by Vanda
Throughout the show, she was completely Juliana, the Juliana I’d fallen in love with the very first night I saw her, when Max brought four goofy country kids to their first nightclub.
And, of course, the audience was on their feet at the end, begging for an encore. She sang six more numbers before she left the stage.
I was so proud. I fell in love with her all over again.
When I turned to run to her dressing room, I saw Max leaning against the back wall, talking to Jules Podell, the manager of the Copa.
I walked over to them. “Hello, Jules. Max?”
“She was great,” Jules said. “Tell Richard to give me a call tomorrow. We want to extend her contract. Talk to you later, Max.”
Jules Podell headed toward Juliana’s dressing room, where a line was forming.
“You’re here,” I said to Max.
“I wouldn’t have missed it. You look lovely.”
“I should. You have impeccable taste.”
“I know. I’m sure you’d much rather be wearing a tuxedo, but you don’t make a bad-looking woman.”
“Where have you been? I called everywhere looking for you. This whole thing almost fell apart.”
“I heard. But I knew you could handle whatever came up, and something always comes up on opening night. You didn’t need me to lean on, so I made myself scarce.”
“You mean you disappeared on purpose? You didn’t have some horrible emergency in Wascaloosca?”
“Time to spread your wings, little one. And it looks like you did a damn good job. You’re Juliana’s manager, not Richard. Why don’t you make it official with this extension? Sign the necessary papers, and be done with Richard. Let him be her husband and stay out of it. You don’t need him.”
“But she does. Are you coming to her dressing room to see her?”
“I have a date.” Max looked over at Scott who stood a few feet away in his tuxedo, his overcoat in the bend of his arm. “You ready?” Max asked as Scott drew near.
I watched them put on their overcoats and slip out into the cool night air. I wondered how that was working.
I heard people laughing and talking as I neared Juliana’s dressing room. They were overflowing the doors into the hallway. One of the couples was Marty Buchman and Ruth Goins, his date. He tapped my shoulder as I passed. “You really do this. Manage me, please manage me.”
“We’ll talk after graduation,” I said, with no time to stop.
Flowers, telegrams, and fruit baskets arrived as delivery boys pushed through the crowds to get to her. I squeezed myself into the room past silver fox stoles and mink coats, and the smell of French perfume, too heavily applied onto huge breasts lifting out of gowns many sizes too small, and gloved hands waving programs, and fat-bellied men whose tuxedo jacket buttons were about to pop off, and young men in their Princeton haircuts. The smell of Vitalis mixing with burning cigars and Winstons, Lucky Strikes, and Galoises overpowered the delicate scents of roses and lilies that lined the dressing room.
I listened to the comments. “God, isn’t she gorgeous,” one young man said to his friend. “Give me five minutes alone with her, please God, I’d die a happy man.”
Further down the line a young woman whispered, “How could you? And in public.”
Her young man whispered back, “I couldn’t help it. It went up. I didn’t plan it.”
“For her. What does that mean about us?”
I plowed through the noisy gaggle to where Juliana stood. She glowed while signing programs and chatting, Richard by her side, his arm around her. Every once in awhile they would peck at each other’s lips. The pain in my stomach was in danger of overwhelming me, and I was afraid I would have to leave, but I took a few of Juliana’s yoga deep breaths.
Then I remembered—I did this. She was signing programs because I made that happen. She’s not quite a star yet, but … out of my way, world! I reached into my purse and pulled out my rather tattered program from many years before, and took my place with the others who wagged programs in her face.
I waited while she chatted with these others and while photographers from magazines took pictures of her. She didn’t notice me standing there. I’d become invisible. I heard her say to one reporter, “I owe it all to my husband.” Richard smiled and said, “Well, it was easy with my wife’s talent.”
One photographer asked Juliana to kiss Richard for the camera. As she was about to turn her lips to Richard, her eye caught mine. It was only a second but I saw it. A slight trepidation, perhaps. It was hard to know what she felt in that moment, but as their lips were about to touch, I remembered, I could stop this. I was in charge of her career. I was not that kid still pressed up against her dressing room wall, waiting for the glamorous singer to sign my program. “Hey, that’s all,” I said standing in front of Juliana and Richard. “No more pictures.” I turned to Richard. “Richard, tell them no more.”
“Thanks guys,” he said, moving among them. “No more for now, but come back after the second show.”
“Don’t ever let them take pictures of you two kissing. Not one,” I said to Richard when he got back from escorting the photographers out. “It’s not good for her career. Don’t overemphasize that she’s married. Let guys have their fantasies.”
“Fantasies about my wife? You mean,” he whispered, “sex fantasies?”
“Not only that, but yes. That’s the aura we’ve been creating since we began.”
“I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to like it. This is Juliana’s career, and she’s the type of performer who inspires sex fantasies.”
“Well, thank you, Al,” Juliana said.
I looked away from her. “And we need to use that.”
“Okay.” Richard sighed. “Whatever you think best.”
“Can you get these people out of here? Juliana needs to rest. She’s got another show at twelve.”
“Sure. I’ll move them out,” Richard said, always amenable. I really wanted to hate him, but he made it impossible. He spread his arms out like big wings, guiding people who were still waving programs toward Juliana. “Okay, folks, no more autographs right now. Juliana needs to rest.”
While Richard dealt with the crowd, I, alone, stood in front of Juliana. I suddenly became that scared kid who clung to the wall the first night I met her in person. “Uh … you were good,” I said, lamely, looking down at my program.
“What have you got there?” she asked.
“Oh, this. It’s the program you wouldn’t sign the first night I met you in person. You said you’d sign it when we knew each other better.”
“I remember.”
“I think we know each other pretty well now.”
She smiled and was about to say something when Richard came up to us. “Gals, how about we go upstairs to the lounge and celebrate.”
I stared at him, stepping on my moment with her, my heart sinking down to my feet.
“Uh, Richard, we’ll be along soon,” she said. “Girl talk.”
“Sure. You two girls talk.” He patted me on the shoulder. “Good job.” He brisked out of the room.
Juliana took the program, and dipped her fountain pen into the inkbottle that sat on her dressing table. She kept it poised, her face deep in concentration for what seemed an endless time. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, waiting.
She sighed. “I can’t do this.” She held the program out to me.
“I can’t write words here. Not the ones you want. I can’t do it.” She was really upset.
“It’s okay.” I put my hand on hers. “It’s okay.”
I took back the program. It would remain forever unsigned.
“Will you let me kiss you, instead?” she asked as she slipped over to the door; I heard the click of the lock. She walked back to where I stood and wrapped her arms around me. She lowered her face to mine and kissed me. She kissed me for a very long time.
Chapter 38
“THOSE WOMEN,” I said
to Virginia as we sat down at a corner table in Schrafft’s for cocktails. “Some of those women in the film. They meant us. Didn’t they?”
“Us?” Virginia asked, sliding her gloves off. “Who’s us?”
“Me. Those mean women, prisoners and guards, in the picture. They didn’t say it, but they meant people like how I am, didn’t they?”
I hadn’t had much time to think about any of this while I’d worked on Juliana’s opening, but now, with that done, it all came flooding back. I’d promised to make time for Virginia, so we went to an afternoon movie. Caged Women probably wasn’t the best choice, however.
“Yes.” Virginia sighed. “I suppose that’s what some of those women were. But they weren’t all mean.”
“But the meanest one, the one who tormented that young girl, she was one, wasn’t she?”
“Well, she did have a boyfriend.”
“Lots of us have boyfriends and—husbands to hide behind.”
“I thought the movie was a sensitive portrayal of women in trouble and how prison can make them worse.”
“You know, they asked Bette Davis to be in that picture, but she said she didn’t want to be in any—a dyke movie.”
“That’s plain ignorance,” Virginia said. “It makes me mad that people like that can hurt you. You don’t deserve it.”
“You’re sweet, Virginia, but that’s what people think of us. That we’re mean, and dangerous, and hurt children.”
“They don’t know you.”
“I like having you as a friend. Uh … as a matter of fact—”
“You don’t have to say it. You’d rather be my friend than my—lover.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I’ve been pressuring you about that.”
“It’s okay. You were feeling lost and vulnerable. I understand. It’s—”
“Your heart belongs to Juliana.”
“Well—”
“And my heart belongs to Max. It’s hard to watch him with Scott. Did you know that Scott even cooks?”
“No.”
She laughed, but a few tears appeared in her eyes at the same time. She reached in her purse for a handkerchief.
“Why don’t we order?”
“Yes.” She dabbed at her eyes. “I think I’ll have the Schrafft’s extra-dry martini. I need it.”
I called the waitress over and ordered the Schrafft’s Special Manhattan Cocktail, Rye with Italian Vermouth, for myself, and the Martini for Virginia.
Virginia continued, “I wanted to make myself believe I could take a woman lover. It seemed easier, but …”
“It’s not easier.”
“I guess not with all you’ve been through with Juliana and the ever-present world’s condemnation. I’m glad you’re my friend, too. I don’t think I’ve ever had a truly good woman friend before.”
“Max feels bad, you know. He doesn’t like hurting you.”
“I know. And I’m not going to cry anymore.” She put her handkerchief back in her purse and snapped it shut. “Besides, Moose Mantelli invited me to have dinner with him this Friday at the Oak Room.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Virginia.”
“I’ve heard the rumors about him, but I think they’re exaggerated. He’s always been a perfect gentleman with me. And he likes girls. Oh, don’t look so worried. I can take care of myself. Tell me about you.”
“But, Virginia … Moose Mantelli?”
“For Pete’s sake, let me have a little fun!” she said sharply. “He makes me feel appreciated. I need to have some way of getting over Max.”
“Of course, sorry. It’s not my business.”
“So—tell me about you.”
The drinks arrived, and after Virginia’s revelation, I welcomed them. “Well, there is something I’d like to ask you.”
“Yes?”
“What do you know about Margaritte?”
“Margaritte Zimon?” Virginia asked.
“I guess. I’ve never heard her last name before.”
Virginia took a sip of her martini. “I think that’s her maiden name, if that woman could ever have been a maiden. She’s been married so many times it’s hard to know which name is hers. She flits around from country to country and—”
“I know all that. What do you know about Margaritte and—Juliana?”
“I believe they’re friends, aren’t they?”
“They are, but what kind of friends?”
“You’re asking me if I think Juliana and Margaritte were lovers?”
“No. I know they were once. I’m asking you if they are now.”
Hearing myself say the words out loud was like having a boulder dropping on my chest. Virginia opened her purse, took out her silver cigarette case, and removed an L & M filtered cigarette, her face thoughtful. “Well, I’ve heard the rumors, of course.”
“I don’t want rumors. I want facts.”
“The only ones who can give you those are Margaritte and Juliana. You know how I feel about Juliana. I hate that she’s hurting you. She’s using you. Look at all you’ve done for her. The reviews are stupendous, and she got those reviews because of you.”
“Well, she did have a little something to do with them.”
“Very little. She should spend every waking minute making you feel loved.” She gestured with her cigarette. “She owes you. The least she could do is dump that husband and be with you.”
“I like that idea too, but that’s not going to happen. I’ve grown to accept that Richard’s part of my life. I’d rather not think I’m also sharing her with Margaritte.”
“Or whomever might strike her fancy.”
I took a sip of my drink. “Yeah. So—you don’t know anything specific about Juliana and Margaritte?”
“Juliana is discrete. I’ll give her that.”
“Or faithful to me,” I said, a little too harshly. “Well, except for Richard, of course, but I don’t count him anymore.”
“I heard one rumor I found tantalizing.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s about you.”
“Me?”
“This one is … what’s that expression they use? A humdinger.”
“I can’t imagine what …” My face dropped. “People haven’t found out that I’m …”
“No, honey, not that,” she assured me. “It’s about you and a certain someone’s husband.”
“Someone’s …? No. People think Richard and I …?”
Virginia laughed. “Yes! I first heard it at Mr. Pierre’s Petite Salon when I got my nails done last week.”
“They were really talking about Richard and me?”
“They were talking about it again at the upstairs Copa bar a few nights ago when I went to see her. Of course, I set them straight.
I put my hand on her wrist. “You went.”
“Only because Max asked me to. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you about the rumor.”
“Keep it going.”
“Al, your reputation. You know what people think of women who …”
“Better they think I’m a heterosexual home-wrecker than … that other.”
“I see what you mean, but still.”
“You don’t have to make up stories. Keep them guessing with little hints that it ‘might’ be true, that you ‘might’ know something. What a wonderful way to divert them from the truth.”
Chapter 39
I WALKED INTO Juliana’s dressing room ready to talk to her alone, but when I got there … She sat at the make-up table with her robe only loosely cinched at the waist and her legs crossed, as the robe fell away revealing her thighs. Andy, the popular male impersonator I’d seen at Club 181, sat on the make-up table with her legs propped up on a chair, her tuxedo jacket hanging over its back. Her ruffled white shirt was untucked, with a few of the top buttons undone, the bow tie hung untied around her neck. Juliana laughed as she sat filing her nails. Fili
ng her nails! Why was she doing that?
“Hello,” I said, stiffly. “Nice to see you, Andy. Now go.”
“Al!” Jule exclaimed. “Don’t be rude.”
“You’ve got to get ready.”
“She’s right,” Andy said, taking a puff from the cigarette she held between her thumb and index finger.
I grabbed the cigarette out of her hand. “No smoking around Juliana’s throat.” I stamped it out in the ashtray Juliana had provided for Andy.
“Al, what are you doing?” Juliana asked.
“No, Julie, she’s right. Sorry, Al.” She pulled on her jacket and buttoned those unbuttoned blouse buttons I wondered about.
I stuck the clipboard I held in front of Juliana’s eyes, but I was paying more attention to Andy tucking in her shirt.
“What?” Juliana asked.
“What, what?” I said, watching Andy bend toward the mirror, tying her bow tie.
“The clipboard. In my face. Am I supposed to do something with it?”
“Oh, yeah. Here.” I pointed. “These two songs. I want to switch their order. I think that’ll create a greater punch.”
“Fine. Tell Pete and the orchestra.”
“So, Al,” Andy said, extending her hand. “Good seeing you again.”
I shook her hand, trying to appear as manly as she and failing badly. It was hard to do in a skirt.
Andy went behind Juliana and kissed her on top of the head. “Well, doll, I’ll see you after the show.”
With a wave, she whisked out the door.
“You will not see her after the show,” I said.
“I’ll see whomever I please.”
“Oh? And why have you decided to destroy your career before it’s barely begun?”
“How dare you be rude to a friend of mine.”
“Oh, friend? What kind of friend, Jule? You cannot see her. You’ve got to know that with your fear of being found out.”
“Most people think Andy’s a man.”
“And what if someone figures it out? What happens to you?”
“Andy is an entertainer. An extremely talented one.”
“I know. I caught her act at Club 181.”
“I didn’t think you went to such clubs.”