of Puppy, though the thought’s tempting.
I just want to know if I’m all right.
…Am I all right? Did I put myself back together after what Cayman did to me? So many times I had hoped it was all just made up in my head, that I’d gone insane.
Yet there’s no running away from it now. The truth is real, and it hurts. I’d been raped. I can’t forget that reality, though I’d tried to.
But I’m not powerless anymore. Cayman had taken everything from me, but somehow, I gained it back. There’s a part of me that’s always going to be broken.
But that part’s a lot smaller than before.
I lean back on the swing and turn my face to the stars. I’m an actor, sure, but I’m way more than that. I’m different from everyone else, sure, but what’s so special about being different anyway? Everybody’s different, in their own way.
One thing I’m sure of. I’m anything but ordinary, and finally, tonight, I’m coming to terms with that. These thoughts were just musings from an outcast.
But I’m not such an outcast anymore. I’ve come to accept me. I don’t hate myself anymore. My past can no longer destroy who I am.
After the worst summer, and the best school year, of my life, I’m finally happy.
Me, Razberry Sweet.
* * *
Want more of Raz and his friends? Check out the sequel, Save Me: Yours Truly, Razberry Sweet (Razberry Sweet #2)
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If you liked this book, you might also like The Shifter Prophecy, The Kingdom Saga, The Rhodi Saga, or the Creatures of the Lands series.
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Save Me:
Yours Truly, Razberry Sweet (Razberry Sweet #2)
Big names.
Big lights.
Hollywood awaits.
It’s been a year since the summer that changed my life forever. I’m still trying to figure out what happened to me... trying to recover from something that I can’t recover from.
My true identity has been revealed, and my friends feel betrayed. I’m torn between my crush, my enemy... and my reputation
I’m over all the high school drama. A trip to Hollywood could change everything-- I’m in.
This is a summer I’m never going to forget. I’m here in California to find stardom and land a lead role... but is getting famous more important than being there for the people who love me the most?
I can save everyone else.
But who’s going to save me?
Acknowledgments
Anything But was a book that was published lightly at first, but has become nothing short of a phenomenon within my friend group. For Krisen, it became her favorite novel. For my sister, it became a guide to high school before she entered. For Sam, it became the bane of his existence and he strives to think of ways he can get it to vanish forever to this day. It has been pulled off the shelves several times, modified, edited, and overall debated over since its completion in 2009. It was too weird and unique, people argued, to be sold to readers around the world.
When a reviewer found the remains of a forgotten copy lying around on the internet six years later, she insisted that it be republished.
Thus, the great war began. I, my sister and Sam sat around the kitchen table. It was like a giant courtroom, with both sides debating whether this monster should see the light. The final version is completely different from the original, but still has the sweet flavor that makes it Razberry.
There are people I know who will do anything to get this book hidden away forever. And there are others I know who cling to Razberry with bleeding and battered fingers, who have copies with pages that are nearly threadbare.
Whatever side of the fence you’re on, I’m glad you took the time to read this book.
To everyone who supported me when I thought of giving up on Razberry Sweet... thank you. No matter what it is, in the end, it’s a part of me. As my sister said, this book has grown bigger than just us. This is a book that truly belongs to everyone, so celebrate, reader.
This one’s for you
THE WITCH’S CURSE
"The scream of a dying girl was the singular sound that changed my life, forever."
When Briar enters the Eldermere Woods alone, she never could've imagined the danger that awaited her there. As a young witch, she's sought by hunters who desire her blood, a group of radicals who wish to eliminate all magical creatures. When Briar discovers a fellow witch slaughtered in the forest, her boring afternoon is changed into a fight for her life.
With the help of her dragon shifter love, Thomas, Briar must find a way to stop the witch hunters from destroying her town of Thorny Brook. But is her magic strong enough to defeat her most dangerous enemies? Full of danger, fantasy, and fun, THE WITCH'S CURSE is another thrilling installment by bestselling author Megan Linski.
Now FREE by signing up for Megan Linski’s VIP list!
About the Author
Megan Linski wrote Anything But as her first NaNoWriMo project the month before she turned seventeen. She is the CEO of Gryfyn Publishing and has had a passion for writing ever since she completed her first (short) novel at the age of 6. Her specializations are romance, fantasy, and contemporary fiction for young and new adults. When not writing she enjoys ice skating, horse riding, theatre, archery, fishing, and being outdoors. She is a passionate advocate for mental health awareness and suicide prevention, and is an active fighter against common variable immune deficiency disorder. She lives in Michigan.
www.meganlinski.com
[email protected]
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