by Jodi Thomas
* * *
Miles away in Dayton, Cody clutched the phone with his long fingers. “Come back to me, Katherine,” he whispered to a dead line. “Come back to me!”
Silence.
“I need to talk to you, Katherine. We can’t go through what we did that day and never talk of it again.”
Silence.
“Come back and talk to me, damn it!”
Cody froze as a click sounded in his ear. “Do you wish to make a call?” the operator asked.
“No,” Cody answered. “I only wanted to talk some sense into someone.”
“Please replace the receiver.”
Cody slammed the phone down and ran out the door. Within minutes he was on the road to Columbus. He drove without really being aware of what he was doing. All his thoughts were on changing Katherine’s mind. She had no right to make such an insane request of him. If she didn’t want to see him because she didn’t like him, that would have been one thing, but to refuse to see him because Sarah no longer had Bart didn’t make any sense.
Full darkness shadowed the city when Cody arrived. He knew it would be hours before she got off work, but he planned to be there when she walked out the door. After parking the truck directly in front of the hospital, Cody leaned back in the seat and waited.
The memory of Katherine played through his mind. He would never forget the way she looked when she appeared in the smoke and helped him pull Bart from the fire. Her eyes were burning from the heat, yet he’d seen a determination in them. She was the most alive woman he’d ever met. And also the most stubborn.
Cody drifted into a light sleep, waking every time the light crossed his face as the front door opened. Finally, after countless false alarms, Katherine stepped outside the hospital with several other nurses. He watched as she pulled the hood of her cape over her hair and turned her face toward the wind.
Suddenly Cody couldn’t remember any of the speech he’d rehearsed. He seemed capable only of watching as the nurses walked toward him. Had it only been three weeks? It seemed as if he’d been starved of her beauty for years.
After the women passed him, blood started moving in his veins once more, and he stepped out of the truck. “Katherine?”
She paused and raised her head but didn’t turn around.
“Katherine,” he called, louder.
One of the other nurses looked back toward Cody but didn’t wait for Katherine.
“I had to talk to you.”
Kat turned to face him. Dear Lord, he thought. She was more beautiful than he remembered. The night was cold, and though her face was pale, her cheeks were red. Reflections of the lights of the hospital floated in her emerald eyes.
“I can’t see you,” she said, but didn’t move to join the others. “We can never be together again.” Her words sliced like a double-edged blade between them.
“I know.” Cody tried to understand her reasoning. “I don’t mean to bother you.” He took a step toward her.
She turned as if to join the others but froze before she moved away. “You must go away. It wouldn’t be fair to Sarah if you didn’t.”
Cody stepped up behind her until their bodies almost touched. He didn’t dare reach for her, for he knew she’d bolt, but he waited, feeling the warmth of her in the slight space between them. “I had to try one more time.”
Katherine didn’t trust her voice to answer.
“I wanted you to know that if you or Sarah should ever need anything…”
“You said that on the phone.”
“I know.” Cody was having trouble thinking with her so close. “Katherine, I have to hold you once more. I have to know that you’re real before my mind becomes completely lost in fantasy.”
He could feel her trembling as he slowly closed the space between them. His hands brushed her arms so hesitantly she wasn’t sure his touch was real.
His words brushed her ear. “You drift so lightly into my everyday reality, sometimes I wonder that someone doesn’t see you there beside me.”
“Don’t make it harder for me, Cody. I have to live with the fact that I lied to Sarah. I have to make life easier for her. You don’t understand what she and I have been through together. She can’t be alone, not now. Don’t make this any harder.”
“I understand,” Cody lied. He didn’t understand why he could never see Katherine again. “Only let me hold you one last time and I promise I’ll never bother you again.”
“Just once?”
“You owe me that. I saw your need to touch me in your eyes that day at the hospital before we went into Bart’s room.”
A cry whispered from her lips as she turned into his arms. As her fingers slid around his neck and into his hair his arms crushed her against him. Even through the layers of clothing he could feel her warmth pressing against him with a longing as great as his own.
All his life Cody had felt he was walking through someone else’s house, listening to someone else’s feelings, living someone else’s dream. But now, standing in the predawn air with her in his arms, he felt whole. She was his reality and always would be, even if it took him years to convince her of it.
“Hold me tight,” she whispered, “before you leave. I want to remember the way it felt to be in your arms.”
“I can’t leave you.” Cody buried his face in her hair. “I can’t just let you walk out of my life.”
“You have to!” Katherine cried. “It’s the only way I can live with the lie I told Sarah. When she was a child she always dreamed that the father she’d never seen would appear and care about her. Finally she trusted Bart, and he deserted her also.”
“But—”
“There’s nothing else to say.”
Cody lifted Katherine off the ground with his hug. She felt so wonderful in his arms, so right. “No!” he whispered into her hair as he lowered her back to earth and watched her leave.
* * *
In the weeks that followed, Katherine’s routine never varied. She arrived at work early, hurried to complete all her chores, then did as much of Sarah’s work as she could before the shift was over. Knowing how much it upset Sarah to work with the burn victim, William, Katherine took extra time with the man for Sarah’s sake. Somehow the unspoken kindness to her friend helped ease Katherine’s guilt. But Sarah’s blinding grief kept her from even noticing, for she moved like a sleepwalker through each day.
Late May brought the first changes. Sarah’s spirit returned to the hollow shell of her body. Katherine had just waved good night to the nurses she’d walked home with when Sarah stepped out of the porch shadows. She greeted Katherine with such a whirling hug, Katherine was sure Sarah had lost her mind.
“I waited up for you.” Sarah’s voice was almost a laugh. “Maybe we could go over to the all-night bakery the way we used to do.”
“What is this?” Katherine asked as Sarah locked arms with her and twirled her around. “You haven’t had a doughnut attack since—”
“I know,” Sarah interrupted, “but I have to talk to you, and the walls of this house have ears.” Pulling Kat off the porch, Sarah continued, “We could walk toward the park. Bart and I always liked the park.”
Katherine fell into step. They hadn’t said Bart’s name aloud more than a few times since the accident. She’d almost given up hope of Sarah pulling out of her grief. “Doughnuts and the park. What’s the occasion?”
“I have great news.” Sarah was almost dancing.
“What?” Katherine couldn’t help but smile. Sarah’s mood was contagious, and it had been so long since Kat had seen her happy. The quiet beauty had returned once again to her friend’s blue eyes.
Sarah leaned close. “Bart’s not gone,” she whispered. “He’s with me.”
“What?” Katherine’s breath caught in her throat, choking off all thought of another word. Somehow Sarah had found out the truth about Bart. Sarah knew of her lie.
“Katherine, don’t look so worried.” Sarah laughed. “I’m not insane. Bar
t is with me because I’m going to have his baby.”
“No!” Katherine was unable to say more than one word.
“A baby! Bart’s baby.” Sarah touched her abdomen with a soft caress. “I went to the doctor this afternoon. He says I’m about ten weeks along.”
“But…” Katherine couldn’t believe it. She wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Sarah would recover from Bart’s death by having his child. Little Sarah, whom Katherine had always sheltered, was going to be a mother.
Sarah was rattling on so fast Katherine could barely understand her. “I may have to quit work a few months before our year is up, but I’ll find some way to pay back the rest of my tuition. I called Miss Willingham and told her. Funny about what you expect from people. All she said was she understood and not to worry about the money. She almost begged me to come back to the dorm to deliver, as if it would be some great honor for her to have me there.”
Katherine raised an eyebrow. “Miss Willingham?”
Still glowing, Sarah added, “I thought she’d give me a lecture about not being married, but all she talked about was how nice it was that Bart had left me with someone to love.”
Katherine remembered the view from the plane of Miss Willingham’s garden. Maybe the stone statue was a gravestone and she’d been left with only memories of the man she loved. Kat shook her head. Not Miss Willingham.
Pulling at Katherine’s coat, Sarah said, “Kat, I know you’re worried, but don’t you see, I’ll make it. When you told me Bart was dead, a part of me died inside too. But now I’ll always have a part of him with me.” Tears threatened the corners of Sarah’s huge blue eyes. “I’ve suspected for a few weeks. Each day I kept praying I’d be pregnant.”
The full reality of what Sarah had said struck Katherine like an icy blast of wind. “But you’re not married. How will we take care of a baby?”
“This is the twentieth century, not the Dark Ages. People will accept me and the baby. Anyway, we don’t know that many people here.” The first touch of doubt crossed Sarah’s face. “I was planning on you helping me out. We could still work different shifts after the baby comes. I know it’s a lot to ask.”
Katherine thought of all their dreams of traveling after this year. She remembered their plan to join the Red Cross and see the world. She thought of the little house they’d always talked of buying. But now their plans were vanishing rapidly. She felt that somehow this was all her fault. She had the urge to tell Sarah the truth about Bart, but that would only add to her troubles. The coming of the baby would seal her lie forever. The lie had started building walls around her freedom, and the baby would complete the prison of her future. “Of course I’ll be there to help.”
Sarah was chattering again. “I don’t see how we can come up with the money for a doctor, so I thought we’d go to Miss Willingham’s, or, if you like, you and I could deliver the baby together.”
“Oh, no.”
“But, Kat, we’re both nurses.”
Katherine had to laugh at the thought. “We’ve been nurses for only a few months. Nurses who’ve never seen a baby born.”
“But we saw pictures.”
Somehow Katherine doubted the pictures would be anything like the real thing. “I’ll get the money for the doctor and when the time comes we’ll make it to Miss Willingham’s or the nearest hospital.”
“How can we afford a doctor?”
“You need rest, but I can work extra shifts or something.” Katherine turned Sarah around. “Right now we’ve got to get you in out of the night’s chill. Don’t worry about the money. I’ll find it. We’ve always made it together. Everything is going to be fine.”
Sarah hugged her. “I’m so happy,” she said. “A little part of Bart will always be with me.”
Looking up at Kat, Sarah raised another topic they had both been avoiding. “Should we call and tell Cody? He might like to know about the baby, and maybe you could see him again.”
Katherine closed her eyes, fighting back the tears. “No,” she whispered. “It just didn’t work between us.” As Kat lied she could almost feel Cody’s lips pressing into hers as he’d asked her not to leave him.
Sarah placed a comforting hand on Katherine’s arm. “I’m sorry. Since I lost Bart I’ve been selfish and thoughtless not to ask about Cody.”
“It doesn’t matter. Cody wasn’t the type of man to settle down, and I didn’t want to wait around until he changed.” Kat knew he was just the type of man she wanted, but she forced the words out, as if saying them aloud would make them true.
“But you’ll see him again.”
Katherine shook her head. “He’s only a memory now.” She knew it had to be so. If the tables had been turned, Sarah would have stood by her. As Kat followed her friend she almost wished she was in Sarah’s place. With Cody’s child inside of her, she’d have had more than a dream of what might have been.
* * *
“Hello!” a low male voice yelled over the static.
“Cody?” Katherine hated using the hospital phone, but it was the only way she could get in touch with Cody without Sarah knowing.
“Katherine?” Cody sounded shocked. “I can’t believe it. How long has it been? Four months?”
“Almost five,” Katherine answered. She had measured time in the weeks of Sarah’s pregnancy.
“How are you?” There was a low, caring tone in his voice. For a moment she remembered the way the sun had shone on his hair the morning he took her flying. She thought of the boyish wink he’d given her when they met and wondered if he’d aged as much as she had over the months.
“I’m fine.” Katherine swallowed the need to cry…the kind of deep crying that racked a body until there was no energy left. She’d been working seventy hours a week and still hadn’t earned enough to cover all of Sarah’s expenses. Now the doctor was asking for the rest of his money, and Katherine didn’t even have this month’s rent covered. “Cody, I called because I need to talk to you.” She didn’t want to say too much because one of the orderlies was listening.
“Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“No, it’s Sarah. I wouldn’t have called, but you said if we ever needed—”
He didn’t wait for details. “Are you still working nights?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon.” Cody was silent for a moment. “Wait for me at your boardinghouse and I’ll walk you to work.”
“I think I can get permission to go in at eight.”
“I’ll be there before six.” He paused a minute, and Katherine didn’t know what to say. “And, Kat,” he said finally, “whatever it is, I’ll take care of it.”
Katherine replaced the receiver and glanced at the clock. She still had a long night ahead of her, but she didn’t feel tired. Cody’s voice had lifted the weight from her shoulders. She knew she had to ask him for a loan—a loan it would probably take her years to pay back. But she had no one else to turn to.
The shift passed in a steady round of work. Katherine stayed long past her shift to work with William. He was almost fully recovered from the wounds, but his mind had never healed from the loss of his family. When he talked, he spoke only about wanting to join them. Katherine found herself wanting to scream to heaven that God should have taken William and left Bart alone.
As a gray dawn crept through the barred windows, Katherine unlocked the infirmary door for Sarah. She was two hours early because Dr. Farris insisted she rest during the middle of her shift. He hovered over her like a nervous midwife, always making her eat and rest. She and Kat shared many a laugh talking about the way he treated Sarah more like a patient than a nurse. But the doctor had had little to look forward to for many years. The patients also watched Sarah’s pregnancy like little children watching a first garden. Most hospitals would have fired her, but Dr. Farris was too short-handed and too kind.
As they worked together, Sarah and Katherine exchanged small talk, mixing the news from the boardingho
use with the latest about the patients until an outsider wouldn’t have known which was which.
“Nurse Sarah?” Dr. Farris interrupted.
“Yes, sir.”
“I have to leave for a few hours, but I want to make sure you follow my orders.”
“Orders.” Sarah glanced at Katherine.
“Orders?” Katherine repeated.
“Yes.” The doctor smiled. “I had a housekeeper clean the last room for you. Right after lunch I want you to sleep for two hours.”
“Yes, sir.” Sarah smiled at Katherine. They both tried to hide their giggles at what a mother hen Dr. Farris had become. He was interested in every detail of Sarah’s pregnancy.
“I’ve left orders with the orderlies that if you don’t sleep for two hours they are to lock you in the room next time.”
“Two hours,” Sarah answered. As the doctor turned to walk away both Katherine and she saluted.
“I saw that,” he snapped with only a hint of mirth in his voice and without turning around. Both girls lost the ability to conceal their giggles any longer.
Katherine pulled off her stained apron and headed home. By the time she reached her room she was too tired to think about what she would say to Cody; she merely pulled off her uniform and crawled into bed.
Cody’s dark eyes floated in her dreams. The memory of his kiss warmed her with bittersweet longing for what could never be.
As Katherine closed her eyes in her room in Columbus, Cody opened his eyes in the long bunkhouse-style room where most of the Wright Brothers’ pilots now stayed, in Dayton. He hadn’t slept more than an hour all night, but he jumped out of bed ready to go.
He didn’t need a fortune-teller to inform him that Katherine needed money. That had to be the reason she’d called. Sarah was in some kind of trouble. He’d hang around the office until it was time to leave to meet Kat. Maybe he could pick up some ideas about earning some quick money. Someone was always willing to pay a pilot to risk his neck.
Sixteen
KATHERINE STOOD AT the top of the stairs and watched Cody pace the foyer of the boardinghouse. In his polished boots and worn leather jacket, he looked out of place in the ornate little room. His hair was, as always, windblown and unruly, but the autumn rain had darkened the sandy strands.