Which was weird.
Also, I was weird. Why was I being so weird? This should be a great thing. I should have been beaming and inwardly squealing and yet I was pursing my lips as I thought about my work schedule. We had rehearsal on Friday because one or all of us had stuff going on the rest of the week. “Yeah, Friday after rehearsal works.”
“Good,” he said.
“Great,” I added.
And then we stood there. For the first time, I wasn’t the only one who was struck speechless between the two of us. He was looking around like he was searching for an escape.
I found myself looking around too, hoping one of my friends would sense my SOS and come save me from this awkward silence.
But no. Nope. I was not that fortunate.
Someone picked up my silent distress signal, but it was the wrong friend. Maverick was striding toward us, his shoulders back and his chin held high, his eyes fixed on me.
My mouth went dry and for half a second I thought maybe he’d come over here and demand to know why I’d agreed to go out on a date with Roman when he’d kissed me less than twenty-four hours before.
But no. He didn’t demand anything. He came to a stop beside us and gave Roman that bro nod with a manly ’sup. To which Roman replied with an equally manly lift of his chin and a hey, man.
It was all very manly and very civil.
And I was definitely the only one fighting all-out panic. That squeak of a hi that ruined the manly civility? That was yours truly, being cool as ever.
“What’s going on?” Maverick asked. He was just making chit-chat. Some idle conversation amongst Princess Troupe employees. No big whoop. There was no need to actually inform him of what was going on. And yet Roman responded before I could. “Callie here just agreed to go out with me.”
The air rushed from my lungs as Maverick’s gaze swung around to meet mine.
Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. “Um, I didn’t—I mean—I wasn’t—”
“I’d better get back and help Flynn,” Roman said as he started to back away from this scene of horrors. Almost like he didn’t realize he’d just thrown me to the wolves.
My heart was racing a mile a minute and I couldn’t quite catch my breath. “I can explain,” came out so high-pitched and breathy I almost didn’t recognize my own voice.
“No need.” Maverick’s eyes were closed off. There was no other way to describe it. He was...closed. Shutters were down, curtains were drawn. There might as well have been a neon ‘closed for business’ sign flashing in his pupils.
And it hurt.
I drew in a shaky breath, scrambling to come up with something to say. Anything to say to make him stop looking at me like this. Like he didn’t know me.
It was like we were back to being near strangers all over again. I realized with a jolt that I hadn’t realized just how much he’d changed—just how much he’d opened up around me—until right now.
Until he shut me back out again.
“I was just coming to see if you needed a ride home,” he said. “I know Flynn brought you but if you need a ride, let me know.”
I nodded, my heart caught somewhere between my chest and my throat because...
He wasn’t being a cold jerk. This was the Maverick I’d always known. This was the Maverick the rest of the school always saw. Respectful. Stoic. Unreadable. Unflinching. Strong and unemotional.
But I’d seen more. I knew there was more to him than this. I’d seen the humor and the thoughtfulness, the kid who grew up too quickly and the guy who loved to cook in his grandparents’ cabin.
He went to turn away and I stopped him with a hand on his arm.
He froze at the touch, but he didn’t turn all the way to face me. He just turned his head and waited.
“I’m sorry,” I said. Guilt had me fumbling for words. Why did I feel guilty? I had nothing to feel guilty about. Did I?
“Sorry for going out with Roman or sorry for kissing me?” The question was a direct hit to my solar plexus and it left me speechless. The little smile that tugged at his lips a second later made me want to cry. “Forget it,” he said. “I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that.”
Even now he was being nice to me. “Maverick, wait—”
“No, seriously.” He backed away until my hand fell away from his arm. “I get it. I do. It wasn’t like we had something serious going on. It was just one kiss.”
Just one kiss. I flinched. For him, maybe. For me it was the kiss. My only kiss. My first kiss.
And for him?
The question kept me silent when what I wanted to do was argue that it wasn’t just a kiss, that it had been special. But maybe it hadn’t been special for him. Maybe all kisses were that amazing. Maybe he took girls to the cabin all the time, and maybe I’d been stupid to think that he’d wanted more.
“You should go out with Roman,” he said.
“I should?” I sounded like a moron. Or like some wuss who needed approval. When really, I was just reeling from his statement.
He wanted me to go out with Roman? What did that mean?
“You should,” he said, his voice stronger. “You’ve liked him for years, right?”
I didn’t answer. We both knew I had. I did. It wasn’t like crushes just disappeared overnight, right? And it wasn’t like one kiss with another guy had changed anything.
“You know how I feel,” he continued.
How I feel. Present tense. The words made my belly do a flip and my heart launch into a somersault. I opened my mouth—
“But it’s pretty clear you don’t feel the same,” he said. “So, I guess I just wanted to tell you that...” He cleared his throat and glanced away. “That you don’t owe me anything and you have nothing to feel guilty about. I understand the situation and I won’t be bothering you anymore.” His jaw clenched and then he added, “I’m letting you go.”
“You weren’t—” I stopped because he was already backing away.
But he hadn’t been bothering me. He’d been my friend. A really excellent friend. And he’d made me laugh.
I remembered my drunken sobfest with a wince. And cry, unfortunately.
I wanted to go after him, but I didn’t. Why? I had no idea what to say.
One night’s sleep hadn’t cleared anything up. And Maverick deserved better than a confused girl who played games. He liked me, and he was walking away so I could have a shot with the guy of my dreams.
It would be callous to call him back now and tell him...what? That I didn’t want him to walk away? That I’d liked our kiss?
That would only confuse things more. And one thing I did not need right now was more confusion. The guy I liked had asked me out. I should be celebrating.
Instead, I found myself staring after Maverick as he walked away and never looked back.
He didn’t look back the next day either. At school it was like...well, it was like I’d gone back in time. He wasn’t mean. He never outright ignored me. And yet he didn’t see me. His gaze moved over me. I’d get a nod when I waved on my way past him and his friends.
I shouldn’t be hurt. I mean, I was the one who’d said yes to a date with another guy. He was just moving on, that was all. And probably for the best.
It wasn’t like it could last, right?
“Um, Callie?” Flynn’s voice behind me at my locker made me jump.
“Oh. Hey, Flynn.” I tried for a normal smile. It didn’t feel natural, though, and Flynn was eyeing me with concern.
“Are we back to hiding again?” he asked.
“Um...” I glanced down at myself with a wince. I wasn’t hiding behind a door this time so that was progress. I was hovering behind my open locker door, however, and peering around it like a kid playing hide-and-seek.
Flynn looked from me to where I’d been staring. At Maverick. “Ah,” he said slowly.
“Ah? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Flynn’s smile was wry. “Callie, it’s not exactly a secret that he has a
thing for you.”
My heart gave a harsh thump. “Had a thing,” I said quickly. “He had a thing.” I glanced over at the giant football player and his friends meaningfully. “Clearly he’s moved on.”
One of April and Savannah’s friends was standing so close to Maverick that from here it looked like they were touching. Maybe they were. She was smiling up at him and laughing.
Laughing.
At what? What had he said that was so funny? I’d bet money he hadn’t meant to make her laugh because his lips were a straight line, and his brows were drawn down. There was none of that mischievous boyish humor that I knew to look for. Nope. He was slaring at the poor girl.
The stare-glare was intense, and I...
I was jealous. How crazy was that?
I missed his slares.
“Are you sure about that?” Flynn didn’t look convinced. “That he’s moved on, I mean.”
I nodded. “He told me so himself.”
Flynn looked even less convinced. “He told you he was over you?”
You know how I feel about you.
“No,” I said with a frown. “But he’d said he was letting me go.” I held my breath, bracing for the now-familiar stab of pain that came every time I remembered that moment. Every time I remembered him walking away.
Letting me go. What did that even mean?
I looked down at the ground. Who was I kidding? I knew what it meant. He was giving up. He was tired of waiting. Or maybe he’d kissed me and decided I wasn’t worth waiting for.
The thought had me biting my lip to keep from crying.
That had been happening a lot lately too. I didn’t feel like myself. I couldn’t bring myself to smile and laugh because my brain was overflowing with questions.
Flynn blew out a long breath as he looked from me to Maverick and then back again. “Are you okay with that?”
I shrugged. No. But I wasn’t sure what I wanted, and I wasn’t sure I knew what he wanted. Basically, I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
I turned and stared, but he kept his gaze on the girl at his side.
Which was fine, because if he looked this way, I’d only feel worse. For a while there, he’d look in my direction and he’d see me. I’d felt seen in a way I never had before.
I hadn’t really understood that until this week.
Until he’d stopped.
Fourteen
Maverick
Callie was staring.
I did my best not to look over. I didn’t want to see the hurt in her eyes when I did.
It wasn’t my fault things were weird. I hadn’t done anything wrong.
I’d liked the girl, that was all. And I’d let her know it. I’d tried. For her, I’d tried. And for what?
Maisie’s laughter made me cringe on the inside. I wasn’t entirely sure why this girl was laughing right now. I hadn’t said anything funny and neither had she. Leo grinned at her, though, not at all put out by the fact that she found us all to be hilarious when we weren’t even trying. “See? Maisie’s into it.”
Into what? No idea.
“Yeah, I’ll definitely be there,” she said.
Oh right. This weekend’s party. Leo and April and some of the others had been talking about it, but I’d barely been paying attention. It was hard to feign interest in parties when the girl I liked was watching me from behind her locker.
I glanced over and saw that Flynn had joined her and she was no longer staring at me.
The tension in my shoulders eased somewhat. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act, to be honest. I had no idea what a guy was supposed to do after he’d been rejected.
Was I supposed to be her friend?
On one hand, I wanted that. There was going to be a hole in my life where Callie had been, and I hated the thought of all the light and joy I’d be missing.
But on the other hand, I didn’t want to be her friend. And pretending I was okay with just being friends after I’d kissed her—that didn’t sit well.
Also, I’d let her in.
I mean, I’d literally let her into the cabin that held all my best memories. And also, not literally, I’d let her in. I’d been myself around her, and talked to her, and I’d tried to make her laugh, and—
And nothing. It was over. Time to let her go.
I tore my gaze away from Callie and tried to focus on Maisie who’d just asked me something about football practices.
I gave a little grunt of agreement to whatever she said, and it seemed to suffice. And then she was talking about the upcoming party and I was in the clear. She wouldn’t expect me to say much, and she definitely wouldn’t expect me to make her laugh. There was no way on earth this girl would surprise me by cracking a joke about my name or start crying over my mom’s death.
Nope. There would be no surprises here. Maisie looked at me the same way everyone else in this school did. Like they knew me. Like they could size me up and just know that my strength and size and my skills on the football field were all I had going for me. Maisie was looking at me like she knew what she was getting, and she had no expectations for more.
There was a time when that had been a good thing. If people didn’t have expectations you couldn’t let them down. If people didn’t want to see more, they never got more. They didn’t get past Maverick the football player.
They didn’t get close.
My chest tightened and I focused on my breathing.
This had been happening a lot lately. Ever since I’d walked away from her. Ever since I’d taken Willow’s advice and let her go.
I crossed my arms with a sigh.
I missed her. I could admit it. I missed her so much it hurt. Sometimes it felt like it was killing me. Like maybe a little part of me was dying inside.
You know, not to be melodramatic or anything.
“Maisie, will you excuse us for a moment?” Savannah’s voice cut into Maisie’s chatter and I realized I hadn’t even seen her join us. I’d been so lost in my own thoughts I hadn’t even noticed.
Now it was impossible to ignore Savannah, though, because she was standing directly in front of me with her arms folded and her lips pursed.
“Uh oh.” Leo talked to me over her head with a smirk. “What’d you do to piss off her royal highness this time?”
I ignored him. Savannah did too. She arched her brows like she was waiting for...something.
“What?” I said. “What do you want?”
Her brows arched even higher. “What do I want?”
I stayed silent. That was what I’d asked.
We were getting some stares again, and this time Savannah rolled her eyes and grabbed me by my arm. “Come with me.”
I blindly let her lead. We’d walked a few steps before I realized where she was leading me.
Oh no.
Oh crap.
Callie’s eyes widened in alarm as Savannah and I approached her and Flynn.
“Hey!” Her voice was unnaturally bright. So much so that I caught Flynn’s flinch.
Savannah ignored it. “What are you two talking about over here?”
Callie’s look of alarm increased about ten times over as her lips parted and she looked to Flynn for help.
Well, if I hadn’t been certain before, I was now. They’d been talking about me.
Or Roman.
Or maybe me and Roman.
Maybe she’d told him how I’d kissed her. I looked away, down the hall. Whatever. It wasn’t like it was a big deal. It was just a kiss.
Just a kiss? Right. Let’s go with that.
Flynn came to Callie’s rescue with some bull about how they’d been talking about the fundraiser they were working tomorrow night. It was at the country club and Callie and Willow were on babysitting duty.
That was what they called it when they got dressed up but not to perform, just to keep the kids entertained.
Callie took over, talking a mile a minute about the family who’d hired them and which princess she would be. I wa
s pretty sure no one was really paying attention. I wasn’t sure Callie was even listening to herself. We were all just trying to avoid an awkward silence.
“So, yeah,” Callie finished. She was out of breath and her ‘so yeah’ seemed to be nothing more than a way to end her monologue. She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “I should get to class.”
And then she bolted. She ran away from me just like she’d done countless times before. But that was before.
And I stared after her, kicking myself for ever thinking it was a good idea to take Savannah’s advice in the first place.
Flynn excused himself as well, following in Callie’s wake. I tried to leave too, but Savannah held onto my arm. “Oh no you don’t.”
I tried to shake her off. “No offense, Savannah, but I’m not looking for more advice from you.”
“Why not?”
I scowled down at her. “Because I tried it your way and look where it got me.”
“It’s not over yet,” she said. “You’re giving up without a fight.”
“Without a fight?” I widened my eyes in disbelief. “She doesn’t like me like that, Savannah. She basically said so.”
“Basically, huh?” Her tone was caustic. “How does someone basically say something like that? She either said it or she didn’t.”
I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. “Fine. She didn’t outright say anything. But aside from running away after I’d kissed her, she also said yes to a date with Roman.” I arched my brows in the face of her shock. “That’s how she told me she’s not interested. She didn’t have to say anything.”
Savannah’s lips parted but she just kept staring.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen her speechless before.
She recovered quickly. “You kissed her?”
I turned away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Too late.” Savannah crossed her arms. “You kissed Callie?”
I flinched. I shouldn’t have told her that.
“That’s a big deal,” she said.
“It was just a kiss,” I mumbled.
“It wasn’t just a kiss,” she said. “It was her first kiss.”
Never Have I Ever Land: A Sweet YA Romance (Fall in Love Like a Princess Book 3) Page 10