by Vina Fenty
"And you still eat mine!" I accused, smiling.
I knew she liked food almost as much as she loved sneaking around.
"It's never enough," she said, laughing, and I joined her.
We became quiet at once, each thinking a different thing. Much later, she said, "so, did you find something to eat?"
"Lots, I can barely breathe right now."
"Now, who's the glutton?"
I laughed again as she turned to face me finally. I studied her beautiful face and noted her spectacular features. Long thick eyelashes, full plumb lips, bushy eyebrows. She was pretty much very hairy, and I found out that I liked it. She was the most beautiful girl ever, but she either didn't realize it or didn't care a bit about it.
"Can I touch your hair?" I asked faintly.
She didn't say a word, just turned her back to me and pushed her head towards me. I ran my hands through her cornrows, and I fell in love with the feel of it.
"Can I do your hair this Sunday? That's if I can lay my hands on you," I said softly.
She giggled and turned around to face me once more as she replied, "sure, but hope you know how to, I already look bad enough, don't make me uglier."
I smiled as I crossed my heart. I added, "I have watched others do it, I am a fast learner, plus you should ask all my dolls about me. All of them are grateful for the good hairstyles on their heads."
She burst into laughter as she tried to imagine it.
"Well, I could make yours too, so it's even. You have a deal, ma'am."
She said, stretching her hand to me for a shake. I took her soft hand in mine as I giggled uncontrollably. She was just so dramatic.
"Goodnight," she whispered later as we both drifted off to sleep.
*********
Present Day
"Sorry, ma'am," a voice said, pulling me out of my past into the present, "she asked for you to come inside and get it yourself."
Was she serious? She'd just told me that she could never forgive me. I had left her office crying, and she wanted a repeat performance. I was exhausted and didn't think I could go through any more emotions at this point. I thought of leaving for my house without the food flask, but I wondered what else I could bring her food with the next day.
I chided myself for that thought, what if she hadn't even eaten this one?
"Please tell her I don't think it's such a good idea. I just need the food flask."
Miss Avery traipsed back into her boss's office, and a few minutes later came back out clearly exasperated.
"She said as your boss, she demands your presence immediately."
I was not surprised, Tejiri had always been one to lead. She wasn't bossy, though, but she was just a charismatic person that people naturally wanted to obey, and I was surely in that pool of people. I looked at the P.A, gently praying for her understanding as I entered Tejiri's office for the second time.
She was resting her head on the mahogany table that ran through half of the office. Her shoulders were slumped in tiredness. There were stacks of papers scattered all over the counter. As I noted all these, my first instinct was to run to her and stroke her back, massage her shoulders, just touch her, hug her. Anything to relieve the stress, but I couldn't do any of that, could I?
She didn't raise her head for a few minutes even though she'd heard me come in. Finally, she sat up.
The next thing I say comes out unexpectedly, "are you going to fire me?"
"What! Why did you think I bought this company? You know what, it doesn't matter; just know I meant it when I said no one is losing their jobs."
I relaxed a little as I took more steps to stand directly in front of her table.
"Sit down, Amara, you're not a soldier," she said sarcastically.
I sat down with a smile, noting that she sounded just a little like the Tejiri I knew.
"I like it when you boss me around 'boss'"
I said, emphasizing the 'boss.' She watched me like I had grown two heads.
"I never figured you for a chicken Amara. How could you be too scared to face me? Guilty much?"
I swallowed as I tried to gauge her mood. She didn't sound too dangerous, or was she just too tired.
"I am tired of crying for today, Wolf," I said weakly.
Her eyes changed at the mention of my name for her. I saw all the emotions running through her eyes, it was even more beautiful because she didn't try to hide it from me.
"Don't call me that. You lost all rights to call me that when you broke all your promises to me,"
She said, rubbing her temple furiously.
"That name is mine, and I will use it whenever I like."
She ignored my outburst as she bent to pick up the bag from under her table.
"Thank you, it helped since I was too busy to even go out to get lunch," she said simply.
With a beating heart, I pulled out the food flask and shook it. I wasn't satisfied, so I opened the entire layers one after the other. It was clean in the typical fashion that only Tejiri could eat. I smiled so broadly that it felt like my face would split in two.
She watched my reaction without any emotion.
"Thanks," I said, still wearing my smile.
I didn't know how much I had needed that assurance. At least now I knew for sure that one thing was the same, and suddenly all was right in the world. Whatever Tejiri and I were going through, it would be okay as long as she ate my food.
"I have never seen someone celebrate a clean plate like that," she said, chuckling, and the sound did things to my insides that were humanly impossible. How could she still have these effects on me?
"Do you need help with your back, maybe a massage?" I asked, hopefully.
I knew the answer she would give, but I couldn't help being disappointed when it came. Her rejection of me hurt like hell.
I stood up to leave just then. I didn't feel so good all of a sudden. I figured that maybe she needed a little space from me.
"Amara!" she called after me as I turned the doorknob.
I stopped and turned around to face her.
"I really do appreciate the gesture and good night. Say me well to your husband."
I slammed the door so hard that I was sure it would need repair. She just had to go and add the husband part.
I hated the word so much. I hated when people referred to Sam as my husband, it just had a way of bringing me into my reality. I hated to face that reality. Two years, and I still couldn't bring myself to accept that I was married to him.
Hearing the word from Tejiri for the second time had brought me to a boiling point and no other person to take out my frustrations on than the very cause of all of my problems, Sam.
On getting home, I did not reply to his greeting. I stormed upstairs to my room, and I refused to answer when he knocked on my door. He soon went away, and I went to sleep without taking off my work clothes.
***
FGC Asaba, 2004.
I woke up one of those mornings, and when Wolf got down, I jumped down too. When she grabbed a bucket of water to go bath, I was behind her with my own bucket and shower bag. She didn't say a word to me, just carried on like I wasn't there.
She didn't try entering the bathrooms, she just stopped at the pavement lining the back of the hostels, took off her towel and started to bathe. I looked around in shock.
"What if someone sees you?" I asked incredulously.
Wolf was thirteen years of age at this point, and she had fast growth. She'd already grown little breasts, and I was sure she had started her period, so I was surprised to see that she had no shame about her nudity.
I eyed her body shyly, knowing that the dark could hide my admiration of her.
"Stop looking at me like that, you are making me shy," she said as she bent down to wash her privates.
I looked around once more before joining her in the madness of bathing in the open.
To be fair, it did feel good to bathe like this. The smell and stench from the bathrooms wa
sn't something I enjoyed every morning.
We finished with our bath and went back to the hostel to dress up.
Once we were done, she started to walk away, but I ran after her and said, "Please, Tejiri, take me with you."
She stood there and thought about it for a while before saying, "okay, but you have to promise to be smart, quiet, and please, keep your questions till we at least get to a safe place."
I nodded eagerly, smiling at the fact that I was finally going to know Wolf's lair. She walked briskly, and I followed in her steps, trying to make as little noise as possible.
We passed through the vast field we used for sports and walked towards the sickbay. At the back of the sickbay was a building close to the school fence. It was the last building in that lane, and it looked dilapidated. I could see it had a large classroom with most of the windows opened and hanging by their hinges.
"This place?" I asked, thinking that it was horrible.
Wolf ignored me and walked to the back of the building where a bad classroom desk stood. She climbed the desk which she had used a stone to stabilize, then she pulled a window open, and in one smooth leap, she was on the other side.
She beckoned to me, and I followed her lead. I climbed the desk but couldn't bring myself to haul my weight over the window. She laughed hard before holding my hands and helping me over.
She released me, and I smothered my hands down my house wear. It was dark inside the room, but I heard Wolf moving around before a light finally came on.
Plugged to the wall was a rechargeable radio, which also had a cassette player. It also had the torchlight that we were now using.
I looked around to take in the room. The room was small, and it must have been an office before because it still had a desk and a leather chair that looked really worn out. It had a door that led to the classroom, but the door looked sealed.
"I used a padlock to lock it from the outside," Wolf said, following my gaze.
The room had a bed and a pillow at one side, a stack of books and textbooks at another.
"I read a lot," she said again, following my gaze before continuing, "and nobody knows about this place. For all they know, it had been locked by the management. Although I can't say the same for the other class, it's a sort of rendezvous place for the seniors, I have heard things that I wish I hadn't, come from that room. The things those seniors do at night!"
She scrunched her face dramatically as she looked towards the door. I was curious to know what things she had heard as my interest became piqued.
"What things?"
"You know, kissing and touching each other and stuff."
I blushed furiously as I thought about it. I pretty much knew where babies came from at this time.
"So this is where you spend all your free time. Nice," I said, changing the topic before plunging on her well-made bed.
"I have another spot in the orchards, but that is for evenings only. Nothing beats lying under a tree, reading a James Hardley chase."
She went towards the cassette player and fidgeted with a cassette, and soon 2face's 'African Queen' was playing. She turned down the volume before coming to sit on the bed.
"Where did you get all this stuff?" I asked as I realized that it was weird that she had all these random things, and most were contrabands.
"Many seniors who graduate do not bother to take their mattresses with them. The cassette player is mine from home, smuggled into school. You don't want to know how that was possible. The other stuff is just random."
We became quiet as I looked around once more.
"So, if you were here alone, what would you be doing now?" I asked, breaking the silence.
She shrugged as she curled up on the bed, which was the standard bunk sized bed. She tried to avoid touching me.
"Sometimes, I just lie here and go to sleep until the bell for breakfast is rung. Other times I write in my diary or read. Depends."
"What do you want to do now?" I asked again, looking into her face.
She looked back at me and said, "I just want to sleep, it's still pretty early."
"Okay," I said, moving into the end of the bed for her to sleep comfortably.
Once she did, we were close and touching. My little heart thumped wildly in my chest for reasons I couldn't explain at this point.
All I could deduce from my accelerated heartbeat was that I liked Wolf sleeping close to me. She soon fell asleep, and I stayed watching her beautiful face. She looked peaceful, beautiful, and vulnerable. I couldn't imagine that this innocent looking girl could cause so much trouble for the seniors.
I thought about our friendship and how it didn't feel like what two girls would initially have. Best friends didn't feel this way about each other. I knew this because I have had a best friend at every single point in my life.
Also, my relationship with the other girls who were eager to befriend me was different. They didn't make me shy, blush, or make my heart beat faster.
It struck me as odd that I would feel this strangely towards, Wolf. I always assumed this was how it felt with the opposite sex falling for each other. The oddity of it all was appalling, and the more I tried to comprehend Wolf and me, the more it became complicated.
CHAPTER FIVE
I woke up with a start and looked around before sitting up. I was still in my work clothes, and I tried to remember the events that had led me to sleep in my work clothes. Tejiri! Of course, this abnormality would have everything to do with Tejiri. I checked the time and cursed. I was up way early, even earlier than my alarm. I turned off the alarm and got out of bed. I took off my clothes as I stood in front of the mirror naked. I wanted to see how I looked, but I couldn't bring myself to, I was afraid of what I would conclude. I turned away from the mirror and grabbed a dressing gown before running downstairs to the kitchen.
I did the dishes in the sink, cleaned the house as much as I could, and once I was done, I started with the Spaghetti I had in mind to cook, Spaghetti, and shredded beef with the usual fresh juice to go. I was done in no time, and as I packed the food into the different packages for both Sam and Tejiri, I heard his footsteps coming down the stairs.
"What is the matter, Amara? Why are you acting weirder than usual, cooking exotic meals in the mornings, and what not?" he said, gesticulating wildly.
I turned to greet him, but as he made for kissing, I moved my head, and his kiss fell on my cheek. The pain flitted across his face, but I ignored it.
"I just developed an unusual appetite, and I am sorry about yesterday, I was bummed from work."
"Are you pregnant?" he asked hopefully, but it's so absurd that I want to shake him till his teeth rattled.
Pregnant? Was he slow or what. We hadn't even had sex up to five times since we got married. I think it had been just three times, and I had been summoned by my parents, had a meeting with the church priest, and taken to counseling before those had even happened.
It wasn't by the number of times I knew, but Sam and I hadn't even hugged each other for months now. Did he think sperm flew in the air?
"I am not pregnant," I said exasperated, and for some unknown reason, another round of disappointment went through his face.
"Amara, we need to talk. This is not a marriage."
"Then leave!" I said harshly under my breath, but he had heard me.
The anger I saw in his eyes frightened me. I had never been scared of Sam. I knew that he would never hurt me. He was the model husband, patient, kind, soft-hearted, loving, and every other good thing, but he was just stupid and naive. Stupid for getting married to me and naive for believing people who told him I would come to love him with time. I had expressly warned him that I could never love him.
"My parents did not have a broken marriage, neither did yours. No one in my family has a broken marriage, and I wouldn't be the first. We will make this work, and I will die before I let you go."
The cold crept into my spine on hearing that last part. I had never heard him speak th
is way, and for the first time since I met Sam, I was scared of him.
I didn't show my fear, but if Sam said he would never let me go, he meant it. I grabbed his food and walked past him to the dining table, and he followed, his eyes running down my body and assuming a lustful glow.
He came behind me and hugged me, my first instinct was to run into the hills screaming, but I turned around to face him.
"Amara, please. Why do you punish me this way? What did I ever do to deserve this treatment? I am your husband. I took your virginity."
I scoffed at the last part. 'Virginity indeed', Like I ever had the chance to keep my virginity. I wanted to tell him that what he took was my Hymen and not my virginity. I remembered my first lover, alright, and it wasn't anywhere close to him.
"Sam, don't start. I don't want to be late for work." I said, turning around to push him off me gently.
"Work, work, work," he screamed. I flinched as he continued, "all my friends see how beautiful my wife is, and they talk about how I was the luckiest man on earth. How they wouldn't let you out of bed if they had you and how they were sure I couldn't have enough of you. What they don't know is that you are a selfish woman who sleeps separately from her husband."
I was short of words, and I opened my mouth and closed it intermittently. I moved farther away from his hold before deciding that I couldn't bear to see him, so I bolted upstairs to my safe place. I shut the door and rested on it, breathing heavily. How much longer could I hold on? I crumbled slowly to the ground as the tears started yet again.
Why was I so unlucky? Why couldn't life be easier for me? I was tired, so tired, I needed Tejiri. I had tried to be strong all these while, but now that she was back, I needed her strength.
I rushed to my bedside drawer and pulled out a new razor blade. I took off my robe and started to cut myself as I sauntered into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and sat under it. The water washed my tears and my blood away into the drain.