“So it’s settled,” Jace said. “Check out that ranch Caleb mentioned. The rodeo is in July, so we’ve got time to practice.”
It was tempting. Except leaving this ranch would mean leaving so much more. His memories. What he’d built from scratch. Plus, did he want to be closer to Jade? To see her around, a constant reminder of what he wanted but couldn’t have? He was trying to accept her choice. To be grateful that they’d been there for each other during the fire. But it was a lot easier to be accepting when he didn’t have to worry about running into her.
The truth was, her rejection had hurt like heck. He shown up to make her dinner that night with nothing to go on but the connection he’d felt to her during the fire. It was a strong connection, filled with feelings so deep they seemed impossible after just one night spent surviving together. But during dinner his confidence had grown. He and Jade had laughed together, teased each other, and it felt to him like they fit together in a way he couldn’t remember fitting with anyone. Love had never been easy like that before.
Love? Where did that word come from? He was going way too far. Maybe he’d just been alone too long, to think that what he felt for her was love. But whatever he called the feeling, he couldn’t shake it. That sense that he was incomplete without her at his side.
But at the same time, he wanted what was best for her. She wanted to focus on her career right now, and he wanted her to be happy. So he had to wait, and hope that whatever he was feeling, she’d start to feel it, too. And if she didn’t? Well, he knew about heartache, and putting one foot in front of the other, even when it felt impossible. He’d been doing that for years now.
Aidan brought himself back to the question at hand. “The land I have, the ranch I built means a lot to me. I don’t think I’ll be leaving anytime soon.”
Jace nodded. “We can get attached to our property pretty quick in this business. It’s like the hills and valleys are an extension of ourselves.”
“That’s how I feel.” Aidan swallowed the emotion that rose in his chest. Time for a new subject. “Hey, Jace, you got any rodeo stories you can share?”
The former bull rider grinned. “Maybe a few. How much time you got?”
Aidan settled back on his stump and took a sip of his beer, relieved to have moved on to a lighter topic. “I’ve got all night.” He set his beer down and leaned back, looking up at the stars scattered overhead. Years ago, in school, he’d read a Native American legend that said the sky was like a big bolt of cloth. The stars were holes in that cloth, letting in light from a world beyond. He liked to think of Colby up there, playing in all that beautiful, glimmering light. Maybe he was poking holes in the fabric with a stick, so more light could get through to the people down below. Spreading light, just like he had here on earth. Tears welled up in Aidan’s eyes, and he was glad he was in the shadows. He let go of the sadness, let go of any decisions he had to make and let Jace’s words run over him like water. It was the most relaxed he’d felt in a long, long time.
* * *
“YOU’RE KICKING MY butt today.” Travis stopped on the sidewalk and put his hands to his knees. “Whatever happened to starting a run at a reasonable pace?”
Jade jogged in place while her brother sucked in oxygen. “I didn’t start fast. You’ve just been going out too often. Drinking way too much beer over at the Redwood Inn.”
Travis straightened and started jogging again, and Jade slowed her pace to give him a break. He was her brother after all.
“We can’t all live like nuns.”
“What?” Jade socked her brother in the arm. “I’m not a nun.”
“Really? When’s the last time you had a date?”
“Don’t try to change the subject,” Jade scolded, leaving the sidewalk and cutting across the park. A trail started near downtown Shelter Creek, then ran along the creek for a couple miles or so. It was a nice break from running on pavement. “I know why you’re going to the bar every night. It’s to see Lena Morris. Are you two dating?”
“No.” Travis glared at her. “And it’s none of your business. How about you go and get a life of your own instead?”
“I have a life.” Jade let Travis onto the trail, jumping over the raised root of a redwood tree. “A busy life where I make time to work out every day, and I don’t sit in a bar drinking every night, trying to get someone to notice me.”
“First of all, I’m not there every night. I’m at the fire station most nights. And second, what happened with that rancher who came by the station? The one from the fire. Danny told me all about it.”
“Nothing.” Jade focused on the trail in front of her. It narrowed as it ran along the side of a steep hill. She’d been staying in the present this past week, trying not to think about Aidan. Or the way she’d wished she could talk with him when she saw him in the town square with Maya last weekend. The way she’d wished she belonged with him. She was a mess. All week he’d been on her mind, in her heart, distracting her from her work. All the more reason she shouldn’t date him. She didn’t have time for this level of distraction.
“Why not? He’s a good-looking guy who can hang in there under stress, right? And he obviously likes you or he wouldn’t have shown up that night.”
“He was there because he wanted to thank everyone.” It wasn’t completely true, of course, but if Travis wanted her to mind her own business when it came to dating, than he could do the same.
“Yeah right. Trust me, he wanted to see you again.”
“Whatever. I just want to focus on work right now. I have so much to do. I want to take that captain’s test as soon as I can.”
They pelted down a hill and the trail cut through a flat valley full of dry grass and the tall bleached skeletons of Queen Anne’s Lace. The path was wider here, and Travis sped up so he was running alongside her. “Why are you in such a hurry?”
“I need to get home and do errands,” Jade told him.
“Not on the run. With your career. Why do you have to take that test as soon as possible? I haven’t taken it yet and I’ve been fighting fires longer than you.”
Jade shrugged. “Maybe I have more ambition than you.”
“Or maybe you have more to prove.” Travis glanced over at her. “Come on, Jade. This is all about Dad, isn’t it? You figure if you make captain before me, he’ll give you some kind of stamp of approval.”
“That’s not it!” Jade resisted the urge to shove her brother right off the trail. “I just want to get ahead. More responsibility. A better salary. Plus, Dad said he was sorry and that he’s going to try to be nicer. This has nothing to do with him.”
“Right.” Travis’s flat tone made it clear he didn’t believe her.
She glanced at him over her shoulder. “What are you worried about? That I’ll get promoted ahead of you?”
“I’m worried that you don’t really have a life.” They’d reached the spot where the trail met up with the highway just outside of town. Travis led the way onto the margin of the road so they could head back. “I’m also worried that, despite your big announcement at dinner a couple weeks ago, you’re still letting Dad’s opinions dictate your choices. You still want to prove yourself to him.”
The margin they were running on widened into a turnout. Jade pulled up next to Travis. “Things are different. I’ve accepted that in Dad’s eyes, I’ll never be as good as my brothers. Hopefully he won’t tell me that so often, but I doubt he’s really changed inside. My goal is to let that all go, and live my life the way I want to.”
“Really.” Travis skewered her with a knowing glance. “So what you want is to work all the time, never have fun and give up the chance to get to know a guy who might just be a really good fit for you?”
“It’s not that simple.” Jade swiped at the sweat that was trickling down her forehead. Travis was warmed up now and setting a really fast pace. “He lost a child
a couple years ago. I don’t think he’s relationship material. He’s still very sad about it.”
Travis shoved her on the shoulder, sending her staggering to the side.
“What was that for?” Jade glared at him in sisterly fury. “What are you, ten years old?”
“Are you?” He was laughing at her, totally unrepentant. “How is it that I, a dumb guy, can see what you can’t? Of course the guy’s sad, if he lost a kid. Who wouldn’t be? But maybe he’s ready to be more than sad. With you.”
The turnout ended and they had a gravel margin to run on again. Jade took the lead. “Let’s be done with this conversation.”
“Don’t be so scared, sis. The bottom line is, do you love him?”
She whirled to face him, jogging backward. “How can I love him? I spent an afternoon and a night with him, fighting a fire. I spent an evening with him eating dinner.”
“Turn around before you run right off the road, you goof.”
Jade glared at her brother, but turned around and fell into step beside him. They ran in silence for a moment, the word echoing in Jade’s ears with every footfall. Love. Love. Love. Her heart beat in time to the word, her blood joined in, until her whole body was infused with peace and acceptance, until she confessed, in sullen tones, “Fine. I do love him. But that’s crazy. How can I love him?”
When she glanced at Travis there was a triumphant gleam in his eyes. “I thought so. I don’t know how you can fall for someone so quickly. But here’s the thing. We haven’t exactly been encouraged to have emotions in our family. We were brought up to be tough. Stoic. Goal-oriented. So if you think you love this guy, then you do. We don’t have those kinds of emotions often. So don’t take them lightly.”
“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.” Jade regarded her brother closely. He’d never revealed anything about his love life, but there had been someone a few years after high school...Laney somebody? Jade had been busy with sports and schoolwork then,. She hadn’t really paid attention to what her big brother was up to.
“Call the guy,” Travis said. “And stop overthinking everything. You’ve let Dad take up permanent residence in your head. Kick him out and start living your life.”
Ugh, she hated it when her brother was right.
“I’ll race you back,” Jade called over her shoulder and started sprinting, pushing hard off the pavement, her arms pumping with the rhythm of her gait. She’d never admit it, but she was scared. Terrified, really. She loved Aidan. She was in love with the big, stubborn, sweet rancher who’d been through such hard times. Who had made her laugh and smile even as they fought to survive. The joy of it, and the fear of it, gave wings to Jade’s feet, and soon she’d left her brother far behind.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
AIDAN SAT ON the edge of Colby’s flower bed and rubbed Chip’s ears. The cattle dog endured it for a moment, then flopped down on the charred grass and rolled to expose his belly. “Oh it’s like that, is it?” Aidan scratched the dog’s gray-and-black speckled tummy and looked at what used to be his house. If he closed his eyes, he could remember it. The way the sun used to stream in through the kitchen window in the morning. The way Colby loved to run down the long hallway that connected the kitchen and dining room with the living room.
So much had happened in that house, and now it was ashes. All he had was the photos, his computer, the random artifacts of his life that he’d collected in the few moments he had before the fire.
He looked down at the poppy, flourishing since the fire. It had sent out new stems and those stems had buds. There were four flowers on it, each one a pure, brilliant orange. Aidan traced a petal with his finger. “I miss you, son,” he whispered.
The crunch of wheels on gravel had him looking up. An unfamiliar car stopped in front of the wreckage that had been his house. A silver SUV. Did he know anyone with a car like that?
He should go meet them, but he was unwilling to break the tenuous connection he felt with his son, sitting here on Colby’s old sandbox, with the boy’s favorite flower. A small person got out of the SUV, came around the front and started walking toward him. He’d recognize that purposeful gait anywhere. It was Jade, dressed in jeans, a fitted red T-shirt and hiking boots. He’d never seen her out of uniform. His heart thudded against the walls of his chest as if it was trying to get out and go to her. Rising to his feet, Aidan watched as Chip ran to her, greeting her with a friendly bark and a wildly wagging tail.
“Hey, buddy.” She slowed to pet the dog’s head. “Seems like you’re feeling a lot better.”
He should go to her, but somehow his feet were stuck to the ground, as if the soles of his shoes had melted there.
“Hey, Aidan.” She stopped in front of him, jiggling her keys in her hands. “How are you?”
“I’m good.” The shock that had kept him still faded away and he smiled. “Better now that you’re here.” He gestured to the charred wood at the flower bed’s edge. “Can I offer you a seat?”
She grinned. “Why, thank you.” She sat a ways away from the flower, but gestured to it. “Your survivor here is doing better than ever.”
“It really is.” Aidan sat down and put his elbows on his thighs. “I’m glad you dropped by. How have you been?”
She shrugged. “Busy. Thinking a lot. How about you?”
He was stuck on that word thinking but kept his cool. “I’m okay. Thinking a lot, too, actually.” Though it was hard to think with her so near. He wished things were different. That he could reach out and wrap his arms around her, and feel the way she fit, so small but just right, against him.
She drew her knees in and angled herself to better face him. “Thinking about what?” He was tempted to say the weather or rebuilding or something mundane. But Jade brought out the truth in him. He couldn’t hide under her direct gaze. “I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about the night Colby died.”
Her lips pursed in a sympathetic expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I think I do, if that’s okay.” He wanted her to understand why he’d come to the decision that had surprised him so much.
“Okay, I’m here.” She wrapped her arms around her knees, as if settling in to listen.
“I keep thinking about how fast Colby’s fever spiked that night. He didn’t even seem that sick, you know? Just a low fever, and he still wanted to play and be silly with me. Then all of a sudden he got so tired, and I felt his forehead and I knew something had gone really wrong.”
He reached for Chip, who’d lain down between them, and ran a hand down the dog’s back. “Sheila, my wife at the time, was down in San Francisco that night. She’d been spending more and more time there, doing research to start her own graphic design firm. I found out later that she’d been having an affair with a former colleague of ours. He’s the guy she’s married to now.”
Jade reached for him then and put her small hand on his. “I’m so sorry.”
Aidan shrugged. “I’d talked her into living up here. She hated it. I was oblivious to the fact that she was starting to hate me, too. But the result was that I was on my own that night, trying to get to the hospital. Colby was buckled into his car seat in the back and I just drove those miles as fast as I could, like I knew, on some level, that death was on our heels. When he got quiet, in the back, I assumed he’d fallen asleep.”
He paused, trying to breathe as the old familiar panic closed in. “Later at the hospital they told me it was the flu. That his immune system had overreacted to it...” He trailed off, overwhelmed, yet again, by the horrible trick of nature that had caused his son’s body to fight itself that way.
“Aidan, I’ve seen this happen. I’ve been on emergency calls when kids get sick like that. Even if you’d called paramedics to meet you on that road, I’m not sure there’s much they could have done. They wouldn’t have been ab
le to diagnose what was wrong. They would have hydrated him a little, but what they have to offer in an ambulance...” Jade’s voice trailed off, and she watched him carefully as if she were worried he might break.
“I wish I’d called anyway. I’ve been blaming myself ever since. I should have lived closer to a hospital. I should have pulled over and checked on him. I should have called 911. But sitting out here these past few weeks, on this empty land, I’ve realized that even if I am to blame, Colby wouldn’t want me to spend my life feeling terrible. He was the most joyful kid. He’d want me to be happy, too.”
Jade nodded, her hand still light and cool on his arm. “I didn’t know him, but I agree. I can’t imagine he’d want to see you suffer like you have.”
Aidan nodded and looked down at the poppy. “I’ve decided to let this place go. I don’t want to be in a prison of memories and regret anymore. I’ve loved this land, I always will. But I want to make a new start somewhere else.”
Jade stared at him, her eyes wide. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” He was. The certainty had settled bone-deep. Maybe it was spending time with her at the firehouse. Or the evening he’d spent hanging out with Caleb, Liam and Jace. Or because all he had left here was a barn and a sheep shed. Whatever the reason, he was ready to come down from this ridge and join the world again.
“Where are you going to go?” Jade smiled gently. “I’m sure wherever it is, it has to accommodate a whole lot of sheep.”
“You know I love my sheep,” Aidan grinned back. “Caleb and Maya keep telling me about this ranch just south of Shelter Creek. But I don’t want to crowd you.”
Her smile grew wider, but her eyes went shy. “I’d like it if you were closer to me. I came here to tell you—well, to ask you—if you’d still like to go on that date some time.”
He gaped at her, unable to contain the enthusiasm in his voice. “Are you sure?”
Rescuing the Rancher Page 21