by Jodi Thomas
As they left the burn victim’s room, Sarah’s curiosity overcame her discretion. His blackened, twisted body upset her far more than any illness or injury she’d ever seen. She still bore a small scar where she’d been burned once, and she couldn’t imagine how painful it would be to have burns all over one’s body.
“How was he burned?” she asked.
The doctor didn’t even stop scribbling on the chart as he answered. “A few years ago his family was killed in a fire caused by his carelessness. The police said he used to drink and never spent much time taking care of his wife and children. He thinks he should have died also. This is the third time he’s tried to kill himself, but the first time while in the hospital. By now he’s burning mostly scarred flesh when he sets himself on fire.”
A chill passed through Sarah at the doctor’s answer. “He wants to die?” she asked.
“Many in here do,” he added. “And like all of us, he’ll get his wish one of these days.”
She looked up into his tired face, and for a moment she saw a kinship with the burned man flicker in Dr. Farris’s eyes before he looked down at his work.
The doctor was one of the walking dead that Miss Willingham always talked about, Sarah realized. The dean believed that for many it wasn’t the heart or the brain but the spirit that had to be active to keep them alive. Once it died they might still be walking around, but they were dead inside. These were the patients Miss Willingham had warned her students about, for if they became ill, she said, they would fight to die, not to live.
Dr. Farris closed the last file, and Sarah didn’t meet his eyes when he looked up. “One other thing, Nurse Sarah. We have many orderlies and housekeepers in this hospital, but very few nurses. Make wise use of your time and your skills. Don’t get too close to the patients or you’ll burn out as fast as a candle in a fireplace.”
As you did? Sarah wanted to ask as she accepted the files.
Just then an orderly interrupted them. “Dr. Farris, we looked everywhere but couldn’t find them.”
“Thanks,” Dr. Farris shook his head and walked away from the desk. “Let’s hope they burned.”
“What burned?” Sarah asked the orderly when the doctor was out of hearing.
“The matches William got ahold of. If we didn’t find them it means he’ll set himself afire again as soon as he heals.”
Sarah looked down the hall to the burned man’s room. Suddenly fear blended with the compassion she felt for William. If he set fire to this hospital how would they ever get all the patients out from behind locked doors in time?
Nine
SARAH LOCKED HER hands in front of her and then stretched them toward the ceiling to relieve the ache in her back. She was finished with her first day of work, and the ten-hour shift hadn’t been as bad as she’d feared. The only patient who’d been hard to work with was the burn victim, William.
Glancing toward William’s locked door, Sarah pulled on her cape. He’d been sullen and much more uncooperative than any patient she’d ever had to deal with in school. The pain she’d seen in his eyes each time he moved tore at her like a blade across her flesh.
She’d sensed the emotional agony he felt in his heart as he begged for death while the physical pain made his reality a living hell.
Sarah frowned, remembering how the orderly had turned William on his side to change the bedding. A section of his skin had remained stuck to the sheets as his swollen red body rolled, staining the clean sheets even before they were on the bed. The smell of his rotting flesh stung her nostrils like ammonia, and the knowledge that he’d done the damage to himself angered her.
Sarah hurried past his room, pushing the man and his sorrow from her mind. She wanted to say good-bye to Katherine and be clear of the hospital. Both girls had been assigned to the infirmary, so the last two hours of Sarah’s shift would overlap the first two hours of Katherine’s every day. Katherine, in her usual outgoing way, had made friends with the other nurses living at their boardinghouse. They worked the same hours, but on different floors, and had promised to walk home with Kat after her shift ended at two in the morning.
Dr. Farris was finishing rounds with Katherine at his side as Sarah approached the infirmary desk. She wondered when the man slept.
“Good night, sir.” Sarah smiled at the doctor. She’d learned to admire this thin, gentle man in the past hours. There was good in him that went all the way to the heart, as Miss Willingham would have said.
“Good evening, Nurse Sarah.” Dr. Farris smiled his slow, sad smile. “I must say it’s a pleasure having you on my ward.”
Sarah thanked him and turned to leave. “See you before dawn, Kat.”
“I’ll walk you to the door and let you out.” Katherine laid the files down and excused herself.
She waited until they were several feet down the hall. “The other nurses said this is the best place in the hospital to work. For one thing, it’s the only place Nurse Filmore never comes, and for another, Dr. Farris is considered quite competent.”
Sarah agreed as Katherine unlocked the door for her. It was surprising how, in only ten hours, she’d grown so used to the sound of locks clicking.
Shouting from the lobby made both girls jump. A man, fighting with all his energy, was being dragged through the door. Long evening shadows striped the front desk, making the struggling men look like dancers on a candlelit stage.
Sarah watched in horror as a fist whizzed through the air. One of the orderlies went flying across the floor almost slamming into her.
“I’m not crazy!” shouted a deep voice. “Touch me again and you’ll be in the hospital as a patient.”
“Hold him down, boys!” yelled the desk clerk.
“There’s not enough of them to hold me down!” yelled the deep voice as the captive man sent another orderly flying across the lobby. “I’ll see you all in hell before you take me anywhere I don’t want to go!”
Panic flowed through Sarah. Every muscle tightened as she recognized the voice of the large man with his back to her. She hurried toward him with Katherine only a step behind.
The clerk leaned over the oak counter with his fist in the man’s face. “They all say they’re not crazy. I guess we got a whole hospital full of mistakes here.” His voice rose with each word. “You hit another orderly and we’ll throw you in a hole so deep you’ll be ninety before you ever crawl out.”
Two men in white grabbed the large man again, but before he could fight them off, Sarah raised her hand to stop him.
“Wait, nurse!” The desk clerk paled in horror as he watched the tiny nurse step between the huge man and the orderlies. Her hand gently stayed the powerful fighter’s arm.
Sarah’s voice was conversational as she looked up into the giant’s flashing eyes. “What’s the problem, Bart?”
The clerk didn’t give Bart time to answer, “You know this man?” he yelled. His face burned beet red, and he shook his head as if he could not believe he’d just seen a feather stop an anvil.
“Yes.” Sarah smiled. “Of course.”
Bart’s temper cooled at the sight of Sarah, but when he spoke, his words were still harsh. “I came here to escort Nurse Sarah home, and I was attacked on the grounds and dragged in here by a pack of white-coated idiots!”
One of the “white-coated idiots” behind Bart tried to explain what had happened. “He came up the north slope where there ain’t no road or nothing! When I asked him how he got here, the crazy told me he flew in from Dayton.”
The clerk snorted condescendingly. “So, you flew, sir? Many of our guests here fly from time to time. Some around the room and some to the moon.”
Katherine’s laughter shattered the tension in the lobby as she neared. She had watched as much of this comedy as she could endure. “Bart, you should feel right at home here. This place is full of birdmen.” She patted Bart’s shoulder as though he were a patient.
“Shut up, Red!” Failing to see the humor, Bart shrugged away from Ka
therine. “Of course, I fly!” He yelled as if the desk clerk were hard of hearing. “I’ve been a pilot with the Wright Brothers for over a year!”
Understanding dawned on the clerk, but he wasn’t in any hurry to admit his mistake. “So you’re one of those birdmen? Well, if you ask me, you belong in a place like this for going up in one of those flimsy machines.” As he spoke, the orderlies backed away as if Bart’s occupation made him not only crazy but dangerous as well.
Bart took Sarah’s arm and headed toward the door. “Let’s get out of here before they decide to keep me.” He glanced back over his shoulder at Katherine. “Good night, Red.”
Sarah could hear Katherine’s laughter behind them as they walked through the door. Once they were outside, Bart’s scowl turned to a boyish smile, and a low chuckle escaped him. “That was a close one,” he said. “You may not want to be seen with me much.”
Sarah moved closer, loving the protective warmth of his body beside her. “I love being seen with you, but why did you fly to Columbus instead of driving?”
Bart patted her hand as it rested on his arm. “A rich guy here in town thinks he wants to buy a plane, so I flew it over for him to look at. I’ll get a room later and fly back to Dayton tomorrow, but right now I want to buy you dinner.”
Sarah couldn’t argue with that idea. Hunger pains pulled at her stomach, and the cold air brushed her face. The food in the hospital had been bland and starchy. After feeding several patients who drooled after every other bite, she’d lost her appetite.
They walked to a charming little restaurant with Irish lace curtains and red bandannas for napkins. Bart glanced at the menu on a blackboard against one wall and ordered two of the night’s specials. A pleasant waitress brought their food, then disappeared, leaving them to enjoy their meal and each other.
“Well, little lady, tell me about your first day as a nurse.” Bart smiled across the table at her. He’d longed all day to hear her voice. Suddenly he realized he needed her near him as much as he needed food to eat and air to breathe.
Sarah didn’t hesitate. “I’ve been thinking about how I’d tell you everything. For the first time ever, I felt that I was doing what I was meant to do. The patients aren’t that different from those at Miss Willingham’s hospital. Only now everyone follows my orders and trusts my judgment.”
“And well they should. I’ll bet there isn’t a finer nurse in the whole damn state.”
Blushing, Sarah continued, his praise making her bold enough to admit her weakness. “Only one inmate upset me. He’d been burned so badly his flesh was almost gone. Every time I think I’m helping him I only hurt him more.”
Bart patted her hand. “You can’t be expected to take it all in and not feel upset. I wish I knew something more to say.”
Sarah rubbed at the burn scar on her arm. “When Kat and I were running away from the farm, I accidentally turned over a lantern in the barn. I put out the fire, but my arm was burned slightly. I’ll never forget how much I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t give away where we were hiding. While we waited to make sure no one saw the lantern flame go out, I felt like the fire was still burning my skin.”
She looked into Bart’s caring eyes. “Today I could almost feel the pain of that fire again. I felt so helpless. The fire was out, but the man looked as if it still burned inside him.”
Clutching his hand, she held on tight for a moment, realizing he was her strength just as surely as the sun was the earth’s warmth. Something in his gray eyes told her his friendship was unconditional. “You say a lot by the way you look at me,” she said. “You make me feel that you believe I can do anything.”
“Can’t you, darling?” he teased.
Suddenly, like a child after her first day of school, Sarah couldn’t stop talking. She told Bart everything, from how wonderful Dr. Farris was to how horrible the food was.
Bart listened silently, nodding his head now and then to let her know he understood. He tried to follow every word, but sometimes her beauty distracted him. He’d catch himself just watching her mouth and wondering how her lips would taste. What he found most amazing was that everyone in the restaurant didn’t stop and stare at her. Couldn’t they see he’d captured the most beautiful creature in the world and she was his, if only for a few hours? But folks passed her as if she were just another young woman. He alone saw her beauty.
Finally, after she’d eaten her pie, she murmured, “Thank you for being so kind and for listening to me. I wish I could make Katherine understand how wonderful you are. Talking with you makes all the world fall into place.”
Her hand brushed his lightly, politely as always. “I wish the evening wasn’t over, but we seem to be the last people in the restaurant.”
Bart captured her hand for a moment, knowing he’d frighten her if he held her as close as he desired. “If you’re not too tired, I thought we might go for a walk and have a look at this town by moonlight.”
Sarah was tired, but she didn’t want the evening to end. Every night they’d been together had been the same—peaceful, wonderful. “A walk sounds nice.” She smiled as pleasure brushed his rugged face. He pulled his hand away as though touching her a moment too long might offend her.
They left the restaurant and strolled in silence for a long while. The moon hung full in the midnight sky, and the winter air was crisp. Low, full clouds billowed like water-soaked cotton, while wind drifted around them, whispering promises of cold rain.
Sarah cuddled close to Bart’s arm. “Dr. Farris says some doctors think the patients are more restless during a full moon. He believes a change in the weather can alter the mood of the entire ward.”
“You like Dr. Farris, don’t you?” Bart’s words held a sadness that Sarah didn’t understand.
“Yes, he’s a nice man and a good doctor.”
Lost in their own thoughts, they neared a neglected park. The hard and brittle ground gave their steps a lonely sound as they walked between the trees.
Sarah relaxed and just enjoyed Bart’s nearness. They’d only known each other for a little over a month, but already the thought of life without him seemed unbearable. He was a rock she could lean on. She wasn’t strong like Katherine; she needed him. He was the most wonderful man she’d ever known. She wasn’t sure when she’d fallen in love with him—maybe that first night by the planes—but love him she did, and would until she died, even if he never returned her love. His feelings for her seemed to have crystallized at the friendship stage.
“Bart?” Sarah’s voice broke the silence of the night. “Are we good friends? Honest friends?”
Bart turned his head away from the glare of the streetlight. His face was in shadows, but his words spoke his tenderness. “You are without a doubt the best friend I’ve ever had. I’ve never known anyone I could talk to so easily. I could spend a lifetime walking through parks with you.”
Sarah gathered her courage. She’d been trying to ask him the same question every night for a week. She squeezed her eyes closed and blurted it out before she had time to change her mind. “And do you like me?”
Bart seemed surprised at the question. “Like you? I treasure you. You’re a tiny angel from heaven, my lovely little woman-child. Before I met you I would go days without smiling or finding anything to make me enjoy life except the few minutes I spend flying.” He patted her shoulder lightly. “I cherish our time together.”
Sarah was losing her nerve, but she forced herself to continue. “Do you find me attractive?”
Bart’s laughter made her jump. “Sarah darling, you are the prettiest little doll I’ve ever seen.” He rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger and nodded as if suddenly understanding. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re figuring men notice Katherine before they do you and that you must suffer in comparison. Well, I’m assuring you that just about any man will turn his head when you walk by.”
“I’m not interested in any man.” Sarah looked down, avoiding his eyes. Even in the shadows, s
he was afraid he might read her thoughts.
Bart moved nearer and looked up as though talking to the streetlight. “Not any man, eh? Could there be one man? Maybe that Dr. Farris you talked about all during dinner?”
Sarah glanced up and saw his gray eyes grow darker in disappointment before he looked away. “No,” she quickly said, not wanting him to think such a thing. “He’s a wonderful man, but old enough to be my father.”
Her next words were little more than a murmur. “The man I’m interested in stands beside me.”
“I thought we agreed to be friends?”
“I agreed, Bart.” Sarah placed her hands on his huge shoulders. “I don’t want to tie you down in any way. I just want to be honest with you now.” She had to tell him how she felt about him. She couldn’t just go on pretending they were only friends, even if he wanted it that way.
Bart suddenly didn’t seem to know where to put his hands. He reached out to touch her, then jammed his huge fists into his pockets. “What do you want me to do, Sarah?”
“I want you to hold me,” Sarah answered honestly as she moved into his embrace. His arms hesitantly surrounded her, and his breath brushed her cheek. Encircling his neck with her arms, she pulled his head lower. She felt enveloped in his warmth, in his protective hug.
Bart let out a long-held sigh and pulled her nearer. “Are you happy now, my angel?” he whispered into her ear as though he were enduring great pain to bring her pleasure.
“I don’t want to be thought of as your angel or as a doll. I’m a woman, Bart. A woman who cares very deeply for you and asks nothing in return. See me for what I am—not some priceless treasure, not some child, but me.” Sarah felt a tear cool her warm cheek. Would she go from a little girl to an old lady in his eyes without ever being seen as a woman?
Bart bent and kissed her lightly on the cheek, then pushed her gently away. “I think of you in many ways, Sarah.” He patted her shoulder lightly as if humoring a confused child. “You’re a fine little lady, and you’re very young—”