by Megan Hart
With the door open, the garage filled with light. Tobin stepped inside, Elanna right behind him. Dust motes danced in the sunshine. She sneezed.
“Phew,” she said, waving her hand in front of her face. “Nobody’s been in here for a really long time.”
Tobin moved alongside the car, reaching out to touch it. His hands were shaking. It seemed unreal. He’d hoped they might find some bicycles somewhere, but he’d never dreamed about finding a car. Though he’d passed dozens of them on his way to the city, it hadn’t occurred to him that the people who’d owned this house might have had one.
The vehicle was small, much smaller than the gatherer’s trucks. Its rounded roof and hood made it seem vaguely insectile. It had a door on each side and a small trunk. Dust coated the windows, obscuring the interior. It was probably destroyed inside, he thought, not daring to hope for more. They could sit on bare metal if they had to. More important was if the engine still worked.
“It probably won’t run,” he said, not wanting to raise her hopes. Or his.
Elanna blew out an exasperated gust of air. “You never know until you try.”
“You always look for the best, don’t you?”
A shadow crossed her face as she leaned forward to kiss him lightly. “Toby, there’s really nothing else to look for.”
“You know I have no idea how to work this. Or to drive it.”
“I know,” she said, and kissed him again.
The kiss grew deeper. When he found himself pushing her up against the car, he pulled away. Elanna didn’t protest, but her eyes flickered with disappointment.
“Let’s look under the hood,” he said.
It took him several minutes to figure out how to release the catch. Once he triggered it, the hood popped up so suddenly it whacked him in the face. Bright pain flared and he stumbled back, muttering curses.
“Are you all right?” Elanna asked, her voice concerned. She sighed when he nodded, holding his nose. He moved his hand so she could look at the injury. “Let me see. Not even bleeding. Be more careful, honey.”
His heart thudded at the endearment. The pain in his nose and cheek faded as he watched her poke around underneath the hood. She called him “honey.” He felt the goofy grin spreading across his face and didn’t even try to stop it.
“Here’s the battery,” Elanna said, pointing. “It doesn’t look too good.”
The battery cables were green and crusted. Tobin found a rag on one of the shelves along the wall and cleaned away the crud from the terminals, but it was clear that this battery was dead. All the fluid had leaked out through a huge crack in the casing.
He shrugged away his disappointment. “It was a good try, anyway.”
Elanna wasn’t satisfied. “There have to be more batteries.”
“Think so?” He sounded more skeptical than he’d intended.
She looked at him strangely. “Well, yeah. If these people had a car, they’d certainly have extra batteries to run it. Something like a car takes a lot of juice. Even to go on a short trip would use up a lot of power. I’m sure they have extras here somewhere, and if they haven’t been activated yet they’ll still work.”
He stared at her. She was right, of course. He might have thought of it, but then again, probably not. She knew a lot more about batteries and things than he did. “You’re so smart.”
She seemed surprised. “Me? No.”
He gestured around the garage. “Yes, you. You’re right. I bet they do have more batteries. You thought of it, not me.”
“Nobody ever called me smart before,” Elanna said. “I’ve had a lot of compliments, but not about that.”
He went to her and took her hands. He wanted to kiss away the calluses that had sprouted there, when once her hands had been smooth and fine. “Well, I’m saying it now.”
She hugged him, hard. “Thank you, Toby.”
They stayed that way for a while. He knew they should get moving, but for now just holding her and smelling her hair was enough. Her head came to just under his chin and she fit perfectly into the circle of his arms.
“Should we look?” she said finally, tilting her face to look at him. “We’ll need time to pack before we go.”
The garage was dirty with age, but well-organized. It only took a few minutes to find the boxes labeled “car batteries.” Elanna let out a squeal of delight when he pulled them off the shelf. They tore open the brittle cardboard and found two rows of five batteries each. Those, along with the other, half-filled box, made fifteen batteries all together.
“I don’t know how far they’ll get us,” Tobin said. “But it’s better than walking!”
Elanna whooped, doing a little dance that stirred up the dust until they both began sneezing like maniacs. Laughing, they fled the dirty garage to the sunshine outside, holding hands. Her kisses were so sweet, Tobin thought as she gave him one and then sneezed, still laughing. Dirt had smudged her cheeks.
“You’re so beautiful,” he told her, and meant it.
“Beautiful, smart,” she said with a low curtsey. “Aren’t you lucky to have found me?”
“Modest, too,” Tobin said, teasing her. She swatted at him, and he caught her hand. “Yes, Elanna. I’d say I’m lucky.”
“Me too,” she said, becoming serious. “Thanks for taking me away, Tobin. Thank you for being my friend.”
He couldn’t find the words to say what she made him feel. He didn’t have enough experience talking. He’d spent too much time alone. He struggled, trying to force his mouth and tongue to shape the words he knew would come, if only he tried hard enough.
She watched his silence for a moment, disappointment flickering in her lovely gray eyes. “I’ll go inside and start gathering some things to take.”
He watched her go, his stomach sinking. She’d called him a friend. Was that all she was to him? He was an imbecile. The library in Eastport had an entire section of books with muscled, bare-chested men and half-naked women with flowing hair on the covers. People in those books fought a lot, and they pretended they didn’t love each other when they really did, but they never were just “friends.”
“I’ll work on the car!” he called after her. Fists clenched, he knew his words meant nothing. They were too late. And not right.
She disappeared into the house. He wanted to run after her, take her to the bedroom, and…and what? Jeopardize the baby she carried just to ease his own lust? Tobin slammed his fist into his thigh. With nothing else to do, he went into the garage to try and figure how to start the car.
-*-
By midafternoon, Tobin had figured out how to start the car, and Elanna had finished packing up them. Boxes and bags and suitcases bulging with items littered the front lawn, waiting to be shoved into the trunk and back seat.
“Did you leave anything here at all?” Tobin asked her, drinking some of the water she’d poured for him.
He looked good sweaty, she thought as she answered. “Not much.”
He cast a skeptical eye at the piles she’d made. “Do you think we can fit all this in the car with us?”
“All we can do is try. It would be silly to leave it behind. We don’t know if we’ll find more. I packed clothes, food, some utensils and pots and pans. Some jugs of water from the cistern. Candles and matches, and I hope they still light because the lantern batteries won’t last forever. Blankets and pillows, because I’m not sleeping on the hard ground without them.”
Now his skepticism turned to admiration. “You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?”
“I tried.” She thought of all the things still in drawers and closets and cabinets. She didn’t want to leave any of it behind. They represented a wealth she’d never really known, despite the Tribe’s storerooms. Practically, though, she knew their space was limited. Not all of it could come with them.
She didn’t tell him what she’d found in the back hall closet, though she’d already tucked a box full of her discoveries in the car. She thought of the
people on the bed, and the photos of them around the house. Pictures of just the two of them. In some they were younger and in many they were older, but in every photo there was still only the two. No third, no child. They’d never had a baby to wear the tiny dresses and socks she’d found tucked away so carefully. No baby to play with the stuffed toys that had been wrapped in plastic to prevent mold.
Elanna rubbed her stomach. Hope had made the people of that house save and protect those things, and hope was something she knew about. Her baby would wear the clothes and play with the toys, and when she held it in her arms for the first time, she’d send thanks to the people of this house for leaving behind what her baby needed.
Tobin looked at the sun, which had already moved more than halfway across the sky, then wiped his face with the edge of his t-shirt. “It’s getting warmer.”
She looked at the sun too, squinting against the brightness. The sun hadn’t seemed to shine so brightly in the city, where almost every view was blocked by buildings. “I’m glad. I hate the cold.”
“I always liked the winter,” Tobin said. “We didn’t have to work so hard. Old Pa would light the fires in the stove, and that kept the little house warm. At night I’d dive down under the pile of quilts Old Ma made, and I’d listen to them talk until I fell asleep. Everything seemed clearer in the winter. The stars seemed brighter. The water seemed fresher. It was cold, but inside, together, we were warm.”
She thought of the times smoke from the furnaces belched through the heating ducts, making everything stink and everyone’s eyes burn. Depending on what the Gatherers had found to burn, sometimes the smoke would reek for days, or even weeks. Heat was precious in the Tribe, and blankets few. Meals in the winter were sparse. Tempers were high. She made appointments just to have a warm body to lie next to, at least for a few hours.
“You were lucky,” she said.
He looked at her with surprise. “I guess I was. I’d never really thought about it before. We didn’t have much, you know. Not like you did.”
“But you had each other,” Elanna said. It was more than she’d ever had. She envied him. “Candy and pretty things aren’t family, Toby.”
“No,” he said, touching her cheek gently. “They’re not.”
Tears in the bright sunlight seemed stupid, and she fought them back. “Are you hungry? I made lunch.”
To her surprise, he pulled her into his arms. His kiss was long and sweet, but she sensed an undercurrent of passion in it. Although she wanted to, she didn’t respond to it. It would only make him draw away. She took the kiss for what it was, letting him hold her against him. It was better than no kiss at all.
“Thank you,” Tobin said, squeezing her. “For coming with me.”
“You’re welcome,” Elanna replied, glad to be here, standing with him in the sun. It felt good on her face and arms, though she’d have to go in soon. Her skin wasn’t brown like Tobin’s. She would burn.
“And I am hungry,” he said, rubbing his stomach. “Let’s eat some lunch. And then we can get on the road?”
She nodded, excitement twanging her at the thought of setting off again, this time in luxury. She’d never been in a car before, and though she’d seen the Gatherer’s trucks several times, she’d never ridden in one.
Lunch was hurried. Pasta from a plastic package and some canned fruit they couldn’t really identify, since the label had faded away. Sitting at the small kitchen table both of them ate quickly, eager to fill their bellies and get on the road.
Now that the car was running and they had supplies, the trip seemed more like an adventure than a nightmare. Elanna forced herself to eat a few more bites of undercooked noodles and drink a full glass of water. She had to start making sure she got enough nutrition, no matter how unappetizing the meal may be. She needed her strength.
“I just want to wash up and change my clothes,” she said. “These are pretty filthy. Yours are too.”
Tobin looked down at the dirt smudged into his clothes, then turned his hands over to look at the grime crusting his knuckles. “I guess you’re right. Who knows the next time we’ll get to take a bath?”
She snorted. “It’s better than nothing, but I don’t really consider it taking a bath. Cold water and that tiny tub…”
He grinned, and her stomach flip-flopped. “You’re spoiled.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
His smiled broadened. For one delirious moment she thought he might kiss her, but at the last minute he pulled away. She ducked her head, not wanting him to see how badly she’d wanted his kiss.
“You want to go first?” Tobin asked.
She looked around the kitchen, at the dishes and the pot they’d used to cook the pasta. She couldn’t leave it like this. Even though they’d never be back, and even though nobody else might ever come through, the house was clean when they found it. The people in the bed upstairs had kept it that way, right up until the time they died. It wouldn’t be right to leave things a mess.
“You go ahead,” she said. “I’ll clean up here. And I want to make one last run through the house, just to make sure --”
“That you got everything?” Tobin reached out to push the hank of her braid over her shoulder. “Sure. I’ll go. Can you grab me some clean clothes, or did you pack them all?”
She twisted her mouth at him, and he backed away in mock fear. “No, Mr. Smarty. I didn’t pack everything. I’ll get you some things from upstairs.”
He went into the bathroom and she heard him turning the pump wheel, then the sound of water gushing. It only took her a few minutes to clean the kitchen, since all she did was throw the leftover food into the yard outside and put the dishes into the sink. The water from the bathroom stopped, and she heard splashing.
Like a little boy, she thought with a smile as she went upstairs. She wondered if they’d ever find a place where she could have a hot bath again. Then she thought that she didn’t really care, because having a baby to raise as her own more than made up for cold water.
She pulled some clean clothes from the dresser, guessing at the sizes. She tugged a fresh pair of pants off a hanger for herself and fingered the waistband. Time had eaten away the elastic so that the waist no longer sprang back when tugged. She’d have to use a belt, but in just a few months she’d be grateful for the looseness.
She was lucky that the woman who’d lived here was bigger than she was. All the clothes in the closet and drawer would fit her well enough as she grew. Until the very end, she thought with a smile, remembering how big she’d grown with most of her babies. She’d deal with that when the time came.
As she pulled a t-shirt for herself from one of the drawers, Elanna caught sight of herself in the mirror over the dresser. Putting down the clothes she planned to take for Tobin and herself, she studied her image. Mirrors weren’t common in the Tribe. Vanity wasn’t encouraged. Besides, she knew what she looked like. Now, though, seeing herself in the spangled light coming through the window, Elanna thought about the changes her body would go through over the next few months.
She pulled her shirt over her head and cupped her breasts in her hands for one moment. The nipples peaked against her palms with a familiar ache that she knew would go away in a few weeks. Smoothing her hands down over her stomach, she touched the lines Tobin had said were beautiful. She pulled her pants off, stepping out of them to see the rest of her. Her hips were wide, and that was fine, because hopemothers with narrow hips had a terrible time giving birth. Her legs were strong from all the walking she’d done over the past three weeks, and the wound on her calf had healed.
But was she beautiful? She studied the length of her dark auburn hair in its thick braid. Her face was not thin or fat; her nose not large or small. Her eyes, she was surprised to see as she peered closer, were not blue, as she’d been so often told. They were gray. Her skin was beginning to freckle from the sun.
Was that beauty? She’d never cared before. It hadn’t ever mattered before. Even the ugl
iest hopemothers got appointments.
Now, though, she wanted to be lovely. For Tobin. Elanna turned sideways to look at her stomach. It was still relatively flat, but not for long. She’d start to show soon, as she always did. Earlier and earlier with each pregnancy, it seemed, though taking the weight off after the baby came had never been as hard for her as it had been for some.
She couldn’t stop the smile that curved her lips. This pregnancy would be different. She could tell already. Aching breasts, growing belly, swollen feet and ankles and having to pee every five minutes…she would relish each and every moment that she carried this child. Even the labor pains would be more joy than hurt, because they’d be bringing her child into the world.
She hugged herself briefly, trying to force away the worries about the upcoming months. Nothing would be the same this time. She’d always been in a safe place before, with enough food and drink, enough time to rest and care for herself. She’d always been pampered before. She’d had the other hopemothers to attend her when her time came, just as she was there for the others when it was their turn.