by S. K Munt
‘Incredible,’ I whispered, honest as always, trying not to let it bug me that he was imagining me to be Emmerly.
Kohén’s lip curved in a smile. ‘Really?’
I nodded, knowing I should step out of the embrace that he’d apparently forgotten we were locked in, but I didn’t trust my legs to move. ‘Is there anything you’re not incredible at?’
Listen to yourself! You sound just like those flirtatious idiots! You’re not walking away because you don’t want to! You liked it! You want to do it again! Get OUT of his arms! He’s attractive but he’s not a potential Rhett- but a potential Dana!
Kohén’s look could have set a forest on fire. ‘We’ll see… but just in case that was beginner’s luck…?’ He looked down at my mouth and then back to me. ‘Could we…?’
This time it was me who moved forward first, capturing his mouth and his groan. The sound did something odd to my system- pulled me apart in a million different pieces and then re-arranged me into something new. I shivered in his arms and then almost cried out in pleasure when he wrapped them around me and pushed me back against the tree, lashing my lips apart with eager whips of his tongue- pulling me into him in a blissful vacuum of energy. I let out a soft: ‘Oh…’ when he pulled his mouth from mine and then pressed them into the underside of my jaw, and he moaned gently again.
This is just how the books describe it! Oh, how wonderful this will be, when I find someone I love to touch me the way I trust him to!
‘Is this what I’d do next?’ he demanded in that rough voice, working his lips down my neck and toward my pulse. ‘I’ve seen couples do this…’
‘Yes…!’ I mewled the word, clutching at his soft black hair as he began to kiss upward again. I began to tingle from every place his lips met my skin. ‘Just like that!’
‘Does it feel good?’ he asked hotly, moving his lips back against mine, and they parted willingly for him. ‘Or do you want my mouth on yours? You need to tell me these things, Lark… you need to share everything with me...’
‘Yes, kiss me again Kohén!’ I moaned the plea and he growled and pushed me up against the tree again. The bark was rough against my skin but I liked the way it felt, especially with his hot, hard body pinning me in place and his hands running down my arms. He gripped my hips and squeezed them and I felt the intensity of our clinch shift from my mouth to the place where his body was pressing into mine.
‘Larkin…’ he whispered my name between kisses.
‘Kohén?’
‘I need …’ his hands behind me and slid up my back, which was bare in the dress all the way down to the small of my back. His hands were hot and buzzing with energy against my skin and I gasped to feel the current ebbing from him. He groaned instead of finishing whatever he’d been about to say, and the sound made me feel faint. I didn’t want to stop kissing him, and this knowledge made me panic. First kisses were supposed to be chaste, but I’d gotten carried away like the whore they wanted me to be!
But I wanted to keep kissing him, and I probably would have continued to do so if I hadn’t accidentally stepped forward and onto Martya’s book. The feel of it was a reminder of all the promises I was to keep, and how easily I could forget myself in a moment of passion, if that was what this was.
‘You NEED to remember that this is practice!’ I cried out, alarmed when his hands slid back up so that his finger could slip beneath the strap of my dress and caress the skin. Heaven help me, but did that feel good! I forced my hands against his chest and tried to gently push him back. ‘If you’re inspired to learn more then you’ll have to wait for Emmerly to-’
‘Fuck!’
The word made my nerves jangle, for I’d never heard it used within Eden’s walls. Kohén turned away, his fingers raking through his hair as he doubled over and groaned as though in agony.
‘Oh!’ I cupped my hand to my mouth, and then almost jumped out of my skin when Kohén swung around, pointed his fingers out at the elm across from ‘our’ tree- and let a stream of blue-hot energy fly from them and into the leaves of the boughs. There was a crackling sound and suddenly, the tree was on fire! The whole thing lit up and then smoke started to stream out. I gasped and backed away, bending to pick up the book and hugging it to my chest in fear. Had that anger erupted from him on my account? ‘What’s the matter? Is your charge hurting-’
‘Fuck this fucking system!’ he cried, then let his hand drop and fell to his knees, cupping his head in his hands. The blue light vanished. ‘I hate this! I hate that things have to be like this!’
‘Like what?’ I cried, staring at the flames in awe as leaves fell and hissed against the slushy ground.
‘Forced!’ Kohén turned his face away from the fire and pressed it into his shoulder, his expression pained. ‘I should be able to just kiss a girl because she wants me to… I should be able to fall for someone, take them in my arms and say so...’ he lifted his face to mine, looking agonised. ‘Not just because she’s been placed there to be kissed, like a pawn to be wiped off the board at the king’s crossing!’
‘You don’t expect the pawn to feel sorry for the king, do you?’ I asked, hurt. He was making me feel guilty for complying, but how was any of this my fault? ‘You have many pawns, your highness- but we pawns have only the one king to cross paths with. If you don’t like this system- then change it!’
‘It’s not in my power to do so,’ he said, getting to his feet. ‘You know that.’
‘So convince your father to change it!’ I urged him. ‘And if you fail there, wait until Karol is crowned and-’
‘They don’t want to change it, Larkin!’ he argued. ‘They still see the need for it, and claim that when I am their age, I will too!’
‘So try harder!’ I urged. ‘For me! For Kelia! For girls like Emmerly and Elfin who were once so proud that they’d never let a man steal a kiss, let alone their right to give permission!’
‘I don’t have that kind of power! Not in age or rank-’
‘Neither did Martya!’ I exploded. ‘But she believed in herself and now she is free! If you could believe in us enough to fight for us-’
‘You are all THIRD BORN!’ Kohén screamed at me- screamed it so loudly that bats took off in flight from our hemlock. ‘You’re here to be punished, not catered to! And your position in life is leagues higher than any other third-born girls is, so what right do you have to complain when three centuries ago, third-born babies were left to the wolves? All you have to do is show respect, allow yourselves to be spoiled and petted-’
‘PETTED?’ I demanded. ‘Is THAT what you call it?!’
Kohén scowled at me. ‘Was kissing me so terrible, Larkin? I didn’t think so! In fact- you moaned my name!’
I flushed hotly. How was THAT fair? Enjoying a first kiss was one thing- but I’d seen images of things we were expected to do and there didn’t seem to be anything pleasant about surrendering every part of my body to the prince’s probing. ‘I would have moaned any other man’s name in that position Kohén Barachiel, for I have been TRAINED to like a pet! Sit! Moan! Roll over… sigh! It doesn’t mean I like it, only that I’ve learned what NOT to say to save myself from being banished!’ I smiled meanly at him when he paled, and advanced. ‘Oh… your highness…’ I softened my voice, pressed a hand to my breast over the book, and closed my eyes in feigned pleasure. ‘Oh yes! Like that!’
‘Larkin, stop!’
‘Yes Kohén…’ I breathed, running my hand down my neck and lips before clutching at the hem of my dress. ‘Kiss me again! Right there… oh…! Yes! Take me! I am yours!’
Kohén’s eyes were neon blue and when he grabbed me by the arm, I thought for sure that he was going to strike me. ‘You are playing a dangerous game with a dangerous man…’ he growled, looking down at my mouth and sneering.
‘With a dangerous child…’ I whispered back. Our lips were so close that I could have bitten him- so I did, nipping at his lower lip gently. ‘And children get bitten by even the best trained fami
ly pets when they handle them roughly!’
Kohén growled and pulled me to him, his lips almost pressed to my own- his eyes staring deeply into and through me while the smelly book between us prevented us from coming together too closely. ‘I have offered to rescue a noble girl,’ he whispered, kissing me softly and making me moan against my own better judgement. ‘If you’re going to act like a mean-hearted whore, then know that in time- I will fuck you like one and pay you for your trouble.’ He pushed me back, wiped at his mouth and then dug into his pocket for something before flicking it at me. The object bounced off my chest and landed on the ground and when I looked down and saw the silver coin at my feet, the pain inside me burned like a brushfire. We were not to be paid for kisses, but doing so with silver was as good as pushing me into a muddy gutter.
I knelt to pick it up, closing my fist around it so hard that the pain was equivalent to holding an ember in my palm. ‘What-’
‘Payment for your mouth and acting skills,’ Kohén groused in a rough voice. ‘You are due it after such a fine performance, even if you are as ugly and pale as a corpse.’
I gasped and reeled back, covering my mouth, and saw that after a moment, Kohén blinked, as though surprised by his own words. His eyes widened with genuine grief and he reached for me.
‘Oh my God! Larkin! I didn’t mean-’
I turned and fled from him, and did not slow to talk to Kelia when she emerged from the doorway with her hand to her chest as Coaxley ran by us with a fire extinguisher.
‘Larkin!’ Her face was wet with tears; her dark eyes round with shock. She reached out and grabbed my wrist and her fingers were a frigid vice. ‘Was it not enough to flirt with Karol during dinner, but now you’re kissing Kohén too?’
My heart flipped over. ‘I didn’t flirt with anybody!’ Karol and me? The thought was sick! He was twenty-nine and I fifteen! ‘And I kissed Kohén because he wanted to practice on me- so he could impress someone else!’
‘Who?!’
I ripped my hand out of Kelia’s grip and practically spat the word. ‘Emmerly! Now get out of my way, I want to be alone!’
Kelia turned so that her voice followed me. ‘Because you can’t bear to see him leave in your jealousy over Emmerly?’
I shook my head and wiped at my eyes and nose as I dashed for the throne room. No, it was because I no longer could bear the thought of staying.
21.
I’d like to say that the other girls responded to Martya’s triumph by following her example and trying to better themselves after her departure, but sadly they did not. Kelia stupidly told them that she’d seen Kohén kiss me, and though I’d begged them to understand that he’d only wanted to practice on me- for Emmerly’s sake, none but Emmerly seemed to believe me.
‘I did ask him to kiss me before he left because he wouldn’t be here for my birthday,’ she said into her reflection in her mirror. ‘And he did say that he would.’ She circled cream into her cheeks and smiled at her reflection. ‘I’m rather touched that he was excited and nervous enough to want practice, or at least I am now that I know that he didn’t enjoy kissing her too much to kiss me.’ She scowled at me briefly. ‘You DIDN’T enjoy it, did you Larkin?’
‘It was like trying not to swallow a live, slimy frog,’ I said, getting a giggle out of Elfin and Lette, and my soul ached for the lie. ‘For your sake I hope he gets more practice before he lays one on you.’
‘I hope not,’ Emmerly disagreed. ‘And he’s probably not that bad, you know. I mean, neither of you had any experience or chemistry, so of course it got a little clumsy.’ She stroked the cream up to her forehead and declared: ‘I’ll show him how to kiss right and after, he’ll be addicted to me. It’s just a shame that thanks to Martya’s bad timing that night, I’ll have to wait until he gets back from Pacifica for our first kiss, and then months until he’s old enough to come to me....’
‘If he still wants one from you by the time he gets back,’ Lette said sourly. ‘And if he learns to dance the traditional Island dances while he is away, I believe it will be my company that he seeks.’
‘Keep dreaming.’
‘I will.’
‘Tell me how that works out for you in July after I’ve had him to myself for a whole month!’
‘How are you gonna manage that?’ Lette demanded. ‘He’s eligible on June 4th- just a few weeks before Larkin joins you.’
‘Pfft. Like she’s competition!’
Groaning, I climbed into my top bunk- exhausted from boxing all afternoon. It didn’t matter how many punches I’d thrown though- I hadn’t managed to feel one bit better about the hurtful things that Kohén had said to me and knew I never would. ‘I can’t believe you guys are arguing over this, honestly.’
‘So you won’t be going for a second kiss?’ Kelia teased from the bunk beside me, and I pegged my pillow at her.
‘No, okay?!’ I didn’t know why Kelia cared so much, but I wanted to kick her in the shins for bringing my kiss with Kohén to everyone else’s attention in the first place. When Maryah had found out, she’d tried to make me explain the moment to everybody in class and when I hadn’t been able to, Elfin had accused me of withholding information that the rest of them- who actually WANTED to be kissed by him- could use. But it was a private matter, and clearly I’d been upset after so why was Kelia torturing me so? ‘Now drop it! I feel sick every time that I think about it!’
‘You’re crazy,’ Lette said as Kelia giggled and tucked her pillow under her head. ‘He’s gorgeous.’
‘That may be true,’ Kelia reached over and switched off her lamp, causing the room to fall into darkness. ‘But we all saw Larkin throw herself at Karol last night so maybe she likes older-’
‘KELIA!’ I thundered. ‘ENOUGH!’
The room went deadly silent for a full minute, and I didn’t know if it was my pounding heart I heard, or Kelia’s beside me.
Lette broke the silence first. ‘Karol was not flirting with Larkin,’ she sniffed. ‘He likes brunettes and redheads- not scrawny blondes.’
‘I agree,’ I muttered. ‘Kelia’s mad for thinking otherwise.’
‘Lette’s mad because she likes Karol,’ Elfin whispered too-loudly, and Emmerly laughed. ‘But I don’t care if they were flirting or not because I want Kohén.’
‘Shut up,’ Lette griped. ‘I don’t like anyone. We’re not allowed to, remember?’’
‘We’re allowed to like Kohén, and he is gorgeous,’ Emmerly admitted, her bed creaking as she climbed into it and covering the sound of Kelia’s sniffles. ‘I really don’t like the thought of not seeing him for two whole months.’
I sat up and stared at the girls, who were all staring somewhere else with identical, wistful expressions on their faces, their faces all a milky pale colour in the moonlight, their eyes all dark hollows- all equal. ‘So are you guys honestly saying that you’re okay with this now? Being a Companion? Getting gold for kisses and everything else?’
Elfin turned my way first. ‘What choice do we have?’
‘I don’t know…’ I mumbled. ‘Try and change things like Martya did? Try and disgust him? Try and at least let him come to you instead of fighting over him…’
‘Now you’re the one who needs to keep dreaming, Duckling.’ Emmerly sniped, getting under her covers. ‘Martya was a fluke and none of us are that smart. The world doesn’t work out like that, not for us.’
‘Well maybe we need a new world,’ I retorted, blood boiling at the insult for the first time ever. ‘One where hearts are won, not bought, and kisses are given to people because they are loved... Doesn’t it strike you as unfair that you’re getting fixed in a few weeks in preparation, only to wait months for him to come back? What if he drops dead before he hits sixteen? You’ll be ruined for no reason!’
‘I’m sure there’s a way to reverse the procedure, if that’s the case,’ Emmerly said, waving her hand. ‘Besides, I stopped fantasising about having children years ago, and your skin tone doesn’t n
eed to be passed along to anyone, duckling so you should get over it too.’
‘They need to reverse this entire procedure so you wouldn’t have to give up anything!’ I argued. ‘This isn’t equality, Emmerly it’s a trap! In an equal society, EVERY girl would get to keep her dreams, her spine AND her kindness.’
‘Are you calling me spineless and unkind?’
‘I’ll call you a lot worse if you call me duckling again!’
But Emmerly laughed. ‘It doesn’t matter what I call you or what world we live in- no one’s ever going to kiss you because they love you, so why don’t you just shut up and be grateful that at least in this one, someone sees you fit to practice on?’
My stomach sucked in to touch my spine, and instead of answering her, I curled onto my side and around Finch’s ball and stared down at the ring on my middle finger, wondering if this was the first time that Kohén would return home without a gift for me.
Wondering what he would have felt for me, had I been born beautiful instead of like a corpse?
*
January 14th, AA643
Dear Jaiya,
I know it must be surprising to hear from me after all of these years, and technically I am not permitted to contact family unless they write to me first. You have not, so I apologize if I am disturbing you, but one of the kinder guards on the staff had his wife find your address for me in the administration, and he will forward this in his name so that I do not get in trouble.
I am writing to tell you many things. Firstly, congratulations on your wedding and secondly, to tell you that I understand why you and mother sought to cut ties with me. You did not see me at the ball for I was not permitted to attend, but I spied you through a window and just wanted to let you know that you looked beautiful and that all of the other Given girls were jealous of your lovely gown, myself included. I wish you a long, happy life with your husband and pray that you and the rest of the family remain safe and healthy. Do you know how they are doing? I get the occasional letter from Finch, but he never mentions mother and father.